No More Tiger Woods Blah Blah Blah…

By: dwil

(Now that the weekend has passed and everyone has been able to discuss, pontificate, and discuss some more, it is time to end the Tiger Woods coverage. Yes, we have reached the point where it is “that” time…)

Tiger Woods’ statement:

I am deeply aware of the disappointment and hurt that my infidelity has caused to so many people, most of all my wife and children. I want to say again to everyone that I am profoundly sorry and that I ask forgiveness. It may not be possible to repair the damage I’ve done, but I want to do my best to try.

I would like to ask everyone, including my fans, the good people at my foundation, business partners, the PGA Tour, and my fellow competitors, for their understanding. What’s most important now is that my family has the time, privacy, and safe haven we will need for personal healing.

After much soul searching, I have decided to take an indefinite break from professional golf. I need to focus my attention on being a better husband, father, and person.

Again, I ask for privacy for my family and I am especially grateful for all those who have offered compassion and concern during this difficult period.

Now, if any of the women are allowed to come forward to say another word, we will know with certainty that they are nothing more than self-serving, gold digging publicity-seeking, attention-wanting…  garden tools.

If any network places them in front of a camera to air anything they have to say, that network has no worth to any American citizen. If any newspaper prints another word about the women, we can remove “news” from their description. If any rumor mill rag, from the National Enquirer to People, to Us Weekly, to TMZ prints or airs one more word from any of the women in question, or writes another word seeking to continue stories of affairs relative to Woods, you will show just how little humanity you possess.

The most recent Woods-related news, courtesy the New York Times, needs to be kept in its proper context. Canadian doctor, Anthony Galea, was busted at the Canada-U.S. border with HGH and Actovegin (a drug extracted from calf’s blood). Actovegin is:

The calf blood used as raw material for Actovegin is derived from calves born, raised and slaughtered in Australia (a nation which has been declared free of bovine spongiform encephalopathy, or “mad cow disease.”) The blood is processed and filtered in such a way as to produce a drug that can affect the way cells utilize glucose (a sugar that is the primary ‘fuel’ for cells).

Actovegin serves as a circulatory stimulant, and functions as an antihypoxant by enhancing cellular oxygen transport, helping to convey more oxygen to cells which need this vital element. Since the utilization of oxygen is essential to the proper functioning of the brain, one of Actovegin’s major uses is in the treatment of cranio-cerebral traumas and arterial diseases. Actovegin is available as a gel and as a cream (both for topical use on the outside of the body), and also as a liquid solution to be injected.

Galea insists that he treated Woods’ knee but never provided Woods with either drug. That’s it. And unless someone has some concrete knowledge of anything involving quote, performance-enhancing drugs, and Woods using them, this should be the end of story as it relates to Woods. Anything more is pure self-serving conjecture. Anything more will be put out into the public domain to play with the minds of a star-obsessed society, and create a Pavlovian response to a stimulus – and the stimulus is the name, “Tiger Woods.”

We need to be discussing why a physician would ingest HGH for the last 10 years and seriously discuss why  drugs that are apparently inextricably tied to a human being’s overall well-being are being kept from the general public. We need to be holding our government’s feet to the fire and asking the legitimate – albeit the question that might force us to adjust our entire perspective of our world – question: Does our government  (including the corporations our legislators are so tied to) really have the citizens of the United States best interest in mind, or is there another agenda – more nefarious – that is at hand?

And if the answer is somehow “no,” there is a laundry list of offshoot question that need answering relative to that crux query. That should be out concern relative to Anthony Galea and not Tiger Woods (And no Tiger Woods did not suffer the largest drop in popularity in the history of the Gallup Poll; they conveniently forgot that George W. Bush’s job approval rating, which for a President is the popularity rating equivalent for his job description, was 86% from 9/21-25 2001 and fell to 22% 10/23-26 2008 ).

If any alleged sports website, from ESPN.com to Deadspin writes another word in an attempt to further the rumors of Woods trysts with other women, you will prove once and for all that you are nothing more than ticks in human form. More than that, you will tell your audiences that you are callous and childish, and in need of an ass-kicking worthy of a hospital stay. Yet another tedious Tiger Woods story now will prove that sports mean little or nothing to you; that website hits and impressions are your only concern. It will say conclusively that you lack humanity and are, in may cases, racist. It will prove, finally, that you do not at all belong in or around the world of sports.

Additionally, make anyone you think is Tiger Woods’ friend’s name taste like merde in your mouth. No, Bill Simmons, if you actually believe blaming Michael Jordan for Tiger Woods’ plundering of low-wage strumpet and gorging himself with half-baked muffin is the answer, you know it was a very, very stupid question.

It is the one time your gutless managing editor would have been in the right to pull your column and force you to substantiate your hideously-short-sighted and subconsciously knee-jerk racist comments about two people who probably talk about as much as you and I (where was your 72,000-word column blaming Roger Clemens for Andy Pettitte sneaking into his daddy’s medicine cabinet and stealing his HGH?… comprende cuate?).

We do not need Vince Doria-instituted way back for OJ Simpson endless looping of the “how did we get to Tiger’s latest statement” recap of events from the beginning, replete with the first early morning video of the accident scene shot by some local news station ticks and a Rick Reilly commentary about how he approves of Woods taking leave of the PGA Tour….

Oh, the White Man’s Burden is such a Sisyphean endeavor.

To get the daily Black maleficence off your backs It must take chiropractic work three or four times a week complemented by trips to the hyperbaric chamber to repair the trauma to your bodies (I’m surprised you haven’t videotaped a commercial with you, the Rally Monkey, and “name your favorite White athlete here” sitting in a chamber prepping for the next SportsCenter) .

And yes, AJ Daulerio, it is your usual racist fare when you – allegedly – travel to Las Vegas and weave together a Grimm’s fairy tale about the alleged role various women played in Tiger Woods’ repeated trips to the female ghettos of the U.S. for a steady diet of “Drink,” instead of using the women to set him up with “Juice” to based on the word of “Raul” and “Pedro.”

But then again, I guess the Southwest Greyhound trip to the City of Blight so enthralled you, the tawdry Mexican – errr, Latinos – you spoke of saw you coming down the strip a mile away. As ridiculous as your story is, as much as you swallowed the verbal cum served to you straight no chaser so readily, I am wholly surprised Woods didn’t get you into a hotel room, only to lift up your only new skirt bought for you by Vegas’ finest transgender pimp and find the wrong mechanics under the bed.

Look, from here on out any more about Tiger Woods and his past affairs is overkill. It does nothing but show your penchant for indulging yourselves in narcissistic and adolescent behavior, and your willingness to be witting progenitors of the dumbing down of America.

Leave Tiger Woods, his wife, his children, and their extended families alone. Let them attempt to repair themselves and each other. Leave them alone to argue, to cry, to embrace, to converse, to be together in silence, and begin to heal.

Move on.

Now, back to your regular programming………

Tags: accident, andy pettitte, australia, bill simmons, blood, canada, children, deadspin, disease, drugs, final, google, image, las vegas, local news, medicine, michael jordan, new york, new york times, newspaper, oj simpson, president, rally, roger clemens, sportscenter, tiger, tiger woods, united states

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1 Comment

1. Oh, thank goodness for this article! What a relief to count on! I’m just getting tired of the tabloid media trying to destroy Tiger with all the negative stuff I’m reading despite that he’s taking a quiet, prolonged break for recovery. Give the man his peace of mind. Thank you!

   Comment by palmstring on December 15, 2009

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