Steve McNair-Sahel Kazemi, Their Lives and Deaths - and What They Mean to Us

By: dwil

Steve McNair was murdered by Sahel Kazemi while sleeping. Kazemi shot McNair in the head, twice in the chest, and again in the head; while he slept. Then Kazemi, 20, sat down next to the corpse of her just dead lover, and killed put a bullet through her own head.

Apparently Kazemi was contemplating ending her life and mentioned this to friends just a few days before the murder-suicide:

Kazemi was showing signs of falling apart, police learned from her friends and co-workers.

On Thursday, several hours after her DUI arrest, she was in the parking lot in the middle of her shift at Dave & Buster’s buying a gun. She got it for $100 from a man she tried to sell her Kia to unsuccessfully. She still had payments on the Kia but didn’t need the car because McNair had helped her buy a Cadillac Escalade, registered in both their names.

Kazemi told friends it was a birthday gift, but police said they believe she was making the payments.

It was in the Escalade that police stopped Kazemi in the early hours of July 2. McNair and another person police have not identified were in the car too. Kazemi told police she had smoked from a hookah (water pipe) earlier in the night and had a buzz, but that she wasn’t drunk.

Still, the officer noted a strong odor of alcohol on her breath. She was taken to jail, while McNair and his friend were allowed to take a cab home. McNair later bailed Kazemi out of jail.

Police said they don’t know what Kazemi’s state of mind was when she purchased the gun. She spent so long in the parking lot, the restaurant’s managers told her to clock out for the night.

An ad was posted July 2 on Craigslist, where Kazemi was trying to sell her living room and kitchen furniture. She told family she was preparing to move in with McNair, but the ad was posted about the same time police believe she was purchasing the gun.

Kazemi, who was known as Jenny to friends, left work early again on Friday night. She told someone that night that her life was a ball of (expletive), and “I should just end it.”

And ironically, McNair was working with the Maryland state government on a commercial warning of the dangers of ——– suicide.

———————————

Steve McNair met Sahel Kazemi at the place of her employment, a Dave & Buster’s restaurant and entertainment center. Dave & Buster’s was a place of business frequented by McNair, his wife Mechelle, and their four boys, Junior, Steven, Tyler and Trenton. Though the happenstance of their meeting remains unknown, presumably, McNair first saw Kazemi one of the many nights he was eating at the restaurant with his family.

It is said that Mechelle McNair had no idea he husband was involved in an affair with another woman, let alone Kazemi.

This, despite the fact that McNair owned a condominium separate from the home in which she lived with McNair and their sons:

“She’s blindsided by this,” one source said of Mechelle McNair, who was holed up in her family’s home just 6 miles from the condo her husband used to bed his mistress. “She’s crushed. Her whole world is shattered.”

This, despite the fact that photos of McNair and Kazemi parasailing during a tropical vacation can be found on the Internet simply through a Google Image search.

This, despite the knowledge that a source who has family close to McNair’s place of birth in Mt. Olive told me the following:

“Steve has a long history of having so called women on the side. Even one of my wife’s high school classmates was with Steve for over 8 years (she was with Steve even when he was dating and married to his wife), only breaking up with him the day before she got married.

Supposedly Steve’s wife knew about her as well as the other women that he was with. His relationships with other these women was pretty much out in the open.. I have seen him a few times in Hattiesburg out at restaurants with a few women….

I try to give people the benefit of the doubt also. At the same time I try not to judge folks personal life. As far as I know Mcnair and his wife had an open relationship.

I know that many rich folks have unique relationships. Who am I to judge?

Perfect example, my cousin was engaged to a former NFL player. They had been together ever since college. I remember her telling me that she didn’t care what he did, as long as he financially took care of her and didn’t have his groupies around her.

Her view was she was going to get a star athlete no matter what, so long as she was taken care of. The athlete’s view was that my cousin was pretty and going to be something (she was going to school to be a doctor) so he new he had a so called “diamond in the ruff”…

On the real I agree, Mechelle knew about Mcnair’s woman. And as I said D, Mcnair had a lot of women. Even my ex-college roommate worked with one of his side women. He would shoot her a G [$1000] a month and send her tickets for Titan home games.

But I have one thing to add…. From what I know Mcnair has always had long term relationships with women who were able to support themselves. The three women who I know were Mcnair’s side women were eduacted and had good paying jobs. So I guess this may be the first, with some one unable to support themselves.”

In this light, it makes sense for Mechelle McNair to disavow knowledge of her husband’s affairs on many levels.

If she admitted she knew she would, in some circles, be viewed as a “gold digger,” a woman staying with her famous, wealthy husband for the money and the easy lifestyle (the two were married in 1997). Certainly some members of Both her family and McNair’s would view her in a negative light and likely give the press negative statements about her. Depending on the type of insurance the pair have, an admission of knowledge of his affairs might have a negative effect on monies Mechelle McNair stands to garner from her husband’s murder. Finally, it is not, at present, known if the couple entered into a pre-nuptial agreement prior to their marriage. If so, admitting knowledge of her husband’s affairs could even affect the ownership of her portion of her murdered husband’s estate.

Mechelle McNair is best known in football circles as the woman who understood her NFL quarterback husband’s health issues better than any other living human being because by 2003 she had become a registered nurse:

Steve and Mechelle also have different sleeping habits. Most nights, Mechelle says, she sleeps alone upstairs in the couple’s bed, while Steve sits on the couch downstairs, drifting in and out of slumber while watching Gunsmoke, Matlock, In the Heat of the Night or Walker, Texas Ranger….

Mechelle’s opinions aren’t born solely of spousal concern; she recently became a registered nurse, a vocation that, for her husband, is exceedingly convenient. (Among other things she has wrapped his fingers in splints and applied ice to his feet.) “Sometimes Steve will be downstairs at 3 a.m. and will call me—his cellphone to the phone next to the bed—to ask me to bring him something,” Mechelle said after Sunday’s game. “At times he’ll even ask our son [Tyler, 5] to get him a glass of water. I swear, I have two children.”

As Steve and Tyler, roaming the locker room in matching olive suits, began to walk her way, Mechelle turned serious. She recounted the severe infection her husband contracted in his throwing shoulder early in 2001, one that required emergency surgery, a 15-gallon saline flush and twice-daily IV antibiotic treatments that lasted for two weeks. “One night I remember him crying and asking me for help, begging for more pain pills when I’d already given him the maximum amount,” Mechelle said. “I was panicking, fearing the worst; his football career wasn’t even a consideration.”

There is a sad irony here. Due to the number of injuries he incurred, Mechelle McNair was used to seeing her husband, Steve McNair, asleep on the couch because sleeping in their bed often caused him too much discomfort.

And when Sahel Kazemi entered the condominium owned by Steve McNair, killing him was made easier when she found him sitting on his couch, asleep.

——————————————–

Police investigators into the McNair-Kazemi murder-suicide have related to the public that Kazemi’s roomate was about to move out of the apartment they shared, that she was making payments on her Kia and the Cadillac Escalade McNair made a down payment on for her, that when Kazemi, McNair, and an unidentified friend of McNair’s were pulled over on last Thursday night, McNair was said to be less than pleased with Kazemi and left the scene angry.

The investigators say that Kazemi suspected that McNair was having an affair with yet another woman. Kazemi saw the unidentified woman enter McNair’s condominium, waited for the woman to leave, and then followed her to her home. They also say that Kazemi purchased the 9 mm semi-automatic weapon she used to commit the murder-suicide in the parking lot of the Dave & Buster’s where she worked. It is said that she sat in the Escalade for so long that the manager working on July 2 had to tell her to leave her place of work and go home.

There is a Craigslist listing for the sale of all her apartment furniture, complete with photos (shown, left). The ad read:

“NICE FURNITURE. TV, COUCH, COFFE TABLE AND MORE - $1 (hermitage).

All-in-all, the picture painted of Sahel Kazemi in the the days before the crime is one of a 20-year old woman whose life was coming undone faster than she could have ever imagined. Though family members say she was selling the items in the apartment in which she lived solely because she was moving, it is easy to also surmise that she had already made up her mind that she was going to shoot and kill Steve McNair and then turn the semiautomatic weapon on herself and end her own life.

Usually the money made from selling items like a flat-screen television, couch, dining room set and coffee table would go toward a new living space.Especially for a 20-year old waitres working at Dave & Buster’s.

No, selling these items for $1 says Kazemi felt she no longer had a need for money.

And how did Steve McNair fail to perceive the young woman’s quickly-growing volatility? Both parties knew time was up on the relationship and with more to lose, McNair should have seen the change in behavior in his soon-to-be -apparently - ex-mistress. However, McNair was too busy with a new woman - or at least another woman who would have slid into the slot once filled by Kazemi.

Perceived power and hubris will blind a person right at the wrong time. Just ask John F. Kennedy. Despite warnings of threats of there being elements in place in Dallas, Texas ready to physically harm him, Kennedy - also a well-known philanderer - journeyed into a hornet’s nest anyway…. and was so full of himself he even took his wife into the nest with him. Just ask all the legislators who have recently put themselves in compromising positions. Just ask William Jefferson Clinton.

In some corners it is being said that Steve McNair is doing what a man will do. Looking at the array of tabloid and national news outlet affairs spilled across our collective consciousness, on the surface this view seems to have some merit. Yet when lines are read between the problem is much deeper. That a writer, a columnist with a national audience, can extoll the virtues of what he terms “June-December romances” is a sign that there is something deeper afoot than just Steve McNair’s extramarital relationships.

Then, that columnist’s editors allowed the following passage to be let loose on the public:

As for the life-experience, station-in-life disparity between a retired millionaire quarterback and a Dave & Buster’s waitress, well, let he who has never Captained cast the first hoe.

As in all matters dealing with the sexual foibles of Black men, a certain want to niggerfy Black men arises from the psyches of bell hooks’ White, male-dominated, Western society. Simultaneously, there is a want to portray modern Black men as unevolved. Black men are forever to be perceived as wild-eyed Mandingos - animals who will succumb to the basal, reptilian mind eros of the swinging dick in the beat of a heart - especially when presented with hordes of nubile non-Black females. In the eyes of the self-described “majority,” the Black man cannot help but to revert back to his feral, African veldt or native jungle self when confronted with a non-Black female, the shadows of night, and a werewof’s full moon.

McNair’s former teammate, Eddie George, known as a “stud” also perpetuates this negative portrayal:

I’m pretty sure if he were here today he’d say, ‘You know what I’m sorry. Things happen. I’m a man.’ (bold mine)

“Things happen. I’m a man.” George is telling a captive, White audience - sadly, for George - that Mandingo is ruled by his sex organ and Mandingo cannot help himself when it comes to matters of sex.

And today these Western-cultured White people ensure that they have a house slave in tow who will niggerfy him or herself as well as his “Black Man” subject matter in the stead of the Whites who fill similar positions as the house slave and in the stead of the Whites (and negroes who would love to be fair-skinned) who would employ them.

The result is the continued perpetuation of time-honored racial stereotypes on one side of the aisle and much consternation on the other side of the aisle. Well-meaning Black people invariably enter into conversations with each other where the primary topics are, why do we do this to ourselves and how can we change so this never happens again.

The proverbial, We, have so succumbed to the ever-shifting rules of assimiliation, or that which we can never be, that we take the White man’s hands and wring in worry them for him. We treat ourselves as the monolithic societal segment we have been told we are. And invariably we will look to the leaders of our monolith as they are prescribed for us by the self-described majority.

And though house negro house slave columnists like this one was careful to write inclusively of all men, the fact that he personalized Steve McNair’s choice of Sahel Kazemi as an extramarital partner and wrote wistfully of his own preferences, he acted to speak for all of ———– us.

When, in fact, he spoke for no one, not even himself.

And what of the White members of sports news outlets and sports sections of newspapers (those that still have circulation runs)? They are freed to obscure their anger for falling for yet another Black athlete who gave all the appearances of an evolved creature, but was just another crazed Mandingo cloaked in fine cotton or silk clothing. Rather than say what was said for them by the house negro they move their anger to an institution they control - the NFL Hall of Fame.

And to a person they all say Steve McNair is nowhere near Hall of Fame “material.” Then, to substantiate their racist speak, they uniformly point to McNair’s passing yard total - 31,304 - as if it is the golden rod of truth that McNair’s accomplishments as a quarterback fall woefully short of Hall of Fame worthiness. Never mind that only Steve Young and Fran Tarkenton are the only other NFL quarterbacks to amass at least 30,000 passing yards while rushing for over 3,500 yards.

Context, or in this case, a lack thereof, is everything.

The White men who lord over the NFL Hall will now never give Steve McNair is earned due.

My goodness, what will we do?

Steve McNair, one of our precious shining lights, has failed us. We must be ever-vigilant with each other just as White men ask us to be ever-vigilant in the face of that ephemeral and ever-evolving thing called terrorism, so that we can sound the alarm for White culture - just like we did after we - mostly - defended Michael Vick and, “burned” by Vick, we - Black columnists -sounded the “thug alarm” far ahead of all things White when Washington Redskins safety Sean Taylor was tragically murdered. It was WE who painted Taylor as a corner-standing, convict in waiting. It was WE who assailed Taylor as he lied dying from possessing a machete. And it was WE who told White people not to be surprised if his murder was some sort of retaliatory act for some nefarious act performed by Taylor himself or one or more of Taylor’s thug friends.

And by god WE never even apologized to each other when it turned out all OUR assumptions about Taylor were wrong.

But still, forget Taylor, he was an aberration. So what if somehow he was an alleged “good guy.”

The question remains: how can we conduct ourselves in a manner that will be appreciated by White culture so that when our time comes, we can be safely embraced by its, burdened by us, arms?

—————————————————

In the end, the Steve McNair-Sahel Kazemi murder-suicide is a cautionary tale for our society.

Though Sahel Kazemi is originally from the Middle East, Western culture’s tentaclesreach to all corners of today’s Earth. Sahel Kazemi is as much the victim of a culture that for women’s relationships with men, is often more formed as girls by animated Disney movies like Cinderella than it is in the home.

When Cinderella famously leaves the party at the castle fearing her gilded coach is about to turn into a pumpkin, what is not so well known about that scene is that she is ridden down a path that is foggy and littered on the sides with gravestone crosses. Interwoven in a little girls’ tale are stark and hideous images of mortality and a much more heinous message that for a woman the path “home” from being with the man of her dreams is filled with the figurative graves of women past.

Young girls are, through a vast roiling sea of female commercial images, hyper-sexualized almost from birth. Female language today, a descendant of the once-seen as hideous “Valley Girl” speak is today part and parcel of girls’ and women’s beings. The stripper pole that was once only seen in dank spaces that smelled of alcohol and sweat is now happily used as an exercise tool. It is vogue today to give birth and receive a “tummy tuck” all in the same procedure. And plastic surgery - “body augmentation” - is so normal that a television show detailing the lives of plastic surgeons and their patients is grossly popular with college-aged women.

Those are the images that can dominate and fill the minds of young girls today. And Sahel Kazemi, originally from a world that more dreamed of Western culture than lived it, came here to America and was subsumed by the West’s society’s cultural depravity.

With an at least 50% divorce rate and many more single parent homes of unmarried couples, there are not enough parents left in America to adequately supervise a child’s upbringing at home. Children are left to fight for personal understanding in a failed public school system that is just the next step from a failed pre-school system with teachers and educators who, if they chose to care about the children they teach, cannot, because the cash-strapped system leaves them with babysitter duties more than it does educator and mentor.

Steve McNair’s sons are left without a father, without their mentor and personal hero.

The NFL left McNair’s 36-year old body broken to the point where it would no longer heal and left him facing the average lifespan for an NFL player of 56. In no more than 10 years McNair would physically no longer be able to play with his sons. He would show absolutely no sign of having ever been a professional football player, save for the show of the severity of his injuries.

McNair’s personal legacy to his sons will be formed away from home as much as it will be in the home. His sons will forever be forced to face whispers of his father’s infidelities. And as we see often with children who have a parent or parents who act in a dysfunctional manner, the children repeat the mistakes of the parents. McNair’s sons must face the truth of their father as soon as possible. It is the only way to make him human in their minds rather than the negative archetypal hero-villain in one body. By beginning the process of humanizing their father now, by internalizing his outstanding qualities alongside his personal shortcomings, the boys can grow to become more human themselves. And through measured views of their father’s ability to reach great heights and his equal ability to fall prey to his dark side, the boys might emerge as young men who are perhaps better integrated, psychologically, than most Americans.

Make no mistake, the Steve McNair-Sahel Kazemi murder-suicide has all the elements of the most-watched “60 Minutes” segments, or “Primetime Live” specials, or cable television retrospectives ——————— or ESPN made-for-TV movies.

This tragic public event can also act as a wake-up call that reaches deep into every segment of our society and becomes a reminder for what we have become: a self-centered, neglectful, psychologically often intellectually primitive land of people who are quickly losing the will to individually or collectively strive for the greatest human heights - and are instead all-too willing feed the basest parts of our beings and use every propaganda device at our disposal to tell ourselves, each other, and the rest of the world that we are sane after all.

But if, rather than trivialize this event or attempt to brush it away in any way and we actively remember this event, we might just be able to find our way out of the forest that presently consumes us and is quickly making us a lost society of people.

Tags: 60 minutes, africa, alcohol, birth, children, clothing, craigslist, crime, crying, dallas, dating, death, depend, disney, divorce, dreams, exercise, final, football, friends, google, hall of fame, he man, heart, image, levis, locker room, marriage, maxim, michael vick, middle east, money, movies, murder, newspaper, ownership, plastic surgery, police, quarterback, quarterbacks, rules, sailing, sean taylor, shoulder, steve mcnair, surgery, sweat, television, terrorism, texas, trent, washington redskins

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8 Comments

1. This poor confused young woman is just another victim of the current fad making it fashionable to go after gangsta badboy types,she probably felt ashamed and humiliated by this ape who very likely could throw some footballs,eat fried chicken and run real fast but couldnt even spell his own name.He was probably beating her and cheating on her like the rest of his kind usually does.Hopefully women learn from this…..

   Comment by wendy on July 10, 2009

2. I dont condon cheating. This young lady knew what she was getting into when she met him. If he was cheating with her what made her think he wouldn’t cheat on her. She was a gold digger looking for a way up. She saw that she was getting old and that money was about to run out so she went CRAZY.

   Comment by Brilz Baby on July 10, 2009

3. This is a very well written piece - except for the part about her craigslist posting. She was not selling her furniture for one dollar. The $1 figure is for search purposes. When someone uses craigslist to search for something to buy, they are asked to specify a price range they are willing to pay. People selling things on craigslist often put $1, so that the thing they are selling shows up for anyone who doesn’t specify a minimum price when they do a search. Each of the items Kazemi was selling, if you look at the page more closely, had a price listed for them, for several hundred dollars.

   Comment by Cliff Bar on July 10, 2009

4. It is sad that as a society we lack an elemental sense of compassion for people who succumb to their passions and leave a legacy of deep hurt among their loved ones.

   The type of vituperative criticism posted here is a testament to the ‘reality TV’ culture that we’re steeped in, where morbidly glaring at other people’s misfortune is taken as a right to denigrate and smugly affirm that they got what they deserve.

   When people return to wishing a stranger, kindness, maybe we will can make our communities become places that come closer during scandal and tragedy, rather than becoming anonymous jackals.

   Our thoughts and prayers should go to the families of Steve and Sahel for they have been left with a heavy burden. No one plans their life to end this way.

   Comment by David on July 10, 2009

5. Although I do not agree or condone what Steve McNair did, I think it is very presumptious of Wendy to call the man a chicken eating ape who beat his woman. This statement is offensive and very racist in nature. All black men are not brutes who are serial womanizers and neither is this ilk solely held by black men. We need only look at many of the high profiled men who think that they are God’s gift to women. The whole mess is sad and unfortunate. A lot of these athelete play around but there are just as many woman looking for men like this to get involved with. Obviously Mr. McNair was being led by his penis to his own destruction. I don’t know what kind of marriage he had but I have to agree the wife had to know something was going on. In a normal marriage there is accountability which it doesn’t seem Mr. McNair had. All in all this is sad for the his family and hers. But Wendy you need to grow up and look at both sides of the story and stop believing all the myths your racist parents taught you.

   Comment by Rick on July 10, 2009

6. For those of us who believe that remaining platonic friends with ex’s can be wonderful when both sides are able to do it, this one was tough to take. If McNair was in love with Sahel Kazemi, he wasn’t showing it. All indications are she was more of a convenient playmate than anything else, and McNair was growing weary and pretty much done with her. She was working as a waitress trying to make payments on two vehicles, including the Escalade McNair ‘gave’ her for her 20th birthday. He was a rich and famous NFL star with a wife and four kids.

   1) He stood her up in Vegas. Were they not to be seen together at an airport gate, waiting for their flight? Too big of a chance for someoone to snap a picture on their cell and start emailing it around? Did he tell her ’separate flights…I’ll meet you at the hotel’ and then not go? Rather rude. Did she pay for her own ticket out there and back? Ouch, even worse. We know she was willing to pay for things herself, and not just be kept by a sugar daddy.

   2) We had a known chronic barhopper dating a girl too young to get into bars. Kinda makes quality time on the weekend a little challenged. At one point, McNair was sitting in the Escalade he co-owned with Kazemi, parked in front of the Loser’s Club when promoter/fundraiser Brent Young said he would go over to the Blue Lagoon Bar. Instead of saying “No thanks, I’ll pass this time” he dumps underage Kazemi and accepts the better offer. He should have taken her for a Sonic burger and a malted, even if she dressed in coochie cutters and high heels like a hoochie momma. Another mistake.

   3) Kazemi sees another young woman leaving McNair’s apartment and follows her but doesn’t confront her. Reports are slowly surfacing, but we may never know who the mystery woman was. It wouldn’t be the only time Kazemi is in a position to follow her. Was she stalking McNair’s condo? Becoming obsessed? Did she EVER confront him by asking who the hell she was? If not, why not? Did he die not knowing she was onto his game? If not, she should have told him. And left him. Her mistake.

   4) Sadly, a Kazemi DUI video shows her in the backseat, being told by the arresting officer that McNair wouldn’t even walk back to the squad car when she only wanted to ask if he’d come bail her out. If the officer was right and McNair was drunk, that would have meant paying big bucks for a taxi to drive him around town, or waking up a sober friend in the wee hours to haul him around for her. The officer told Kazemi that McNair “wasn’t happy,” though McNair sounded friendly, asking the officer repeatedly “Do you remember me?” like they were old high school buddies. (The same officer had busted McNair before, but he got it thrown out due to lack of probable cause). It appeared that McNair didn’t even want to be seen by the officer’s dashboard camera. He had already been shown blowing into a breathalizer tube and that can’t be flattering to the image. Now, he’s to be seen with her as little as possible, and only by strangers either at her apartment complex, or what was supposedly his condo. He tells her by phone, “Don’t tell him (the officer) anything about me” before Sahel tells him, “I know Babe, you’re on the speakerphone.”

   The officer already knew all about him. He can be heard telling another officer, “Guess who she’s with?” then an immediate “Yep” as if the other officer guessed quickly and correctly on the first try. Were they already a known couple amongst police circles, or was the McNair just the first person who comes to mind when police try to guess which famous person might be in the passenger seat during a Music City U.S.A. DUI stop involving a pretty young lady? How would a police officer who hadn’t even arrived on the scene yet, be able to guess on the first try that a woman he had never heard of was with Steve McNair of all people? Why didn’t he guess Garth Brooks?

   The man you most clearly see getting out of the Escalade is the chef, not McNair. At the point where Kazemi learns that McNair had already left in a taxi, she says “oh s***” and leans back in the squad car. IF she was ticked, she certainly didn’t show her anger, unless it was edited out of the video. Or maybe she was too ‘high’ to be very mad just yet. The fuming may have started when she woke up the next day, right before she bought the gun.

   We keep hearing that McNair bailed her out of jail, but such reports may just be to support the ‘Community Service and Charity Foundation Family Man’ image that sports agents and tax-preparing accountants insist their star clients partake in. It makes sense that local community public relations slack was also cut when McNair’s previous DUI charges were conveniently dismissed. (Special treatment the rest of us don’t get). Even the portion of the DUI video where the officer states to his backup via radio that McNair is totally plastered ‘but she’s not’ has been conveniently removed from the Internet. We aren’t suppose to know that Air McNair was a drunk, while the rest of us can’t get out from under a parking ticket. It’s a repeated pattern of some people being above the law. And why would the officer even say that when his report would later state that she smelled like alcohol and her eyes were bloodshot? Because it could be used by a defense attorney to show that the officer had no reason to even conduct a field sobriety test - probable cause again, the DUI defense attorney’s trump card. When she failed the test, he had to change his initial opinion of her condition.

   Regardless, a bailout from jail was something surely the best of friends would do for each other, right? That’s if you’re sober enough to drive down to the station and put up the cash. Can you imagine a young damsel in distress being stranded on the railroad tracks all night and into the next day after being told by cell phone ’sure, I’m come get you.’ Maybe he stood her up again and people are covering for him…..that whole community image and legacy thing. If he really did come and bail her out, it must have been only a fraction of the bail. It’s common knowledge that a bail bondsman was involved who refused to tell reporters if McNair had paid for it or not. Did he just put down 10% and float the rest? The city doesn’t care who puts up the cash. If you can afford a new Escalade, a three million dollar McMansion, a second residence, and trips for two all over Timbuktwo, can you not handle an entire first-offender DUI bail yourself? Did they not take Discover?

   So what’s the bottom line? I think McNair just wanted to have a little fun from the beginning. He was for all intents and purposes a bachelor with access to a Spartan love nest condo on the side, who didn’t want a divorce, for whatever reason.

   Every guy who has been effectively single for any length of time and subjected to dining out alone on a regular basis appreciates a friendly, attentive, attractive food server. You might start asking for her by name each time you go in, which McNair did. And if you’re rich and want to leave an impression, you tip extra. You find out what days she has off, not to ask her out necessarily, but just to know she’ll be there. We know they were more than just platonic, not just because friends say so or because we have parasailing pictures, but because from the back of the squad car, she referred to him as her “boyfriend.”

   And yes, it’s possible to travel, and even spend the night without having sex, if that’s what a guy wants - a platonic female friend without the strings women attach after they’ve given it up. It would be rare for a red-blooded heterosexual male to pay for trips without sex being part of the relationship, seeings how chivalry, romance, courting, and self-control is so old-fashioned. McNair wasn’t rare when it came to women. He was like many. It was about the lust. The conquest. The youth. The fun. The all too common attraction of anything younger and ‘different’ when you’ve experienced the familiarity and routine of marriage for years. In this case as with many, the mistress routine only took a few months to set in. Kazemi was old news for him, not an opportunity for committment. She was known for not wanting to be alone, and proved even as a teenager she could stick with one guy for a few years, even if they didn’t always get along. McNair lived for the moment. She made plans. It’s a potentially combustible combination. It was more than he bargained for with her whole supposed settling-down thing.

   With four sons, he forgot what it was like to be around the most immature of adolescent teenage girls who wouldn’t even finish high school and probably couldn’t tell you why they moved to Nashville to begin with. Maybe if he had just cut her off cold turkey and demanded she return her key to the condo, he might still be alive. As someone who has dated women indefinitely with no serious intent to marry them, I can tell you that his mistake was not telling his teenage mistress up front that he was only in it to have fun, and for her not to plan on marriage or even living together…that ‘it ain’t gonna happen.’ This is especially necessary when you have some money in the bank, as women who plan the future have ‘provider’ in the back of their minds when they daydream.

   If confronted by McNair earlier with a healthy and effective dose of reality, Kazemi probably would not have been so hurt later, but then he may not have gotten any tail either. At least not from her. He should have not only accepted that it could cost him a good time to be upfront, but welcomed it in the spirit of communication and harmony, not to mention consideration of another human being. Do we know that he didn’t have that conversation? No, but if he did, it wasn’t strong enough. Another mistake.

   All McNair had to do was go back to the bars, stand up and say “Next!” since clubbing party girls were on his menu. At least he’d still be here. What he wanted is called ‘friends with benefits’ or ‘bed buddies.’

   We can see the writing on the wall. He was the father of four boys. She was a nothing-else-to-do-but-party girl. Having only had the one volatile and rogue boyfriend of less than four years, she either didn’t think to ask such things as ‘have you actually filed for divorce?’ or she didn’t care. Another mistake. She was or became unstable and he never dreamed she’d go off the deep end.

   Even with all these signs of diminished interest, (obvious to any rational person with one eyeball and a brain), she was too immature to figure out that married men can lie all day about leaving their spouses in order to keep the newer, younger, bootie warm. And most of her circle of likewise young, single friends weren’t any more astute or advisory than she was. Her nephew and ex tried to tell her to lay off the married men, but she was having too much fun to listen. The ‘he’s going to leave his wife for me’ claim was either a convenient excuse to keep doing what she was doing, or she was in denial.

   Ladies, if the papers aren’t filed, don’t believe it. Some wealthy men will stay legally married, sexless, and miserable just because they don’t want a divorce settlement. Or they’re famous and want to maintain their reputation as a devoted family man, not a bar-hopping philanderer. Or they stay together for the kids. Or whatever reason, take your pick. Facts are, she didn’t know to ask to see the papers, or snoop at the courthouse and check, or say ‘call me when it’s final,’ or otherwise protect herself from emotional turmoil since she was too inexperienced to keep her emotions in check on her own. I don’t think she really cared if he got divorced, as long as he was ‘with’ her.

   Other people would have known to expect a secretive, undercover, humiliating, demeaning, demoralizing, 9th priority, third fiddle, back door, back burner, back seat, part-time relationship when dealing with someone who years ago touted “til death do we part” and hadn’t changed their minds yet. We don’t know how much time McNair spent at his McMansion, but normally, the wife comes first, the kids come first, the house comes first, the dog comes first. The other, other woman might even come first. He was fishing with his sons on the last day he lived. If she had been older, she would have known everything else comes first. She was naive. He wasn’t. He knew exactly what he was doing and what he wanted.

   At least she had Mr. Keith in her back pocket when it was time to pick up the Escalade after no one else was sober enough to do it or call someone who could. It wasn’t important enough. That’s right, Mr. World Traveler, the supposed best friend, just left the scene without a word. We’re talking about the best friend who always seemed to find someone else to get behind the wheel and chauffeur them around when he was drunk, thereby allowing someone else to assume the risk of being pulled over.

   McNair was used to being the target of media scrutiny. There was already a video of him blowing into a tube from a previous DUI, and he could see the tabloid-like headlines now - “Breathalizers And Field Sobriety Tests Of The Rich And Famous, Caught On Video, Exclusively on Foxhound News At Eleven.” Bad for the image, and the commercial endorsement pocketbook.

   As for the actual deed itself, I’m not convinced he was asleep when she shot him. Excuse me for not watching fictional shows like ER and CSI, but how are they so sure the first shot was to the head? Was it just because there were no ‘defensive wounds?’ Do they expect that a wide awake, tough, physcial, co-MVP QB is going to pretend that his hands can stop a bullet like Superman’s chest? There’s no defense if you’re sitting on a couch and somone pulls a gun out of their purse while standing over you. If he was awake, and if the first shot was going to be to the chest, he might have looked at her first and said “What the hell are you doing?” And as someone pointed out, how many people sleep in an upright position after 2 am? He wasn’t dozing off in a Lazy Boy watching the game on a Saturday afternoon. It was late at night and after barhopping, most people would have crashed in their bed. So why didn’t he go to bed? Cause it would mean sleeping with her and he had already shown that he was ready to cut loose the relationship if she would only get the hint and go away. Like so many men, he didn’t like ending it cold turkey. He had kicked into distant mode while saving it for the other, other woman. He was also tired of her immaturity and extra-marital affair carelessness, and didn’t care if he dissed her or not. He was willing to risk being seen by people in their respective housing complexes who are generally minding their own business, or on a trip where people didn’t know him, but that was it.
   She was behaving in a way that would blow their cover, and didn’t realize why she wasn’t suppose to do that. Steve didn’t care enough about her to be with only her. If he really told her she could move in with him when he had no intentions of doing so, HUGE mistake. Paid for. And if he didn’t tell her that, then the woman was delusional.

   Either way, the novelty had worn off. How ironic, since most 20 year olds are the ones who want to play the field while they’re young, while the 30+ crowd is more likely to be looking for stability in a relationship if they don’t have it. She had already been with the same tumultuous guy for four years - on and off. It was time to expand the horizons.

   I’ll always be most curious about how much they talked, if any, and what they talked about before he ‘fell asleep.’ Perhaps she confronted him about the other, other ‘babe,’ if she hadn’t already, and he confessed. Then she had the gun to carry out her role of judge, jury, and executioner. Was it the ole “If I can’t have you, no one can” routine, or did he say something that really set her off, and it was the last straw. I think she was suicidal anyway, and it was a revenge killing. In her mind, it would be totally unfair for her to give up her own life over him, while he gets to go on with business as usual. The world never would have heard about her. Michael Jackson’s death had recently become a media spectacle, and her family said she always wanted to be famous. Mission accomplished.

   In a way, I feel sorry for Sahel Kazemi for some reason, when I normally wouldn’t have much sympathy for someone doing what she did. What a tragedy. May God have mercy on her soul, even if she was misguided enough to wear high heels and dresses barely long enough to cover her butt while out riding around with her home boys who had on shorts, T-shirts, and sneakers. If her dress barely covered her butt during a sobriety test, imagine the view McNair got as she sat in the front seat of the Escalade. Must have been nice. What guy wouldn’t like having that around? Only the type that doesn’t like being teased outside bedroom doors.

   I’ve been as dumb as she was at times, in other ways, but older and wiser now. And I’ve been despondent and devastated enough over love to reach out to any friendly looking woman who would listen.

   Crazy as many will say Sahel Kazemi was, the pain she had was real. She had to have been desperate to have had the following conversation. (I’ll never be this way because I’ll never let a woman have that much emotional control over my life. Immune now, I’ve lived and learned the rules of the game, which for some people, don’t exist. You have to either accept people the way they are, try to work it out, or end it amicably when the other person’s ‘ways’ are no longer acceptable. She didn’t know how to constructively do that.)

   As reported by wsmv.com,

   About two weeks before police say Kazemi killed McNair and herself, she poured out her troubles in a chance meeting with Vera Mosley Buckner, a customer at the Dave and Buster’s restaurant where Kazemi worked. The young waitress asked Buckner, a stranger, if she could talk to her.

   “She sat down in the booth in front of me and the first thing she said was, ‘Have you ever been in love?’” said Buckner, of Decatur, Ala.

   Kazemi then opened her heart.

   “She said, ‘I date Steve McNair.’ … And she said, ‘We’ve been dating for eight months and we’ve been on all kinds of vacations, but lately he acts like he doesn’t want to spend time with me and I don’t know what to do.”

   By sometime in the early morning hours of July 4th, she had made up her mind.

   http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/crime/2009/07/09/hoff.al.mcnair.girlfriend.waay

   Comment by Swoop on July 12, 2009

7. I think women without a lot of money who truly wants real love and finds a man who has money and loves her, can fall for the guy more easily due to his wealth, and also have it be much more difficult to break up with him as well because of his wealth. Not everyone puts that much emphasis on bucks, but some can’t deal with both lost love and lost financial security at the same time. I’ve seen both women and men hesitate to end because they’ll kissing the money goodbye, not just the person. It’s not that they wanted the person JUST for money, but it was an added bonus that they won’t be getting now with most other people.

   Comment by Swoop on July 12, 2009

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