Pro Wrestling Ponderings

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls alike I welcome you to the second ever ECW recap, presented by yours truly, Michael Robertson. First off this week I’d like to thank you guys for your hundreds upon hundreds of well wishes, good luck messages and positive feedback in the comments section last week, it’s very much appreciated. With that being said, let’s get this show on the road…

After a brief recap of last week’s mischief, the brand new female announcer introduces us to the “Interim General Manager” for the second straight week, one William Regal. Flanked by Ezekiel and Vladimir, Regal claims that it was unfair he was not allowed to put Christian in a 4 on 1 handicap match last week. Since he hasn’t had a fair shot at the ECW Title, Regal plans on making himself number 1 contender. Shock horror this brings out Zack Ryder to no music and I kid you not, silence. Christian comes out and sarcastically remarks that this is great television, this coming from the guy who was in TNA by the way. For some reason Christian brings out Angelo (a janitor), who cleaned a couple of toilets, apparently far more deserving for this than Ryder or Regal. We then move to the next in the line, the awesome Tony Atlas, the only good part of the Abraham Washington. Atlas begins to laugh, which is apparently more of an accomplishment than Regal and Ryder have ever mustered. Next is Yoshi Tatsu, who actually won some matches, against Ryder and Regal too. Christian believes that Tatsu is a more deserving No.1 contender, as they start the very same joke that happened last week. Christian introduces the hottest GM in WWE, which isn’t too difficult, the returning Tiffany. Ryder will face Christian tonight in a rematch, whilst Tatsu faces Regal. Not forgetting the badass two, Jackson and Ezekiel will also be in tag team action, right now.

1. Vladimir Koslov and Ezekiel Jackson vs. Tommy Dreamer and Goldust.

A battle between two trim and lean stars, against two out of shape fat asses in Tommy and Goldust. Dreamer and Koslov start this one, as the Ivan Drago of WWE is hit with multiple elbows, before Goldust is now tagged in. The two begin to work on the shoulder, connecting with a double Russian leg sweep. Goldust and Jackson tag in now, Jackson flying to the outside. Dreamer charges from the apron and connects with a front senton of sorts, as Jackson is thrown back into the ring. As Goldust gets distracted on the apron by Koslov, Jackson recovers, knocking Goldust to the outside. Some typical heel shenanigans by Koslov, who repeatedly head butts Goldust in the chest. Multiple tags by Koslov and Jackson, who beat the snot out of Goldust, as the fans once again, remain silent. Goldust makes the hot tag and in comes the only person the crowd cares for, Tommy Dreamer, going wild on both of his opponents. Mere seconds after Dreamer’s entrance and the crowd fall into silence again, god what an awful crowd. As Dreamer gets distracted in disposing of Koslov from the apron, he turns around and is thrown to the mat with the Rock Bottom type finisher, this one’s over guys.

Winners: Vladimir Koslov and Ezekiel Jackson.

Thoughts: **. Could have been way better if the crowd gave even a tiny bit of interest in the match, tell me the point of paying to go watch a show and then making not a single sound for the night.

That smooth talking devil William Regal tries to influence Tiffany to announce him as No.1 contender, but to no avail. Tiffany confidently says, without any irony, that John Cena could pick ECW over Smackdown if he loses at the next PPV.

2. Yoshi Tatsu vs. William Regal.

Poor Yoshi, he tries his very best to get the crowd on their feet, but to no avail, god damn it. Intersting story about Yoshi, numerous allegations of sexual harassment have been made apparently against young Yoshi, who’d have thought? As the bell rings the referee realizes Regal’s laces are open, in truly brilliant television. Yoshi straight on the offensive with Uppercuts and dropkicks, as Regal’s laces are apparently still open. Matt Striker repeatedly refers to Bill as “Master Regal”, it’s not the 90’s anymore Matt, and this isn’t WCW. The poor man’s Tajiri goes to the outside now, as we head to a commercial break. Back now and Regal just picks up Tatsu and drops him through the middle rope and to the outside, bashing his head into the announcers table. Brutal clubbing elbow by Regal, as he locks in a sleeper hold, constantly using submission holds to keep Tatsu grounded. Butterfly suplex by William, as Striker again calls him Master, a “this is boring” chant begins, really showing how awful the ‘E’s fans are. You thought ROH fans were bad, at least they kind of appreciate good wrestling. These morons think just because John Cena isn’t in the ring or that people aren’t flying about in fast paced matches, it must be an awful match. Tatsu almost gets the win with a Roaring elbow, as he heads to the top rope, only to miss a spinning heel kick. As Regal goes to finish him off, Tatsu clubs him with the same kick as last week, Yoshi wins again! Oh wait, “Master” Regal’s leg was underneath the bottom rope, as Koslov and Jackson come out. All three men back the referee into the corner, oh snap this is not a good situation to be in. Nothing comes of it though, apparently it’s completely fine for a man to be screwed of the win these days.

Winner: Yoshi Tatsu (kind of).

Thoughts: **. O.K match I guess, nothing too special, the fans made it worse yet again.

3. Zack Ryder vs. Christian.

As Ryder makes his entrance, William Regal is STILL bickering with the referee. In fact Regal and his buddies are going to stay and watch this one, I’m still not sure if this one’s a title match or not though. Competitive back and forth actions to start this one, as both men try to gain the upper hand in the early goings. Top rope Uppercut by Christian, only for Ryder to soon after send him neck first into the bottom rope. Baseball slide by Ryder, as Christian is sent to the outside, commercial time! Both trade back and forth only for Ryder to connect with a Fame Asser of sorts, two count only though. At last the mute fans come alive, getting behind Christian, who almost gets the three count, but alas to no avail. Momentum is beginning to be built now, as Christian connects with an unexpected spinning heel kick. Back to the top rope now and Christian connects with a cross body, only a two count though. Just in case you needed more of Christian climbing to the top rope, he connects with a top rope DDT, only a 2 count again though. He goes for the terribly named Kill Switch, only for Ryder to counter into an awesome Tiger Bomb, 1…2 kick out! To the outside goes Ryder, as Christian ridiculously again climbs to the top rope, cross body to the outside. Oh I wonder what’s going to happen now, as Vladimir Koslov head butts Christian, DQ finish. The awesome Ezekiel Jackson throws Christian from the outside into the ring, as William Regal waits inside, charging and kneeing him in the head. Ryder is incredibly ticked off, so much so that he thought stepping into the ring against the badass three was a good idea. Jackson finishes him off with his finisher, as the three stand victorious; Regal reigns supreme as we fade to darkness.

Winner: Christian (via DQ).

Thoughts: ** ¾. Nowhere near the quality of their last two matches, plus the horrible crowd didn’t get into the match until the closing stages. I didn’t actually mind the finish though, since I’m a big fan for the badass three. Hey I know it’s an awful name, but if the WWE can’t put any effort into naming them, why should I come up with a good one?

Final Thoughts: An O.K show I guess, nothing particularly worth watching though. To the fans in Trenton, New Jersey, you were so quiet tonight, I alone in that arena could have made more noise. This show could have been at least a little bit better if you guys would stop sitting on your hands, have a good time and use those vocal chords.

Thank you for reading this recap and in fact Pro Wrestling Ponderings as a whole, as we continue ascending with a new website on the horizon. We wish all of you will join us as we seek to make PWP the best site for news and articles on the independent scene. My name’s Michael Robertson, stay classy San Diego.

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Yes my legions of fans, it is I Michael Robertson, but not quite how you remember me, perhaps? Well due to the sad departure of one Zach Danielson, who’s work I very much enjoyed by the way, plus the small matter of no one showing any interest to recap the show, good old Mike has had himself a promotion!

So William Regal starts off this show in the backstage area, announcing that ECW GM Tiffany has been in a car accident. Therefore for one night only, due to his past experiences of being Raw GM, good old Bill will be taking over tonight. No longer will Christian face Zack Ryder, oh no, but he will face Ryder, William Regal, Vladimir Koslov AND Ezekiel Jackson in a 4 on 1 handicap match. Good luck with that, Christian.

Tony Atlas announces that Abraham Washington’s guest tonight will be John Morrison, this is my first ever time witnessing the Washington show. Is this guy meant to be heel or face, because he is very annoying. Abraham hypes up Hell in a Cell PPV, along with Smackdown’s 10 Year Anniversary, before proceeding to welcome one John Morrison. Oh great, if this couldn’t get any worse, John Morrison is on the mic. In the third cheap plug, Morrison plugs his t-shirt, before praising “Abe’s” show, to numerous boo’s. Atlas’ laugh is actually pretty funny, which is a lot more than can be said for Abe. Now to Dolph Ziggler, who Morrison criticizes for being far too arrogant, plus that Ziggler won’t be coming out victorious this Sunday. This brings out the greatest man ever, ever, Dolph Ziggler, which brings out another awful “comedy” spot. Washington says there isn’t enough time and that he has to wrap up the show, but Morrison is far too pre occupied in starting a Mr. Ziggles chant. Just before Mr. Ziggler gets to reply, the music hits and the show comes to an end. So they give Washington and Morrison plenty of mic time, but Ziggler just sits there brooding? Brilliant job.

Backstage and the badass three are joined by one Zach Ryder, who doesn’t want a handicap match, instead a singles. Regal says that the board of directors aren’t too happy with the 4 on 1 handicap match, god knows why, instead making it a 8 man tag. Our main event now shall be Zach Ryder and the badass three facing Goldust, Yoshi Tatsu, Tommy Dreamer and Christian.

1. Paul Burchill/w Katie Lea Burchill vs. Shelton Benjamin.

Now this one has potential, as we get a recap of last week’s Washington show, where Sheamus beat down on Benjamin. As Benjamin makes his entrance this week, Sheamus beats the snot out of him, throwing him into a ring post and then throwing him into the ring. Casper the Ghost walks back up the ramp with a smirk on his face, as the referee tends to Benjamin, not starting the match. As the bell is rang, Burchill drives Benjamin into the corner and delivers multiple kicks. Working on the same arm that was thrown into the ring post now, the fans rally behind Burchill’s opponent, but to no avail as he’s thrown shoulder first into the ring post. We are back and Burchill is still working on the arm, as the Boston crowd come up with an extremely original “U-S-A” chant. Burchill gets a close two count with a back body drop, before surprise surprise, locks in on the arm. Burchill’s attempted suplex is reversed into a neck breaker as the referee begins a ten count, The Gold Standard first to his feet. Just as he begins to find his feet for the first time in the match, Burchill elbows Benjamin in the head. Up on the top rope and Burchill is sent careering right back down to the mat again, as Benjamin goes for a cross body, but misses. Burchill with a diving knee drop, only a two count though as he goes back to work on the arm. Both men are back to their feet and just as Burchill charges off the ropes, Benjamin connects with a Pay Dirt out of nowhere. 1,2,3, this one’s over bizzach.

Winner: Shelton Benjamin.

Thoughts: ** ¾. Would have been even higher if Benjamin had any remote offense, bar a couple of punches. Nevertheless the match did tell a good story, as Benjamin continues to build up those W’s.

Cena/Orton hype video, as we get another display of what I call “Superman” Cena’s ridiculous display. Of course knowing Cena, it was followed by a corny ass, cheesy promo, I hope Orton knocks the bejeezus out of that piece of poo.

Striker and Mathews hype up the card, the match I’m most looking forward to is DX/Legay, which has been a very good feud in my opinion. I’m making a bet right now, Legacy are coming out of this one winners, tune in to the column next week to see if I’m right.

Christian gives a pep talk to all three of his team mates, as we head to ringside…

2. The Badass Three and Zack Ryder vs. Christian, Yoshi Tatsu, Goldust and Tommy Dreamer.

Now I love Zack Ryder and Regal’s trio are just beyond awesome, so it’s pretty clear who I want to win this one. Plus, Yoshi Tatsu is on the other team for god sakes, he sucks balls. Ryder and Dreamer start this one off, only for Dreamer to tag in Goldust soon after, Ryder tagging in Koslov. Jackson is tagged in soon after though, as Tatsu is brought into the fray. Tatsu’s pace helps him out as he avoids the aggressive Jackson, who tags in Goldust now. Jackson squashes Goldust like a bug, shouting like a madman, he’s awesome. Lord Steven Regal is in now, but again he tags in Ryder, as Goldust tags in Christian. Top rope uppercut by Ryder as Christian gets rid of all three of his partners, before tagging in Dreamer. Sidewalk slam and inverted DDT combo by Dreamer and Christian, followed by a powerslam by Dreamer. Back from the commercial and Jackson is beating up Dreamer, of course he is, it’s Ezekiel Jackson damn it. In comes Koslov now, repeatedly ramming his shoulder into Dreamer’s stomach, before the leader of the badass three is tagged in. Regal calls Dreamer “bloody pathetic”, as he clubs the fat ass ten times with elbows. Christian gets the hot tag but as he runs off the ropes, Koslov pulls them down, sending the ECW Champ outside. As Christian climbs back up to the apron, Jackson hoists him up with the suplex, lets him stay there for a while and then plants him down with a suplex. Ryder is in now and just as I type that, Koslov is tagged back in. Top rope drop kick by one Christian, as he makes the tag to Yoshi Tatsu, as Ryder is tagged in for the opposite side. Yoshi in firm control now, connecting with a top rope spinning heel kick, damn impressive. All hell breaks loose now as all of the participants brawl on the outside, Christian diving from the top rope onto all of them. Regal and Tatsu are the only men still in the ring, as the poor man’s Tajiri connects with a kick to the head. Tatsu gets the win!

Winners: Yoshi Tatsu, Goldust, Christian and Tommy Dreamer.

Thoughts: ***. What an enjoyable match that was, just a shame that the one guy I disliked the most, got the freaking pin! Still the majority of the match was controlled by the Badass 3, along with a bit of Ryder too. Let’s hope for a Extreme rules rematch sometime in the future, that would be even better.

Final Thoughts: Pretty good show, yet ECW prides itself on having at least three matches a show, this time it was two. It was also brought down by the awful Abraham Washington show, but the two matches themselves were actually entertaining.

Thank you all so much for taking the time to read this recap, leave any feedback at all, even if it’s sending hate mail and begging for Danielson to come back. My name’s Michael Robertson, thanks for reading, Yoshi Tatsu sucks.

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Hello wrestling fans and welcome to a later than usual recap of the most frustrating and yet sometimes entertaining show on WWE television. Will we get a good show tonight, or another god awful one with five matches that last about two minutes.

1. Chris Masters vs. Primo.

In what is becoming an annoying trend, Masters is in the first match on Superstars yet again, facing the man with the campest entrance music ever, Primo. Jerry Lawler keeps using the same line of “Chris Masters has muscles in places you don’t have places”, yeah I know, not particularly witty or funny is it? To start this one Primo keeps up a high pace with flips, drop kicks and a hurricaranna. The high flying comes to a premature end in the form of a brutal clothesline. Running sidewalk slam onto the knee by Masters, as he bends the body of Primo in quite the uncomfortable position. Masters misses a leg drop and Primo begins to rally back into contention, only to be thrown straight into the turnbuckle. It doesn’t stop him though, as he repeatedly connects with clotheslines, trying to get Masters to fall down. A top rope drop kick does the job, but only gets a two count. A cross body is blocked by Masters, who tries to lock in the Masterlock, only for Primo to roll out of it with a schoolboy for the 3 count.

Winner: Primo.

Thoughts: **1/2. Pretty damn enjoyable match actually, despite his awful music I’m beginning to enjoy Primo, at least more than his grumpy brother anyway. Good way to start the show, let’s hope it doesn’t falter from now.

Walking through the backstage area is William Regal and (in Michael Cole’s words) his “entourage”, not the words I would use to describe those two but it’s Michael Cole, what did I expect?

2. Goldust vs. William Regal/w Ezekiel Jackson and Vladimir Koslov.

Oh this should be good, since Regal’s awesome and his badass henchman are also, indeed, badass. Anyway he will be facing the “eccentric” lets say Goldust, who’s been locked in a feud with Sheamus lately of course. This one starts with Regal in complete control, until Goldust begins trading blows with Regal in the middle of the ring. The gold covered superstar delivers a pair of clotheslines, an atomic drop and a bulldog, but only gets a two count for all his troubles. Koslov distracts the referee as Jackson enters the ring, aiming to take out Goldust for his leader. Koslov doesn’t do the best job of distracting the referee though, it helps when you’re a hot valet Vladimir, as the referee catches Jackson in the act of the crime. DQ finish!

Winner: Goldust (via darn D.Q).

Thoughts: *. God damn why not give this more time?! Anyway it was O.K for what it’s worth I guess, but Regal really should have just gone over clean.

After the match Regal locks in the Regal stretch on Goldust, only for Christian, Tommy Dreamer an Yoshi Tatsu to make the save, running off the Round Table of Regal, Jackson and Koslov.

Batista hype video, he sucks, that is all.

3. Michelle McCool and Layla El vs. Melina and Maria.

Despite McCool being supposedly the biggest heel in the Woman’s division, not a single person boo’s her. Her and Layla will be facing Melina and Maria, in what should be a average match at best. I’ve got to be honest, women’s wrestling is not something I enjoy at all, since most of them freaking suck. McCool and Melina start this one, Melina getting the better of her as both women tag in their partners. Maria the wrestling perfectionist gets her hair pulled by McCool on the outside. Layla attacks Maria and tags in McCool, who knees her straight in the face. Layla’s back in now and trying to keep Maria from tagging in McCool, just before Maria makes the tag Layla knocks Melina off the apron. As the referee checks up on Melina on the outside, McCool steps inside and boots Maria in the face, as Layla gets the 3 count. 

Winner: Michelle McCool and Layla.

Thoughts: **. That’s me being kind too, since half of the participants aren’t very good inside the squared circle. McCool seems to have changed her finisher from the Styles Clash to a big boot, probably due to the “wrestler’s code”, plus the fact she stole AJ’s finisher without asking.

It’s time for everybody’s favourite segment, Ask the Diva’s! The philosopher’s greatest piece of advice this week was by Maria, who when asked “how can I lose weight?” Maria answered “just exercise”. Jeez, thank god for Maria! 

4. Matt Hardy vs. Kane.

Oh boy, this one doesn’t look very good on paper, at least. Chubby Matt Hardy faces the creative team’s favourite member of the WWE roster, Kane. Hardy tries to keep out of Kane’s way, working on the arm and then scurrying before the big man has the chance to retaliate. Sadly the game plan doesn’t work for very long, put to an end in the shape of a big right hand by the Big Red Machine. Kane connects with his running drop kick to the face, as we head to the commercial break. Hardy is on the top rope and goes for his brutal double axe handle (ha ha ha ha) but is caught by Kane, who goes for the Chokeslam. Hardy just about manages to wriggle out of it, only to run off the top rope and be met with a big boot to the face. Apparently Kane hasn’t lost a match since coming back to Smackdown, a push at long last perhaps? Sidewalk slam by Kane gets a two count, before he locks in a bearhug lock on Hardy. Matt Hardy starts a comeback and trips on his ass, Grisham claiming he was going for a chop block, what an ass. Hardy then mere seconds after the botch, botches a bulldog! DDT by Hardy gets a close two count, as he goes for the Twist of Fate, only for Kane to raise him in the air and drops him groin first on the ropes. He does it again two times, which apparently prompts a lame ass D.Q. Kane isn’t finished though, as he drives Hardy to the mat with a Chokeslam.

Winner: Matt Hardy (via Lame Ass Finish).

Thoughts: **. It was O.K, but there wasn’t a chance in hell this one was going to be any good in all honesty.

Final Thoughts: This was an average show, with pretty average matches involving average superstars. The best match of the night was Primo/Masters, which says a lot, plus we got to see one of the dumbest ever finishes to a match in the main event. Don’t waste your time on this week’s edition of Superstars, because to quote one Jerome Cusson, it was a very “ho-hum” show. I said that right, didn’t I?

Ladies and gentlemen, thanks for reading, I am Michael Robertson, see you next week.

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Welcome you lot to WWE Superstars, I’m in a pretty bad mood today so the ratings might be low and the criticisms a-plenty.

1. Chris Masters vs. Santino Marella.

If you’re a loyal reader of this column (I doubt anyone is) this is the rematch of the century, cast your mind a couple of weeks back and this match was quite the 5 star classic. As Santino makes his entrance he gets a ludicrous ovation, the fans sure do love them some Marella. The match starts with Marella trying to outmuscle the humongous Masters, never thought he was the brightest. Masters just about makes it out of a quick roll up for a two count, before the Masterpiece drives the Italian to the mat with a powerslam. The Awesomeness that is Chris Masters holds Santino up in the air for at least 10 seconds before dropping him to the mat with a suplex, before locking in the bearhug. Santino tries to reverse the move but gets his arms trapped underneath Masters’; I love it, before stamping on his foot instead. Laughing time’s soon over as Masters keep pounding Santino down, only to rile up the Italian. Even though Santino is trying to convey anger, he looks like a sulking four year old, but Marella starts a comeback, the crowd going mad for him. Marella actually locks in the Masterlock on Masters, but it’s reversed, followed by a brutal clothesline. The Masterpiece locks in his finisher, despite a very small Santino comeback he eventually passes out, Masters wins!

Winner: Chris Masters.

Verdict: **1/2. I haven’t got a clue why I enjoyed this match so much, it really shouldn’t have been this good. Marella works well as a face, the crowd love him and the awesome Chris Masters notches another win, what more can I ask for?

Guys and girls it’s now time for Ask The Divas, where I’m sure we’ll be filled with wise, intelligent and witty remarks from these incredibly intelligent women. Such as Alicia Fox and Eve had bad dates, Rosa Mendes can manipulate people into thinking she’s a nice girl and Gail Kim is very good in the kitchen. Yeah so you should be Gail, that’s where every woman should be anyway, in the kitchen cooking or cleaning (only joking!).

A quite frankly awesome video hyping up CM Punk as of late, it’s a disgrace that Punk will soon enough be pushed down the card to be replaced by Taker/Batista. WWE, original feuds, all the time.

2. Christian© vs. Paul Burchill. Non Title match.

Good news for Kevin Ford, our special guest commentator this week is Zack Ryder, who claims to not be very impressed with Christian. Burchill isn’t accompanied by Katie Lea again this week, at least it prevents Striker from hundreds upon hundreds of comic book references. Just as I say that, Striker calls Burchill the Black Glove, now this stuff has really got to stop. In the middle of the match, Zack Ryder gives a SHOUT OUT TO HIS GIRLFRIEND, mentions that he’s tanned every week and tweets in the MIDDLE OF THE MATCH. Now I understand why Ford and so many others are loving Ryder. Anyway back to the match and Burchill is beating the snot out of the champion with very standard moves such as the scoop slam and sleeper hold. Christian connects with a top rope drop kick and climbs up to the top once again, before Burchill starts to make his way to the outside. Christian with a diving drop kick to the outside, as he stares down Ryder. Back from the break now and Burchill has Christian locked in a sleeper hold in the middle of the ring. Samoan drop by Burchill almost gets the three count, as Striker asks Ryder if he spoke to the Brit before the match. Ryder respons by saying he talked to his sister, got her number, but probably won’t call, god this guy’s brilliant. Impressively, Burchill slams Christian to the mat with a full nelson slam, before locking in a full nelson on the mat, followed by a missed knee drop from the top. Christian once again up to the top rope now, met with several right hands from the Brit. Top rope suplex by Burchill, as Ryder claims he could “do better than that”. Christian with a top rope spinning DDT onto Burchill, which gets another close two count. The ECW champ goes for a frog splash but misses, as Burchill connects with a back body drop, which gets another close two count, loving this match up. Top rope uppercut by Christian followed for the “Killswitch”, 1…2…3 this one’s over folks.

Winner: Christian.

Verdict: ***. Really enjoyed this match actually, especially due to the sheer genius of Zack Ryder on commentary. Trust me wrestling fans, check this match out, if only for Zack Ryder proclaiming he has the ECW Title on “pre order”. 3.Dolph Ziggler vs. Finlay.

Fresh off the critically applauded Patterson/Ziggler/Morrison segment from Breaking Point is one Dolph F’N Ziggler, the best thing in this company at the moment, in my opinion at least, supporting a awesome zebra skinned jacket. Not quite the once intimidating, Finlay really needs to change that entrance music of his, which is just far too cheerful and happy for a ruthless bad ass of his magnitude. Finlay goes to school on Ziggler to start this one, really stiff looking shots to the head and multiple European uppercuts. In a riveting moment, the referee asks Finlay to lace back his open boots, only for Ziggler to knee him in the face as he bends over. Not the best idea to anger the Irishman, as he chases Ziggler to the outside, who dives into the crowd. We are back from the commercial break and Finlay is constantly covering Ziggler, forcing him to waste energy by kicking out. Ziggler reclaims control though with some elbows to the back of the head, working on that area with a neck lock. Finlay to the outside now as Ziggler goes for an elbow off the apron, only for Finlay to pull out the apron, Ziggler landing groin first. As Finlay lays on the mat Ziggler disrespectfully taunts him, only to be met with a slap to the face, real good idea Dolph. Finlay and Ziggler head butt each other accidentally, Finlay being the first man up, only to be raked in the eyes. Ziggler takes advantage with the diving reverse bulldog for the 3 count, this one’s over.

Winner: Dolph Ziggler.

Verdict: ** ½. I got the feeling these two could have done so much better for this one, to give you an idea, Masters/Marella got the same rating. On the positive note, Ziggler continues his march to the I.C Title, as Finlay jobs to yet another future star.

Final thoughts: A pretty good show really this week, with nothing underneath **1/2, which can never be a bad sign for Superstars. The star of the night was most defiantly one Zack Ryder though, Pro Wrestling Ponderings now has at least two marks for this guy, Woo Woo Woo You know it!

I’m Michael Robertson, thanks for reading, now go away.

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Good day to you wrestling fans everywhere, my name is Michael Robertson and I shall today be guiding you through this week’s edition of Superstars on WGN America.

1. Kane vs. Jimmy Wang Yang.

Instead of his usual chirpy manner, Wang Yang slowly makes his way down the ring, intimidated by the humongous Big Red Machine. Wang Yang gets a tiny amount of offense in before the usual pattern of a squash match begins with a big boot from Kane. Sidewalk slam by the big man, not quite on par with Kevin Nash’s but effective nevertheless. Kane wraps his left hand around the throat of the “Asian Redneck” (yeah you read that right) and drops him to the mat with a Chokeslam.

Winner: Kane.

Thoughts: Squash match. Jimmy Wang Yang to be future endeavoured before the end of the year.

Oh it’s not over just yet, as Kane gets a Singapore cane and goes to work on Yang, with repeated shots. Kane poses with both his hands in the air, as the supposed HEEL gets cheered. 

2. Sheamus vs. Yoshi Tatsu.

So it’s several members of PWP’s favourite new ECW roster member, Sheamus facing the man with the awesome entrance music, the surprisingly over Yoshi Tatsu. Yoshi sends Sheamus to the outside to start this one, only to enter the ring soon after on the wrong side of a beating by the very pale Irishman. A kick straight to the face by Yoshi, followed by several other boots. Tajiri you are not my friend. Yoshi with brutally stiff chops to Sheamus, again followed by two kicks, how awfully repetitive. Another kick in the corner by Yoshi, only to charge into a brutal Yakuza Kick by Sheamus, not so nice on the receiving side is it? Sheamus finishes it off with his Irish Curse finisher, getting the 3 count.

Winner: Sheamus.

Thoughts: * ½. Can’t give this one any higher than that, very basic match really and not remotely interesting. I find it peculiar how from every talented wrestler from Japan, the talent scouts decided to sign Yoshi Tatsu. Absolutely baffling.

3. Katie Lea Burchill vs. One of the Bella’s.

So Nickie is the one with bigger um, assets let’s say, which Mr. Striker himself hints at too. Yet again more comic book references by Striker as Katie Lea makes her entrance, give it a rest Matty. Blackhole slam down on the knee by Burchill, as she gets to work on Nickie, as her sister watches on from the outside. At one point Nickie actually tries to ask Burchill to let her hair go in the corner, yeah asking nicely is going to stop someone in a wrestling match Nickie! The “Other one” distracts Burchill long enough for the roll up by Nickie, only for the two count though. Katie Lea regains the upper hand soon enough with some soft slaps. As Nickie pushes Burchill into the referee, she rolls out to the outside, only to be replaced by her twin sister. The Other one climbs to the top rope and connects with a cross body for the 1,2,3. 

Winner: Nickie Bella.

Thoughts: *. Don’t worry folks that wasn’t the main event, it seems we’re getting more than the usual three matches this week. Added to my “future endeavoured by the end of 2009 list” (yeah the title needs working on) are the Bella Twins, I don’t care how many guys think you’re hot, you suck in the ring gals.

Smackdown rebound, highlighting the main event on Smackdown’s side for this Sunday, CM Punk vs. The Undertaker. So Undertaker’s apprecances since Summerslam have been him sneak attacking CM Punk at the end of a TLC match. Somehow that has been awarded with a World Championship match, and now last week the lights went out and as they came back on, ‘Taker put CM Punk through the announcer’s table with another sneak attack. Yes ladies and gentlemen, Undertaker is meant to be the face in this one.  

4. Dolph Ziggler vs. Slam Master J.

My very favourite member of the WWE roster, Dolph Ziggler faces the “wigger” Slam Master J, no that isn’t a typo before you accuse me of racism. Wigger is a white man who thinks he’s black, like John Cena when he was on Smackdown a couple years ago. Running shoulder block by Ziggler, as J.R raises a smile on my face, trying to persuade Grisham to braid his hair. What I like about Ziggler is that he can make even the most lackadaisical of moves interesting, such as a head lock for example. The crowd is dead once more for this one, as ‘J gets dropped to the match with a knee to the head. Lurking in the corner, Ziggler waits for the perfect moment before diving into the air and connecting with a jumping reverse bulldog. This one’s over folks, as the awesomeness that is Dolph Ziggler keeps on rolling ahead to that IC Title shot.

Winner: Dolph Ziggler (pssh, who else?)

Thoughts: **. This one gets two matches mainly because Ziggler is just freaking awesome. I promise you this wasn’t planned before I sat down to watch the show but once more Slam Master J is the third member of my “future endeavoured” list. Says it all about the quality of the show up to now.

5. Primo Colon and Kofi Kingston © vs. The Miz and Jack Swagger.

Just as the thought of a Michael Cole-free Superstars beckons, his annoying little voice flows into my ear drums. Miz’s new look has made me realize that he’s not as fat as he used to be, maybe Samoa Joe should get in contact with him, the tubby little so and so. By the way, Primo Colon has one of the campest entrance themes I have ever heard, not quite what you want when you’re about to wrestle. Right let’s actually get to the match, as Kofi and Jack Thwagga kick this one, the crowd finally vocal. Some fast paced action to start this one as Kofi tags in Primo, the more likeable Colon brother. Springboard dropkick by Primo gets a two count, as Swagger soon after backs him into the corner.. Primo fights his way out of the corner though, only to be hit with his gutwrench powerbomb finisher. Just before I get really mad at the length of all five matches, Kofi Kingston breaks up the 3 count just in the nick of time. In comes the Miz now, knocking Kofi with a cheap shot, knocking him off the apron. Primo floors the cocky jackass though, as he makes the tag to the US Champ. Beautiful dropkick by Kofi, as he botches a springboard of some sorts to knock Swagger off the apron. Kofi gets the fans up on their feet as he goes for what I can only call the “Boom Boom Boom”, only for Swagger to drag Miz to the outside. Kingston connects with a dive to the outside on Miz, as Primo also connects with a suicide dive, the crowd really getting into this one now. Kofi rolls Miz into the ring now and climbs to the top, connecting with a cross body. Only a two count though as Miz throws Kingston into Swagger, who was on the apron. Taking advantage of the dazed US Champ, Miz drops him with his finisher, which is basically Jeff Jarret’s “Stroke”. The cocky duo get the win, as another rivalry over the US Title is set up. Miz for US Champ people!

Winner: Miz and Swagger.

Thoughts: ** ½. Nice little match here, could have been given far more time if the botches were removed off the show. The heavily improved Miz is now sure to get a US Title shot, which is just what he deserves after getting absolutely mauled by John Cena a couple of months ago. Kingston and Primo would make a decent tag team too, but the ‘E are far more eager to break up tag teams for no reason at the moment, as opposed to forming new challengers in the division.

Overall thoughts: What a freaking stinker! Superstars had the same amount of matches this week than a average Smackdown show, the only difference being that Smackdown is twice as long a broadcast, and the majority of this week’s Superstars matches were squash matches. Ziggler/Slam Master J was decent enough and the main event was very entertaining, but the bad outweighs the good this week.

My apologies for this longer than usual recap, blame the far too many matches and not me. Thanks for reading, have a beautiful weekend, same time next week?

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Good morning/afternoon/evening my fellow wrestling fans, it is I, Michael Robertson. Without further ado, let’s get this show on the road!

1. Evan Bourne vs. Chris Masters.

Well it’s a nice change to not see Evan Bourne rescuing a Irish leprechaun quite frankly, ‘cause the guy deserves better. His opponent is the Masterpiece, Chris F’N Masters, who is far bigger than Evan as they stand off to start this match. Bourne attempts, key word attempts to use his agility and speed to avoid the stiff shots of one Chris Masters, but to no avail. Later on in the match and Bourne connects with a missile drop kick, although the momentum is put to an end prematurely by a stiff clothesline. The Masterpiece connects with a backbreaker and arches the back of Bourne in a very uncomfortable looking position, yet the little man prevails as he works his way out of the hold. As Bourne goes to familiar ground, the top rope, Masters recuperates, hoisting EB high into the air and dropping him on his knee. As we come back from the commercial break, Masters has a Torture Rack locked in, working on that back of Bourne. Very aggressive assault by Masters, he’s defiantly improved since we saw him a couple of years ago. Bourne almost steals the win with a quick roll up, but the momentum has shifted now as the highflyer hits a couple of kicks and a hurricaranna too. Masters goes for a spear in the corner but Bourne quickly moves out of the way, the big man crashing into the ring post. Bourne kicks him in the head and climbs to the top rope, connecting with the Shooting Star press to a big pop. 1,2,3 and Evan Bourne scores the upset, this one’s over amigos.

Winner: Evan Bourne.

Thoughts: ** 1/2. So it seems Evan Bourne’s gimmick is pretty much “the guy who does that neat move”, which is slightly disappointing really. Nevertheless a rather enjoyable match, as Masters continues to lose. 

2. William Regal vs. Tyler Reks.

Now business is picking up friends, as this badass trio of Koslov, Regal and Jackson make their debut as a trio on Superstars. Regal’s opponent is the not very over surfer, Tyler Reks, who is met straight away with a forearm to the jaw. Well that’s not entirely fair; there is one whooping woman who seems to enjoy Reks’ work. As Regal clubs Reks in the face once again, Koslov shouts some encouraging words, something along the lines of “mumble, mumble, mumble”. Koslov’s dreadful English speaking skills aside, Regal continues his aggressive attack, continually clubbing Tyler with knees and uppercuts. Reks goes for apparently, his finishing move (a cross body!) but misses, as Regal charges off the ropes, connecting with a straight knee to the head. In a rather weak finish, Regal gets a 3 count, with a running knee of all moves.

After the match Koslov and Jackson beat the snot out of Reks, my god this stable is freaking awesome! 

Winner: William Regal.

Thoughts: *1/4. Not the greatest of matches, expect to see Tyler Reks gone in a couple of months. Don’t worry Tyler, TNA will employ just about anyone.

Big Show/Jericho hype package, I quite like these two as a duo, as long as Show doesn’t wear that horrible suit he keeps wearing every week.

One other thing before we head to our main event, I’m sorry if someone has already pointed this out but isn’t there some irony in a submission-heavy PPV being held in Montreal of all places? 

Main Event. Cryme Tyme and Eve Torres vs. The Hart Dynasty.

So it’s Torres partnering alongside Cryme Tyme to face Tyson Kidd, D.H Smith and Miss Piggy-lookalike Natalya in this our main event of this week’s Superstars. JTG and DH Smith start this one, both connecting with their respective move before flexing their muscles. Eve and Natalya are tagged in now, chain wrestling to kick this one off. Soon enough Natalya tags in Tyson Kidd, thus ensuring Shad Gaspar enters the fray. Some nice double team work by Cryme Tyme as JTG is tagged in; as a result Tyson exits the ring. DH Smith is tagged in now and clubs JTG in the head, as we go to the break. Frequent tags by the duo of Kidd and Smith, the true workings of a great tag team. Both are working on the ankle of JTG, to the dismay of Shad and Eve Torres. As JTG almost crawls his way to making the tag, Smith just about does enough to prevent it. JTG connects with an enziguri and tags in Shad, who shoulder blocks DH Smith to the mat. He knocks Kidd off the apron and in a brutally painful move, points at Natalya! Turning his attention back to DH, Shad goes for a Rock Bottom type move but before he connects, Smith tags in Natalya. Eve has to come in as a result, connecting with an impressive standing moonsault. Kidd breaks up the pinfall though, as all four men brawl to the outside. Eve misses a very impressive looking flip, as Natalya clubs her with a brutal clothesline. Natalya gets the 3 count, as the Hart Dynasty emerge victorious.

Winner: The Hart Dynasty.

Thoughts: ***. Really enjoyed this main event, especially since The Hart Dynasty came out winners. Eve Torres in particular impressed me, she’s no Beth Phoenix just yet but there’s definite signs of improvement.

Final thoughts: A decent enough edition of Superstars here, climaxing in a very enjoyable 6 person tag match. Masters/Bourne was also a fairly enjoyable match, Regal/Reks, yeah, not quite as good. My name’s Michael Robertson, thanks for reading.

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Hello wrestling fans and welcome to the latest Superstars recap, provided by the best thing to happen to this site since Brian Danielson decided for a change of scenery. Only kidding, nevertheless let’s get on with the show!

1.Jack Swagger vs. Primo.

Swagger gets a large amount of heat and as Primo makes his way down to ringside, we cut to a small girl doing some funky Latin dance moves in the crowd. Jerry Lawler tries to put Primo over as a huge future star, I wonder who told him to say that, I’m looking at you Vinnie! Primo connects with a couple of stiff kicks and a leg drop for a two count, working on the arm of one Mr. Thwagger. Frog splash by Swagger and for some reason instead of pinning his opponent, he starts doing push ups, hey Jack, Scott Steiner would like a word with you. Swagger shoulder blocks Primo off the apron and into the barricade with a heavy thud, as we head to the commercial break. Back from the break and Swagger is firmly in control, as he goes for another springboard frog splash, only for the ex-tag champion to roll out of the way. Springboard elbow drop as Primo starts getting fired up, connecting with a cross body for a close two count. Belly to belly suplex by Swagger though, as he goes for his gutwrench power bomb finisher. Primo rolls it up into a very close two count, he misses a dive off the top rope and seems to have “injured” it. Good old Jack takes advantage and hoists him up with that gutwrench powerbomb, this one’s over fans.

Winner: Jack Swagger.

Verdict: ** ¾. This was very close to a three star match, that match was far better than I expected.  

Swagger gets on the mic after the match, claiming he’s the only one worthy of being U.S Champ. The only man Kofi Kingston should be worried about is Jack Thwagger, the All American American.

Gregory Helms goes into a closet, before The Hurricane walks out, who could the Hurricane possibly be?

2.The Hurricane vs. Paul Burchill with Katie Lea Burchill.

I don’t know if any of you fans know this but Burchill was probably the biggest star on the British indy scene before he was signed up to the WWE, but oh well, let’s just hope it doesn’t happen to one Mr. Dragon. Burchill with a brutal uppercut but Hurricane sends him to the outside soon after, missing a cross body to the outside. Striker is in full on geek mode, with SEVERAL comic book references, as Burchill keeps the “modern day superhero” grounded with a neckbreaker. Straight right hands by Hurricane as he goes for a clothesline, only to miss and be clobbered by a Pele from Burchill of all people. Suplex attempt misses as Hurricane drives Burchill down with a knee to the back of the head. Hurricane connects with a cross body but only gets the two count, as Burchill rolls to the outside. Hurricane goes after him but is dropped neck first on the ropes by Burchill, who rolls him up for the 3 count! 

Winner: Paul Burchill.

Verdict: **. Burchill actually won a match! That doesn’t happen very much, what did happen a lot in this match, far too much actually was Striker’s repetitive and eventually very annoying Comic Book references. We get it Matt, you read comic books!

An Undertaker video package, I’ll be rooting for the Punkster though, for once ‘Taker put a guy over.

Smackdown’s main event will this week be a cage match between Jeff Hardy and CM Punk for the World Title. If you don’t have a chance to watch the show, be sure to check into Pro Wrestling Ponderings for the recap.

Main Event. Dolph Ziggler vs. Mike Knox vs. Finlay. Winner faces Rey Mysterio at Breaking Point.

Ziggler gets on the mic, claiming Mysterio’s win at Summerslam was a fluke. At Breaking Point Ziggler claims he will win the title, or his name isn’t Dolph Ziggler. Considering the latest news about naughty Ray Ray abusing the Welness Policy, will the match at Breaking Point still be going on? Finlay bails to the outside and Ziggler follows, only to be clobbered by an elbow. The evil Biology teacher, Mike Knox (no I didn’t make that up) slams Finlay on the inside with a boot, before a pumphandle slam gets rid of the Irishman temporarily. Ziggler comes back in and gets squashed in the corner by the big man, only for Finlay to send Knox to the outside now. Finlay is back to the outside and slams Knox into the barricade, before sending the heavily bearded monster into the ring post. Back inside now as Knox works on both men, keeping them grounded. Ziggler is draped onto the top rope by Finlay, but Knox interrupts, connecting with an Electric Chair. Ziggler connects with a leg drop on Finlay with great elevation. Back from the break and Knox is working on the back of Ziggler, also keeping Finlay on the outside. Double team work by Finlay and Ziggler as they drop Knox on his head with a double DDT, but the team work ends as both men go for the pin on Knox. As Ziggler climbs aboard the apron, Finlay kicks him back off again, heading to the outside to sort out the brash superstar. Knox joins the party, pushing Ziggler into the side of the apron, again working on that back area. Ziggler is rolled back inside but Knox just like the majority of the match is knocked to the outside. Finlay and Ziggler head butt each other and in their daze Knox rejoins the fray, knocking out both men with that awesome cross body of his. Finlay connects with a Rolling Thunder on Ziggler for the two count, soon after Ziggler goes for a variation of the Stinger Splash but Finlay ducks, going for the armbar instead. Knox big boots Finlay but he connects with a cross body on the big man in retaliation, as Finlay gets rid of Ziggler, Knox picks up the sheleilagh. Knox tries to hit Finlay with it but the Irishman ducks, connecting with the Celtic Cross on the big man. As Finlay goes for the cover, in comes Dolph Ziggler again, sending him into the ring post. Ziggler instead covers Mike Knox for the 3 count, Dolph is going to Breaking Point!

Winner and No.1 Contender: Dolph Ziggler.

Verdict: ***. That was a fast paced, exciting match which I really enjoyed, particularly because my favourite Smackdown wrestler won it. Good job all around and a great way to end the show.

Overall Thoughts: Pretty darn good show actually, with no match under two stars, which is less than I can say for last week’s show. Let’s hope this is the return to Superstar’s winning ways.

Just a note, if any company wants to send me some DVD’s that really isn’t a problem, contact me at michaelrobertson11@yahoo.co.uk. I know this isn’t very likely, but hey, I’m a sucker for free stuff, sue me! My name’s Michael Robertson, thanks for reading, I’m out of here.

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Welcome ladies and gentlemen to the greatest recap of any wrestling show in history (Beat that Thornsberry) with me, Michael Robertson.

1. Kelly Kelly vs. Beth Phoenix.

Cole and Lawler on commentary for this terrible looking match. Cole starts the broadcast by insisting that the Diva’s are “Smart, Sexy and Powerful”, Kelly Kelly only fits one of those criteria’s. Beth Phoenix used to be portrayed as quite the dominant force of the Raw Diva division, now she’s facing Kelly Kelly, how the mighty fall. Hurricaranna in the early goings on gets Kelly a two, as Kelly has the advantage in the early goings on. Phoenix comes back with a brutal looking move, dropping Kelly aggressively on the middle rope, neck first. Just a thought, Michael Cole to me has absolutely no personality of his own these days, he just spouts out these phrases like “WWE Universe”, which is probably as a result of Vince shouting in his ear. Meanwhile back in the match and Kelly Kelly connects with a very long spinning head scissor, flying around in the air for at least ten seconds. Kelly goes for this weird ass handstand move but it’s reversed into a pinfall, which Kelly kicks out of, only to get up and be knocked to the floor with a clothesline. Phoenix connects with the Glam Slam for the 3 count.

Verdict: * ½. Only on the basis that Kelly was a little better than I thought he was. Otherwise not a instant classic, let’s leave it at that.

2. Shelton Benjamin vs. Tyler Reks.

Could Tyler Rek’s entrance theme sound anymore like the Pulp Fiction music? This match should be at least better than our opener, for one we have the commentary team of Matt Striker and Josh Mathews with us. Rather aggressive beginning to the match by the Gold Standard, locking in a chin lock, usually at this time the fans get behind Reks, but the crowd is dead, not a single sound. Impressive powerslam by Reks gets a two count, as he climbs up to the top rope. Cross body is reversed by Benjamin into a two count pinfall, followed a little later by a spinning kick to the face. Paydirt by Benjamin for the 3 count, this one’s over! 

Verdict: * ½. Very short match for these two, who would have had a far better match if given the time.

Before our next match Summerslam is hyped up by JR and Todd Grisham, as a video package hypes up the only match I’m really looking forward to on the show, TLC between CM Punk and Jeff Hardy.

3.R-Truth vs. Charlie Haas.

Just for a bit of a change to the routine entrance he does, R-Truth raps his song on the way down. Yes, that was sarcasm. So Vinnie Mac’s favourite superstar, Charlie Haas starts this one struggling against the fast paced agility of one Truth. Actually maybe not, as Haas drops Truth to the mat with a brutal full nelson. Big boot by Haas, I like this super aggressive style of his. Straight boot to the stomach of R-Truth, but a diving elbow misses, followed by Truth’s spinning clothesline for the 1,2,3!

Verdict: *. This is getting rather tiresome, why are they giving us such short matches when they could have 3 fairly long matches. Instead we get 4 very short ones, at least for Superstars usual standard.

John Morrison hype video, as if he’s not getting enough of a push already. 

4.Mark Henry vs. Chris Masters.

Joe/Punk this is not. I’m not really expecting a lot from this one, but to be fair Mark Henry has improved a lot over the last year or so. Following the trend, Raw is yet again main event, another “subtle” hint to the fans that Raw is still considered the A show. Masters intelligently tries to Scoop Slam Mark Henry, who’s about 400 pounds. Henry gives him a scoop slam of his own, yet soon after Masters goes for a suplex! The suplex is reversed into one of his own by the World’s Strongest Man. Henry goes for the World’s Strongest Slam but Masters rolls out of the way, going to work on the big man with boots and leg drops. Sleeper hold by Masters, unlike Tyler Reks earlier tonight, the fans cheer Henry on, but Masters goes for the Masterlock. He’s backed up into a corner and squashed by Mark Henry, followed by a series of clotheslines. Another attempt at the Masterlock, but Henry reverses again, followed by a World’s Strongest Slam. Masters gets his hand on the rope just before the 3 count, rolling to the outside in agony, crawling on the floor. We’re up to 7 and Masters bails, walking away from Henry. Henry wins via count out, again!

Verdict: **. Better than I expected actually, but still not a 5 star classic. Henry continues to get built as a feared monster, since many of his opponents have been counted out. Hey, it’s better than having him tag with Hornswoggle, right?

Final Thoughts: God, what a terrible, terrible, TERRIBLE show. Not a single decent match, it really tells you something when Mark Henry vs. Chris Masters is the best match on the show. Do not watch this show people, Impact and Raw is a more attractive option than this week’s show.

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Hello there and welcome to Superstars recap with the most handsome Pro Wrestling Ponderings writer, me, Michael Robertson. Let’s not dilly daddle, I’ve got a busy day ahead, so on to our first match we go.

1.John Morrison vs. D.H Smith/w Natalya Neidhart.

Ross and Grisham are our commentators as the two announce Smackdown’s main event for this week, John Morrison and CM Punk. The crowd gives a loud pop for Hart Smith, I prefer Tyson Kidd to be honest but oh well. Some chain wrestling begins this match, as J.R does a great job of putting over the young superstars of the WWE, shame about the booker’s not doing the same. The match breaks down to more of a brawling style, John Morrison getting booed for the first time since the Draft. Huge clothesline by DH as we return from the commercial, the Son of my fellow Brit Davey Boy Smith in firm control. Top rope suplex by Hart, but soon after, the comeback begins, as the Friday Night Delight lands a standing moonsault. After a few failed attempts, Starship Pain connects for the 1,2,3!

Winner: John Morrison.

Verdict: ***. Three star match, really impressed by this one, which the crowd were into too. As everyone knows by now, Morrison is one of the few shining examples of the bookers getting a push right, but D.H Smith impressed me too, a big man who can actually have a good match, Vince McMahon’s fantasy of a wrestler.

2.Goldust vs. Sheamus.

The pale as hell Irishman battles the “eccentric” gold covered veteran as Matt Striker and Josh Mathews join us on commentary. Goldust very aggressive in the early goings on, as Sheamus climbs into the crowd for a breather presumably. During the commercial the Irishman has got into control, dropping Goldust knee-first into the steel steps. The fans rally behind Goldust to a shockingly loud degree for a match on Superstars anyway, as he goes for a Big Splash, only to be met with knees. Just an observation, how come Canadian crowds are so much louder than the majority of American ones? Most of Goldust’ makeup has fallen off, a cross body is reversed as Sheamus almost gets the three count. Both men knock each other to the mat with a big boot, as they get up to their feet, Goldust goes for the small package, 1…2…3!

Winner: Goldust.

Verdict: ** ½. Not quite a 3 star match, but you know, it was better than expected. Expect a rubber match between these two in the not so distant future.

I take that every week after the first two matches, we always get a video package of some roster members. This week it’s Kane, ah remember the days where people gave a damn about this guy? Raw Rebound time a.k.a Fast Forward time, read Jerome Cusson’s column to see quite how bad this show has become.

3.Mickie James(c) and Kofi Kingston(c) vs. Carlito and Rosa Mendes.

THIS is our main event? You have got to be kidding me, why not put DH Smith/Morrison as main event for this hot Canadian crowd. You know, treating the Canadian fans well, instead of having a two hour show where the GM buries them constantly. Carlito has a stereotypical Mexican moustache and very messy hair as the two Diva’s go nuts, only for their partners to break them up. Very aggressive style adopted by Carlito as he beats the snot out of Kofi, but the Jamaican connects with some high flying moves, prompting Carlito to tag in Rosa Mendes. Mickie James gets tagged in as a result, as Rosa floors Mickie with a forearm. The two head butt each other, not on purpose I presume, as the men are tagged back in, a amazing springboard by the US Champ to the other side of the ring. Rosa distracts Kofi as he stands on the top rope, giving Carlito time to recuperate. Beautiful cross body by Kingston gets a two count, as Rosa breaks it up. Mickie and Mendes roll to the outside brawling, as Carlito takes his chance connecting with the Backstabber. Carlito pins the US Champ!

Winner: Carlito and Rosa Mendes.

Verdict: **. Decent little tag match, but a horrible idea putting it last on the show as a main event. I must admit, this grumpy heel persona of Carlito is far better than his work as a face, the fact he pinned the US Champ spells good things for him too.

Final Thoughts: Pretty good show, the first match was the best, the second was well, second and the third was the worse. So pretty much the exact opposite of what you want in a card, nevertheless check out the opener, if you’re bored watch the other two, but they aren’t anything particularly special. My name is Michael Robertson, thanks for reading, I’m out of here.

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So welcome friends to the very first Superstars recap written by me, Michael Robertson. Just to give you a brief idea of myself, I’m a 17 year old guy from the U.K and this is my first “writing job”, so don’t be too harsh on me god damn it. Anyway on this night of firsts, I must admit this will also be the very first time for me to watch an episode of Superstars, let’s hope it’s worth the wait.

Our commentators for this match are sadly Michael Cole and Jerry “The King” Lawler, is it just me who would far prefer the Lawler of old, the snivelling, ass kissing one from the 90’s?

1.Santino Marella vs. Chris Masters.

So Santino has turned face, bad decision WWE! Not to dwell on the negative, his opponent is Chris F’N Masters, a guilty favourite of mine if truth be told. He looks in really good shape too, not much of a pop from the fans though sadly. Marella starts the match showing off to the fans far too much for Masters liking, yet the Italian actually gets some offense, before getting the crap knocked out of him via a clothesline. An attempted Masterlock by Marella is easily countered, not going too well for the Italian. Marella starts crying in the middle of the match before staging a comeback, welcome back to the WWE, Masters! Play time’s over though as Masters manages to lock in the Masterlock, this one’s over.

Winner: Chris Masters.

Verdict: * This match was pretty weird, it was some weird comedy match-proper wrestling match hybrid. Don’t go out of your way to see it.

2. William Regal and Paul Burchill/w Katie Lea vs. Tyler Reks and Yoshi Tatsu.

Thankfully a change in commentary as in comes Matt Striker and Josh Mathews, to see the long awaited, highly anticipated reunion of Burchill and Regal! Slow start to the match, the fans really don’t seem to give a crap about any of these guys. Striker seems to be quite the Regal mark, nice to see a ‘E commentator who knows something about wrestling, that isn’t called Jim Ross. Anyone remember when Regal was actually one of the biggest heels in the entire company, as GM of Raw? Look at him now, wrestling in a mediocre tag match to a crowd that doesn’t care. Tatsu gets the hot tag to Tyler Reks, who cleans house and begins to build some momentum. Cross body by Tyler is reversed into a pin by Regal, who steals the win.

Verdict: ** 10 minute match, yet very mediocre. At least my fellow Brits won I guess, that’s a positive for me anyway.

John “Douche Bag” Cena gets to throw the first ball for the Cubs, and then joins in on commentary. Absolutely riveting, but what does this have to do with wrestling again? Oh that’s right, nothing.

3. Rey Mysterio © vs. Mike Knox.

Now we have Grisham and Jim Ross ringside, for this presumably non-title match. I’m pretty sure these two had a feud on Raw last year, didn’t exactly set the world on fire but oh well, for every Jericho/Michaels you ‘gotta have a Mysterio/Knox. First of all, Mike Knox’s beard is freaking awesome, second of all, my favourite WWE superstar, the Mr. Perfect-esque Dolph Ziggler is a special guest on the announcer’s team for this match! Knox starts this match completely dominating the little man, the size advantage clearly coming into play. Knox’s game plan seems to be to keep Mysterio grounded but to no avail as Mysterio floors the big man to the outside. Mysterio with a beautiful drop toe hold though, but he’s floored via a clothesline soon after. Again the big man keeps working on Mysterio’s back, ensuring he can’t use that high flying arsenal. Mysterio fights back though, a bulldog to Knox followed by a springboard drop kick. Shockingly Mike Knox delivers a CROSS BODY to Mysterio, yet still he can’t get the 3 count. The 619 connects, but as Mysterio leaps from the apron Dolph Ziggler attacks him, leading to a DQ. Knox and Ziggler team up on him, but Mysterio escapes, just.

Verdict: ***1/2. One of Mike Knox’s best ever matches in the company, which doesn’t actually say that much. Again Mysterio delivers a good match, I thoroughly believe he’s the 2009 MVP at the moment. He stole the show at No Way Out in the Elimination Chamber, had a brilliant feud with Chris Jericho, great matches every week on Smackdown and he got a good match out of Mike Knox god damn it!

So that’s it from me this week, a so so show that got better with every match, but skip the first two and check out just the main event. I hope the recap wasn’t too bad, leave constructive feedback if you want, my name’s Michael Robertson, see you next week!

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