The Brain Leak
(Week of 6/9/08 - 6/15/08)
As summer switches into high gear and temperatures across the country begin to rise, The Leak is creating new and innovative ways to keep you indoors and save you from those nasty CO2 emissions, twilight dinners with the in-laws and the neighborhood Cougar who simply should not be wearing that skimpy of a bathing suit.
Finally, a milestone worthy of praise…
Mr. George Kenneth Griffey, Jr., I applaud you.
I applaud you for being one of the few survivors among a dying breed of what we suspect may be role models. And I use the term loosely; for I am not so sure I even know how a role model should act anymore.
Your swing has been effortless; however, your efforts have been anything but. And that’s the way it should be. Nothing worth doing the right way is ever easy.
The first home run came in 1987 in your first at-bat at the Seattle Kingdome, when you were only 19 years old. And, thus, the love affair with “The Kid” was initiated. You carried the suffix “junior” well after your father’s playing days were over and you were the lone Griffey in the league, because you always have, - and still do - played the game with the same youthful enthusiasm that not only saved baseball in Seattle but put a nation at attention that we were all watching something special.
And we need that now more than ever, not only from you, but from players we hope you have inspired.
That’s why we all wish it was you, and not Mr. Bonds, that chased that record. Such an esteemed accomplishment within our national pastime need not be achieved by a man of such weak and pathetic moral fiber. But I guess it’s too late for that now.
Mark Hendrickson’s 3-1 pitch in the first inning on June 9, 2008, in Florida should have meant something totally different. That home run would have meant a lot more to this nation had it meant nothing at all; if it had been just another home run added to your all-time leading total.
We lament all those games you missed to injury for nearly four seasons, but we respect the way you handled adversity. You had no choice in that matter. At that point, it would have been easy to retreat, to take the easy way out, to cheat. But you didn’t. You made the correct choice because you knew you were too good for that. It’s possible you could have experienced this moment three years ago, while you had something called “the clear” smeared all over your chest. But what good would that have done, other than rendering your name synonymous with the word “asterisk?”
But maybe it is better this way. After all, now that things have unfolded the way they have, we all can wonder “what if.” Without a doubt, you are Major League Baseball’s version of Barry Sanders.
None of us know how things will end for you, Mr. Griffey. The one thing we do know is that it will all end entirely too soon. And yet, while the baseball world greatly admires your feats and appreciates your time, perhaps it will forever look upon you with even fonder memories and warmer hearts for what you did not achieve.
Athletes ‘aroused’ by Viagra secondary effects…
What’s next…male athletes applying Vagisil to their new-found womanly parts and female competitors popping Extendz to help speed up the testosterone generation process?
After we thought professional athletes had scraped the bottom of the barrel by reducing themselves to injecting, swallowing, and/or applying illegal performance-enhancing substances, the New York Daily News reported Monday that the erectile dysfunction wonder-drug Viagra has entered the anything-to-obtain-an-edge arena.
Though not yet considered out-of-bounds by the World Anti-Doping Agency or any of the major professional sports leagues/associations in the U.S., the non-recommended use of The Little Blue Pill is quietly making a name for itself and thus raising the ire and investigative efforts of governing officials all over the world.
Originally designed to treat the embarrassing and one-night-stand-killing effects of impotency, Viagra has been recently utilized by professional bodybuilders, weightlifters and a bevy of other athletes to induce blood flow to different parts of the body. It is believed that Viagra not only widens vessels and aids in the distribution of oxygen and nutrients to various muscles but helps counteract the sometimes life-threatening effects of different illegal substances. Some athletes reportedly have been popping the ten year-old drug–made famous, or infamous, by pharmaceutical giant Pfizer back in 1998, when it was approved by the FDA–to do nothing more than carry a larger amount of steroids to an eclectic array of muscle groups more quickly. Even more, there are those who have been using Viagra (code name: sildenafil citrate) for no other but the ironic purpose of warding off the nasty side effects of steroid abuse, most notable of which is impotency.
This latest scandalous development suggests today’s performers are one ignorant specialized set of individuals; either that, or they really are as dumb, if not dumber, than we first thought. This is like selling drugs in order to get the money to buy more. Like using one credit card to pay off the other. Like smoking a cigarette to calm your nerves once you’ve had too much coffee. It just doesn’t equate.
And who better to serve as the face of this new chapter in self-imposed humiliation and physical destruction but Roger Clemens. In the same New York Daily News report, Clemens was the only player whose name was officially linked to this new controversy. But you can bet it’s only a matter of time before Congress sticks its name into the fray.
Wouldn’t that be one hell of a Congressional hearing? The likes of Henry Waxman, Arlen Specter and whoever else berating athletes for abusing Viagra, when you know for a fact The Little Blue Pill is the only means by which any of those decrepits on Capitol Hill are giving their wives an ounce of pleasure.
The mildly humorous misuse of the ‘penis pill’ has even extended into horse racing, a sport more aptly and obviously suited for the ‘harder stuff.’ Viagra has been given to a proven small number of thoroughbreds because it allegedly improves the animal’s performance by helping enhance blood-flow and breathing regulation. You would think the 94,000+ in attendance and all those watching on television would have noticed if Big Brown had loaded up on Viagra prior to the Belmont Stakes, but I guess that wasn’t the case. Imagine how hard it would be to sprint around a dirt track carrying all that extra baggage around.
And we presumed Rick Dutrow wasn’t the only one whose psyche went dead ‘limp’ after his horse’s magnificent collapse.
NASCAR caught with its pants down…
Ex-NASCAR employee Mauricia Grant filed a lawsuit totaling $225 million against her former employee Tuesday, after she alleged she was subjected to nearly 60 counts of sexual, racial and gender discrimination during her time working for the Nationwide Series.
Grant, who was NASCAR’s lone black official, claimed an unspecified number of her co-workers–several of which were Grant’s superiors–degraded her with racially charged epithets, including references such as “nappy headed Mo,” “Mohammed,” and “Al Queda.” When she reported the harassment, Grant says senior NASCAR officials explained to her she had no choice in the matter but to endure the punishment and needed to adjust to the “sexually hostile work environment and rampant gender discrimination.”
“I was basically told to deal with it because the men that I was working with, a lot of them were military men and I needed to learn how to act like they act if I wanted to be successful,” Grant told USA TODAY on Tuesday.
The defendants named in the 40-page suit, which was filed Tuesday in U.S. District Court for the Southern District of New York, include Grant’s immediate supervisor, Nationwide Series director Joe Balash, as well as assistant series director Mike Dolan, NASCAR’s senior manager for business relations, the human resources director and 17 officials, all of which worked along side Grant.
The Associated Press reported Saturday that two of the 17 officials alleged of misconduct were placed on administrative leave and forced to leave Friday’s race at Kentucky Speedway. NASCAR’s pending investigation required that the names of both men remain anonymous.
The 32 year-old Bronx, NY native was hired in January 2005 to be a technical inspector, a position that paid her $30,000 a year. Grant says she was wrongfully terminated last October after she began expressing her displeasure for the mistreatment.
Spokesman Ramsey Poston told USA Today that NASCAR has yet to review the lawsuit and will address all matters pertaining to the allegations in court. Poston added that as an equal opportunity employer, NASCAR is “fully committed to the spirit and letter of affirmative action law.”
Earlier in the week, an unidentified official named in the suit told the AP that Grant failed to ever insinuate she was unhappy with way she was being treated by her co-workers. Mike Wilford, a former NASCAR employee whose name was also included, claimed Grant even helped cultivate the lewd and graphic nature of her old workplace and that she is distorting reality for her own benefit.
REALLY?
I thought the days of racial persecution and blatant degradation of women had, at best, started to subside to a more civilized frame of mind. I suppose I was wrong.
The allegations outlined in this particular case are a shame and crime against not only professional sports but our society. And this dilemma could not come at worse time for NASCAR. Not to suggest there may be a better time for it, but for a sport that is by and large on its way to stepping out of its shadow of obscurity and into the limelight of national prominence to suffer a blow like this is devastating. Over the past decade, the popularity of NASCAR and racing as a whole has grown exponentially–especially among women– with major television networks such as FOX and NBC taking notice. As a result, drivers are rightfully gaining more recognition, which, in turn, is opening the door for new, aspiring talent that would otherwise be deprived of the opportunity to shine. See Danica Patrick.
So, will NASCAR and its executives be able to weather this storm? The relative difficulty that comes along with cleaning up a mess of this magnitude is inevitable. Just as certain is the irreparable damage Grant’s allegations will bring to NASCAR’s reputation should they prove to be valid.
Stay tuned.
Voices in my Head…(a collection of the past week’s best quips)
“You know what? I’m going to pass on talking about Chad today. I think everybody in here is probably sick of hearing about him, and everybody out there is sick of hearing about him. So I’m not going to talk about him.”
–Bengals QB Carson Palmer commenting on the ongoing feud between WR Chad Johnson and the Cincinnati organization at the team’s first minicamp Thursday.
Carson, I think I speak for sports fans all over the country when I say, “Thank you!”
“And you better watch yourself tomorrow, pal. See, he’s a little nervous right now.”
–Rocco Mediate referring to he and Tiger Woods’ 18-hole bout to decide the U.S. Open on Monday, shortly after Woods sank a birdie putt on the 72nd hole to force the playoff.
Mediate has five career Tour wins, none of which are majors, compared to Woods’ 64 and 13 (now 14), respectively.
“The whole game, from the minute I came in, they called fouls on me. He fell down, foul. I was trying to find a way to guard him for 48 minutes, and everything I did was a foul. He got me. He went to the basket, and it was a good basket. I don’t know what else to say.”
–Lakers guard Sasha Vujacic reaching for ways to justify his “defense,” or lack thereof, which allowed the Celtics’ Ray Allen to drive the lane for an uncontested lay up that sealed Boston’s historic comeback and victory in Game 4 of the NBA Finals Thursday night.
If you believe Sasha, then there’s absolutely no merit to the idea that NBA officials are calling the games to favor the home team. Nice try, Mr. Donaghy. You of all people should know it’s hard to call phantom fouls when no one plays a lick of defense.
“He’d be the first one to practice, and after practice, he’d go to the park and play more. So his passion for the game is unmatched by most of the players I’ve ever had.”
–Punahou School (Honolulu, HI) head basketball coach Chris McLachlin speaking about his once rangy forward and member of the school’s 1979 state championship team, presidential nominee Barack Obama.
“Baseball can keep me out of it, but they can’t tell me who I can befriend. Texting’s not illegal.”
–Baseball’s all-time leader in hits, Pete Rose, speaks to ESPN the Magazine’s Tom Friend about his budding relationship with Yankees slugger Alex Rodriguez.
Friend’s article reveals the men’s two and a half year-long friendship has been fueled by Rose consistently giving Rodriguez hitting advice via text message.
OMG!!!
Like father, like son (only worse)…
Far be it from any of the Steinbrenner men to keep their fat, tyranny-spewing traps shut when something doesn’t go according to the organization’s $207 million plan, prodigal son Hank was bitching up a storm shortly after his Yankees finished up a rather dominating three-game series sweep of the Astros in Houston.
Doing his best ‘daddy’ impression, the 51 year-old Yankees Senior Vice President publicly criticized the National League for its reluctance to adopt the designated hitter rule, one day after his star pitcher, Chien-Ming Wang, was injured running the bases in the sixth inning of New York’s 13-0 win over Houston on Sunday. Tests Monday (Jun. 16) revealed Wang had suffered a sprain and partially torn tendon in his right foot and is expected to be sidelined until at least September.
Steinbrenner, no doubt under the impression that pitchers in the NL succumb to injury every time they run the bases, more or less verbally assaulted the Senior Circuit and inexplicably blamed the rival league for his team’s bad fortune. “Am I mad about it? Yes,” Steinbrenner told the Associated Press. “I’ve got my pitchers running the bases, and one of them gets hurt.”
“He’s going to be out,” Steinbrenner added, as he requested more gouda cheese with his ‘whine.’ “I don’t like that, and it’s about time they address it. That was a rule from the 1800s.”
Hey, Hank–have you ever stopped to think that maybe the game of baseball really couldn’t care less about what is going on in that egomaniacal and self-absorbing brain of yours? Maybe you should ask your dad how well the American League managed to get by in the pre-DH era. For that matter, why don’t you ask him how enriching and genuine the game was when all nine players on the field were required to bat? I am sure your father possesses plenty of happy memories from the game’s early days when he was growing up during the turn of the 20th century.
Of all the things upon which you could possibly blame an injury, you choose to single out what is perhaps the game’s last enduring tradition. Injuries are a part of the game, Hank. If your team’s good enough, or if you have more money stashed away somewhere to buy some more bodies, you will survive this latest misfortune.
I am sorry that your team is starting to show signs of age. No, actually I am not. But you have to realize that ¼ of a billion dollars just doesn’t go as far as it used to back in the late 90’s. You know, the 90’s, when your organization won three consecutive titles around the same time interleague play came to be, and your pitchers were sometimes forced to run the bases. I didn’t hear you crying about the lack of a DH in the National League then, Hank. What’s that…?…oh…eh…ah, because the Yanks were winning then, that’s right.
Battered but anything but beaten…
The euphoria of two eagles and an improbable chip-in on Saturday dulled by the stabbing pain reverberating from his surgically repaired left knee.
The deafening roar of the crowd reacting to the birdie on the 72nd hole drowned by the raging floods created by his own adrenaline.
The world’s best player had experienced four days of peaks and valleys, only to arrive at his highest point and discover that more challenges lay ahead. But how far would his post-operative limb take him?
About as far as he expected it would.
The road to Tiger Woods’ thirteenth major championship was bumpy. The brilliance that has come to define the man was nearly outdone by uncharacteristically poor play. Each hole led to more torque on the knee, which led to wayward tee shots and iron play, which led to a surprising number of bogeys and double bogeys.
Never has a roller coaster ride produced such an entertaining major championship.
Tiger will be the first one to admit he didn’t play his best over the last five days. And he would be the first–and probably only person–to admit the pain in his knee was a non-factor. But we all knew what was going on. The golfing world dived head-long into the drama every time Tiger was caught on camera wincing and keeled over in pain, which seemed to be after every shot.
This is what champions do, however. They persevere through adversity to achieve unparalleled greatness. They win despite being less than perfect. We have come to expect perfection, or the closest thing to it, from Tiger for so long. And when the norm was anything but this past weekend and into Monday, we panicked. And just when it appeared as if he would fail to close the deal on a lead he held entering the final round of a major championship for the first time ever, Tiger showed everyone something different at Torrey Pines, something to calm us. He showed everyone that at times when his superior physical and athletic attributes start to waver, his soul, mind and heart do not. The three were put through the ringer for a 91-hole slugfest. And in the end, Tiger was left bruised but still standing.
On Monday, he became only the sixth player ever to win the revered U.S. Open more than twice and joined Jack Nicklaus as the only man to win each of the four major championships at least three times.
This is the kind of stuff legends are made of.
Famous last words…
The Leak would like to express its condolences to the family and friends of Mr. Tim Russert, who tragically passed away at the age of 58 from a sudden heart attack suffered at WRC-TV in Washington D.C. June 13. The long-time moderator of Meet the Press and NBC News Washington Bureau Chief was a bright political mind, and his presence will, indeed, be missed, most notably at the upcoming presidential election. Russert had just returned to the U.S. from an abbreviated vacation in Italy, where he was celebrating his son’s recent college graduation.
With the accolades a few weeks overdue, I must take this opportunity to express my thanks to the members of Dave Matthews Band for putting on a quality show June 7 at Busch Stadium. The band never seems to disappoint, and you can always count on them to deliver a quality product. I do have one, tiny complaint, however. The only thing more appalling than the escalating price of the tickets from year to year was the unexplainable increase in beer prices at Busch. I find it hard to justify paying $8.25 for a brewsky at a Cards game, so imagine my surprise, shock, anger, etc. (since the shit is manufactured only a few blocks away) when I was asked to pay an additional $.75 for an 18 oz. cup of liquid gold at the concert. And lastly, a big congratulations to one of my best friends and ex-roommate, Scott, who recently became engaged to his lovely girlfriend of over two years and another dear friend of mine, Amy. If you find joy in your heart and wish to contribute to their honeymoon fund, please send all donations to NSR c/o Ryan Faller, and I will see to it that the two lovebirds receive your tax-deductible gift.
ed. note - Don’t forget to read past Brain Leak’s on Ryan’s NSR blog.
Tags: 2008 US Open, 600, Alex Rodriguez, Arlen Specter, Barack Obama, Barry Bonds, Barry Sanders, Carson Palmer, Chad Johnson, Chien-Ming Wang, Cincinnati Bengals, Dave Matthews Band, George Steinbrenner, Hank Steinbrenner, Henry Waxman, interleague play, Ken Griffey Jr, Mauricia Grant, NASCAR, Pete Rose, Ray Allen, Rocco Mediate, Roger Clemens, Sasha Vujacic, Tiger Woods, Tim Russert, viagra
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