Sports Psychosis

By: Chicago Sports Review

If critics are those who would walk through a battlefield and shoot the survivors, then what am I to make of us, the sportswriters?We are certainly hypo-critics, at once congratulating Moises Alou on his quick hands, and then lambasting him and making fun of his methods for keeping them strong, and blister free. So he urinates on his hands. You think I could type this quickly and remain callous-free without an ounce of all-too-natural enhancement?

So what occupational description truly characterizes us?

Ultimately, we are sports psychologists, or at least hope to be. Let’s sample.


Androgyny - A confusing combination of male and female characteristics. In sport, women’s power lifting will suffice.

Broca’s aphasia - This loss of the ability to comprehend language, coupled with production of inappropriate language, has another meaning: Mike Tyson. “I’ll eat his children; all praise be to Allah.” Yeah, diagnosis correct, doctor.

Comorbidity - The simultaneous appearance of two or more illnesses, such as the co-occurrence of schizophrenia and substance abuse or of alcohol dependence and depression. Ever heard a better description of The Best Damn Sports Show, Period?

Delusion - A false belief based on incorrect inference about external reality that is firmly sustained despite what almost everyone else believes. So, Kordell Stewart’s offensive coordinator really didn’t suck. That’s not what he said.

Elevated mood - An exaggerated feeling of well being, or euphoria, or elation. A person with elevated mood may describe feeling “high,” or “up in the clouds.” Safe to say a Cubs’ Bleacher Bum qualifies; Old Style added for effect.

Flashback - A recurrence of a memory, feeling or perceptual experience from the past. Also know as the perpetual hell for all Red Sox fans. Enjoy.

Grandiose delusion - A delusion of inflated worth, power, knowledge, identity or special relationship to a deity or famous person. Muhammad Ali and Howard Cosell brought the best out of each other. They also basked in GD, as we shrinks like to say.

Hedonism - Pleasure-seeking behavior. Babe Ruth was no Steve Howe, or Nate Newton, but to a man, he was a hedonist. Who downs 13 hot dogs on game day anyway? No Rosie O’Donnell, getting married is not “game day.”

Idiot Savant - A person with gross mental retardation who nonetheless is capable of performing certain remarkable feats in sharply circumscribed intellectual areas. Yogi Berra did say, “Nobody goes there anymore, it’s too crowded,” And he’s baseball’s philosophy king. Hmm.

Klinefelter’s syndrome - Chromosomal defect in males in which there’s an extra X chromosome. Ever go shopping with Jesper Parnevik?


Play More - Pay Less Learned helplessness - A condition in which a person attempts to establish and maintain contact with another by adopting a helpless, power-less stance. See, anyone can work for Mr. Steinbrenner.

Macropsia - The visual perception that objects are larger than they actually are. Though most just think this is a condition every guy has when he looks down, some streaky hitters really see the ball bigger when in the midst of a hot streak.

Negativism - Opposition or resistance, either covert or overt, to outside suggestions or advice. Sounds like Shaq’s relationship with his free-throw shooting coach.

Overcompensation - A conscious or unconscious process in which a real or imagined physical or psychological deficit generates exaggerated correction. This is Tonya Harding’s career in a nutshell.

Piblokto - A culture specific syndrome of Eskimos involving attacks of screaming, crying and running naked through the snow. So that’s why we never talk about hockey training camp.

Repression - A defense mechanism, operating unconsciously, that banishes unacceptable ideas, fantasies, affects or impulses from consciousness. This is why God gave Cubs, Sox and Blackhawks fans beer, and lots of it.

Stupor - A state of unresponsiveness with immobility and mutism. Sadly, this is merely the opposite of Dick Vitale.

Tangentiality - Replying to a question in an oblique or irrelevant way. Example:
“Harry, what do you think of the Cubs chances this year?”
Response: “God, I love hot dogs. I mean, really, even without ketchup, though I sometimes dip them in Budweiser.”

Undoing - A mental mechanism consisting of behavior that symbolically atones for, makes amends for, or reverses previous thoughts, feelings or actions. Red Sox fans see: New York Yankees, The Last 80 Years.

Verbigeration - Stereotyped and seemingly meaningless repetition of words or sentences. Ever listen to Don King at a press conference? He sounds like Al Sharpton on hallucinogens. Good ones.

Windigo - A culture-specific syndrome of Canadians involving delusions of being possessed by a cannibalistic monster. This is often called Marty McSorleyism, or Bob Probertism.

Zeitgeist - The general intellectual and cultural climate of taste characteristic of an era. Unfortunately, in sports, this may be the current fascination with media opinion.

So perhaps we are psychologists, walking through the battlefield, and for a good story, stepping on the survivors, and trying to revive the dead.

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