Hart Surgery: Enough Already!

By: Micah Hart

The show is over. The credits have run, the ushers are cleaning the aisles - it’s time to go home. So why are America’s butts still in the seats for the Mike Tyson show? Tyson’s behavior this week leading up to his fight against Clifford Etienne should come as a surprise to no one. It’s been his M.O. for as long as I can remember. It’s the equivalent of Rocky 8 or Halloween 12 - same act, different partners. It’s a rerun! This recurring nightmare for the sports world begs the question: how does this keep happening?It might all make sense, if Tyson were still any good. Americans have an amazing ability to tolerate erratic and even violent behavior from their superstars (Dennis Rodman, Albert Belle) as long as they are producing. Once they are done, we tend to stop apologizing for them (Jose Canseco anyone?). But we continue to cut Tyson slack despite the fact he hasn’t beaten a real fighter in over a decade. Did I say decade? Tyson’s last big win may have been against Michael Spinks in 1987. Milli Vanilli was less a fraud that this.

I guess that’s the genius of Tyson. He continues to sell records, even though he last hit #1 in the 80’s. His still being a contender is the equivalent of Jack Morris getting votes for the Cy Young. I remember watching Tyson’s rematch against Lennox Lewis last year, knowing he was as likely to become a spokesman for NOW as win that fight. And, not surprisingly, Lewis beat Tyson like he was his daddy. You were surprised? At this point, King Hippo could drop Tyson in the second or third round.

Supposedly, one of the reasons Tyson was backing out of the fight this Saturday was his unhappiness with his paycheck. He was set to receive between 5 and 10 million dollars. He made $20 million for his “fight” with Lewis. I agree with Tyson - I’m upset about his paycheck too. $5 million? How is he getting anything over minimum wage for his fights? I’m sure Cyndi Lauper sold out arenas at 50 bucks a pop at her peak, but nowadays she’s lucky to get enough to super-size her happy meal. Tyson should be the same way.

Sadly, Mike Tyson will not fade from our collective conscience. He will remain a celebrity, possibly to star in some reality show in the near future. If there is one thing we learned this past week, it’s that America loves a freak show. Maybe they will put Michael Jackson and Mike Tyson in an apartment together for a new version of the Odd Couple. Maybe Mike will occupy the middle on Hollywood Squares. Maybe he’ll get a 10-10-220 commercial. But can we please close the book on his boxing career?

Tyson-Etienne may come off, either this weekend or some other. Most likely, Tyson will put Etienne on the mat, just like he has all the other hobos and degenerates he’s fought since he got out of prison. And assuredly, his camp will yell and yammer about Tyson deserving another title shot. Please don’t believe the hype. In the immortal words of Don Henley, let’s hope this fight (if it happens) for Tyson is the last, worthless evening, that we ever spend.

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Micah Hart is an original contributor to the CSR, and works in sports media in Atlanta. Micah can be reached at micahbhart@yahoo.com. He reminds you to Hook 'em Horns.

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