WWE Raw Report 9-14-09
by mattwinton on Sep.15, 2009, under Uncategorized
Oh, and Batista has a life altering decision… TRISH STRATUS IS HERE! We start the show off with highlights of Cena and Orton’s WWE Title I Quit Match, spliced in with Cena and Orton talking. I didn’t get to watch the PPV, but it sounds like it was a pretty damn solid show. How do you not give a thumps up to a PPV with a Ring Post Figure Four+ Million Dollar Dream? That’s pretty damn swank. Batista is out first, arm still in a cast… ish type apparatus. It’s not a sling, that’s for sure. Brace? Whatever. Batista looks a little emotional, even with the sun glasses on. He starts it off with a “Thank you” to the crowd, and us watching at home. It isn’t how he wanted to come back… because he’s come back to say goodbye. Randy Orton’s music hits and he interrupts Batista is grand fashion. He looks about as happy as he did when he was still WWE Champion. He’s VERY unhappy about it, but he’s taking solace in the fact that Batista is retiring. After all, Orton is the one who put Batista out of action in the first place. Orton advises Batista to hang his head and cry, like he was about to before he came out. Wait a minute. Does Batista have a fucking nose ring? I don’t even get enough time to let that sink in, because Batista tells Orton there’s two things that are funny. 1. He’s predictable. 2. His arm isn’t hurt anymore. He then FLATTENS Orton with a clothesline, Powerslam, and clothesline over the top rope. He’s not retiring, he’s just going to Smackdown! Crowd is a little mixed about that. What they’re NOT mixed about, is that Batista talked to our guest host tonight (TRISH STRATUS!!!) and he’s got one more match… tonight… No Holds Barred… against Randy Orton! That should be fun. I wonder if they keep Orton strong and give him the win over the exiting Batista, or if they let Dave have his last moment in the sun on Raw. It could go either way, really.
TRISH FUCKING STRATUS!!!!! And she’s a brunette!! Can you tell I’m excited? Just a little bit? Trish doesn’t want to toot her own horn… gonna try to be a bigger person and leave that alone… but she’s going to be a great host. She thought Bob Barker did a great job, especially making Chris Jericho almost cry. Yeah, that was pretty solid. She knows what we want? I really hope she’s not reading my mind. Or my readers’ minds. All 17 of you. It’d be embarrassing, and rude. Trish knows what else we want… and she’s gonna give it all to us. Stratus-fucking-faction. At the next PPV, it’s going to be John Cena vs. Randy Orton in a Hell in a Cell! Should be epic, though it just doesn’t warrant it. Legacy didn’t come in and cost
This is a rematch from Superstars last week. Primo tries to do a head stand in the corner, but Miz just pulls him down and drops him on his front. Swagger and Miz take over in quick order, and Miz makes me smile by actually getting heat while on the apron. Most guys just stand there and wait for the tag. Anyways, Swagger goes for his Vader Bomb but hits knees, and Kofi gets the hot tag and is just really taking it to Swagger and Miz. Kofi hit’s a pretty rad STO-variation, landing Swagger in a cover attempt, but it only gets 2. Kofi goes for his mounted punches in the corner on Swagger, but Miz grabs the US Title and starts walking out with it. This is obviously distracting, allowing Swagger to drop him face first in the corner, and then hit the Dr. Bomb for the 3!
COMMERCIAL!
#1 Contenders Match for Women’s Championship: Gail Kim vs. Alicia Fox
Kim and James had a botchy match a month of so back, and I’m not into Alicia Fox at all, so either of these matches aren’t really doing much for me. As always, you will get no match PBP. I could really care less about this match and who wins.
COMMERCIAL!
According to Beth Phoenix and Trish Stratus, tube tops are IN these days. Jericho brings up his past with Trish, and that makes me happy. Beth really heels it up, saying Trish retired because she didn’t want to face her. “Um, well, no, I didn’t even know you” Great delivery, there. Trish says she’s DEFINITELY not afraid to fight Beth, OR Jericho, and tonight she’s going to get a partner to fight them! TONIGHT! Oh it’s fucking ON. This Raw just got an insta-thumbs up. Awesome.
DiBiase and Rhodes come out to gloat, and immediately make me smile with Rhodes mocking the normal DX pre-match spiel. Are we ready for the dawning of a new era? Because last night, they made DX tap out. Who HASN’T tapped them out? The Rock, Steve Austin, The Undertaker, hell, Orton never did. Neither did Edge. DiBiase says it surprised a lot of people, but why? They’re the better men, and last night HBK had no choice but to tap out. Rhodes says they’re no longer the sons of Hall Of Famers Dusty Rhodes and Ted DiBiase. They’re now the fathers… of the Legacy. Ho. Ly. Fuck. That was a great promo from both guys, especially Rhodes. That last line gave me some pretty mean chills. If it hasn’t become very apparent, these two are in the front running for WWE’s future top guys. And that says a lot, because WWE has a lot of young guys right now who are being groomed for a top spot down the line. I love it.
Definitely looking forward to this one. And if anyone is going to give DiBiase a great match on free TV, it’s HBK. Should be a great Hour 1 Main Event. Lock up and DiBiase immediately powers HBK to the corner and SMOTHERS him with punches and kicks. Whip to the ropes, but HBK stops a Back Body Drop with a knee lift. Power Slam attempt by Ted is stopped by HBK, who hit’s a Swinging Neck Breaker. HBK gets a whip reversed, and DiBiase hits his Power Slam this time. DiBiase gets some ground and pound in, with a noticeable “You Screwed Bret” chant in the background. HBK gets sent to the outside, and Rhodes goes to swarm on him, but HHH saunters over and makes sure that doesn’t happen. Million Dollar Fist Drops! They get a 2 count, and DiBiase locks on a Chin Lock. HBK fights out with some chops, but DiBiase drops him with a Drop Kick. Maybe I’m reading too much into it, but I like that. Their leader, Orton, does a Drop Kick. It’s only natural that he’d teach it to them and they’d pick it up. Back to the Chin Lock for DiBiase. HBK fights back up again and avoids a Drop Kick, and goes for THE SHARPSHOOTER!? Crowd HATES that, and DiBiase rolls him up for a close 2 count. HBK now goes for his modified Figure Four, but Rhodes distracts the ref so DiBiase can rake the eyes and take control of the match again. HBK makes a valiant effort to stop DiBiase’s momentum, and just throws a wild Haymaker and it connects! Both men are up and DiBiase locks in the Million Dollar Dream! HBK fights out of it, though, pulls him face first into the top turnbuckle! Another double down spot, and both men are up at 4. DiBiase goes for a Piledriver but gets Back Dropped to the outside! Rhodes again goes to help, but HHH backs him off again. DiBiase rolls into the ring to avoid HHH, but gets caught with an Atomic Drop, and the Flying Forearm! NIP UP by HBK! Thesz Press and punches! HBK ascends to the top… ELBOW DROP! HBK is STILL selling the eye rake, getting wobbly up top, and constantly trying to clear up his vision for the Sweet Chin Music. Rhodes sweeps his leg out! The referee calls for the DQ!
Rhodes goes for the Ring Post Figure Four, but HHH cuts him off, and we get a HUGE brawl between the two teams! HBK and DiBiase go to the crowd, while HHH just owns Rhodes until THEY go into the crowd, now. HHH throws Rhodes into a cameraman as we go to commercial! That was a great way to do a cheap finish, but still give the fans something worthwhile. I know they did a lot of crowd brawling last night, but it still makes sense. Just great ordered chaos.
Hornswaggle and Evan Bourne vs. Chavo Guerrerro and Carlito
I don’t know if it’s sad or funny that I wrote Carlito before Bourne and Horny were even halfway down the ramp. At least it’s not another Hornswaggle vs. Chavo singles match. Horny starts out, but tags out to Bourne. Carlito is on the receiving end of a sweet Sunset Flip, and seated Drop Kick. Chavo tries to get momentum but Horny dropkicks his legs out from under him. Bourne is back on the offensive, but it’s short lived as Chavo drops him with a Spinning Heel Kick. Tag and Carlito is in, hitting a Body Slam and Elbow Drop for 2. Chavo gets the tag in and hit’s the Eddie Senton from the apron. Wear down hold to keep Bourne grounded, but Bourne fights out with leg kicks and a SLICK Hurricanrana. Flying Elbow to Chavo! Spinning Heel Kick of his own to Chavo! Bourne sets him up and tags in Horny, then hit’s a Cross Body OVER the top rope, taking him and Carlito to the outside! Horny is up top, but Chavo stops him. APPLE SPIT TO THE FACE! TO THE FAAAAAAAACE! TAD POLE SPLASH! ONE! TWO! THREE!
Post match Chavo concedes that Horny is the better man. No double speak, no excuses, nothing. Well… al right then.
Awesome subtle one liner.
Josh Matthews gets a backstage interview with new WWE Champion, John Cena. He promised he wouldn’t quit, and he came through. He didn’t quit. I know it’ll be a good match, maybe even great and epic. But there HAD to be another way to get to a Hell In A Cell match with these two. It’s supposed to keep people out so Orton can’t play the numbers game, and to give the face, Cena, a just and fair and completely convincing win. But… they already got that last night in their I Quit Match, and Cena won without a shred of doubt. At least the Legacy vs. DX Hell In A Cell match makes sense. DX won at Summerslam, Legacy won at Breaking Point. HHH and HBK are the ABSOLUTE veterans of HIAC, with Rhodes and DiBiase being the overwhelming underdogs and rookies. But then nobody gave them a chance in the Submission match, either. I don’t see any way they beat DX in Hell In A Cell, but just the idea of it continues to elevate Legacy as a team, and as single’s stars.
Trish Stratus and MVP vs. Beth Phoenix and Chris Jericho
Why not make it a 6-person match with Henry and Big Show being added, as well. Seeing a Tag Team Champion in a tag team match WITHOUT his tag partner, inter gender/non-title or not, is just weird. I guess they wanted to feature the Trish/Beth/Jericho issue than continue the MVP/Henry/Jericho/Show issue. Oh well.
Trish and Beth start it off, which again is weird to me. Why not build to letting Trish being involved in the match so her hot tag gets a pop, and then the crowd can get behind her for her beat down/comeback spots. HAHAHA Jericho comes into the ring just to shove Trish. Fantastic. MVP is having none of that and he clothesline himself and Jericho out of the ring! Show is out now and attacks MVP, for the DQ.
I was ready to get really annoyed about that, and ask what the point was, but Trish makes it a six person (Didn’t specify tag or match, so we could be in store for an orgy if we play our cards right) RIGHT NOW. And we go to commercial
Trish Stratus, MVP and Mark Henry vs. Beth Phoenix, Chris Jericho and The Big Show
There we go. That’s more like it. We’re JIP and MVP being worked over by the heels. I’m surprised Jericho is pulling down boos in Canada, but he’s a master heel so it really shouldn’t surprise me. MVP gets a desperation roll-up and Clothesline to try and get the momentum back on his team’s side. Jericho puts a halt to that an pulls MVP back to his own corner, and slaps on a wear down hold. Solid “MVP” chant brings him to his feet, and he powers out of the hold and hits Jericho with a Belly to Belly Suplex, followed by some elbows. Jericho tags out to Beth, and she wants a piece of MVP. He’s no woman beater, however, and tags in Trish. Thesz Press! Punches! DOUBLE TEAM BALLIN’! Yes, that’s what I said. MVP is in now and Sling Shots into a dive onto Jericho! On the other side, however, Show sweeps out Trish’s legs out while she’s running the ropes! Beth covers… CLOSE 2 count! On the outside, Henry charges and TACKLES Big Show! That got a good pop. Back in the ring, Trish hit’s the Stratusfaction! ONE! TWO! THREE!
COMMERCIAL!
Next week’s guest host: Cedric The Entertainer. Well, that’ll either be very fun, or very drawn out. Obviously I’m hoping for the former.
No Holds Barred: Randy Orton vs. Batista
I haven’t been writing them, but they’ve been doing a show-long build up to this match with videos of their past, with Orton taking Batista out not once but twice in the past year or so. I can’t imagine many new fans coming in, that wouldn’t know their history, but it was a nice reminder to those who may have forgotten.
Less than 10 minutes left, so I hope this is all energy and not a stall fest with a couple big spots. Could go either way. The bell sounds and Orton immediately bails to get a chair. Batista stops that, and Orton’s DDT in the ropes. They trade some strikes back and forth, until Batista explodes off the ropes with a clothesline. Orton slides to the outside again, only to take another Clothesline. Looked like Orton pulled something out from under the ring, but I can’t see anything at this point. Back in the ring, Orton gets an eye poke and his Back/Neck Breaker variation. Stomps all around the body, followed up by a Knee Drop. Seeing an opening, Orton goes outside to bring a chair in, but he takes too much time. SPEAR by Batista! Orton bails AGAIN, but this time Batista keeps the fight outside, and keeps the pressure on strong. He drops Orton chest first onto the crowd barrier. Orton tries to keep Batista away, but gets whipped into the steel steps in the progress. Back in the ring, RKO! NO! Batista blocks it, and drops Orton with a Belly To Back Suplex! Orton bails fucking AGAIN, up the ramp, but this time Cena’s music hits and he blocks Orton’s escape route! CLOTHESLINE ON THE RAMP! Cena rolls Orton back into the ring to a waiting Batista, who hit’s a Spinebuster! THUMBS DOWN! BATISTA BOMB! ONE! TWO! THREE!
There’s a really subtle underlining problem I have with Raw. I know I normally praise them in these little final paragraphs, but for me, Raw always seems to go downhill after the first hour. Sure, there’s times where they finish strong (And one could argue this finished strong for the live crowd) but my interest dwindles after the first 60 minutes. And that’s not something I like to notice, because shows are supposed to build on themselves until the climax at the end… not the middle. Either way, the first hour was still really good. Just a disappointing 2nd half. See everyone next week!
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