Why Chicks Should Be Banned From All-Star Voting
Perhaps I’ve been drinking too much of the Colin Cowherd Kool-aid, but I’ve realized female sports fans are messing with the natural order of things — and that is turning me into a chauvinistic, repressive fool.
As I recall, Colin has spoken about the upsides — a requirement even — of having a relationship with a girl who doesn’t love sports. Now I don’t want to get Colin in too much trouble because he has a lot of smart female fans who call into his show. But I don’t want to date them, no matter how hot they are.
When I was younger, I used to think it would be really cool to have a girlfriend who was totally into sports, so we could share massive amounts of testosterone together during all the great games I love. I’m a little older now, and not so much a fan anymore, more of an appreciator — which is why I don’t want to date any chicks who are “fans”.
Now, when I say fan, I mean fanatic. It’s perfectly fine if you like sports, but I don’t want you living and dying for the Cubs, White Sox, or Cards; or all of the above.
Please, for God’s sake, do not try to dissect why the Celtics can’t win on the road in the playoffs. If I want some brilliant analysis from a chick, I’ll turn to Erin Andrews (ooh la la!), Suzy Kolber, Michelle Tafoya, or Dana Jacobson — assuming she isn’t on a drunken rampage. Wow, was that a sign that women are enjoying sports way too much?
Seriously, if you come home and suddenly decide you don’t want to share feelings anymore, I am without question,kicking you out in the street where you can be free to go to the bar for a date with Tom Brady by yourself. I’m sure that will make you a lot happier than being with a scrawny, pathetic misogynist like me anyway.
To be truthful, I’m really afraid our affection will be limited to a slap on the ass — which I’m fine with, and totally turned on by, as long as it’s not during the game. But if that’s all there is, and you don’t want to rub noses or any of that other cute, “smoopy smoopy” fish lips kinda stuff, I am going to see a therapist, probably ending up in a closet until the NBA finals are over.
Female sports fans are just ridiculous creatures. I’m not trying to deter you from going to games or asking questions, but I just don’t want you in a fantasy league — unless it’s well, you know … that other fantasy league.
I know it’s totally sexist and irrational for me to spend time uttering such absurdities, and I want to apologize to all women in advance — even you crazy fans, for whatever it’s worth.
I’ve dated a few women here and there — the misguided ones who would tolerate my preposterous thinking — and practically none of them were really die hard fans, perhaps just interested in humoring me for a while, making an attempt at understanding why that guy playing for the Steelers puts some kind of black stuff under his eyes before the game. I’ve realized that I’m completely content with that now, and have come to the profound conclusion that those women were wise beyond their years. Those are the kind of women who show up at Super Bowl time. Perfectly fine.
Ladies who love NHL are completely off limits. That is just way too creepy, especially Wings junkies.
Look ladies, don’t you realize there are enough crazy ignoramuses at games already? We need to come home to someone who has some level of sense, enough rationale to realize that sports are really insignificant in life and love. I don’t want you crying — whining as it were — because the Tar Heels lost. I want you to cry because I’m insensitive sometimes, and I block you out when you’re talking to me about stuff. That’s just how it should be.
I know some of you ladies probably think I’m intimidated by your sports knowledge — and I am. Not because I’m afraid you know more than me about sports — because you probably do — but because I don’t want you to be a man. I don’t feel like much of a man already, and I really want to keep what is left of my dignity; and that is very little if you’ve been scoring at home.
Just fix the toilet or something if you need to get your manliness on; no fear for me with that. I’ll bake one of those tasty dinners that I’m known for while you go mow the lawn, take care of that broken door I won’t fix, and maybe put some new tile in the bathroom.
If you want to cast a vote in the MLB All-Star game, I’m not going to try and stop you or say it should be illegal. I just don’t want to hear that you voted for Berkman because he’s flirting with a Triple Crown. I’m sure you probably don’t want to spend five minutes with a dog like me anyway, but I don’t really want to be together if you’re that perceptive about the game.
So, that’s the deal ladies. I know I will probably never get another date. I’m not sure if we can work this out, but if you could just pretend you don’t know anything — much less care — about the NFL draft, March Madness, and HGH, I will make it worth your while.
Finally, I did want to mention that I have one extra ticket to LA Galaxy vs. DC United next month, and I’m looking for some female company to enjoy the match. But let me be clear, the only thing I want to hear from you is how pretty David Beckham is — and absolutely nothing about how Landon Donovan is lighting up the league this season.
Tags: Boston Celtics, Chicago Cubs, Chicago White Sox, Colin Cowherd, Dana Jacobson, David Beckham, DC United, Detroit Red Wings, Erin Andrews, female sportscasters, HGH, LA Galaxy, Lance Berkman, Landon Donovan, Major League Soccer, March Madness, Michelle Tafoya, misogyny, MLB, MLB All-Star game, NBA Playoffs, NFL, NFL Draft, NHL, Pittsburgh Steelers, Seinfeld, sexism, Smoopy, St. Louis Cardinals, Suzy Kolber, Tar Heels, The Herd, Tom Brady
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First off, let me just say this is one of the most sexist things I’ve ever read. You are portraying the typical male stereotype of how life should be with men and women, and god forbid if women don’t just stick to the kitchen and the kids.
“I don’t want you crying — whining as it were — because the Tar Heels lost. I want you to cry because I’m insensitive sometimes, and I block you out when you’re talking to me about stuff. That’s just how it should be.”
Excuse me, but don’t a lot of women say that to most men? So it’s ok for you to get all choked up and crazy about a team or a game, but we can’t? Where’s the logic there? I myself am a big baseball fan, and I guess I can say I live and die by the White Sox, however this just puts bad label on any woman who likes any sort of sports and I really can’t believe how cliche it is.
example:
“Just fix the toilet or something if you need to get your manliness on; no fear for me with that. I’ll bake one of those tasty dinners that I’m known for while you go mow the lawn, take care of that broken door I won’t fix, and maybe put some new tile in the bathroom.”
Why is liking sports manly?? Things have changed over the years where women are out of the kitchen and into the working world and it’s ok for us to like sports and be involved in sports. The last thing we need is another man telling us what we can and cannot do.
Comment by Angie Wiatrowski on May 21, 2008
Point well taken! Being a sports “fan” is not manly, it’s just dumb, like men. Which is why I’m portraying how life should be with me, because I don’t need anyone more foolish than I am, in the house. I would never tell anyone what to do. Let’s be friends.
Comment by Den Cotton on May 21, 2008
What about a diehard WNBA fan or women’s soccer fan? Surely you can’t fault a potential mate for being a huge fan of those sports.
I’m not trying to throw a wrench in your theory, I just merely think this should be the exception to the rule. If women aren’t fanatic about women’s sports, then who will be?
Comment by David on May 21, 2008
Oh sure, way to go… complicate things. I guess I didn’t take that into account. Sure, they can have their own games too I guess, but they just can’t date a dud like me. Because it is just too much for my fragile ego to hold. Oh never mind, I probably would date Candace Parker, but I’m not going one on one with her.
Comment by Den Cotton on May 21, 2008
While that is a good point, I don’t think it has to matter whether it’s women or men sports either. I’m a fan of baseball and I’d watch softball too, but i don’t follow softball like I do baseball, probably because there isn’t a lot of coverage and Major League Baseball has been around longer. And I don’t think being a sports fan is dumb…sports are such a huge part of today’s society and are extremely popular and there’s nothing wrong with that.
Comment by Angie Wiatrowski on May 21, 2008
…can o’ worms Den! Oh, and Beckham is soooo hot! If I weren’t such a dirty hippy and already had Bonnaroo plans I would love to go pretend like I know nothing about sports.
Comment by Crazy Friend on May 21, 2008
I bring up women’s sports because - especially with the WNBA - they seem to aim their advertising toward women.
Now Den, if heterosexual women can’t be WNBA fanatics and have a man, the league would fold. Surely you’re not advocating the demise of the WNBA! You’re a brave man Mr. Cotton, I’m sorry for piling on.
Comment by David on May 21, 2008
Tongue firmly set in cheek there, Den?
What’s so creepy about women who love the NHL, or hockey in general? It’s got men who are - on average - not only more attractive, but also more intelligent, humble and skilled in more ways than many other athletes, and certainly more than the majority of the media monkeys.
While I cannot defend some of the National Hockey League’s management decisions, the sport fully deserves twice the attention and adoration it gets, regardless of country or gender.
Plus, other sports bore the pants off of me.
Comment by Jen on May 21, 2008
So that’s how it is? Betray the brotherhood … Look, they can sneak off to games and whatnot if they have to get their sports jollies. But just lie to me, and tell me you are going out with the girls for a while. When she gets back, she can just tell me all the gossip about her friends, instead of giving me a bunch of stats.
Comment by Den Cotton on May 21, 2008
Jen,
Look, you’re probably a soccer fan too … they all have a chip on their shoulder — men and women — about their misunderstood sport being fourth, fifth best. But staying on topic, if I played hockey, I still couldn’t get a date — even if I got all my teeth knocked out.
Comment by Den Cotton on May 21, 2008
I don’t think you answered Jen’s question completely. Why makes being a fan of hockey ‘creepy?’ I love NHL and often watch RSL games (and I don’t like soccer); does that make me extra creepy?
Comment by Amy on May 21, 2008
Amy,
I’m sorry. I have a short attention span… all the blows to the head today.
Ummm… hockey chicks just seem mean, rough-and-tumble kinda girls. I’m not a big guy, insecurity maybe. But I guess I like a good beating from time to time as you probably guessed already. To each his (or her) own.
You’re probably not creepy to the right guy … maybe a guy that likes the ballet or someone who has more self esteem than I do?
Comment by Den Cotton on May 21, 2008
[...] Oy, the sexism running through this article is making my head hurt. But, on the bright side, at least he didn’t invoke the dreaded [...]
Pingback by Hockey Doldrums « Shots Off the Crossbar on May 21, 2008
What is so wrong with women liking sports?? I still don’t get your logic i guess..the stereotypes and cliches keep getting worse and worse…and saying Amy, a sports fan, isn’t creepy to the ‘right guy..maybe a guy that likes the ballet’..what is that supposed to mean? Why would she be creepy to a guy who doesn’t for a fellow fan?? Why can’t a girl come home from the game and talk stats? Guys do it all the time don’t they?
Comment by Angie Wiatrowski on May 21, 2008
In my observation, hockey chicks (whether fans or players or both) are rarely mean, nor rough-and-tumble, unless you’re talking about the small percentage of said sports chicks who are hardly recognizable as chicks. Similarly, there are men in most professional sports whose countenance is similarly confusing.
What’s so specifically male about having respect for a quality play, or a player’s ability to dangle or defend? Or knowing stats, or getting cranky with the officials? Female sports fans (categorize and label them as you will) are likely not looking to be like men, but are simply there to watch and enjoy the game in much the same ways as the guys do.
And for the record, a few notes:
- soccer’s almost as boring to watch as golf and baseball, though all are obviously more entertaining to play
- referencing a sport as fourth or fifth “best” is probably not the most objective way to reference a sport or a fandom, especially if you’re considering anyone else who may live in a world which is not your own
Comment by Jen on May 21, 2008
Angie,
It’s perfectly fine for all women to like sports, love sports, play sports, and talk stats — if they are so inclined. But for me personally, I think the idea of “being a fan” is quite silly for men or women. But that doesn’t mean it is reprehensible. I like to watch the games, although I wouldn’t say that I’m an everyday “fan” of any team.
A woman who loves sports can meet a guy who loves sports and they can live happily ever after. I just don’t think it would work for me. But I’m a sad shell of a man, boy, something — and I would take a date from a Wings fan tomorrow if they would go to the Galaxy/ United game with me this summer to see Becks.
Perhaps I think opposites attract. Who knows? Maybe you meet a guy who knows nothing of sports — or cares — and you fall madly in love at a Sox game? That would be my point. And in that, I had some fun at the expense of all you wonderful ladies, who seem very intelligent, and on top of your game — figuratively speaking.
Comment by Den Cotton on May 21, 2008
I think you’re kind of cute, in a nervous sort of way. Which means you would be the perfect man to go to the match with. I could just smile dreamily while you rattled off stats to burn off that nervous energy for 90 plus minutes. You would be happy not to get a reply and I would be happy to tune out your chatter and enjoy the game.
If you were then cute afterwards when I had a chance to look you over and pay attention to whatever it was that you were saying for a minute…well, who knows?
Comment by Bella on May 21, 2008
I read this with complete shock and dismay. If your hair-brained opinion was adopted full scale, the human race would face its extinction.
The reason my friend, is MY superior theory that female non-sports-fans should refrain from ever dating a sports fan. Considering this is not my article, I’ll leave out the hard data and finer points. But suffice to say, your kind bore us far more than our counterparts (female sports fans) scare you. So take the date. Bella will humor you at the soccer game, but once she’s in front of the tube during the World Series, her ruse will drop like (insert knowing sports metaphor here).
POSTER EXPOSED: I was busted. Ok, YES I did marry a sports fan (a multi-sport, multi-league fantasy player at that), but begrudgingly. There were tough questions and serious periods of reflection. I arranged an acceptable deal where I get a backrub any time a game is on (I call this the “sports massage”). So there Den, your confession. I hope you’re happy. I could have saved dozens.
By the way, “dangling”???
Comment by Token Girl on Team on May 21, 2008
I think you might have to consider that a woman might just ENJOY a sport… just as much as anyone else. And because she’s a woman, you want her to ‘reel it in’ or something? Come on, use some sense here. There are some wonderful girls who might just have all the feminine traits you admire and then still be crazy about the Phoenix Suns because they’re fun to watch.
You recognize your ‘feeling’ is sexist, so now the next step is to reflect and realize that this is stupidity so that you can stop feeling this way.
Comment by Shan on May 21, 2008
Bella,
You have no idea what you’re saying. I am super creepy in a nervous kinda way. Besides I’m five-foot nothin’, hundred and nothin’… a freak body … the body of a female supermodel. Ask Token Girl … she knocked the crap out of me once at practice last summer. I’m still feelin’ it.
Shan,
There is no hope for me. I appreciate your efforts, but I will be castrated by morning light anyway. It’s all in vain.
Comment by Den Cotton on May 21, 2008
Perhaps you should get some therapy for your obvious insecurities.
There’s absolutely nothing creepy about women enjoying the NHL.
I, for one, am a hockey fan. My grandfather had me watching the Bruins when I was three, and I haven’t stopped since. I also enjoy “womanly” things like shopping, cooking,etc. If its “manly” to be a sports fan, then I suppose there are a lot of manly women in the world.
Comment by Cate on May 21, 2008
I think this is my therapy. It’s totally free, although notably painful.
Comment by Den Cotton on May 22, 2008
Gentlemen, Gentlemen,
Where are you hiding? Why are you not coming to the defense of these damsels in distress?
Are you really that lazy or is it possible that you somehow — in the recesses of your simple minds — believe in this Neanderthal line of thinking?
Do not be afraid young warriors. These ladies come in peace. But they seek answers.
Comment by Den Cotton on May 22, 2008
Here’s the thing Den… not all women who love sports are lunatics or manly. Some of us are really cute and girly, but we happen to have been brought up in a house where football was life and we just went along with it, and eventually fell in love with it, too.
Personally, my boyfriend LOVES the fact that he can turn on Sports Center in bed, and I not only won’t complain, I’ll watch along with him. What kind of guy wants a girl who bi tches every time he tries to watch a game or a recap?
I am just SO SICK of men who have so little self-confidence that they can’t stand a woman who enjoys a baseball or football game. But then again Den, I’m pretty sure you would never have a chance with me, even before I read this ridiculous article.
p.s. I am a sports writer, and while I appreciate that this is a commentary, and therefore your opinion and you can say whatever you want to, it is not very well-written.
Comment by Jennifer on May 22, 2008
[...] 22, 2008 by ladyandrea Interesting little article by some fella named Den. It’s hard to tell if he’s being serious or not. Either [...]
Pingback by Hmph « Keeping Up Foreign Relations on May 22, 2008
Den, here is another thought to consider: What is worse, a chick who loves watching sports but doesn’t play them, or a chick who plays sports but couldn’t care less about following pro sports? Since you’ve exposed me as the Token Girl on the Stumptown All-Stars Over 30B, I have a confession: at the end of the game when you guys are all prattling on about Arsenal this and Manch that, I’m hoping no one is noticing me reapplying my lipstick or considering what polish color would best hide my bashed big toenail.
Comment by Token Girl on Team on May 22, 2008
Jen,
I’m glad you finally made one of the points I was looking for — despite the low blow about my inability to write, which I’m keenly aware of already. (Ouch!)
I knew you had it in ya! Well done. Let’s call a truce. Whadda ya say?
Comment by Den Cotton on May 22, 2008
What point did I happen to make that you were “looking for?”
Comment by Jennifer on May 22, 2008
That your situation is wonderful. You both love sports and it works out — like two peas in a SportsCenter pod.
And female sports lovers can be both cute, girly, and uber responsible to make sure we don’t fall apart at the seems.
I could be a raving lunatic I guess, since I don’t see myself falling madly in love with a sports fan. Or perhaps, I think it is a “Big Ole Goofy World”, and I like to talk about it.
Friends?
Comment by Den Cotton on May 22, 2008
I suppose we can call a truce.
p.s. it’s “seams”
Comment by Jennifer on May 22, 2008
” p.s. it’s “seams”
”
OK, just don’t tell anyone I was a spelling bee champion in grade school… I don’t want to lose my credibility or my super coolness.
Comment by Den Cotton on May 22, 2008
Jesus tapdancing Christ.
I suppose there’s no place for women who are die-hard fans of, let’s say, baseball, and are not the pink-hatted, “I’m only here because my boyfriend dragged me here,” or “OH DEREK JETER SO HAWT!” girls.
That seems to be the gist of what you find appropriate.
What about those of us who are the big fans and have boyfriends who never gave a crap about sports until they started dating us? Not because we forced them to change, but because they were genuinely interested in what we love?
Oh well. We’re probably emasculating our ballet-loving poofters of boyfriends, right?
Comment by Julia on May 22, 2008
Julia,
Nice work! I won’t battle you. You are clearly a professional: “Oh well. We’re probably emasculating our ballet-loving poofters of boyfriends, right?” Awesome!
I definitely wouldn’t date any girl who thinks Jeter is hot, Beckham maybe…
Gents,
I just want say from the bottom of my heart, thanks for nothing! You are cowards, the lot of you!! And David, your tapdancing act is simply pathetic!!
Comment by Den Cotton on May 22, 2008
Maybe the men aren’t cowards, they just believe what we’re saying and see no need in commenting and digging themselves in a deeper grave than you have..no hard feelings, I just still don’t see your logic and why you’re so against women being sports fans. I know plenty of guys who wish they were with someone who could understand a game and have a decent conversation about it
Comment by Angie Wiatrowski on May 22, 2008
Angie,
My sarcasm gets the best of me sometimes. I’ve tried to get rid of it, but it’s just in me — and I write that way a lot, because I think it is healthy for discussion.
In all sincerity, I am not against it at all. I wouldn’t seek out a sports fan to date, but so what? I like hippie chicks and book nerds — who usually hate the idea of “organized sports” as opposed to just running around in the park with a ball. I’m a complicated dufus. I just wanted to talk about this topic, because I think it’s interesting.
So, there are two sides to every story; and not everyone’s story is the same. I’m glad you all pounded me, and rightfully so… How could I write that and get away with it?
Comment by Den Cotton on May 22, 2008
Fair enough
Comment by Angie Wiatrowski on May 22, 2008
It’s not your ridiculously stupid “point of view” (and I use quotations, because you’re clearly Colin Cowherd-ing it up to piss people off) that’s off-putting, it’s your complete and total lack of self confidence and masculinity that makes you so unattractive.
Also, David Beckham is hot… so long as keeps his trap shut.
Comment by Jenny on May 22, 2008
So, basically… you’re a sexist idiot?
Comment by Allie on May 22, 2008
Very true Jenny … I did hear some comments from Colin that made me think about my own situation. Did I rip it off? Perhaps, but I didn’t say verbatim the same things he said. And I completely disagree with Colin on many things. I just think he’s funny — whether I agree or disagree — and he’s not for everybody… just like me, the bad comic.
Sure, I wish everyone could see the humor in what I write. But some people, as I have learned, think it is weak, played out, and out of line sometimes; and just not worth the time of day.
And Jenny, I never intended to piss people off, but I can see how people think that. Did I want to have a fun, spirited debate? Absolutely. And I did that, although it honestly became more serious than I thought it would.
I guess you’re not a fan of the Brit accent?
Comment by Den Cotton on May 22, 2008
Umm not to split hairs here, but I believe the title of your article was “Why chicks should be banned from All-Star voting” and not once did you really discuss why the fairer sex should not be allowed to vote for said event. You really just talked about how you wouldn’t want to date a female sports fan, and I suppose in retrospect, any woman that would date you probably shouldn’t be allowed to vote for the All-Star game, or anything for that matter. I prefer a mentally stable electorate.
Comment by Christina on May 22, 2008
[...] Published 2008 May 23 Sport Tags: dating, den cotton, men, sports Preface: I read this article/blog entitled “Why chicks should be banned from All-Star voting” by Den Cot… tonight, and although slightly offended, I was mostly [...]
Pingback by Thoughts on “Why chicks should be banned from All-Star voting” « jenny jen jen on May 23, 2008
This just screams, “I want to be man of the house!”
I kept writing and revising my response, but I figured it’s too long for a comment. I’ve posted something on my own blog.
And how is this legitimately titled “Why chicks should be banned from All-Star voting”? Isn’t it more about Den Cotton’s dating insecurities?
Comment by Jen on May 23, 2008
[...] be banned from All-Star voting” Published 2008 May 23 Sport Preface: I read this article/blog entitled “Why chicks should be banned from All-Star voting” by Den Cot… tonight, and although slightly offended, I was mostly [...]
Pingback by Thoughts on “Why chicks should be banned from All-Star voting” « jenny jen jen on May 23, 2008
Dating a sports fan chick seems weird because, like it or not, sports IS a guys’ thing. People pair up to “complete” each other, and to do that, they must be different — not just anatomically. Even queer couples have “boy” and “girl” roles. Sure, it’s ok for a chick to like sports, just as it’s ok for a chick to work construction; but what guy wants to date a construction worker? Because in the back of your mind, you can’t get over the fact that a CONSTRUCTION WORKER is currently blowing you. Yeah, it feels great, and she even smells like a girl, but MFG, A CONSTRUCTION WORKER IS BLOWING YOU.
A man doesn’t want his chick to pump her fist & yell at the refs, nor does a chick want her man to gossip with her and the gals over mocha and biscotti. We all need our space.
Women don’t sweat. They perspire.
Comment by Nick Digger on May 23, 2008
Dating a working woman seems weird because, like it or not, working a job IS a guys’ thing.
Dating a woman who votes seems weird because, like it or not, voting IS a guys’ thing.
Dating a woman who has a mind and opinions seems weird because, like it or not, thinking IS a guys’ thing.
It’s the same line of logic. “sports IS a guys’ thing”? RIDICULOUS. I really hope and pray you have a daughter someday, and then some douchebag just like you comes along and tries to project and enforce this same stupid backwards sexist way of thinking on her.
Comment by Alicia on May 23, 2008
“Sports” is an everyone thing.
Comment by Den Cotton on May 23, 2008
Are “man-caves” the result of men who are legit afraid of their wimmins?
Or are they just for guys who want to get sloshed and hand up stupid Eagles wallpaper?
Do those guys GET wimmins?
Nick - what if the guy has some kind of “sissy” job like a nurse? What defines male and female jobs, exactly?
Frankly, I wouldn’t turn down sex from a male nurse. Intelligence? Kindness? Damn right.
Comment by Julia on May 23, 2008
Well said Julia.
Nick, you oughtta try a little mocha and biscotti with the gals. It’s pretty fun — although I prefer green tea.
Comment by Den Cotton on May 23, 2008
The column – satirical in nature – attempted to address some of the following thoughts:
1) There are still knuckleheads that believe enjoying “sports” is ONLY for guys
2) There are a growing number of knowledgeable female sports fans contributing positively to games they love; in fact, many times knowing more than guys.
3)There are excellent female sports reporters
4)There are guys who have wives or girlfriends who don’t care much about sports and it works fine.
5)There are women who wish their boyfriends or husbands didn’t love sports so much; and perhaps men who think the same about women.
6)We (men and women) can prefer different things in a mate, and that’s o.k.
7)That being a serious “fan” of a team –- whether you are a man or a woman — is simply funny
8)There are women –- from a tongue-in-cheek perspective — who think playing and enjoying sports is “manly” as there are men who think the same.
9)Women and men need space, whatever that may be
10)Gender issues are still relevant to discuss in society today, in work and in play
The headline — taken as is — was offensive and complete nonsense, and as noted by a previous poster, it did not match what was said in the column. The column suggested that women dumb themselves down for men by pretending not to know much about what they were doing when they cast an All-Star vote, also obnoxious and completely ridiculous, as many folks quickly pointed out. Also, it is very clear from the comments here, that many women, who are big fans, are enjoying sports with their husbands, who are also heavily into sports.
Comment by Den Cotton on May 24, 2008
Nick, It seems as though your view is one giant cliche. Why does it matter if a woman is a sports fan or in your example, a construction worker? A girl’s gotta earn a living too, and believe it or not, not all women construction workers are what you think they are. Considering your comment is so cliche, I can assume that you think they’re too ‘manly’. Open your eyes a bit, things have changed.
Comment by Angie Wiatrowski on May 24, 2008
[...] Why Chicks Should Be Banned From All-Star Voting [...]
Pingback by What Would Rosie the Riveter Do? | Angie Wiatrowski on May 25, 2008
NAH.
Comment by Ang on May 26, 2008
Finally, some intelligent commentary on the sexual and sociological roles within queer couples. Thanks, Nick.
To Den: Sorry you had to explain the satire. Women, as you know, are governed solely by their cycles. We (men, those who created fire and the Electoral College) cannot expect them to react rationally.
Unfortunately for you, your critics appear to have “synced up” and are coming all at once, ready to burn you at the phallic stake.
Good luck.
Comment by Jon on May 27, 2008
People getting all riled up about Den’s obvious attempt to get people all riled up! Entertainment at it’s finest, way to go Den! This is way better than any silly baseball game.
Comment by julie on May 27, 2008
Den, honey, now why and go get women all riled up? As a hot female sports I can totally tell you why you don’t want to date a female fan. First, we are smarter than you. Second, no woman with a brains would date a total jackass like yourself. If you want some ditzy bimbo with the smarts of rock please go find her. Because, you’re definitely not on my list of men I’d date. Seriously, when was the last time you had date?? Because, you sound like you have some insecurity issues. Dude, you’re totally asking for it. Woman are going to shit a brick when they read this and rightfully so. You’re a fucking idiot!!! Do you think you’re going get date with this shit because the chicks you want probably can’t even count to 20. Trust when I say this, there’s not a man on Earth other than yourself that believes what you’re saying. I don’t know a man who would turn down the opportunity to date me and I enjoy every single sport on the planet. I probably know more than you do. Like seriously, find a another topic.
Comment by Kelley on May 28, 2008
[...] Well, I opened up a real can of lima beans recently, with lots of worms in it. And as you might have guessed, I’ve taken a lot of shrapnel in the last few days for my self-parody column entitled Why Women Should Be Banned From All-Star Voting. [...]
Pingback by Why men should be banned from sideline reporting | Den Cotton on May 28, 2008
I think you girls getting so upset about sports is really cute. Now I understand you have your panties in a bunch and that’s fine. I suggest you go out with your man’s credit card and buy somethng for yourself, maybe get your hair done, pretty yourselves up a little just to take your minds off what Mr. Cotton wrote. That way you can leave the sports commentary up to us menfolk.
Comment by Captain Spiffo on May 28, 2008
I love how when your failed attempt to play Colin Cowherd and be a jackass on purpose in order to get readers got a little too hot for you to handle, you switched tactics and claimed to have written the whole thing as satire.
If this was satire, it failed miserably, because it wasn’t actually funny or clever enough to pull it off.
So, either way, epic fail.
Comment by Ang on May 28, 2008
“They’re selling postcards
of the hanging
They’re painting
the passports brown
The beauty parlor
is filled with sailors
The circus is in town
Here comes the blind commissioner
They’ve got him in a trance
One hand is tied
to the tight-rope walker
The other is in his pants
And the riot squad they’re restless
They need somewhere to go
As lady and I look out tonight
From desolation row”
– Bob Dylan
Comment by Den Cotton on May 28, 2008
[...] can’t vote for myself because that would be too self absorbed. I think I’m leading the All-Star voting for sexiest idiot, but this guy who made the Top 12 Sexiest Female Sideline Reporters list is [...]
Pingback by Top 12 Sexiest Idiots In Sports | Den Cotton on May 29, 2008
The column is “satirical in nature”[...]
Only satire is usually witty.
1)Including you.
2)When we are given permission to speak, apparently.
3)All three of them?
4)A cultural phenomena!
5)Clearly the only way to solve this is to cancel the ESPN subscription.
6)Your article
Comment by lasaravis on May 30, 2008
RE: “Trust when I say this, there’s not a man on Earth other than yourself that believes what you’re saying. I don’t know a man who would turn down the opportunity to date me and I enjoy every single sport on the planet.”
Kelley dear,
You should check out this website…
http://hfboards.com/showthread.php?p=14235113
But I think you’re right… you seem to be very even-tempered and quite congenial — so the guys are already lining up to go with you to see the Rock, Paper, Scissors summer classic on Neptune. Which would allow you to boast multi-planet love of all sports. Brrr… take a jacket.
Comment by Den Cotton on May 30, 2008
[...] and shout at the top of your keyboard, “Fuck off,” “You’re a moron,” “I think you’re an idiot,” “Epic fail,” and last, but not least, “Wake up [...]
Pingback by The No-Deadspin Zone | Den Cotton on June 3, 2008