Pro Wrestling Ponderings

Hello all, and welcome to CHIKARMY Insider, in the Conservatory, with the Lead Pipe. Yeah, that’s how we do. We do lead pipe. As you may or may not have noticed, this week’s Insider is two days late. Now, I really wish that I had some sort of grand explanation for it: my wife died, a plane hit my favorite restaurant, there was a good football game on, etc. The truth is much simpler, and pretty embarrassing: I forgot to post it. I wrote it up and…forgot a very important step! Yep, it was my lunch hour earlier today and I wanted to see what others had written. Well, much to my surprise…my article wasn’t there. Nicely done, me. Had to wait ‘til now to post. Sorry fans…er, fan. To make up for this, next’s week article WILL be on time and WILL feature an all-new Horrible Gimmick~! Rejoice! This week’s episode features a DVD review of “The Bobliographon”, more poorly-conceived threats from UltraMantis Black, and info on the October shows, including a look at the final four teams in this year’s Cibernetico, with one HUGE surprise team that…You. Won’t. See. Coming. Look at me! I’m the ending to a bad horror trailer!

Chikara DVD Review:

The Bobliographon

The Bobliographon might as well have been called “Night of the Grudges”, as there were four matches that had heated back-stories with issues that needed settling. Some of the conflicts were ended…others continued to burn. Incoherence looked to end their feud with The Roughnecks, Vin Gerard continued his feud with Glacier, and The Future is Now looked to tear The Osirian Portal apart. The main event saw the biggest feud in Chikara explode into all-out war as The Colony, looking to avenge their fallen brother Worker Ant, teamed with Mike Quackenbush and Jigsaw to face Buck Hawke and the men who ended their brother’s career: F.I.S.T.

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1. Claudio Castagnoli vs. Shadow Phoenix - ***1/2

Really good contest between these two, which is NOT a surprise if you’ve ever seen a match pitting Claudio against any small, athletic, flying wrestler. This match was much crisper than Shadow’s bout the night before against Gran Akuma. Finish was good, but I was shocked that it only took a Bicycle Kick to cut Shadow Phoenix down. It made Claudio look beastly, which was the point I guess.

PROMO - The Super Smash Brothers

These guys always slay me when they get time to talk. This was the first time I took notice of how thick Dos’ French-Canadian accent is. It was startling.

PROMO - 2.0

See Above. Well, not the French-Canadian thing. That’s exclusive to Mr. Dos.

2. Elimination Match - Cheech & Cloudy vs. 2.0 vs. The UnStable vs. The SSB - ***1/4

Good match. I really wasn’t into a lot of the stuff at the beginning, but after the 2.0 elimination, things picked up nicely. There was an absolutely huge moment that occurs after the second elimination and would foreshadow events to come in Chikara. But the really meat here was the exchanges between the Smash Brothers and Cheech & Cloudy. They had a terrific match last year at Aniversarioct, and they picked up right where they left off here.

PROMO - The Order of the Neo-Solar Temple

I don’t even remember this promo to be honest, so it couldn’t have been that important. I remember UltraMantis said something about wielding the “ultimate power”, which would be big later on in the show and in Chikara as well.

3. Create-A-Wrestler vs. UltraMantis Black w/ Crossbones - *3/4

Well, you knew the quality couldn’t stay that high forever. This served no real purpose other than driving the point home that CAW sucks without a fan-made gimmick…which we already knew. Pay attention to the commentary though, as some previously unknown info sees the light of day.

4. Grudge Match #1 - Incoherence vs. The Roughnecks - ***3/4

This is the night’s first grudge match, and it was awesome. Some of the cheap double team moves from the Roughnecks had me in stitches. At one point, Brodie sat on the top turnbuckle and lifted Frightmare in the air by his head. Kingston then started peppering his midsection with fists and elbows. Highlight of the match was seeing a Go 2 Sleep Hollow on Kingston, followed by Shadows Over Heck by Delirious and the Kneecolepsy by Frightmare. It’s a shame these guys didn’t get more time as a trio; after the match, UltraMantis kidnapped Delirious using what appeared to be the Eye of Tyr.

PROMO - Claudio Castagnoli

Claudio has always seemed a little clunky on promos, which is understandable given his grasp of English is not always an easy one. The heat he brought, however, was great, and I truly felt like Claudio had been disrespected.

ANNOUNCEMENT - A New Partnership Forms!

When this company was first announced, I said on a few forums that all they needed to be successful was some involvement from other indies, mainly Chikara. I feel brilliant.

5. Shark Girl vs. Sara Del Rey - **

I really enjoyed this despite the length. I’m a dirty mark for Daffney and Del Rey, so the three person shark bite spot had me giggling, as did the chant afterwards.

6. Grudge Match #2 - The Osirian Portal vs. The Future is Now - ***

The story of the match involved the strife within the Osirian Portal, as Escorpion had lost several contests and appeared to lack focus in some of his matches. While the wrestling was good, I felt that the story itself was forced. They really must have put this together at the last minute; at least that’s what it felt like. Still, it got the point across, albeit somewhat disappointingly, and the action was crisp.

PROMO - Vin Gerard

If you’ve seen one Vin promo, you’ve seen them all. I much prefer him with his UnStable brethren where those guys can really shine in their smug insecurity. But this was solo Vin, so it was just OK.

7. Grudge Match #3 - Vin Gerard vs. Glacier - **

I’ll admit I actually really enjoyed the early stuff. The old-school chicken heel stuff was layered on thick, and had they exploded in the end, I would have lauded this match. Instead, they kept it slow and boring almost constantly. It became tedious to the point of near fury, and not in a good way. Not in a way that made me appreciate Vin Gerard’s heel work. After the match, I decided to do something more interesting…so I watched bark fall off a tree. Weeeee.

8. Grudge Match #4 - Fire & Soldier Ant and QuackenSaw vs. Buck Hawke & F.I.S.T. - ***3/4

Great way to end the show. It’s just good business for your MOTN to be in main event. Shocking, right? Everybody did great, and the heat was awesome. It set the stage for the feud-ending match between F.I.S.T. and the Colony, but also added to a growing QuackenSaw vs. F.I.S.T. rivalry, which would be big in the coming months. My only complaint would be that there was too much Buck Hawke. He’s fun…in small doses. Great match though.

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Two of the best young wrestlers Chikara has to offer will be clashing in Easton, Pennsylvania on October 17^th. Frightmare, after emerging victorious over Brandon Jonathan Michael Taylor Thomas in a rematch from the Young Lions Cup Tournament, has earned a title shot again Player Dos for his Young Lions Trophy. Both guys can be considered risk takers, so it could be either guy walking away as champion. Dos has the experience and the size advantage, but Frightmare’s ferociousness may not have a rival in Chikara.

An intriguing match-up in Easton will pit two teams with internal issues against one another. Green Ant called out the mysterious Carpenter Ant on his perceived lack of motivation, while Crossbones, after losing in the main event of Never Kneel at the Altar of Conformity, was nearly kicked out of the Order before UltraMantis allowed him to stay. Now Crossbones will be looking for revenge and gain favor with his friend by taking down the two youngest members of The Colony. The key to the match appears to be whichever team can get along will win…but there are no guarantees that either team can keep their grumbling in check.

Dasher Hatfield had some trouble getting a hold of the Super Smash Brothers, so he decided to find a new partner in his quest for three points. Well, Sugar Dunkerton answered the call. Unfortunately, they have to go up against some Badd dudes in Philly. The Badd Boyz, after beating the Colony to get their first point, could be looking at a possible three-point match-up here if they get past Helios and Dorado the night before. With that extra incentive, it’ll be tough to get past Chad and Brad; but if anyone can do it, it’s Dash & Dunk. Team Sports. BASEketball. The Old-Schools. Cloak and Dagger. Dash of Sugar. The Hardy Boyz. Team Discovery Channel. Just pick a name already…

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After being left out of this year’s Cibernetico, both The Osirian Portal and the Roughnecks probably feel a little bitter. I mean, let’s face it; they know that neither of their respective teams is winning a popularity contest anytime soon due to their bad guy shenanigans. But it’s still gotta sting when you’re pass over for an outsider team. It’s like their being one spot left on a dodge ball team and, instead of choosing you, the captain chooses someone from another school. It’s exactly like that. But with wrestling. The two teams will look to take frustrations out on each other. Or maybe they’ll hug it out. Probably not though.

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New Chikara DVD Releases:

Man Makes Plans, And God Laughs

Springfield, MA ~ 09/12/2009

1. Brendan Michael Thomas vs. Frightmare

2. The Badd Boyz vs. Fire & Green Ant

3. Grizzly Redwood vs. Steve “The Turtle” Weiner

4. Colin Delaney vs. Dasher Hatfield

5. The Super Smash Brothers vs. UltraMantis Black & Delirious

6. SeaDonsters No More: Tim Donst vs. Hydra

7. Vin Gerard, STIGMA & ???? vs. Mike Quackenbush, Lince Dorado & Equinox

8. Ophidian Returns: The Osirian Portal vs. Icarus & Chuck Taylor

9. For The First Time: Hallowicked vs. Claudio Castagnoli

Hiding In Plain Sight

Nashua, NH ~ 09/13/2009

1. Icarus & Chuck Taylor vs. Incoherence

2. Ariel vs. Sara Del Ray

3. Champions Of Charity Award Presentation

4. Eddie Kingston & Grizzly Redwood vs. UltraMantis Black & Delirious

5. Dragon’s Farewell: Mike Quackenbush & Jigsaw vs. Claudio Castagnoli & Bryan Danielson

6. The UnStable & 2.0 vs. Dasher Hatfield, Equinox, Lince Dorado, Carpenter Ant, & Green Ant

7. Young Lion’s Cup: Player Uno vs. Player Dos

8. Campeonatos de Parejas: The Osirian Portal vs. Fire & Soldier Ant

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Welcome to CHIKARMY Insider vs Belfort, brought to you by Tequila Cazadores. Tequila Cazadores: our tequila is made out of the tears of children whose fathers died in drunk driving accidents. Feel like having some now, right? DO YOU!? STRAIGHT EDGE. Ha! Just kidding. I heart tequila. Man, it must take a lot of energy to be CM Punk on a daily basis. I’d need more prescription drugs than Rite Aid carries to function. This week, you get a DVD review of “Behind the 8-Ball”, followed by an all-new episode of Top of the Heap starring Joseph Bologna and Matt LeBlanc. Then, UltraMantis Black decides it’s a good idea to provoke a mystical order of ninjas. I’m sure that will pay off. Then, it’s on to Classic Chikara. I got that part covered. Remember to drink your Tequila Cazadores before each meal in order to achieve maximum numbness throughout the day. Science!

Chikara DVD Review:

Behind the 8 Ball

The first post-King of Trios show, Behind the 8 Ball, was significant for several reasons. F.I.S.T., the 2009 King of Trios, continued their feud with The Colony, who lost both entry into King of Trios and their brother Worker Ant to the nefarious group. For the first time since “The Artistic Pursuit of Being Yourself” on September 20^th of the previous year, former friends and tag partners Jimmy “Equinox” Olsen and Colin Delaney went one on one. Finally, in the main event, Mike Quackenbush & Jigsaw got their first shot at the Campeonatos de Parejas against the Osirian Portal.

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GREATNESS - The DVD Menu

This is just awesome. It’s one of those unannounced, unexpected things that Chikara is known for. I could recommend this DVD for the Menu video alone. Poor Crossbones…

1. Entrance Theme Medley - *****

This is my favorite of all Louden’s songs. He worked really hard to get over every single portion of the song. The stuff about F.I.S.T. was inspired. Again, here’s more awesome non-wrestling stuff that Chikara gets right.

PROMO - Jagged and Shane Matthews

I like Jagged a little more than Shane on the shtick, but both guys are very good when given time to talk. Of course, even when they’re not given time…they’ll just take it.

2. 2.0 vs. Incoherence - **3/4

This was solid action from both teams, especially Hallowicked. He hit a great Yakuza kick to the side of Shane’s face while Matthews was holding a Boston Crab on Frightmare. Speaking of which, is there any move more over in 2.0 than Shane’s Crab hold? The fans always pop big for it. Nice ending, too, setting up the next night’s encounter.

PROMO - Nevaeh

Ugh. Could this have been any less purposeful? No? Thanks a lot Nevaeh.

3. Nevaeh vs. Shark Girl - *

Can we get Daffney to wrestle as Daffney or are her chest cannons too PG-13 for Chikara? Either way, this was a waste of time. Sorry girls.

4. Escorpion Egipcio vs. Helios - ***

Wow, I was pleasantly surprised by this. I have absolutely nothing but bad things to say about Escorpion usually, but Helios is great and they actually had a nice match together. Helios has the best 630 Splash in the business in my opinion. Sorry Jackie Boy.

5. Uno, Hydra, Gerard & Hawke vs. Dos, Lee, Donst & STIGMA - ***1/4

I don’t know what to make of this match. All sorts of craziness happened in it, and some of it was really good. The STIGMA/Gerard stuff was funny, Hawke versus Donst was great, and Uno versus Dos should have given us an indication of what was to come later in the year. But there also seemed to be a lot of confusion as well. Still, lots of shenanigans here, so I dug it.

6. Shadow Phoenix vs. Gran Akuma - ***1/4

It was a little sloppy at times, but both guys really went at each other and I liked it a ton. Akuma can be very hit-and-miss with me, but he was on point here. His Spider Suplex into a Moonsault is quickly becoming one of my favorite spots in wrestling because he hits his moonsault right on target every time. Shadow Phoenix, while a little predictable, looked strong. Good match.

PROMO - Chuck Taylor and Icarus

I couldn’t kayfabe hate anyone more than I kayfabe hate Icarus. Good promo by both guys.

7. Grudge Match - F.I.S.T. (Icarus/Taylor) vs. The Colony - ***1/2

Man did they bring the hate. Some of Fire Ant’s kicks to Taylor looked absolutely devastating. I loved the finish, too. The Cross Crab is going to be on a Cattle Mutilation level of overness if they stick to pushing it this way. This was all a lead-in for the next phase of the feud, but it was still awesome by itself.

POSTMATCH - Chikarason Lays Down the Law

This was a very effective segment, and the crowd really loved it. The whole feud’s been very good throughout.

PROMO - Colin Delaney

A solid promo, but that’s not Colin’s forte. He’s a good talker, but in a group and/or in the ring.

8. Young Lions Cup – Equinox vs. Colin Delaney - ***1/4

The stuff where Delaney was getting in his former partner’s head at the beginning was done very well, but I didn’t feel like they did a ton during the match to pay it off. If anything, it seemed to backfire on Delaney…which kinda makes sense, but not in a way that makes Colin a credible challenger. Still, these guys have fantastic chemistry. I didn’t like the finish, though. Again, are we supposed to by this guy as the Young Lions Cup champion when he goes down to one punch? This match really just pantsed Colin, but they both worked well together and I enjoyed it.

9. Campeonatos de Parejas – The Osirian Portal vs. Mike Quackenbush & Jigsaw - ****

Man this was fun. Quack has come up with some of the best spots ever. Case in point: Amasis does the Hammer Dance on the apron with Mike on the outside. Quackenbush responds with, “STOP! Hammertime!” and trips him up, sending him crashing to the floor. He also hit the nastiest palm strike I’ve ever seen on “The Phunky Faraoh”. The communication between Jig and Quack also added a lot of credibility to supposed “spontaneous” tag maneuvers. I wish more teams would do that. Quack and Jigsaw weren’t alone in their; The Portal held their own very well. They are both so young, yet they already work heel better than most guys on the indy scene…and they’re only going to get better. I don’t like Amasis kicking out of the QD4, but Quacks always devalues his moves in putting over his students, so I guess it’s fine. Great stuff overall from all four guys, and must-see in my opinion.

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In my interview with him, Grizzly Redwood stated that he didn’t care who he and his partner faced for the Campeonatos because “no matter who is in front of us, Brodie will run em’ over and I’ll chop em’ to bits.” Well, the Roughnecks have to be in top form when they face the brand-spanking new champs, Fire Ant and Soldier Ant, in the main event of the October 17^th show. But don’t take my word for it; the ‘Necks have already put out some comments regarding their championship match here. Easton is in for a war!

Gran Akuma versus Jigsaw. These two gentlemen have a long and storied history with one another. Both graduated as students of the second class from the Chikara Wrestle Factory. They took very different paths; Jigsaw would go on to regularly team with Rorschach for a number of years while Akuma started as a lone wolf before defeating Mitch Ryder and joining Icarus in creating F.I.S.T. Their paths would cross in a major way during 2006, as Jigsaw and his partner Shane Storm feuded with Icarus and Akuma, resulting in Icarus losing his hair and Akuma losing his trademark mask. This year saw their rivalry grow again, as Akuma turned on Jigsaw and his trainer Mike Quackenbush, siding with YAMATO at DGUSA’s debut show. Akuma holds several victories over Jigsaw this year by way of his devastating new finisher, The Rubix Cube. They have battled again and again, but this is their first singles competition against one another in Chikara, and you better believe they’re going to bring the hate.

This year’s theme for Cibernetico is “partner versus partner”, hence the super cool avatar above. I mean, who doesn’t love Cable and Deadpool?! No participants announced so far. Sad face.

Eddie Kingston, probably still pissed off after losing to Claudio by count-out and The Order of the Neo Solar Temple due to his partners pinfall, will take it out on someone named Ryuichi Kawakami. He is apparently a BJW rookie, trained be Stretch Armstr…I mean Daisuke Sekimoto. I know nothing about him, other than he will be very sore on Monday after facing “The King of Diamonds”. Here’s a video highlighting Mr. Kawakami. Heh heh…he’s beating up 2.0…that’s always funny.

So this is what Daizee Haze and Sara Del Rey’s blog posts (HERE and HERE, respectively) lead to? THIS!? I was hoping they’d team up, try to get three points, and challenge for the Colony’s title belts. Well, they are instead tagging against one another. The Haze’s partner is Atsuko Emoto, who you can get a feel for in this video. As for Sara’s partner, El Malcriada…she faced and lost to Allison Danger at King of Trios 2007 in her only Chikara appearance. That’s all I got. Here’s a video of her facing someone named Baby A. Here’s a video of Haze vs Del Rey. Here’s a video of a monkey riding a dog at a rodeo. MWA-HA-HA! CHIKARA!

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Welcome to CHIKARMY Insider and Sensibility, two things that don’t exactly go together smoothly. Lamb and tuna fish they are not. I was going to use another Jane Austen suffix to the column name, but I didn’t like the idea of the word prejudice in the title. Also, you know how you know you’ve made your mark on the world with your writing? When the last name of one of your characters is universally associated with being, like the character, an unwavering prick. I have been accused of being a “Darcy” in the past, but I disagreed vehemently. Still do. This week, you get the King of Trios: Night 3 DVD Review, news about next week’s Chikara shows in the north-east, and some Classic Chikara moments for your viewing pleasure.

Chikara DVD Review:

King of Trios: Night 3

On the final night of King of Trios 2009, the four remaining teams battled over who would be called the greatest triumvirate on the globe. The first semifinal match featured the dominant Team Uppercut taking on The UnStable. The second match featured massive rudo team F.I.S.T. facing the high-flying team The Future is Now. The winners of each match would face each other in the Main Event Finals. Also on Night 3: the finals of the 2009 Rey de Voladores, featuring Player Dos as a massive underdog against the exhilarating Kota Ibushi.

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PROMO - The UnStable

This was just kind of there. Wasn’t funny or interesting. It perfectly fit the UnStable: I don’t hate them, but I wouldn’t miss them if they magically disappeared.

1. The UnStable vs Team Uppercut - ***3/4

Great match that told a simple story: The UnStable suck, Uppercut doesn’t, and the weaselly rudos will do anything to get a win. Some of the early near-falls were fantastic and everyone did a great job. Cool seeing Dave hit his finisher, the dreaded float-over, bridging double underhook suplex!

2. F.I.S.T. vs The Future Is Now - ****1/4

This was my favorite match of the entire weekend. Seriously. You know when the fans get behind TFIN, even for a few minutes, something must be going right. Lince had to have broken a few ribs on his dive to the outside. His backflip uranage was good, but the 630 Senton Helios followed it with was even better. Great finish, too. Some people will argue that I’ve overrated this, but everyone played their roles to perfection, hit some innovative spots, and got TONS of heat. I’m also a sucker for a good heat segment (see: Finals).

3. El Generico vs Arik Cannon - ***1/4

Good back and forth action from these two. I’m not a huge “Anarchist” fan and he didn’t really do anything here to change my opinion. His punches are the only thing he adds to a match, but Generico trying (and failing) to brawl back was so cool. Hot finish, though the Glimmering Warlock is pretty stupid. It should be called “Fat Black Magic”. I think I’m being too hard on the guy. He really is a good grappler. I must be prejudicial for some reason.

4. Tag Team Gauntlet - ***1/4

This was SO long. It went at least 40 minutes, and only the last 10 or so were even worth watching. That said, it was an outstanding last few minutes. We got Soul Touchaz/Young Bucks, Bucks/Up in Smoke, UIS/Brodie & Grizzly, and The Roughnecks facing QuackenSaw to end it on a high. Still…TOO DAMN LONG.

PROMO - The North Star Colony

While the Ants order Green Ant to do up-downs, Darin Corbin and Ryan Cruz said…something. I was too busy giggling at Fire Ant listening to his iPod using his long ant ears to hear what they were saying.

5. Amasis, Ophidian, KUDO & Michael Nakazawa vs The Colony & North Star Express - ***1/2

Pretty funny match. Amasis and Chucky T should have a girlish scream-off. Dunno who’d win (lose?). KUDO hit some really nasty stuff. NSE hit a move called Shellshock, a double hip attack. It’s incredibly stupid (not in a good way) and the Express hit the damn thing in EVERY match they were in. Needs to go. Nakazawa’s Slippery Ring of Impassability was a sight to behold, as was his less successful Slippery Suplex. KUDO’s finish was nice. I’d like to see he and Akuma go at it one-on-one.

PROMO - Eddie Kingston

I personally think King is very COMFORTABLE in front of a microphone, if not always very passionate. I know, criminal right? Well, it’s my opinion and I stand behind it, just out of backfist range. He was fine here, but sometimes when he’s not SUPER PISSSSSED and just being himself, he can lose focus.

6. Austin Aries vs Eddie Kingston - ***1/2

Awesome fun from both guys. The early going saw Aries force Eddie to keep running the ropes. When Kingston got too winded to move, Aries slapped him and took two victory laps. Then Eddie got mad. Some vicious strikes by both guys, and Kingston Sliding-D looked like it may have wrecked his elbow. Or Eddie sells like a master. Either could be true.

7. Rey de Voladores Final - Player Dos vs Kota Ibushi - ***1/2

“Holy Crap, Kota Ibushi has some crazy flips and dives! He’s so innovative!” That was me a year ago. Now? Eh. I’ve seen it all before. There’s no magic left in a lot of Ibushi’s tricks. Still, it was pretty exciting, and Dos added a nice underdog element. He nailed a crazy suicide corkscrew senton to a standing Ibushi, and worked in a few good spots between Kota’s. Not a classic, but still very fun, and once again the crowd really elevates the experience.

PROMO - Team Uppercut

Apparently, in a game of “Rock, F.I.S.T., Uppercut”, Uppercut beats F.I.S.T. every time. Seems like a poorly thought out game then. UPPERCUT!

8. King of Trios Final - F.I.S.T. vs Team Uppercut - ****

I really wanted to bump this higher, but it was criminally short at about eleven minutes. Still, it’s the third best match of all three nights, just below the Night 2 RVD match with Kota and Generico. As I mentioned before, the work over segment in this was really good. It wasn’t spectacular, but because no other teams did any long workovers in the tournament, F.I.S.T. doing it felt fresh and worked wonderfully. There were two absolutely amazing near falls in this and they really added to the drama. And the finish…my God the finish. Never in my life did I think I’d see it. The crowd exploded with shock. So did I. Great match. Great tournament.

Added to Man Makes Plans, and God Laughs:

Chikara’s return to Massachusetts wouldn’t be complete without one of their signature Six-Man Tag Matches. West Springfield will see “Lightning” Mike Quackenbush team with Golden Lynx and Aequus Nox to face STIGMA and two guys that are totally not related, Vin Gerard and Chuck Taylor. Hopefully, Chuck’s hair has turned back to his natural color. Chuck’s reward for trading Green Ant’s costume to a young Japanese wrestler was some funky Japanese hair tonic designed to grow hair back quickly, which turned his chocolate main into a grass green mess. Way to haggle, champ. As per usual with Chikara Pro, this randomly-assembled, completely unpredictable multi-man could very easily steal the show.

The ant is considered one of the most durable animals in creation. They are focused, can lift 20 times their own body weight, and they come in numbers. That being said, they have serious disadvantages and weaknesses. They are not fond of water or concentrated sunlight, have no defense for pest control chemicals, and they can be defeated with a swift series of shoe stomps. Well, Fire Ant and Green Ant will have to overcome these biological shortcomings when they face Brad and Chad Badd: The Badd Boyz, a tread-loving tandem if there ever was one. The Badd Boyz, regulars in Inter Species Wrestling, will look to do what 2.0, a ridiculous and completely unrelated tag team, couldn’t do back at YLC: Night 1: defeat the Colony. In that match, it was Soldier Ant teaming with Fire Ant. This time around, the very young Green Ant steps in and hopes to replicate his fellow Ant’s success against Chad and Brad.

It would appear that Player Uno and Player Dos, the Super Smash Brothers, have no ill will towards each other, despite Dos beating Uno on his way to The Young Lions Cup. They’ll need to stay a tight unit against the nefarious rudos from The Order of the Neo-Solar Temple, UltraMantis Black and his mind-controlled minion Delirious. But the Smash Brothers should be fine. They’re both men, almost brothers even, and they should be able to put aside any tension harbored from the YLC tournament in their effort to get back into tag team title contention. I mean, these guys love each other. They’re all BFF on MySpace, kicking back playing Missile Command in their leisure. There is absolutely no reason to believe that these two guys, despite Player Dos being the singles champion in Chikara, can’t come together as the powerful duo they once were and reclaim their Campeonatos de Parejas. Unless, you know…Player Uno challenges Dos for the Young Lions Cup. But even then, for there to be immediate tension, it’d have to take place on, like, the next night in New Hampshire.

Added to Hiding in Plain Sight:

WHAT!? Oh come on! Not cool, guys. Not cool! And it’s for the Young Lions Cup!? GUYS! My best friend Ally and I spent all that time on this week’s CHIKARMY Insider banner, and now it might serve as little more than a painful reminder of your eventual divorce. I’m so…ugh. OK, it’s alright. Like I was saying before, these two guys are friends and friends don’t take things personally. Like the time my brother took my Nintendo 64 with him on vacation and didn’t send it back like he said he would. I let that go, so Uno and Dos should…uh…you know what? I didn’t let that go. I mean, what kind of nonsense is that; to just take something, make a promise, and not honor it? It’s 62.5 MHz of malarkey, that’s what it is! See, now I’m really mad. Kyle, when I get my hands on you, I’ll, uh…well, I guess I wasn’t as over it as I thought I was. Hopefully, these two comrades are more mature than me and my brother, or else it’s R.I.P. SSB I guess.

If Delirious and his pompous puppeteer UltraMantis Black manage to get past The Colony in Springfield, then their match against Eddie Kingston and Grizzly Redwood, two-thirds of The Roughnecks, will take on greater meaning. A win over the Ants and a win over the ‘Necks would put The Order on the fast-track to a tag-team title fight. The Roughnecks have questions of their own. Ever since losing to Incoherence back at The Bobliographon, the ‘Necks have been a tag team, without third member Eddie Kingston. Whether there’s any animosity between the two is anyone’s guess. I probably should have asked Grizzly when I had the chance. Instead, I asked him what he “marked” for. Ugh. I may not be smart man, but…I got nothing here. I dropped the ball this time guys. I shall improve.

This is called karma, Mr. Tim Donst. First, you turn on your friend Hydra after a match, brutalizing him in the center of the ring. Then, you bury your teacher Mike Quackenbush in a blog post on Chikara’s main site. Well, turning rudo has its consequences, and that result is Vökoder. Vökoder has been on a warpath ever since debuting on Night 2 of the Young Lions Cup, where he rolled through the competition and nearly got to the finals before being stopped by the eventual winner, Player Dos. Both men have something to prove. For Donst, it’s whether he’s really better off turning his back on his friends. For Vökoder, it’ll be interesting to see if his dominance continues or whether he was just the right guy at the right time in the tournament. There were claims that Vökoder had started to gain “robot powers” right before he was pinned by Dos, a fact that does not bode well for young Donst. This is a good lesson for all you kids out there: if you turn on your friends, your boss will make you fight a robot. As classic a lesson as there has ever been.

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WSNEWSNEWSNEWSNEWSNE!

- In October, Chikara is running two shows: “An Optimistic View of a Pessimistic World” Saturday, October 17th in Easton & “Cibernetico Increible” Sunday, October 18th in Philadelphia. It has been suggested that this year’s Cibernetico will be partner versus partner, continuing the theme from YLCV7. Wait, so Uno and Dos could face each other AGAIN!?!? EXPRESSION OF ANGER!

- The entire Young Lions Cup weekend is out now on DVD. Link at the bottom. Buy them all, or you won’t be able to get into The T-Birds or The Pink Ladies. The Cycle Lords will mock you. It’ll be a whole thing. Just buy them!

- DGUSA’s first PPV, Enter the Dragon, debuted on Friday night. It was outstanding, and the Chikara Showcase match stole the damn show. After the match, Quack challenged any DG wrestler to face any Chikara wrestler. YAMATO came out and kicked Mike low, a clear sign of disrespect. Jigsaw and Gran Akuma made the save…then Akuma turned on Jigsaw! Well, it seems that YAMA appreciated Akuma’s help, so at DGUSA’s second event, Open the Untouchable Gate in Chicago on September 6^th, it’s Mike Quackenbush and Jigsaw taking on YAMATO and Gran Akuma. If you’re in Chicago this weekend, there’s no reason to miss it!

- Next week’s column will be on Sunday, and will contain results from the two Chikara shows, and news that may rear its head, and the first installment of Horrible Gimmicks Run Amok~!

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Classic Chikara!

- Already seemingly a classic, this first video features the debut of Dasher Hatfield, CAW’s latest incarnation. His music is incredibly awesome, and here’s hoping the fans stay behind him.

- Next weekend’s shows will feature the return of The Osirian Portal now that Ophidian has healed up. Here’s a video montage of some of their wacky tandem offense, which includes dancing, lots of arm drags, and just a pinch of hypnosis.

- Finally, and perhaps most painfully, here’s a video on the Super Smash Brothers, who will probably break up before the year is out and I’ll cry and require therapy and get shock treatment and then I’ll be fine…if a little twitchier. Next week, I will see you.

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This week’s CHIKArtie, the Strongest Man in the Insider features a dazzling review of King of Trios: Night 2, an update on all upcoming shows in Chikara, and…that’s it. Yeah, so not my strongest outing ever, but it was inventory this week, so I was swamped. Plus, Chikara’s between shows, so it can get a little slim in the news department. I wanted to debut a new bit here on these pages but I couldn’t decide which one was worse: Horrible Gimmicks Run Amok! where I feature a really awful, eye-rolling gimmicks for Chikara fans to mock mercilessly, or Six Degrees of Chikara, where I attempt to connect a Chikara regular with a famous person in six degrees or less. That last one sounds like way more fun with e-mails from fans (Fans? What fans?) so I’ll probably end up doing the gimmick one starting in a week or so. As it stands, enjoy what I done for ya. ENJOY IT!

Chikara DVD Review:

King of Trios: Night 2

On the second night of the 2009 King of Trios tournament, the eight winning teams from Night 1 did battle to secure spots in the final four on Night 3. Here were the teams:

Also taking place on Night 2: the 2009 Rey de Voladores, a tournament designed to pit the best high flyers in the business against one another. That’s right: a tournament within a tournament! Two four-man elimination matches would determine which two wrestlers went to the finals on Night 3. Here were the competitors:

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1. Austin Aries vs Matt Jackson vs Player Dos vs Fire Ant - ***3/4

Lots of energy in this one, and it was a great way to kick off the show. I was actually most impressed by Matt Jackson. Never thought I’d see the day Player Dos pinned A-Double, who reverted to his heel character inexplicably.

PROMO - The F1RST Family

This was going ok…then Darin Corbin went crazy. He went “Macho Man” and threatened all manner of violence. His stablemates had a hard time restraining him. Very funny.

2. The F1RST Family vs F.I.S.T. - ***1/2

A very solid match between two of the longest tagging trios in Chikara. Everybody hit their stuff, and I love it when Icarus picks up a win off a pedigree. That always pisses the crowd right off. A six-man triangle choke makes an appearance as well.

3. The Submission Squad vs Davey Vega & Gary the Barn Owl - *

I originally wrote this a couple months ago, and I summed up this match with a one-word slur used by Cartman on the episode of South Park entitled “Fatbeard”. I found it hilariously accurate at the time, but the reference now seems dated, so I’ll say instead, “Man these guys is foos. They should not come back to Chikara. They would be just turrible.” Round Mound for all win ever.

PROMO - The Future is Now

This was as generic as it gets, although I was impressed with how comfortable Jimmy Ol…I mean Equinox…was in the promo.

4. The Osirian Portal vs The Future Is Now - **3/4

Look, I actually like TFIN, but you gotta hit your spots, guys. Escorpion’s suckitude was not as prevalent in this. Still, I liked this just as much as the Future’s first-round match…in that I didn’t. Lince nearly killing himself on a dive was pretty funny though. Also, I just added the word “suckitude” to my Microsoft Word dictionary. Something tells me I will need it from time to time, especially when dealing with singles matches from STIGMA. Heh-heh, a Shane Storm potshot. I’m so cool…

5. El Generico vs Nick Jackson vs Jigsaw vs Kota Ibushi - ****1/4

Sweaty Balls! This was insane! I thought the entire crowd was going to drop dead of an overdose of kickassery. The Kota/Generico stuff was legend, again. This is one of those matches that sneaks up on you, because you don’t think that the sum parts could possibly all maximize their potential in one glorious moment of wrestling glory…but it does. It so totally does. My only complaint would be that the pinfalls happened too quickly, but it was still the best frickin’ match of Night 2.

PROMO - The UnStable

This was slightly better than TFIN’s promo, if only for the entire team constantly stroking their mustaches. Vin’s was pretty impressive, but Aries should have showed up with an electric razor threatening a “lip stripping”. Oh well.

6. The UnStable vs. Da Soul Touchaz - ***1/4

Gotta be honest, the only thing I remember from this was Willie and Marshe pulling out a russian leg sweep / lungblower combo. It was bananas. Oh, and Willie applying a sick double stacked boston crab. I think Gerard got a flash roll-up. *shrugs*

PROMO - The Super Smash Bros.

Uno was boring me until Dos showed up with a present. I really like both of those guys, and the new outfits were pretty damn sharp.

7. Twiggy vs. Player Uno - ***

This was fine, I guess. I’m a fan of Uno and I liked his and Dos’ new ring gear. Twiggy’s finisher was called “The Al Bundy Fan Club”. No Ma’am references were a’ plenty. I giggled.

PROMO - Team Uppercut

Dave Taylor can’t wait to take on Johnny Saint. Claudio wants a piece of Quack. Danielson…well…he doesn’t know Skayde…but he can’t wait to get his hands on him! UPPERCUT!

8. Team Uppercut vs Masters Of A Thousand Holds - ****1/4

The first time I watched this match, for some reason, I was really let down by it. I remember being completely underwhelmed, and at times a tad bored. Having rewatched the match for this review, I’ve come to the conclusion that I fell asleep and dreamt of a different, much less interesting match. This match is great. There’s some surprising sloppiness from Quack and Claudio, but nothing too distracting. Claudio actually said recently that, when all is said and done, he may be most proud of this contest. There were tons of wrestling nerd moments. Saint facing Dragon and Taylor was just so cool. Hot finish to this as well. BRING. DAVE. TAYLOR. BACK. ALWAYS.

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Added to Man Makes Plans, and God Laughs:

During a recent sit-down interview, “Lightning” Mike Quackenbush mentioned Steve “The Turtle” Weiner with great fondness, stating that he “deserves every booking that he gets”. Well, Leonard F. Chikarason must feel the same way, because “The Turtle” isn’t booked against any opponent. He’s got to tangle with the red-hot Grizzly Redwood. The “Littlest Lumberjack” is unde-fricken-feated this year in singles matches. I’m dead serious. So it will take all Weiner has if he is to best the Grizz. I would bring fancy technology to confuse Redwood, like a robot dog or a Neo Geo, and hope to secure a roll-up. But I’m a coward. I’m no man. I’m not…Steve “The Turtle” Weiner.

Well there ain’t no rest for the wicked, as Ophidian will have to jump right back in the saddle and make his long-awaited return to Chikara as The Osirian Portal defend their belts against 66.6% of F.I.S.T., Icarus and Gran Akuma. It has been about four and a half months since the Portal have defended their straps, and with several other challengers on the horizon, Amasis and Ophidian cannot make the mistake of overlooking Chikara’s veteran duo, who will be challenging for the belts for the first time in over a year. A win here would make F.I.S.T. the first two-time holder of the tag titles in Chikara, but a Portal victory would tie them with Incoherence as the team with the most tag title defenses. History will be made in Massatu…Massetchu… the Elks Lodge.

Added to Hiding in Plain Sight:

LFC continues to pile on the fun in New Hampshire, where the main event will see The Colony challenge for the Campeonatos de Parejas. Their opponents will be determined in the main event of the previous night’s shows, as the winner of Portal vs F.I.S.T. not only gets the gold, they get to face Fire and Soldier Ant the next night! Let us take a look at our options here:

A) The Colony face The Osirian Portal in a rematch of their tremendous match back at Revelation X, only this time it will be contested under standard 2 out of 3 Falls rules and the Ant won’t have to worry about Escorpion…yeah, let’s not mention him again. Who this favors is anyone’s guess, but the Portal will have the advantage going into the contest having already beat bested The Colony previously.

B) Fire and Soldier Ant take on Icarus and Akuma in a reigniting of their blood-feud that seemingly ended at Aniversario Yang with Icarus and Chuck Taylor losing their respective manes. However, these two teams have not actually faced each other in a tag match since Two Eyebrows are Better than One back in January of 2008. That contest ended with the Ants going over, but it’s been a while since then, and F.I.S.T. is on fire this year, so it’s anyone’s game.

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There has been a change to the show names of upcoming Chikara events. On October 17^th and 18^th, in Easton and Philadelphia, Chikara presents An Optimistic View of a Pessimistic World followed by the annual Torneo Cibernetico event Cibernetico Incredible. A month later on November 21^st and 22^nd, Chikara will run Eaton and Philly again, this time for Throwing Life’s Instructions Away on Saturday and Three-Fisted Tales as the Season Finale show on Sunday. Se yu net wek1

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