Pro Wrestling Ponderings

Welcome ladies and germs to another edition of the TNA Impact Report. I’m Zack Danielson as usual, and tonights edition of Impact is special since it takes place right after TNA’s great PPV last Sunday, Slammiversary. I thought it was a great show. Before i start, heres some quick results from the PPV:

TNA Slammiversary 2009:

Pre-show match: The British Invasion defeated Rhino and Jesse Neal after Eric Young, Rhino’s original partner, walked out of him

Match #1. King of The Mountain Match for the X-Division Championship: Suicide retained the title against Alex Shelley, Chris Sabin, Jay Lethal, and Consequences Creed

Match #2. Second Chance Match: Daniels defeated Shane Douglas

Match #3. TNA Knockouts Title Match: Angelina Love retained the title against Tara

Match #4. Monsters Ball Match: Abyss and Taylor Wilde defeated Daffney and RavenMatch

#5. Sting’s MEM spot on the line: Sting defeated Matt MorgenMatch #6. TNA World Tag Team Titles Match: Beer Money defeated Team 3DMatch #7. King of the Mountain Match for the TNA World Championship: Kurt Angle defeated Mick Foley, Jeff Jarrett, AJ Styles and Samoa Joe. Joe shocked the world by handing Angle the title and supposedly joining the Main Event Mafia

So there you have it, Samoa Joe joined the Main Event Mafia. I could bet all my money that no one saw that coming. So tonights episode of Impact should be interesting as There’s supposed to be an explanation of why Joe joined MEM. Without further of do, lets get to it:

TNA Impact 6/25/09:

-After the pyro in the Impact zone goes off, We start with the opening contest right away. This doesn’t happen too often in TNA, so I’m going to enjoy this.

Match #1. NYC Street Fight: Brother Ray vs. Brutus Magnus

- I wonder what a United Kingdom Street Fight would be like? Interesting enough, Magnus comes to the ring alone. Brother Ray attacks him from behind before he can enter the ring. They fight in the crowd, where Ray throws Magnus into the , and then Ray licks a poster on the wall with all three members of the Beautiful People on it. Can’t say I blame him. Ray brings a table into the ring, which brings Doug Williams, Rob Terry, Kiyoshi and Sheik Abdul Bashir out. Terry gives Ray a spinebuster. Before anything else can happen, Brother Devon runs out for the save and gives Terry a chair shot over the head, then followed with a 3-D on Kiyoshi through a table. It just ended when the heels ran away. Well that was strange. Who would of thought a street fight could end in a no contest. Thank you Russo.

Winner- No Contest (in 3:07) 1/2*

-Lauren talks to Kurt Angle backstage about how long the process had been to get Samoa Joe into the Main Event Mafia. Angle, who’s starting to look like a shorter, bald Brad Pitt in “Kalifornia,” just smiled and embraced Joe as he drove up.

-After Commercial, The Main Event Mafia comes out. I love the MEM  theme. Angle with hair still looks really, really weird. He introduces himself as the TNA Champion. He wishes to invite out the newest member of the MEM, from the Nation of Violence, Samoa Joe! And here Joe comes. I’m really liking the hip-hop remix of Joe’s music Hugs and handshakes for Angle, Booker T, Scott Steiner & Kevin Nash. It started with the Nation of Violence, when Joe came back from the beating the MEM gave him, and then the beatings started, and the MEM knew they had to sign him. Joe’s price was a little high, and that’s where Jenna came in. Jenna had enough money to bring in Joe, so apparently Survivor winners make a lot more money now than they did when I watched the show. Every MEM member took a bullet from Joe because that’s what family members do. If you didn’t get it, you’re a frickin’ moron. Apparently Angle forgot to tell Sting, but apologizes and says what Sting didn’t know won’t hurt him.

Here comes Mick Foley! Angle doesn’t owe him an explanation, he owes him a rematch at Victory Road. Angle saw Foley after the match and wants him to cry like he did then. He’s a disgrace to his family and TNA. Angle’s the one with the power, in his contract it says he has the right to pick his opponent at Victory Road. Foley got emotional, and he brings up how he got a three-count on Angle at Slammiversary. This little crybaby will kick Angle’s ass. But it’s Angle’s night of celebration, and he gives a proposal…they can go back to Foley’s office, have a couple of drinks and come to an agreement. He’ll see him backstage! Promo wise, a Foley and Angle feud can be great. As for the actual match, well that’s debatable.

- Lauren tries to talk to AJ Styles…Kip James points AJ in the direction of Joe and AJ is off! Tough night for our favorite blond haired interviewer…

-Jeff Jarrett did an interview “over the phone” saying he would resolve his differences with Foley next week once and for all. This was all for Jarrett on the night.

-There was a vignette for Sarah Stock, with footage of her in action from AAA and CMLL. She will debut in three weeks under the name “Sarita.” God I love the Knockouts division

Match #2. Kevin Nash vs. Abyss

-Abyss comes out first, followed by Nash, and we head to commercial before the match begins. After break, we see Nash working over Abyss in the corner, but Abyss fires back with punches, but Nash gets a clothesline. Back into the corner. This is a true big man match. Clothesline in the corner by Nash. He poses for the fans. Whip reversed, splash in the corner by Abyss, another one gets an elbow,then Abyss gets clotheslined over the top. They go outside, Nash gets a chair but misses, Abyss bangs his head into the guardrail and the steps. Back into the ring, Abyss gets the chair, and places it in a corner between the 2nd & 3rd ropes, but Nash gains the advantage, gets the chair…Dr. Stevie comes in and tazes Abyss! What the hell? Nash covers Abyss for the win. Jesus that tazer shot looked fake as hell. This was just a bad match

Winner: Kevin Nash (via pin at 4:00) 1/4*

-After commercial break, Beer Money are in the ring to cut a promo. BEER….MONEY! Robert Roode starts to challenge Team 3-D to a rematch, but Booker and Steiner comes out. Booker talks about all the great tag teams he and Steiner had been a part of. Booker said that Angle and Foley had just made an agreement for Victory Road where Nash will face Styles for the Legends title, Foley would face Angle for the TNA Heavyweight title, and Booker and Steiner will face Beer Money for the tag belts. Storm does a tremendous babyface comeback interview. Booker brings back his old “Tell me he didn’t say that” catchphrase. I love it. Booker then claims Foley had agreed to let Booker face Storm and Steiner face Roode tonight. Team 3-D comes out and said Foley had already granted them a rematch at Victory Road. Steiner said that Ray had a problem with his pituitary gland. What kind of message does that send? Ray starts doing Steiner impressions, which was amusing. Ray said 3-D would make Foley an offer he couldn’t refuse to get the rematch. This was a nice segment. I wouldn’t mind seeing a Beer Money/MEM feud.

Match #3. 10,000 Thumbtack Match: Taylor Wilde vs. Daffney

-Taylor would have to be the toughest bitch in the world to go in the tacks with what she’s wearing. Rules are the tacks were suspended in a bag on a pole above the ring. Wow, i wondering who would book a pole match? Daffeny attacks Taylor from behind, followed by a few slaps . West comments that Daffney reminds him of his first wife…I can only hope my first wife is like that. Taylor gets the upper advantage and gets the bag, but Daffney rakes the eyes and hits her with the bag. Daffney opens the bag and pours the tacks on the mat! They tease the tacks for awhile, and then Taylor drops Daffney on them! Well that was way too short to be any good.

Winner: Taylor Wilde (via thumbtack slamming at 2:45) 1/2*

- Backstage, the Beautiful People (minus Angelina Love)  cut a promo on Tara, which is apparently short for Tarantula. 15 seconds later, a freakin tarantula appears on Madison Rayne’s shoudlers. Um……..ok?

-In Foley’s office, Team 3D pleads for a tag team title shot. Foley & 3D don’t care about each other’s losses. Next week we get to see 3D vs. Booker & Steiner…maybe. Ray has a barbed wire baseball bat. Foley begs them to take the match. Devon says they’ll take the match, Ray wishes him a nice day. Foley doesn’t care. Ok, moving on……

Match #4. Scott Steiner vs. Robert Roode

-Steiner gets the advantage early, beating Roode down in the corner. Roode gets back the advantage with a rolling neck snap and does the “Beer Money” spot with the crowd after a vertical suplex. Then he gets tossed outside, and Steiner sends him into the rail and the steps. Overhead belly to belly by Steiner gets two. Clothesline and a flexing bicep by Steiner, then the push ups! Gotta love that. Crowd trying to get behind Roode…I never thought I’d see that after what he did to my Miss Brooks. Steiner with the bearhug, Roode fights back, but gets kicked, but Roode  bounces back with a clothesline. Roode to the middle rope, blockbuster gets two! Steiner with a flatliner gets a two count! He goes for the Recliner, Roode fights out, after a series of reversals, Steiner gets a backslide for three! Well this was the best match of the night so far, but that’s not saying too much.

Winner: Scott Steiner (via pin at 5:26) **

- Jeremy Borash is with Kurt Angle. Borash is trying to stir the shit as usual…Angle says he’ll take care of Foley next week. Angle says he’s the godfather, and Sting isn’t. Apparently Sting’s on his way right now and he wants answers. Why in the world is he texting Borash? Well, whatever. If they were really on the technological ball, Borash should have said that Sting tweeted him that message…and it makes more sense that Borash would be following Sting on Twitter than Sting allegedly texting Borash messages. I’ve put way too much thought into this.

-JB is with Foley again after break. Foley was asked about Jarrett’s phone call from earlier tonight. He said if Jarrett was willing to apologize, he’d be willing to listen. Borash then told Foley about Angle being unhappy about his tag team plan. Foley went on another rant about being stressed out about losing the TNA title. This was the last of Foley on Impact tonight

-After a video package for Eric Young, Lauren is backstage with EY for an interiview. Young says he was sick of being the court jester of the company. Rhino then walks in with a Detroit Lions jersey on. Nothing screams jobber more than that. Rhino is pissed about EY bailing on him as his partner at Slammiersary. Young goes on to challenge Rhino to a match next week and then head butted him. Then Jesse Neal runs in to check on Rhino and vowed to join Rhino in order to get Young “on our time.” Then Rhino gets mad at Neal and tossed him aside. It’s like they’ve started the process of turning Rhino heel but forgot to give him something relevant to turn heel against.

- Lauren talks to Booker T about his match with James Storm. Booker claims the Dudleys (who?) beat nobody. Sharmell wants Jenna’s bony butt in the ring and she claims they have a match at Victory Road. Dear God, why? OK, I know they’re feuding, but who wants to see that match? Even worse, i have to see that shit live.

Match #5. Booker T (with Sharmell) vs. James Storm

-Glad to see Storm back in the ring in a singles match. Booker tries to throw Storm over the top, but Storm skinned the cat, only to have Booker give him a botched hot shot. Booker throws some knees and got the spin kick for a two count. Booker missed an ax kick, and Storm got a neckbreaker. Sharmell then gives Booker Storm’s beer bottle, which Booker whacked Storm with for the DQ. Referee Earl Hebner was selling his eyes while Storm was laid out. Nothing much going on here.

Winner: James Storm (via DQ at 3:15) *

- AJ Styles is in the ring and he wants a damn explanation from Samoa Joe. HE DON’T KNOW HIM NO MORE! FACE HIM LIKE A MAN! Joe comes out and faces him. AJ asks Joe if he did it for the money. Don’t we all do it for the money? What kind of a dream world does AJ live in? He continues to state the obvious, as Joe screwed the company and screwed the fans. He also screwed himself. Wow, I thought Joe was married and didn’t need to do that…well, then again… Who got to Joe, AJ wants to know. Joe is done, but AJ isn’t and attacks Joe for no reason as far as I can tell. Matt Morgan attacks Styles! Joe & Morgan give Styles a good ol’ fashioned beatdown, here comes Daniels! Unfortunately Daniels is a foot shorter than everybody in the ring, and here come Booker, Steiner & Nash! Why in the world is the bell ringing? Here comes Sting in a purple coat and gray t-shirt! What a fashion disaster! Wait a damn minute, we get a commercial break and then we get to hear him talk? Mike Tenay, you better be a goddamn liar or I’m gonna fuck you up.

After break, Sting starts to talk about expecting this nonsense from Angle, but not from everybody else. He says it was because of punks like Joe that they started the Mafia to begin with. What else didn’t Sting know? Morgan tells Sting that Angle had everything to do with Morgen going after him. Where does Nash stand? Sting is more surprised with Nash than the rest of them. Wolfpac, man! Nash tells Sting that he stuck up for him and believed in what he had to say. He kept the rest of them from cutting Sting off at the knees. But he went along with Kurt on Morgan because Sting’s plan isn’t working and Kurt’s is. The honor and dignity thing is bullshit. It’s about money! They bought Joe because they couldn’t beat him. Nice way of putting Joe over. Nash says you can make friends or money, but you can’t make both. Sting brings up Nash’s son and speaks to the real Kevin. Wow, it’s like watching a Ring of Glory show all of a sudden. Sting offers Kevin his bat and says he can take him out for the Mafia. He turns his bat to him…but he had one of his own and takes out the rest of the Mafia…except for Joe. Joe gets a shot, and the Mafia beats Sting down! It should be noted that Nash wasn’t actually part of that part of the beatdown, but in any event Sting is down as we fade to black.

Final Thoughts: The last promos were damn fine. Really, all the promos this week were good, but not so much the matches. But this week’s Impact wasn’t supposed to be about great matches, it was about building more feuds and building to the July PPV. I think they did a good job at that. Joe and Morgan in the top heel group is a better pairing that Sting being a reluctant heel. It’ll be interesting to see where Angle fits in the grand scheme of things, because he’s the top heel again with time running out on his contract. We’ll see what this all leads to next week. I’m Zack Danielson, and I’ll be back for next weeks edition of Impact.

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