Things You Say or Do After Your Team Loses

By: Luis Arroyave

In my case, the San Antonio Spurs:

·Blame it on your girlfriend for walking past the TV during a critical time out.

·Use every stereotype you can for the foreign players on your team.
Ex: “I bet Tony Parker doesn’t even shave his pits.”

·Make stereotypes up for players whose country you know nothing about.
Ex: “Hey Rasho, go watch cartoons! Slovenians love cartoons.”

·Combat the teasing from your friends by poking fun at their dead loved ones.

·Make a blatantly obvious attempt at pretending you don’t care
Ex: “I don’t feel like watching the post game. Hey look, it’s ALF, let’s watch ALF.”

·Criticize every single commercial that comes on after the game, even if it’s about the blind Cleveland Cavaliers owner.

·Put things in perspective after noticing the Atlanta Hawks fan in the room.

·Make things up about opposing players to get your friend to hate them.
Ex: “Hey, Pavlakis, did you hear Gary Payton say he hates Greeks.”

·Mock Shaq by impersonating him during his press conference, only you end up sounding more like Ving Rhames.

·Take shots at the announce team
Example: “Oh, c’mon. Al Michaels was practically drooling over Kobe with that whole ‘Kobe steals the ball and passes it to Malone’ call. Gee, Al, how do you really feel?”

·Cry yourself to sleep.

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