Pro Wrestling Ponderings

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls alike I welcome you to the second ever ECW recap, presented by yours truly, Michael Robertson. First off this week I’d like to thank you guys for your hundreds upon hundreds of well wishes, good luck messages and positive feedback in the comments section last week, it’s very much appreciated. With that being said, let’s get this show on the road…

After a brief recap of last week’s mischief, the brand new female announcer introduces us to the “Interim General Manager” for the second straight week, one William Regal. Flanked by Ezekiel and Vladimir, Regal claims that it was unfair he was not allowed to put Christian in a 4 on 1 handicap match last week. Since he hasn’t had a fair shot at the ECW Title, Regal plans on making himself number 1 contender. Shock horror this brings out Zack Ryder to no music and I kid you not, silence. Christian comes out and sarcastically remarks that this is great television, this coming from the guy who was in TNA by the way. For some reason Christian brings out Angelo (a janitor), who cleaned a couple of toilets, apparently far more deserving for this than Ryder or Regal. We then move to the next in the line, the awesome Tony Atlas, the only good part of the Abraham Washington. Atlas begins to laugh, which is apparently more of an accomplishment than Regal and Ryder have ever mustered. Next is Yoshi Tatsu, who actually won some matches, against Ryder and Regal too. Christian believes that Tatsu is a more deserving No.1 contender, as they start the very same joke that happened last week. Christian introduces the hottest GM in WWE, which isn’t too difficult, the returning Tiffany. Ryder will face Christian tonight in a rematch, whilst Tatsu faces Regal. Not forgetting the badass two, Jackson and Ezekiel will also be in tag team action, right now.

1. Vladimir Koslov and Ezekiel Jackson vs. Tommy Dreamer and Goldust.

A battle between two trim and lean stars, against two out of shape fat asses in Tommy and Goldust. Dreamer and Koslov start this one, as the Ivan Drago of WWE is hit with multiple elbows, before Goldust is now tagged in. The two begin to work on the shoulder, connecting with a double Russian leg sweep. Goldust and Jackson tag in now, Jackson flying to the outside. Dreamer charges from the apron and connects with a front senton of sorts, as Jackson is thrown back into the ring. As Goldust gets distracted on the apron by Koslov, Jackson recovers, knocking Goldust to the outside. Some typical heel shenanigans by Koslov, who repeatedly head butts Goldust in the chest. Multiple tags by Koslov and Jackson, who beat the snot out of Goldust, as the fans once again, remain silent. Goldust makes the hot tag and in comes the only person the crowd cares for, Tommy Dreamer, going wild on both of his opponents. Mere seconds after Dreamer’s entrance and the crowd fall into silence again, god what an awful crowd. As Dreamer gets distracted in disposing of Koslov from the apron, he turns around and is thrown to the mat with the Rock Bottom type finisher, this one’s over guys.

Winners: Vladimir Koslov and Ezekiel Jackson.

Thoughts: **. Could have been way better if the crowd gave even a tiny bit of interest in the match, tell me the point of paying to go watch a show and then making not a single sound for the night.

That smooth talking devil William Regal tries to influence Tiffany to announce him as No.1 contender, but to no avail. Tiffany confidently says, without any irony, that John Cena could pick ECW over Smackdown if he loses at the next PPV.

2. Yoshi Tatsu vs. William Regal.

Poor Yoshi, he tries his very best to get the crowd on their feet, but to no avail, god damn it. Intersting story about Yoshi, numerous allegations of sexual harassment have been made apparently against young Yoshi, who’d have thought? As the bell rings the referee realizes Regal’s laces are open, in truly brilliant television. Yoshi straight on the offensive with Uppercuts and dropkicks, as Regal’s laces are apparently still open. Matt Striker repeatedly refers to Bill as “Master Regal”, it’s not the 90’s anymore Matt, and this isn’t WCW. The poor man’s Tajiri goes to the outside now, as we head to a commercial break. Back now and Regal just picks up Tatsu and drops him through the middle rope and to the outside, bashing his head into the announcers table. Brutal clubbing elbow by Regal, as he locks in a sleeper hold, constantly using submission holds to keep Tatsu grounded. Butterfly suplex by William, as Striker again calls him Master, a “this is boring” chant begins, really showing how awful the ‘E’s fans are. You thought ROH fans were bad, at least they kind of appreciate good wrestling. These morons think just because John Cena isn’t in the ring or that people aren’t flying about in fast paced matches, it must be an awful match. Tatsu almost gets the win with a Roaring elbow, as he heads to the top rope, only to miss a spinning heel kick. As Regal goes to finish him off, Tatsu clubs him with the same kick as last week, Yoshi wins again! Oh wait, “Master” Regal’s leg was underneath the bottom rope, as Koslov and Jackson come out. All three men back the referee into the corner, oh snap this is not a good situation to be in. Nothing comes of it though, apparently it’s completely fine for a man to be screwed of the win these days.

Winner: Yoshi Tatsu (kind of).

Thoughts: **. O.K match I guess, nothing too special, the fans made it worse yet again.

3. Zack Ryder vs. Christian.

As Ryder makes his entrance, William Regal is STILL bickering with the referee. In fact Regal and his buddies are going to stay and watch this one, I’m still not sure if this one’s a title match or not though. Competitive back and forth actions to start this one, as both men try to gain the upper hand in the early goings. Top rope Uppercut by Christian, only for Ryder to soon after send him neck first into the bottom rope. Baseball slide by Ryder, as Christian is sent to the outside, commercial time! Both trade back and forth only for Ryder to connect with a Fame Asser of sorts, two count only though. At last the mute fans come alive, getting behind Christian, who almost gets the three count, but alas to no avail. Momentum is beginning to be built now, as Christian connects with an unexpected spinning heel kick. Back to the top rope now and Christian connects with a cross body, only a two count though. Just in case you needed more of Christian climbing to the top rope, he connects with a top rope DDT, only a 2 count again though. He goes for the terribly named Kill Switch, only for Ryder to counter into an awesome Tiger Bomb, 1…2 kick out! To the outside goes Ryder, as Christian ridiculously again climbs to the top rope, cross body to the outside. Oh I wonder what’s going to happen now, as Vladimir Koslov head butts Christian, DQ finish. The awesome Ezekiel Jackson throws Christian from the outside into the ring, as William Regal waits inside, charging and kneeing him in the head. Ryder is incredibly ticked off, so much so that he thought stepping into the ring against the badass three was a good idea. Jackson finishes him off with his finisher, as the three stand victorious; Regal reigns supreme as we fade to darkness.

Winner: Christian (via DQ).

Thoughts: ** ¾. Nowhere near the quality of their last two matches, plus the horrible crowd didn’t get into the match until the closing stages. I didn’t actually mind the finish though, since I’m a big fan for the badass three. Hey I know it’s an awful name, but if the WWE can’t put any effort into naming them, why should I come up with a good one?

Final Thoughts: An O.K show I guess, nothing particularly worth watching though. To the fans in Trenton, New Jersey, you were so quiet tonight, I alone in that arena could have made more noise. This show could have been at least a little bit better if you guys would stop sitting on your hands, have a good time and use those vocal chords.

Thank you for reading this recap and in fact Pro Wrestling Ponderings as a whole, as we continue ascending with a new website on the horizon. We wish all of you will join us as we seek to make PWP the best site for news and articles on the independent scene. My name’s Michael Robertson, stay classy San Diego.

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