Headlines for November, 2005

GONE YARD: Rose-Bud

We've all got that friend who Always Goes Too Far. My buddy Jason tells the story of a college party where a young lady had passed out. Most of the dudes at the party were speculating on how best to punish her-hand in warm water? Magic Marker mustache? But then one guy, giggling his ass off, pipes up, "Hey, guys! [read more...]

Hart Surgery: Big 12? More Like Big Two

There is a lot to be happy about these days if you are a Texas fan. The baseball team won a national title in June. The basketball team is ranked #2 to start the season and is a popular Final Four pick. Heck, even the softball team can claim to start perhaps the world's best hurler in Cat Osterman. You're [read more...]

Blips, Blurbs & Blasts

The Chicago White Sox won the World Series for the first time in a million years, and although South Siders are still having trouble wiping those ear-to-ear grins off their mustachioed faces, losing Paul Konerko via free agency would be a sobering slap in the face. I understand that Jerry Reinsdorf's club is still the second team in the Second [read more...]

Here, There & Everywhere

Best of the Worst, So What? The Chicago Bears are 5-3, should be 6-3 after their battle with the league's best JV team, San Francisco, this weekend, and at this point are the clear favorites to win the NFC North. So what, you say. There are 20 teams that could win this division. To which I ask, since when is it so objectionable [read more...]

Steroids Harmful? Not to ESPN

The problem with being the sun is that it's awful hard to look in the mirror. Bad for the eyes. And as the center of the sporting solar system, ESPN is unequivocally, and deservedly, the central light that illuminates the stories that shape what we see in the way of sports. And yet while they are sports' greatest ambassadors, they are [read more...]

Gone Yard: Terrell Owens, Savior of Sport

Terrell Owens, savior of sport. Five words that, according to Google, have never before in the history of the Internet been uttered together. And yet…it's possible. Maybe only in a "this year, the Cubbies'll take it all!" kind of way, but possible nonetheless. How? Before we get there, let's take a step back. Owens has been a leading vote-getter on the All-Jackass Team [read more...]

Terrell Owens Fails “Opportunity Test”

Nobody knows better than Terrell Owens that a maxim exists in the NFL that says great receivers do not create great quarterbacks. There simply isn't the evidence to supply the grounds for such a theory. Even when you take the greatest receivers in the history of the NFL, starting of course with Jerry Rice, the evidence always points to the fact [read more...]

The World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party: Pt. II

Thanks for coming back for Part II. When we last left, my buddy Sean and I were cruising toward Alltel Stadium listening to all the Gators and Bulldogs berate each other from opposite sides of the street about an hour before the 3:30 kickoff. At this point, we've each had two big Captain-and-Cokes (plus a roadie in our hands), a [read more...]

Hart Surgery: Insomnia

My room is freezing. I moved into a new house over the summer, and the room I chose to live in is apparently an antisocial son of a gun. It just haaaaaas to be different. So if it's hot in the rest of the house, rest assured it will be cold in my room. And if the house is cold, [read more...]

The Worlds Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party: Pt. 1

Say what you will about baseball being known as the national pastime, but it's a no-brainer that football has taken over as the top face on the American sporting totem pole. The NFL may be king across this great land of ours, but south of the Mason-Dixon line, an old-fashioned tailgate party on a college football Saturday is just as [read more...]

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