Hart Surgery: What Would Lord Stanley Want?

By: Ben Dorfman

With the Atlanta Hawks’ season coming to a close this week, I didn’t have time to get to a topic of my own for a column this week. Fortunately, I have a friend who was dying to get something off his chest, so I gave him a guest spot. Got a problem with that? Get your own column.

I was talking to my esteemed friend and colleague (colleague? really??), Micah, about his column for this week, and suggested a topic that, because of his employment status (i.e., working for the man), he is unable to tackle, lest he plunge himself deep into various conflicting interests, the most paramount of those interests being 1) his desire to receive a paycheck and 2) his employer’s willingness to deliver said paycheck.

I, however, am under no such constraints, as not only do I not work for a National Hockey League team, I have absolutely no vested interest in whether or not Micah continues to receive the aforementioned paycheck.

This may be old news by now, and it may have never really been news in the first place, but I don’t have a weekly column of my own, so please, humor me.

It seems that a group of amateur hockey players in Canada, the “Wednesday Nighters”, as they call themselves (I’m guessing they don’t play their games on Tuesdays or Thursdays - our neighbors to the north sure are a clever bunch), are suing the NHL in order to have the Stanley Cup awarded, even though there will be no NHL season for which to declare a champion.

Evidently they claim that it was Lord Stanley’s intention when he donated the Cup that teams compete for it every year, and that just because there is a labor dispute, that doesn’t mean the Cup shouldn’t still be awarded.

Before I enlighten all of you with my ramblings, let me preface by saying that I really don’t like hockey. In fact, I actively dislike hockey. Oh, I’ve been to a game here and there, mainly when my friend’s dad owned part of the team and we got in for free, and more importantly, drank lots of free Mooseheads. Boy, those were the days. The occasional fight was usually enough to keep me interested, but really, I just don’t understand it. Any sport with a rule like “icing” just seems inane to me. Does soccer have a rule called “grassing”?? What about “hardwooding” for basketball?? I’ve certainly never been whistled for “poling” in tetherball, though I think I’ve come close a few times.

Anyway, with the exception of Olympic hockey (I can’t help it, I’m a patriot. I can’t pass up a chance to root root root for the good old U S of A), I couldn’t care less about the sport, and I’m certainly not missing it right now. In fact, it might make me feel better about sports in general now that hockey has been called off indefinitely. But I digress…

The Wednesday Nighters have a fair point. If, in fact, it was Lord Stanley’s intention for the Cup to be awarded every year, then awarded it should be. Let the amateurs have their day in the sun. LET THEM PLAY! LET THEM PLAY! Look at how everyone loved watching the Bad News Bears playing in the Astrodome. They got to finish their game while the big leaguers happily waited in the dugouts.

Not only that, I think this is a perfect opportunity to accomplish a few things that have long needed to be addressed in professional sports.

Check Your Egos at the Door
Professional athletes today (and I would expand this to include all celebrities, but I don’t think J-Lo and Brad Pitt are upset about not being allowed to compete for the Stanley Cup) have quite a sense of entitlement, and they’re not afraid to flaunt it. As contracts are skyrocketing into the range of hundreds of millions of dollars salaries, the superstars that demand them are getting younger and younger, having no possible way to understand how to deal with this kind of money.

Gone are the days of a young star making only a million or two while “paying his dues” in the league. LeBron James has a $102 million deal with Nike, and if he were playing in a bigger market, such as New York, it would be even higher!! People have got to pay their posses, you understand, and Latrell Sprewell has GOT to feed his family. Completely understandable, right?

Don’t get me wrong; I love watching sports. I would watch sports all day long if I could. These superstar athletes are excellent competitors and I absolutely enjoy watching them working at their craft. But do they really think they deserve all of what they get??

I wonder what would happen to those egos if the championship trophy of their particular league were awarded to a group of amateurs who don’t even get paid to play, let alone command multi-million dollar endorsement deals with Sprite, Campbell’s Soup, or Buick. What I’m trying to ask here is, are these egos so far gone that this wouldn’t affect them at all?? Or would they finally realize, or at least start to realize that what they are doing is playing a game for a living and that they shouldn’t take themselves so seriously.

The Wednesday Nighters don’t even use goalies in their league. They just love to play. They’re in this not for the salaries, not for the Cup (well, currently I guess they are in it for the Cup), but strictly for the love of the game. They are comprised of Regular Joes of all ages who just love hockey. I don’t understand them, but I think I agree with them, and I most definitely sympathize with them.

What’s Bad for the Goose is Bad for the Gander
This is also the perfect opportunity for an example to be made. Let the other leagues see what happens when the egos get in the way. It’s not good for the players (who don’t get paid), and it’s certainly not good for the owners (who are losing money by the day as long as this thing drags on).

This is like the situation where one kid gets punished for being just slightly more of a behavior problem than the rest of the kids, just to show the other kids what happens when you get out of line. And it usually does the trick.

The NHL is already at rock bottom. Can they sink lower?? Sure. But will it hurt them any more, in the long run, than what has already transpired?? I say no. So use it. Exploit it. Embrace it. Let the Wednesday Nighters play for the Stanley Cup. Just, please, televise the games. Those I would definitely watch. Somebody bring the Mooseheads.

Ben Dorfman is currently a non-practicing attorney in Jackson, MS. He hopes that this initial foray into the world of journalism will lead to 6-figure advances and guests spots on Letterman. Aside from that, he truly does enjoy watching Olympic hockey, and hopes only that the Red sox finish ahead of the Yankees again this season

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