Hart Surgery: Insomnia
I have no will power. It is bad enough I have trouble sleeping, but the fact I cannot keep myself from watching late night television is no help either. If I didn’t have a TV in my room, I might sleep an average of an hour or two more per night. Every night I find myself glued to the only thing other than sports and HBO worth watching: re-runs.
Each time I move I have to change my viewing habits, adjusting to a new city’s choices of syndicated sitcoms. In Atlanta, most nights look something like this:
10:00 - ABC Family: Whose Line is it Anyway?
10:30 - ABC Family: Whose Line is it Anyway?
11:00 - Cartoon Network: Family Guy
11:30 - ???
12:00 - WB: Just Shoot Me
12:30 - WB: Spin City (a highly underrated sitcom, at least during the years of Michael J.)
1:00 - Comedy Central: The Daily Show
11:30 is still undecided (since the WB moved up Just Shoot Me and Spin City a half hour), so I am open to suggestions.
But what was my point here? Ah yes - I can’t sleep. And so another round of Insomnia…
…Added to the list of the most significant sports moments I’ve ever seen: Bonds’ 701st home run, hit this past Saturday at SBC Park in San Francisco, was a thing of beauty. Facing David Wells to start the second, Bonds swung at a first-pitch fastball and drove one out to center. This particular shot is not significant per se. But there have only been 70 home runs hit above the 700 mark, so seeing one of them was pretty sweet (he couldn’t have waited one more day to hit #700?).
I still don’t know what to do with Bonds. It is entirely possible he is the greatest baseball player to ever walk the earth, but for some reason he doesn’t inspire me the way Jordan or Tiger Woods do (at least Tiger used to - now he spends more time in the sand than David Hasselhoff).
Bonds is about to win his 4th straight MVP award (and seventh overall - no one else has won more than three), which is amazing. Of course, lost in his shadow has been the unbelievable play of Albert Pujols. I know I have talked about it already, but in a world without Bonds, Pujols would have now won four straight MVP awards to start his career. Albert @%#@$* Pujols…
…To borrow from SI’s Peter King, here is my “Enjoyable/Aggravating Travel Note of the Week”: I’m not a smoker, and I think cigarettes are disgusting, but I’m starting to respect the hell out of people who do. I was at the Atlanta airport last week, and happened to walk by the “designated smoking lounge”. Have you seen these things? Man, cigarettes must be really, really good to make it worth sitting in those disgusting lounges. There appears to be very little ventilation; it’s just a giant haze of smoke. It’s as if society has realized smokers don’t care what happens to them so we decided this way we can get rid of them faster. It’s almost a science project - to what depths will smokers go to take a puff?
I don’t really understand how people still start smoking knowing what we know now, but I definitely understand how older people still do it. I mean, for many older smokers, they grew up not knowing how bad cigarettes were for you. Imagine if we found out now that cell phones give you cancer (ummmmm). I think many people would say, “Screw it - I just got a new Ludacris ring-tone, I’ll take my chances.” I’d be the same way with Nintendo…
…College football thoughts: With all of the talk about how a lack of fundamentals is ruining basketball, it appears college football is headed down a similar path. This past Saturday was the first weekend I got to watch a full slate of games, and it was amazing how many basic things teams were messing up. First of all, we can already call this season the “Year of the Missed Extra Point”. I have never seen so many games changed by poor execution on such a simple play (I thought the Saints were the only team that could do that). Missed tackles are popping up all over the place as well - anyone who saw the highlights of UCLA back Maurice Drew’s 322 yards and 5 TDs against the Washington Husky defense knows what I’m talking about…Miami’s offense has struggled (to say the least) so far, but I think you have to start considering their defense to be part of their offensive game plan. In the last two weeks they have scored four touchdowns on defense and special teams. That will certainly be helpful as the season goes along, especially as they continue to get inconsistent play from starting QB Brock Berlin…The story of the year in college football (aside from poor kicking)? 39-year old Tim Frisbee has just been granted eligibility at South Carolina, where he is a walk-on receiver. “Pops”, as he is known, served 20 years in the U.S. military before retiring and going back to college. He is only a freshman in eligibility, but something tells me if he is really good he won’t have to worry too much about draft eligibility - I think its safe to say his high school class is three years out…
…Speaking of college football, the officiating has seen better days as well. The two calls late in the LSU-Auburn and Florida-Tennessee games were both egregious and outcome-altering, and I hate seeing games decided by something other than the players. However, isn’t it a little refreshing to not have to listen to LSU and Florida petitioning the SEC for replica victories? Sorry, I’m still a little bitter about the Olympics…
…I have this theory that everyone has a movie they have never seen that makes people mad. Literally. You mention you haven’t seen this particular film, and they look at you like you just indicated a personal desire to butcher newborn puppies. In fact, it makes people so mad that you subconsciously make an effort to never see it, just because it gets people so riled up. For a long time, mine was The Shawshank Redemption (”You haven’t seen Shawshank! What the hell is wrong with you!”), but I finally watched it last year. After careful consideration, I think my new one is National Lampoon’s Vacation (insert spit take here)…
…Rumors are flying that Michael Jordan is contemplating another potential comeback, this time with Shaq and the Miami Heat. Meanwhile Clyde Drexler, fresh off being inducted into the Hall of Fame, has been mentioned as a possible back-up shooting guard for the Denver Nuggets. It sounds comical, but look at baseball: The MVP of the National League is 40-year old Barry Bonds, and the Cy Young could easily be either 42-year old Roger Clemens or 41-year old Randy Johnson. Maybe it’s not so crazy after all…
…If this doesn’t sum up who I am as a person, I don’t know what does. Last weekend for work I had to cover the Atlanta Hawks dance team auditions (I know, tough life I lead right?). Though I could have spent all day watching 150 or so attractive, scantily clad women shaking their tailfeathers, I left at noon so that I could get a good seat on the couch to watch football the rest of the day. What in god’s name is wrong with me?…
…Trying to figure out the NFL the first two weeks of the season is nearly impossible, as you can never tell how teams will reverse/continue momentum from the previous year. After two weeks, I’ll go out on a limb and make these predictions: Jacksonville is this year’s Carolina Panthers, using a combination of tremendous defense and outstanding luck to get off to a 2-0 start. In today’s parity-laden NFL, it is amazing how small the difference is between 2-0 and 0-2. Jacksonville is talking playoffs despite the fact they won on a last-second Hail Mary and a fumble by Denver’s Quentin Griffin when the Broncos were within easy distance of the winning field goal.
On the opposite side of the spectrum? Tampa Bay, which has yet to score a TD through two games. Things are so bad down there, they have had to turn to - hold on to your hats -Chris Simms as their potential savior. Can you tell how giddy I am? If you ask me, his first game last Sunday is a microcosm for his future NFL career (as well as his collegiate one). He played pretty well for the most part, making a couple of really nice throws and scrambling for a near touchdown. Then, as is his calling card, trying to rally his team to a victory late in the game he threw an absolutely awful interception, sealing Tampa’s fate.
This season is over for the Bucs, and they should turn the controls over to Simms for sure to see if he can cut it. But I promise what happened on Sunday will become a familiar sight to Tampa’s fans for a long time to come…
…Maybe this isn’t quite the appropriate time to bring it up, but every year around hurricane season I can’t help but think if a hurricane bore my name, a small part of me would be rooting for it. I think it’s because they always give the storms human characteristics. I’m not saying I would want it to inflict actual damage, but it would be awesome if I could turn on CNN and hear “Florida is bracing for Micah’s onslaught. Authorities are advising every single resident of the state to evacuate, we’ve never seen anything like him…”
…Speaking of NFL debuts, is Roy Williams already one of the five best receivers in the game? Through two games he has already established himself as the Lion’s go-to receiver (helped in part by Charles Rogers’ paper mache’ collarbone), and has made several highlight-reel grabs. Williams was horribly underused at Texas, so now the world will finally get a chance to see what Longhorns fans have known for a while. Incidentally, look for him in the new movie Friday Night Lights (which makes sense, he went to the high school the movie is based upon). He has a cameo as an assistant coach…
…and the last thing I thought about before I went to sleep. A new study shows that dogs can smell cancer. That’s great! Now all they have to do is learn to talk, and then we will be all set! Seriously, who is granting funds for this stuff? I don’t know if anyone has noticed this, but dogs like to sniff each other’s crotches. Who knew that all this time they were searching for dangerous carcinogens? Maybe that’s why dogs rarely get colon cancer.
Ahhh, slumber awaits.
Tags: Atlanta Hawks, Auburn Tigers, Barry Bonds, Brock Berlin, Clyde Drexler, designated smoking lounge, Florida Gators, Insomnia, Jacksoville Jaguars, LSU Tigers, Maurice Jones Drew, Michael Jordan, Roy Williams, Tampa Bay Buccaneers, Tennessee Volunteers
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