Yes, Selig, the Steroid Era is 100% Your Fault*

By: Nathan Archambault

(Warning: This article uses CAPS very liberally. Think of it as words on steroids.)

Selig, thanks for the Steroid Era. You came out this week and said it wasn’t your fault. Guess what. It was, and it is. You were in charge. Why you’re still in charge, I have no idea. You’re the one responsible for the blackest eye in the history of professional baseball. You pretending it’s not your fault is like the CEO of GM saying it’s not his fault American automakers are begging for bailouts. Of course it’s his fault! He was The Man. The one with the power to make changes. In Baseball, you’re The Man, and you made no changes. None. You let a generation of players cheat their steroid-filled asses off. And you took a generation of fans along for the performance-enhanced ride.

Selig, this happened right before your very eyes. Players got HUGE. Not just big. But ENORMOUS. And UNNATURAL. As fans, we didn’t suspect anything. You know why? Because we ASSUMED there was a strategy in place to prevent dudes from getting juiced till they popped. Apparently, we were wrong. And, in the process, we were wronged. By you.

Selig, the fact is, not just a few players were caught doing steroids. It wasn’t a few bad apples ruining it for everyone else. So many players were getting juiced it has become a capitalized Era. In 2003, 103 players got tested and caught, more than 5%. We all know that. And those are just the ones who were stupid enough to get caught. There wasn’t blood tests back then, and there wasn’t tests for  a lot of the stuff out there. We’ll never know how many players were actually juicing because you waited so long to test, and you waited so long to make it AGAINST THE RULES. Because until 2004, it wasn’t.

Selig, it wasn’t just MVPs, Cy Young winners and household names. It was middle relievers and utility infielders. Everyone was getting juiced. David Segui. Randy Valerde. Little Chucky Knobloch. Seriously. Chuck Friggin Knobloch. Dude was like  5’5”. Everyone was juicing. Maybe you were too, Selig. At this point, I wouldn’t be surprised. You knew enough suppliers.

Selig, your era IS the Steroid Era. That’s what you, me and everyone else has been has been living in for the past 2 decades. The Home Run record? A sham. 11 of the past 22 MVPs? Needle injectors. A generation of childhood heroes? Cream rubbers. All those baseball cards I loved collecting as a kid? Nothing but mug shots.

Selig, lest you forget, steroids are ILLEGAL. Not just in baseball. In America. And you let players so obviously get away with juicing until the U.S. FEDERAL GOVERNMENT stepped in and ACTUALLY DID SOMETHING. That’s why we have testing now. That’s why we have suspensions. Not because of you. Because Congress stepped in. Friggin’ Congress, man! Sure, they had better things to do. But if you had done your goddamn job, they wouldn’t have had to do it for you. If there was another industry single-handedly supporting an international coke or pot cartel, they would have done the same thing. This type of activity has a name. It’s called a felony.

Selig, you didn’t really think it was the ball, did you? (That’s a quote. Ignorant bastard thought all the fallen records and deluge of homers were the ball’s fault. Somehow, in an undetected manner, in 1998 it got easier to hit after 100+ years.) Stand next to Barry Bonds and tell me he’s a naturally-formed human being. Do it with a straight face. It cannot be done. Man’s head is a watermelon.

Selig! Stop standing around doing nothing, saying everything is alright and feeling bad for yourself. When you wake up, here’s some things you can do to actually HELP the game.

Selig, ban all players who have been CAUGHT doing steroids from being eligible for the Hall of Fame. Ban their acned asses. HoF voters should not even be able to THINK about voting for juicers like McGwire. Same goes for Clemens, Bonds, Sosa and A-Rod when their time comes. Do the same for all the players in the Mitchell Report, the 103 yet-to-be-named players caught in 2003, and everyone else who’s been caught or admitted to using. They had their careers, they made their money, they cheated by having a friend inject cow hormone in their buttocks. The Hall of Fame is not for people like them. They’ll be remembered for what they are. Cheaters with huge numbers and shrunken balls. If I cheat on a test, I don’t expect to walk away with an A+. That’s a zero. These players cheated and they knew they cheated. That’s that. No plaque.

And Selig, you know what? The cheaters don’t care. Because all those ass-loads of steroids made them millions and millions of dollars. Believe me, they don’t care, and they’ll be fine. If they cared, they never would have injected in the first place. They’ll retire to one of their private islands and live the rest of their filthy-rich lives sipping coconut juice from a belly dancer’s cleavage. A long weekend in Cooperstown will be the farthest thing from their over-sized heads.

Selig, why are you letting Hall of Fame voters decide if users get in? The Hall is for the best of the best. It’s not for cheaters. WHY IS IT UP TO THE VOTERS?? You need to put your scrawny little foot down and say “F*CK THAT! Mark McGwire CANNOT be voted for.” Go ahead, say it. It’ll feel good.

Selig, listen to Big Papi: Test everyone. Urine, Blood, Hair, whatever. Why not? You know the only people who have a problem with getting tested? PEOPLE ON STEROIDS, THAT’S WHO. Playing baseball is a privilege, not a right, and if you can’t prove you’re not on steroids, you should not be allowed to play the game. It’s that simple. Players caught doping can’t win the Tour de France. They’re kicked out of the Olympics. They get year-long bans in boxing. But baseball? They win MVP! They sign $100 million contracts! They become role models! Helen Keller could have seen the Steroid Era coming better than you did, Selig, and she’s long dead.

Selig, remove records. A-rod said he did steroids from ‘01 to ‘03? Screw the asterisk and break out the eraser. What baseball needs right now are martyrs. Let the sinners die, and let the players who play fair reap all the benefits of playing our national pastime. The only way to move on is by wiping clean the blood of the cheaters. Drastic? Of course! Drastic times, Selig, drastic times….you know the rest don’t you? Drastic times call for…they call for…  drastic measures, Selig. Bet you’ve never heard that one before.

Selig, NO ONE CARES that baseball has made leaps and bounds in the your tenure. More popular? More revenue? It doesn’t matter! It’s tainted like lead paint. Right now, NO ONE mentions MLB without bringing up PEDs. There’s too much talk about who used. It’s in the news every single day. Take the Bonds trial. He’s so vain he thinks he can get away with lying to Congress. Clemens, Tejeda, now A-Rod. It’s not going away unless YOU make it. And right now, you’re not. You’re not doing anything but whining.

Selig, more names are going to be revealed. What are you going to do then? There are 103 players the public doesn’t know about. Some All-Stars. A few more Cy Young winners and MVPs. Some players who signed monster contracts because of performance-enhancing drugs. You going to turn a blind eye when their names come out too? I hope not. Of course, I hope you’re outta the league by then.

Selig, look what happened to football. Players got cocky. They were out of control. They were making it rain, whipping out gats, running over police officers. And what happened to the NFL?

Roger Goodell happened. He paved the path to a cleaner league. He didn’t care what other poeple thought or said. Football players were getting out of hand and he reeled them back in. Tossing players out, handing out suspensions. Selig, what did all the other football players do? The ones who didn’t get caught or suspended or fined? They stopped being such huge douchebags. Because they didn’t want to get in trouble. I’m no architect, but that’s the perfect blueprint for baseball right now. You don’t even have to come up with a shiny brand new game plan. Just take the NFLs. Case closed.

Selig, sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but you’re not up for the job. I’m talking about your job, the one you currently have, and the things you need to do in the next year. A new baseball commissioner needs to come in and act with the same type of iron fist as Roger “Don’t-Take-No-Crap” Goodell. The Player’s Association, the most powerful in sports, should have NO leverage here – it was THEIR players doing steroids, after all. Selig, now is the time to rip the shrunken balls off the Player’s Association and their generation of drug users. You could keep being a pussy, or you could set some hard-ass rules and clean up the game. But please, please stop saying it’s not your fault. Of course it is.

YOU WERE THE ONE IN CHARGE. YOU RAN THIS CIRCUS.

Selig, you need to step down and pass the torch to someone who can clean the game up. There’s no grey area here. Like being caught using steroids, it’s a black and white situation. And you are as guilty as the users themselves.

  1. * YES THE STEROID ERA IS YOUR FAULT.

Share This

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Share This Article

15 Comments

  1. Totally Selig’s fault. Preach on.

    Comment by John Reid on February 18, 2009

  2. I agree 100%.

    Comment by John Cassada on February 18, 2009

  3. What kind of moron wrote this. If you are a baseball fan, you are just as much to blame for steroids as Selig. The fans, media, players, and players families were all closer to the doping than Selig. Also, you ignore the fact that the player’s union fought steroid testing as far back as 1995. Get over your witchhunt-itis.

    Comment by Jim Possen on February 18, 2009

  4. Players, player’s families, the player’s union and the media can all take some blame for the prevalence of steroids in baseball. I blame Selig for letting the problem become a full-blown “Steroid Era.”

    Comment by natearchambault on February 18, 2009

  5. Who is this Selig guy and what team does he play for?

    Comment by Patrick on February 18, 2009

  6. Yes the author did ignore the player’s union fought steroid testing. But nobody can cover everything in an article. From my point of view it’s a great article - even though not prefect.

    If the author is a moron, W. should be - I cannot even find a word for him. A-Rod shouldn’t be forgiven for his mistake, definitly. If someone who misses a point in an article is a moron, it should be quite fair to call those people liars or cheaters and keep them out of Hall of Fame as well.

    Comment by Joey on February 19, 2009

  7. I tend to agree w/ most of the article, in that selig and the owners turned a blind eye to what was happening because it put fans in seats. However the players union did push back a lot abouut having a testing program. But I suppose selig is the steward for the league and could have pushed back just as hard…..who knows…..bottom line is the fans and past players who’s legitimate records have been broken have been screwed.

    Comment by Glen Aballo on February 19, 2009

  8. Hmmm, how come there are no Red Sox mentioned in any of this?

    I don’t entirely agree here; Jim has a point. There was a lot more going on than Selig’s ignorance. Plus, we were the ones who cheered and ‘fell in love’ with baseball again when they juiced the BALL and Big Mac and Sammy were raging.

    Comment by SRM on February 19, 2009

  9. You don’t really think they have cleaned up football, do you?. All they have done is a better public relations campaign. All sports are saturated with steroid use, down to the high school level, and everybody just acts like it isn’t going on. Here’s a question. If you think Bond’s couldn’t possibly have gotten that size without steroids, which I agree with, do you honestly believe that pro and college football players could have gotten as big as they are without them? Read a new book, Spiral of Denial if you want to learn about steroids in football, and the farce that is testing.

    Comment by jim frantz on February 19, 2009

  10. I agree with the article but let us not forget that Selig works for the owners and its the owners that were reaping billions by paying these juiced players millions.

    Comment by Jimy Wilcox aka JU on February 19, 2009

  11. To think the person in charge is not responsible is for the oversight of his charge is ludicrous. To blame the fans, media, players, and players families is a slippery slope, since once one players starts using, it is only a matter of time before the next player needs to use to keep up. The entire industry and its results become skewed. The biggest losers are the kids who grow up loving and admiring the players, only to be let down when the truth be known. There is never any excuse for cheating. Steroid-using baseball players have tarnished the American dream and dishonored the innocence of youth. They should be ashamed of themselves, not receiving awards for their “accomplishments.”

    Comment by pat on February 19, 2009

  12. Good article. You the man.

    Comment by Matthew Bargamian on February 19, 2009

  13. This issue has been in the forefront for some years now and we hear that the league is and has been investigating it. How many stories does the MLB need to seriously address the issue? Your article is right on; the ultimate responsibility is that of the top person.

    Comment by Ford W. Kiene on February 19, 2009

  14. [...] A pact with the Player’s Union that prevented teams from doing anything on their own. And a commissioner who sat by the wayside and let it happen. Back then, there was no testing. There was no reason not to use steroids. Denying the use of [...]

    Pingback by Red Sox Used a Steroid Doctor? Now That Makes Sense. | NationalSportsReview.com on May 11, 2009

  15. Cheers!! Still a typical beneficial piece of content, truly why My spouse and I come to your blog generally…

    Comment by NOEL on February 27, 2010

Comment On This Article