Headlines for May, 2005

Pure Gamesmanship

My baseball-playing days screeched to a halt the season after I led my Pony League baseball team in getting hit by pitches. (You can't steal first, but you can limp your way to it.) My career as a football receiver looked promising until the first hit from an opposing cornerback nearly snapped my then-98-pound frame in half. And my basketball [read more...]

As ChiSox Sock It To Competitors, Collectibles On The Rise

The White Sox are currently the best team in baseball, and they've got many people, especially collectors, wondering "Who in the world are these guys?" and, "Why are they beating our teams all the time?" The Sox transformation really started taking shape with the arrival of Ozzie Guillen as skipper. Ozzie really shook up his team and in the off-season, GM [read more...]

Hart Surgery: Master Debaters, Star Wars Style

With the release of Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith last week, we have seen a sight that, much like the cicadas, only comes to light every few years in public: the Star Wars geek. These fans line up in full intergalactic regalia to attend the movie, proud of their heritage despite the obvious ridicule from the masses. Yet as [read more...]

The NBA: Worst Girlfriend. Ever.

When I was in college, I had a girlfriend who was witty, charming, and so gosh-darned cute you'd think she just stepped off a Maxim cover. Or so I told my buddies, who, after a few weeks of listening to me spew the above kind of drivel, decided to sit me down for The Talk. Over a table of pitchers at [read more...]

“The Force Is Strong With This One”

It is a bittersweet end for grown men living in their parents' basements all over this fine country. The sixth and final (final?) installment of the multi-kajillion dollar "Star Wars" movies hits the theaters this week, and as promised, "Revenge of the Sith" finishes the story as to how young Anakin Skywalker turned to the Dark Side of The Force [read more...]

The More Things Change for the Cubs…

A long time ago, May 17 2004 to be exact, the Cubs were tied for first place. The defending Central Division champions were 22 and 15 and had the second best record in the National League. They were winning despite missing Mark Prior, their ace from the 2003 season. Moises Alou was having an All-Start season. Sammy Sosa was batting .291 [read more...]

Hart Surgery: Sports Haiku

Jason Giambi Might be shipped to the minors? Boo-hoo-hoo - roider. World Cup of Baseball Mmmm, I am salivating. It's about freakin' time! Steroids and Congress There's nothing more important? Osama's juicing? Jenny from the block Is really only that way, Inside her movies. Yankees are crappy. Sorry, I like that in print. They kinda suck though. Steve Nash, MVP. Deservedly over Shaq. The Diesel's got Wade. Speaking of Dwyane Wade, He's quicker than Giambi's Post-hearings weight loss Early returns in. New [read more...]

MVP Racism Claims Getting Ridiculous

The NBA Most Valuable Player was announced not too long ago, and Phoenix Suns point guard Steve Nash edged Miami Heat center Shaquille O'Neal by the fourth slimmest margin in voting history. Nash is white and O'Neal is black, so naturally, somebody had to play the race card. Despite a fairly talented roster, Phoenix was atrocious last season as evidenced by [read more...]

Personal Catchers = Pampered Pitchers

It's been a pet theory for decades in baseball. Certain pitchers just seem to respond better with a particular catcher behind the plate. Leading, in some cases, to managerial acrobatics that would make an Olympic gymnast take notice. The theory becomes especially difficult to test when you have a really good hitting catcher on your roster. How to insure that you'll [read more...]

Yankee-Spanking: Good, and Good For You

As the Yankees plummet to earth faster than punchlines from "American Dad" one statistic stands out above all others: The fabled Bronx Bombers, who've seemed to have a hammerlock on baseball since the mid-nineties, actually haven't won a World Series title in almost five years. Five years! Clinton was still in office! 24 hadn't even begun yet! Gas was so cheap [read more...]

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