Pro Wrestling Ponderings

During Memorial Day weekend, CHIKARA held one of their two anniversary events at the Arena in Philadelphia. “Anniversario Yang” was headlined by a “lucha de apuestas”, which translates to “mask versus hair” in Spanish. The last time CHIKARA fans saw a match of this sort was in 2007 between “Marvelous” Mitch Ryder and Lince Dorado. After Worker Ant was shockingly forced into retirement after Chuck Taylor and the rest of F.I.S.T. brutally assaulted him, it made sense for Leonard F. Chikarason to book a match of this high caliber between the Colony and F.I.S.T.

Upon hearing all of the feedback on how well this show went live, I knew that I would have to fork over twenty bucks to check it out for myself. With the main event being described as “one of the best CHIKARA matches ever”, I knew that I would be stupid to miss out on something that sounded this fun and spectacular. In addition, many of the undercard matches also intrigued me. How can you pass up on Glacier and D’Lo Brown versus the UnStable, an “atomico”, and Claudio Castagnoli versus Eddie Kingston? I know for sure that I can’t.

Brodie Lee and Grizzly Redwood beat El Hijo del Ice Cream and Ice Cream, Jr. via pinfall (logger pin) -  A fun opener that the Philadelphia crowd really got into. Sometimes I wonder how Brodie Lee and Grizzly Redwood manage to draw in so much heat. Eddie Kingston putting over his fellow Roughneck stablemates on commentary also added to the many comedy aspects of this match. In approximately nine minutes of back and forth action, Brodie threw Grizzly onto both Ice Creams and held him down on top of them with his foot for the pinfall. Lee and Redwood regain one point. Kudos to Mr. Kingston for a great version of “God’s Gonna Cut You Down” by Johnny Cash post-match. **.

Ophidian defeated Arik Cannon via pinfall (prawn hold) - Who would have expected a bout this great so early into the show? There were just way too many false finishes to name here. Cannon managed to survive the Death Grip on a couple of occassions. As Ophidian had it locked onto him one time, Cannon managed to use his strength to transition the submission into a sick brainbuster for a near-fall. Cannon then proceeded to rock Ophidian with Total Anarchy, but that only got him a two count, as well. Running out of options, Arik Cannon signaled for the Glimmering Warlock. When the referee’s back was turned, Amasis popped up out of nowhere and yanked on Cannon’s leg. This distracted Arik long enough for Ophidian to capitalize with a prawn hold for the three count in nearly eleven minutes. Good, good times. ***½.

UltraMantis Black, Crossbones, and Delirious beat Player Uno, Player Dos, and Create-A-Wrestler via pinfall (Praying Mantis Bomb) - Following being kidnapped last month, Delirious is now a member of the Order. He’s sporting silver and black gear now, so he fits in with the appearance of UltraMantis Black and Crossbones. This was upgraded from a regular tag team contest between the Order and the Super Smash Brothers to include Delirious and Create-A-Wrestler, as well. It should be noted that Louden Noxious mentioned how UMB was controlling Delirious with the Eye of Tyr on commentary. I don’t know if it was just me, but Delirious seemed to be a little off in this match. He and Dos had some really sloppy sequences in the early going. Other than that, though, this was a solid match. Dos and Crossbones had some real exciting encounters when they were in the ring with one another. After Delirious blocked a Dig Dug Driver attempt by Uno, Delirious hit the Praying Mantis Bomb on him. UMB then took credit for the win by covering Uno for a three count in about ten minutes. Post-match saw UltraMantis lift the Eye of Tyr into the air for everyone in the crowd to see, as he and the rest of the Order praised its power. ***.

Vin Gerard, STIGMA, and Colin Delaney are in the backstage area, ready to shoot on their upcoming match against Glacier and D’Lo Brown. Normally, I post promo videos for everyone to check out for themselves. However, at the time I am posting this review, ChurchOfMilMongoose has not uploaded these specific snippets onto his YouTube account yet. Anyways, Vin wants to know why Glacier and his pals keep coming back for more punishment. Colin pinned D’Lo Brown at “King of Trios 2009″ and Vin beat him in a singles match last month. Before the UnStable get the oppurtunity to say much more, Leonard F. Chikarason interrupts them in mid-sentence. LFC demands for the cameraman to back off. Although we do not see a visual, Chikarason can be heard asking Delaney why he has been communicating him so awkardly lately. Colin promptly tells LFC that he hasn’t been calling him at all and that if Chikarason doesn’t stay out of the UnStable’s business from now on, then he will have to have a little chat with Dave Coulier. Really strange promo, but I’m sure that we’ll be hearing more about this situation later.

Glacier and D’Lo Brown beat Vin Gerard and Colin Delaney via pinfall (Cryonic Kick) - This turned out to be way better than anyone would have thought it was going to be. About two minutes into the match, Brown knocked Vin out cold with a stiff lariat, complete with blood gushing out of his mouth. D’Lo wrestled the whole match in a pretty stiff fashion, but I don’t think it was completely intentional. Brown has been wrestling in Japan a lot lately and obviously, the style they use there is much different than the stuff going on in a CHIKARA ring. Glacier also got in on the fun by bloodying up Colin about six minutes into the bout. D’Lo looked to attack Gerard on the outside, but STIGMA got involved when Bryce Remsburg wasn’t looking. D’Lo finally managed to make the hot tag to Glacier.  Much to everyone’s surprise, D’Lo locked the CHIKARA Special in on Colin Delaney. Gerard trying breaking up the hold, but Glacier rocked him with a Cryonic Kick out of nowhere to score the pinfall at the twelve minute mark. Afterwards, STIGMA tried attacking the veterans, but he wound up getting a Cryonic Kick for his efforts. For good measure, Brown also nailed him with a Lo Down. Just a real great match that also had an awesome story to it. ***¼.

Jagged and Shane Matthews are backstage, standing in front of the CHIKARA logo. Why the heck aren’t they talking? Is my DVD screwed up? After a while of complete silence, a scrolling message appears that explains that 2.0 have refused to speak until they gain one point. The facial expressions on Matthews and Jagged during this promo were absolutely priceless. Definitely go out of your way to check this one out when it becomes available for viewing on YouTube.

Jagged and Shane Matthews beat Tim Donst and Hydra via pinfall (kneeling frog press) - In the beginning of the match, Shane Matthews taunted the Sea Donsters by saying that Hydra is “on the gas” and will be fired soon because of CHIKARA’s Wellness Policy. Before the situation got heated, though, Matthews offered to play a song on Tim Donst’s guitar. Shane strummed a few chords at first, but then attempted to smash it over Donst’s head. Donst ducked out of the way and quickly followed things up with a Stroke. Shades of Jeff Jarrett right there. Minutes later, Matthews began giving everyone in the ring a Boston Crab, including Jagged who apparently tapped to his own partner’s move. Hydra rolled up Jagged, but it was reversed into a kneeling frog press that surprisingly was enough for 2.0 to pick up the victory and one point in approximately four minutes of action. Hydra apologized to Donst afterwards, but Tim walked out on him, hinting at a possible heel turn in the future. This was unusually short, but it was fun for what it was worth. *½.

Jigsaw, Lince Dorado, and Helios are on camera in the backstage area. Lince is anxious because his team is down one man in the “atomico” match. Equinox pulled out of the show due to injury, so it’s now four against three. Before the three guys can discuss the matter, Jigsaw wants to apologize for taking the fall against F.I.S.T. last night at “Aniversario Yin”, but he explains that he tried his best. In fact, all three of them tried their best and that’s all that matters. Lince seems antsy about what Jigsaw has to say, but before he can come up with a long response, Mike Quackenbush comes out of nowhere. Quack asks Jigsaw if he told Helios and Lince about “plan B”. Jigsaw says he doesn’t know what he’s talking about. Quack pulls all three guys over to the side and tells them that he will explain to them off-screen.

Hallowicked, Frightmare, Cheech Hernandez, and KC Day beat Mike Quackenbush, Jigsaw, Lince Dorado, and Helios via pinfall (powerbomb-Shining Wizard combination) - A simply insane match that featured a bunch of wild moves throughout that the fans seemed to greatly appreciate. Cheech and Cloudy took the green gear of Incoherence, while the real Hallowicked and Frightmare entered with new orange attires. For those of you who were wondering, it should be noted that Mike Quackenbush took the place of Equinox. Anyways, Lince Dorado has improved so much over the past couple of months. He’s more than worthy of becoming Young Lions Cup Champion at this point. Frightmare also looked superb out there, nailing every move to near perfection. Quack didn’t get too much offense in because I’m sure he can’t risk further injuring his back. Cheech and Cloudy pin Lince with a cool powerbomb combination move for the three in nearly fifteen minutes. The crowd chanted “that was awesome” after the match had ended, as all eight men posed in the ring with each other. CHIKARA really excels in these “atomico” matches, so there was really no better time than their anniversary weekend to have one. ****.

Eddie Kingston is talking about insanity and how his particular case is different from everybody else’s. He mentions rooming with Claudio Castagnoli when he moved from New York to Pennsylvania. At one point, both guys were good friends with one another. After their match at “AnniversarioCT”, however, Kingston didn’t receive a handshake or any sign of respect from Claudio. This angered him. Tonight, Claudio Castagnoli versus Eddie Kingston will be personal. As usual, a great promo by King.

Eddie Kingston defeated Claudio Castagnoli via pinfall (Oklahoma roll) - The Philly fans were split on both sides, as Kingston dished out backhands and Claudio answered with uppercuts. Both of these guys just threw everything they could at one another. Hell, Kingston even broke out a tope suicida to the floor at one point. Claudio also showed a high-flying side to himself here, doing a couple of springboard manueveurs on a few occassions. Claudio nailed a bicycle kick on Kingston and tried finishing him with the Ricola Bomb. However, as Castagnoli was setting up for the move, Kingston reversed it into an Oklahoma roll to pick up the huge win in eighteen minutes. As one would have expected, this was a very good match. ***¾.

Fire Ant and Soldier Ant beat Icarus and Chuck Taylor to win the hair of F.I.S.T. via pinfall (Beach Break) - Gran Akuma and Green Ant are in the corners of their respective teams. F.I.S.T. and the Colony began brawling around the arena right away. As things settled down, Soldier Ant began getting a beating, in turn getting a hole in his mask around his mouth and getting his top torn.  A few minutes later, Taylor set the time keeper’s table up by the apron. Bryce Remsburg got knocked down unintentionally by Fire Ant, which allowed Chuck to give Soldier Ant an Awful Waffle off the apron and through the table. Soldier Ant was knocked out cold and Green Ant had to bring him to the backstage area. At this time, Fire Ant was forced to fight on his own. Taylor and Icarus seemed to have him down for the three on more than one occassion, but kept pulling his shoulder up to continue the punishment. Big mistake on their part. Icarus nailed the Pedigree on Fire, but he miraculously kicked out. Chuck had enough of toying around with Fire Ant, so he applied the one-legged Boston crab that he tapped Danielson out with at “King of Trios 2009″ in the finals. Just when it looked like Fire was about to tap out, Soldier Ant came limping from the back and tried breaking up the submission. Gran Akuma held him back, though, so he was unable to do anything. That is, until a new brown ant came in and made the save. This allowed Soldier to finally break up the Boston crab. This is when we started getting a crazy sprint of moves, including an insane running Awful Waffle on Fire Ant and a TKO by Soldier Ant on Chuck. Fire Ant hit the Beach Break, but Chuck somehow managed to kick out of it. Fire went for it again, nailed it, and put him away for the win. Standing ovation from the crowd, as Fire and Soldier shaved the heads of Icarus and Taylor. Hands down, the best CHIKARA match I have ever seen to date. The drama that these four guys managed to pull off was breath-taking, to say the least. If this isn’t nominated for a MOTYC, then there’s something seriously wrong with the IWC. ****½.

What are you waiting for? Get this show on DVD from SMV as soon as possible. Pick it up for the main event and the “atomico” tag. Along with Claudio/Kingston and Cannon/Ophidian both being very good, the Glacier and D’Lo tag completely surpassed my expectations, as well. Not to mention, the Order of the Neo-Solar Temple taking a big turn with the addition of Delirious is also worth giving a look at. I can’t put it any simpler by saying that this was an outstanding show.

Also, just to give everyone a heads up — there will not be a new “CHIKARMY Insider” article until next weekend. I’m busy with working, the ACT exam, and studying for final exams over the weekend. It’s probably better for me to wait, anyways, because a whole lot of news hasn’t surfaced since the last article I posted. Thanks for understanding and being patient.

- Anthony Perillo

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