Pro Wrestling Ponderings

Hello friends, it’s time for another WWE Pay-Per-View. Whoever scheduled this show on the same day as the first day of the NFL season should be shot.

-Opening melodramatic video package. Apparently, this concept is innovative. I thought it was gimmickly, but I guess that shows what I know.

-Live from Montreal, Bizarroland (Site of a rather famous event if I recall… that being Ring of Honor’s “The Hunt is On,” featuring some of the quietest fans ever)

-Your hosts are the only six people who chose to watch Breaking Point over opening night of the NFL season.

-Unified Tag Team Championships: The Big Show and Chris Jericho (champions) vs. Mark Henry and MVP

Let’s just get out of this way. MVP has no sleeves, and he starts with Chris Jericho. Announcers bring up Jericho denouncing Canada to remind everyone of WWE’s hatred of this country. Hiposs leads to a quick cover. Henry gets a shot in, and Jericho isn’t looking so good until a fist to the face changes things. Doesn’t last as MVP gets a neckbreaker. Tag to the big man. Jericho bolts for the corner and Show is tagged in. Oh God. Show and Henry have the slowest sequence this side of Kane and Khali. We’ll go to the other side of the match later. As Henry is about to slam Show, Jericho runs in and prevents the enormous slam. Henry is your dark-chocolate-in-peril. Double clothesline spot leads to Henry getting the hot tag to MVP. Jericho is also in. Throw, elbow, and a big lariat. Now it’s time to go ballin’. Long two count. MVP counters out of the “Walls of Jericho.” Spear by Show after a blind tag. MVP is now your ex-con-in-peril. What a dreadfully boring opener. MVP hits a DDT and makes a hot tag of his own to Henry. Jericho is stuck in the ring with the rather portly Henry. Press slam and a big splash. Show interrupts. MVP gets tossed out of the ring. Show does as well. Henry with a clothesline but as the referee is about to count to three, Jericho gets his foot on the ropes. Henry throws Jericho to counter the codebreaker. Show hits the power of the punch. Jericho gets three. I yawn.

Winner/Time/Rating: STILL Unified Tag Team Champions- Chris Jericho and The Big Show/13:12/*

-I think it’s time for this little experiment to end. Jericho has now been involved in two dreadfully boring matches on the last two Pay-Per-Views after having one of the best feuds of 2009 with Rey Mysterio. If it were to keep D-X out of the world title picture, I say let them have the tag belts. That way they can be on both shows, but don’t necessarily have to be in the main event all the time. I really just want Jericho to start having show-stealing matches again.

-Interview with Legacy. Apparently, D-X has never submitted. That’s high comedy right there. Seriously, what other sport or television show could get away with this level of changing history without getting torn apart by their fanbase? It says a lot about WWE fans that there isn’t even that level of awareness. Dibiase throwing the glow stick was awesome.

-United States Championship: Kofi Kingston (champion) vs. The Miz

Miz cuts a promo in French before we officially get started. You want a guy who should be wrestling for the world title in 2010? Kofi should most definitely be that man. He’s over. He has great matches. He appears to be clean. Why not? Can’t be any worse than that guy who wrestled CM Punk in the Summerslam main event. MIz takes the early advantage with a headlock. Miz goes for his finisher early, but Kofi reverses. Miz regains control with lefts, but two crossbodies switch things back. Kofi bounces off the ropes using his head. In the corner and Miz kicks away. Slingshot as the crowd treats this match like they treated Jimmy Jacobs against Tyler Black. Modified chickenwing. Announcers talk about how Miz’ matches with Cena elevated him. In what way? Nice boot to the face. Kofi is quite awesome. Faceplanter. Miz deposited to the outside. Miz grabs Kofi and causes him to land backfirst on the edge of the ring. Miz uses a double axehandle for two. He gets a little penisy and Kofi fires off a couple kicks. Kofi just can’t get anything going. Kofi finally gets a series of kicks. Miz goes for the finisher again, but Kofi counters out and hits… something. Not sure what it was but it looked cool. Backbreaker and a reverse DDT by Miz. Blind charge leads to a double boot. Leaping lariat. Boom drop doesn’t work out so well as Miz lefts his knees. Only a two count. Series of covers now. Russian legsweep and the boom drop. To the top and a crossbody is reversed into a two count for Miz. Roll-up with a handful of tights and Miz is not happy. High knee countered and sends Miz into the ropes. Trouble in Paradise kick. 1-2-3.

Winner/Time/Rating: STILL United States Champion- Kofi Kingston/11:59/***1/4

-I think these two guys were almost trying to have a great match instead of simply having a great match. Overall, the effort was certainly there, and there were enough quality moves and counters to make this a nice little match. I’m a huge proponent of seeing both guys elevated, and this did nothing to convince me otherwise. Here’s hoping both guys find their way into the upper card at some point in 2010.

-Submissions Count Anywhere: D-Generation X (Triple H and Shawn Michaels) vs. Legacy (Ted Dibiase and Cody Rhodes

Eleven years ago, these guys were cooking sausages. Now they’re tossing glow sticks.  Triple H mentions something while the crowd chants “You Screwed Rhett?” I’m confused. When was Rhett Titus in WWE? And I thought he was a virgin. Very confusing.

I think the problem with this match is that the babyfaces already won the first match, and no one actually believed Legacy has a chance in hell of winning that match or this match. The fact D-X so thoroughly dominates the first few minutes of this match only confirms what the crowd is likely thinking. They go out into the crowd and brawl, pretty dumb move considering Shawn Michaels is in this match and Canadians aren’t exactly in love with him. All we need is a spot in the bathroom and it’s Kevin Sullivan booking. Hunter and HBK go for figure fours in the freaking lobby. That was cool. Dibiase rakes the eyes. “Ole” chants by the crowd. Where’s El Generico? Back towards ringside and Legacy has had minimal offense. Triple H hooks Cody in a sharpshooter while Shawn gets a camel clutch. This all takes place with Cody tangled in a chair. That was also cool. Dibiase saves the day and rams Hunter into the stairs. Back inside with Dibiase working over Hunter untila spinebuster changes the advantage. Crossface but Rhodes saves the match now. Shawn skins the cat and gets a headscissors on Cody. Dibiase counters and Cody then hooks some sort of backbreaker. Hunter saves his buddy.

Hunter tells Dibiase to suck it as Shawn and Rhodes head to the backstage area. Now they go back into the crowd. Shawn chops his opponent as he sits in one of the seats. Shawn is sent flying out of the stands onto a table. Wasn’t that impressive looking. Hunter looks over his fallen comrade, and he hulks up. He goes to work on both members of Legacy. Dibiase gets backdropped on the stage. Rhodes gets Triple H to chase him backstage. FINALLY, Legacy gets the advantage. I bet the crowd loves having to watch one of the main event matches happen on a screen instead of live. Hunter hooks in a crossface, but Dibiase puts an end to that. Rhodes hits Hunter with a chair, and they leave to go back to work on Shawn Michaels. Now Legacy goes to work on Shawn Michaels. Back inside the ring. Michaels vainly tries to come back, but Rhodes hooks an anklelock. This match has NO HEAT. This really does feel like “The Hunt is On.” Michaels hits the superkick on Rhodes as Hunter tries to get back on his feet. Michaels grabs a figure four, a nice callback to Michaels picking up the win with this same move last Monday. Dibiase prevents his partner from tapping. Legacy tries a spike piledriver, but Michaels gets out of it. Rhodes and Michaels battle by a corner post before Rhodes applies a figure four on it. Dibiase hooks the Million Dollar Dream as Triple H tries to make his way to ringside. Michaels finally taps.

Winner/Time/Rating: Ted Dibiase and Cody Rhodes/21:43/***

I’m ecstatic about Legacy winning, but this match happened in front of the wrong crowd. There was zilch heat for this, and it went way too long. I’m giving it a good rating because the execution of the last ten minutes were excellent, and the drama was there. Too bad the crowd didn’t give a lick. At least Legacy got to actually win a match. Too bad this should have been their second straight victory because we all know what’s happening next month. Whether in Hell in a Cell or not, D-X is putting this feud to sleep.

-Randy Orton interview. He asks Josh Mathews to sit in a very Chris Hanson like way. I fall asleep. God, what a boring interview Orton is.

Kane vs. The Great Khali

I’m not going to make any jokes about the general crappiness of this match due to Khali’s health being so poor. I feel it would be truly unfair to rip a guy in this bad a shape. Needless to say, the match isn’t very good and Kane wins. Somehow, it was even worse then what I saw at Summerslam.

Winner/Time/Rating: Kane/4:53/-**

-I said no jokes, but seriously… We lost Dolph Ziggler against John Morrison for this garbage? This is why no one in the states wants to buy the Pay-Per-Views anymore.

-Eve Torres is now an interviewer again. CM Punk sounds as cocky ever, and he takes a shot at Jeff Hardy. What a great line about the mug shot. Lights go out but it’s just Jimmy Wang Yang. Punk beats him up. Poor Jimmy.

-We see the ECW title match from Summerslam. All eight seconds of it.

-ECW Title: Christian (champion) vs. William Regal (Vladamir Kozlov and Exekiel Jackson)

We really needed a Kozlov interview talking about breaking Christian. Little Rocky IV for everyone out there. Jackson and Kozlov are banned from ringside, meaning Christian gave Tiffany something French. What that is I leave up to the reader. Stryker mentions a major title in 1997 changing hands in Montreal. What is he talking about? Crowd seems into this match which is a change of pace. The match thankfully goes more than eight seconds, and there’s a basic wrestling sequence to start. Christian hits a crossbody, but is pushed off the other corner to the outside. Modified chinlock. Regal stretches Christian out with a modified surfboard, but he eats some elbows to the face. Leap off the second rope into a sunset flip. Regal quickly recovers and hits a knee. Vicious. Regalplex gets two. Submission hold focusing on the neck. Left forearms followed by a European uppercut. Christian comes back with a tornado DDT. Left hand again by Regal that almost gets two. Another beautiful Regalplex gets two. Wow. Christian with a flurry of offense now. A big elbow to the face gets two. Regal hits a rolling senton again only two. Killswitch attempt sends Christian to the ropes throat first. Regal bounces off the ropes, but Christian counters into the killswiitch for the victory.

Winner/Time/Rating: STILL ECW Champion-Christian/11:16/***1/2

-See what happens when you give these two time. You get a fucking great match.

-RAW promo. Batista has announcement. Don’t care. Trish Stratus is coming back. Okay, that I care about. Her presence will literally keep me away from Monday Night Football.

-Pat Patterson comes out… not the first time that’s happened. There doesn’t seem to be a reason for this until Dolph Ziggler comes out… not in the same way I don’t believe… and Morrison makes the save. What an incredibly lame segment with unfunny scripted lines that make Ziggler seem like the biggest geek in the world. Considering how low on time we’re running, this should have been cut immediately.

-“I Quit” WWE Championship: Randy Orton (champion) vs. John Cena

Five letters. Two words. Let’s see how WWE squeaks out of this one without having one of these guys say those magic words. Hot and heavy to start. Cena quickly misses a dive and gets knocked into the RAW announce table. Orton takes one of the monitors and nails Cena with it. Orton hits the DDT from the middle rope. He grabs a chair and places it right in the middle of the ring. Crowd has woken up and is going with duel chants. Orton tries the RKO into the chair again, but Cena hits his usual offense before hitting the five knuckle shuffle. Attitude Adjustment thwarted as Orton rams Cena’s neck on the top rope. Orton preps for the punt. He misses but Cena tries to hook in the STF. Both men end up on the outside and Orton throws Cena into the steps. Cena gets those same steps right in the face. Orton places Cena on the bottom two steps that remain, and he kicks him right in the head. Cena still won’t quit.

I’m actually digging this match because they’re playing off what happened on Monday. They’re actually using storytelling. Orton grabs a bag, but thankfully they aren’t thumb tacks. Instead, Orton has handcuffs. He puts the key around his neck in a mistake every other supervillian I’ve ever seen make. Orton goes to town on the handcuffed Cena. Microphone shot which unfortunately doesn’t make a good noise. Orton handcuffs Cena’s hands together and hangs him from the top rope. Oh boy. This is rapidly becoming that one scene in Pulp Fiction. You know what I’m talking about if you’ve seen it. Orton punches Cena and spills water in his face to make sure his opponent doesn’t pas out. When the referee asks Cena if he wants to quit, he spits water in Orton’s face. Awesome. Now it’s kendo stick time. Some pretty vicious shots, including one to the skull. Cena… will… not… quit. Low blow by the challenger, and Cena is scarred up.

Orton hits Cena with a chair and handcuffs him to the bottom turnbuckle. Another chairshot. Cena says no. Orton misses a second shot and gets backdropped. Cena finally gets the key and unhandcuffs himself. The hands shaking were an excellent touch. And in the bitterest of ironies, Cena handcuffs Orton to himself. Cena beats Orton up outside and inside the ring. Attitude Adjustment is turned into an RKO. Orton has to drag Cena over to get the key. Cena begins struggling and just chokes Orton with the handcuff. Wow. Orton QUITS. He said the words. Holy shit.

Winner/Time/ Rating: NEW WWE Champion-John Cena/19:50/****1/4

-I’m not kidding with that rating folks. This was one of the finest bits of storytelling you’ll ever see in a match. As far as moves, it might not have been spectacular, but it was more than made up for with the camerawork and the facials. Whoever conceived this match deserves a raise because I guarantee you this is one of the best executed matches of 2009. This is easily the best WWE match since Undertaker/Shawn Michaels. Props to both Cena and Orton. And considering how much I hate Orton, that takes a lot for me to say.

-We’re rapidly running out of time, but of course we get another long ass video package. Seriously, why are Punk/Taker main eventing? There’s not a chance in hell of them topping Cena/Orton. And believe me, that is not easy for me to say either.

-World Heavyweight Championship: CM Punk (champion) vs. The Undertaker

Undertaker’s entrance also takes forever. Jesus, what a waste of time. Punk flees to start. Tick. Tick. Tick. I’m still somewhat receovering the last match. Taker and Punk just go back and forth until Taker just throws Punk out of the ring. Impressive. Taker goes to work with right hands. He absolutely dominates this match and Punk gets a minimum amount of offense until Punk finally hits the dead man with chairshots. Big knee shot, but Punk is sent to the corner. Shoulders by Taker and it’s time to go old school. Punk uses a counter and fires elbows and rights. Headbutt but a running kick stops the Taker rally. Superplex by Punk. More back and forth. Taker rams him into both corners, hits the snake eyes, hits the boot, and finally hits the leg drop. Chokeslam countered by a kick. Gogoplex and Punk taps. Oh, fuck you WWE.

BUT WAIT!

Teddy Long comes out and announces that this hold was banned by Vickie Guerrero, and it is still banned. So the match gets restarted. Punk hooks in the Anaconda Vice. It doesn’t appear Taker taps, but for some strange reason the ref call for the bell? Huh? What the hell is going on? Too hard to time this with the bell ringing and the restart.

Winner/Time/Rating: STILL World Heavyweight Champion- CM Punk/N/A/ *1/2

-I need to go to Wikipedia and do some research on this because I’m really confused. I’ll have more on this ending and a couple of other strange comments coming up Thursday in “This Week in Wrestling.” Boy am I confused.

-What I do know is this match didn’t get near enough time, and you’d think WWE would be smart enough to know how to time these Pay-Per-Views after 25 years of doing them. Seriously, look at a clock or stopwatch. It’s not that difficult. I assure you.

Final Thoughts: With the exception of a strange ending, this was a fairly good WWE Pay-Per-View. There was some good and creative booking. In the greatest of all ironies, RAW and ECW actually produced the good matches on this card while Kane/Khali sucked a big one and the world title match was cut short because of incompetence. I’d definitely recommend the DVD for the WWE title match and ECW title match. Also, D-X does the job. When does that ever happen?

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Key Arena – Seattle, Washington – 2.15.09

DVD Release Date: March 17, 2009

MATCH #1: Elimination Chamber Match for the WWE Championship – Edge vs. Triple H vs. Undertaker vs. Jeff Hardy vs. Big Show vs. Vladimir Kozlov

In qualifying matches: Undertaker beat Mark Henry (Smackdown 1/30); Big Show beat Festus (Smackdown 1/30); Triple H beat Vladimir Kozlov and The Great Khali in a three-way match (Smackdown 1/30); and Vladimir Kozlov won a 15-man battle royal (Smackdown 2/6). Edge has been the champion since 1.25.09, and this is his first defense. It’s not too often that Undertaker comes out first on a pay-per-view. Edge gets fantastic heel heat; I miss him. Hardy and Edge start the match, and Hardy wants revenge. The challenger is on a roll right away, knocking Edge down with a series of clotheslines. Edge comes back with a big boot. He tries to put Hardy away but can’t do so just yet. Hardy comes back with a headscissors, and hits his legdrop and a dropkick to the face. He’s able to hit the Twist of Fate, but then misses the Swanton. Edge tries a Spear, but Hardy rolls him up in an inside cradle and Edge is gone at about 3:04! The crowd pops huge as they both get the satisfaction of Edge getting some comeuppance and the realization that a new WWE Champion will be crowned. Edge is livid. Hardy gets a few moments to rest before Kozlov is released from his cage. Kozlov levels Hardy with a big boot and then drives shoulders into his midsection. Hardy fights back and tries a leap off the second rope but Kozlov gets a battering ram right into the sternum. Kozlov takes the fight to Hardy outside the ring, ramming him into the chamber wall, and then dumping him back in the ring for a two-count. The Moscow Mauler is dominating here. Hardy slips out of a powerslam and dropkicks Kozlov into the turnbuckle and hits the corner dropkick. He follows up with Whisper in the Wind, and while both men are down Big Show enters the fray. Show goes right after Hardy while Kozlov regroups. Hardy is in big trouble now, getting double-teamed by Show and Kozlov. After several minutes of working together, Kozlov knocks Show down with a shoulderblock. Show gets up and they trade shots. The next man in the match is the Game. He goes right after Show with a knee to the face, and has one for Kozlov as well. He even hits Show with a spinebuster! Hardy comes in and tries the Twist of Fate on Triple H, but the freshest man in the match avoids it and hits a clothesline. He then dumps Kozlov to the steel and tries a Pedigree, but Show breaks it up for some reason. Show hits a side suplex on Triple H for a two-count. The crowd gets fired up for the waiting Undertaker, while Show hits a press slam on Triple H and Kozlov abuses Hardy. Show takes Hardy and Triple H outside the ring, and misses a charge into the wall. Triple H and Hardy then double-suplex Kozlov, and then Hardy hits Whisper in the Wind. Finally Undertaker comes out and he tears into Show. The crowd is pleased. Undertaker is an equal opportunity butt-kicker here, going after everyone. He takes Show down with a big clothesline and then grabs Triple H and goes for Old School. He changes flight mid-move and jumps onto Show outside the ring, and hits a devastating DDT! That was awesome. Kozlov stops Undertaker’s momentum and drives him into the corner. He stupidly goes for mounted punches and Undertaker hits the Last Ride to eliminate Kozlov at 23:00. Show recovers and hits Undertaker with a Chokeslam. Triple H goes for a Pedigree, but Show backdrops him onto the steel. Show then hurls Hardy right into Triple H as Kozlov is making his way out of the chamber. Hardy winds up getting crotched on top of one of the pods in an awesome spot. Show tries to grab Hardy off the top of the pod, but Undertaker comes up and hits a superplex. Triple H nails Show with the Pedigree. Hardy then comes off the top of the pod with a Swanton Bomb, and Triple H grabs the pin to eliminate Show at 26:13. Undertaker whips Triple H over the corner and onto the steel, and then turns his attention to Hardy, who has been in this match much longer than either of the other two competitors left. Triple H breaks up an Old School attempt and everyone is down. Moments later Undertaker nails Hardy with the Tombstone to eliminate him at 28:32. Undertaker takes first advantage, slugging away at Triple H in the corner. He misses a charge in the corner and they take the fight to the steel outside the ring. Triple H whips Undertaker into the wall and they go back to the ring. He tries jumping off the top rope but he gets caught in an Undertaker chokeslam for a two-count. Undertaker hits Snake Eyes, but Triple H comes back with a spinebuster for two. They migrate back to the steel and Triple H tries a Pedigree. Undertaker blocks it and catapults Triple H into the wall. He then pulls Triple H back into the ring with a Tombstone, but Triple H gets hit foot on the bottom rope! They struggle back to their feet and Triple H hits a Pedigree, but Undertaker kicks out! They get up and trade punches. For some reason Triple H goes for the Mounted Punches and Undertaker tries the Last Ride but Triple H avoids it! Triple H hits another Pedigree and this time gets the pin and wins the Title for the thirteenth time at 35:58. That was an awesome match with some really cool spots both involving and not involving the chamber. I also love the booking of taking Edge out just minutes into the match. Everyone worked hard here, and the final stuff between Triple H and Undertaker was great stuff.
Rating: ****¼

MATCH #2: No Holds Barred Match – Shane McMahon vs. Randy Orton

Orton walks right into a punch in the face to start the match, and then another one. Shane hits more punches and Orton doesn’t hit any. Alas, I spoke too soon – Orton comes back with a bunch of punches. They take it to the floor and start bringing the weapons out. Orton hits that inverted backbreaker he does, and then rams Shane into the ring apron. Back in the ring the fight continues, slowly. Shane fights back with a kendo stick, and the fight spills back to the floor. He takes Orton down with a clothesline, and then cranks him in the face with a TV monitor. He sets Orton on the table and goes up top for the big elbow, but Cody Rhodes and Ted DiBiase come out and put the boots to him. Legacy tries to use a chair, but Super Shane fights them off while Stephanie watches on backstage. Orton is a bloody mess. Shane sets Rhodes up for the Coast to Coast and hits it. Since Orton is still lying on the table, Shane goes back up top and goes for the elbow, but Orton moves and Shane crashes through the table. Orton gets back in the ring and sends Legacy to the back to make sure Rhodes is okay. Shane struggles back to the ring, and Orton hits the spike DDT for two, of course. Orton sets up a table and superplexes Shane through it. That gets just another two-count. Orton sets up for the Punt but Shane stops him with a spear. Shane grabs the chair and goes after Orton’s ankle. He’s set to pounce on Orton, but he comes charging in and Orton grabs an RKO to get the pin at 18:15. They tried hard and did a lot of big spots, but the match as a whole wasn’t very cohesive.
Rating: **¼

MATCH #3: ECW Championship Match – Jack Swagger vs. Finlay

Swagger has been the champion since 1.13.09, and this is his second defense. Why is the champion coming out first? Finlay is accompanied by Hornswoggle. He takes Swagger down right away and goes to work on the champion’s left leg. Swagger comes back and targets the arm. The crowd is not interested at all. Finlay counters a powerslam with an inverted DDT on the knee for a two-count. Swagger comes back and drives Finlay into the corner. He charges and Finlay sort of gets a rollup for a sort of near-fall. Swagger once again drives Finlay into the corner. He sets Finlay on the top turnbuckle, and Finlay knocks the champion down. Finlay gets control and goes up to the second rope for a cross body block for two. Hornswoggle comes out from under the ring apron and briefly distracts his dad. Finlay hits an Earthquake splash for two. Hornswoggle gets up on the apron, and ends up getting knocked down by his own father. That gives Swagger the opportunity to hit the Gut Wrench Powerbomb (that thing needs a name) to get the pin and retain the title at 7:59. I really like Swagger, but following a match with as many gimmicks as Orton and Shane had didn’t do any favors for the ECW Title match. And the Hornswoggle stuff just needs to stop.
Rating: *¾

MATCH #4: All or Nothing Match – Shawn Michaels vs. JBL

I think everyone breathed a sigh of relief when they announced they were blowing this match off on this show instead of WrestleMania. JBL tries to intimidate his employee, but Michaels fires back with a series of shots much to the crowd’s delight. He goes to the floor and tries to bait Michaels into using a chair, but HBK will have none of it. Back in the ring JBL blocks a sunset flip for a two-count. Michaels gets a backslide for one, and then JBL knocks him down with a shoulderblock. JBL hits an elbow drop for two. Michaels comes back and goes for the leg, locking JBL in the figure-four. JBL reaches the ropes, so Michaels then locks on the Crossface, which JBL counters to a pinning predicament for two. Michaels tries an Irish whip into the buckle but JBL reverses it and Michaels crashes to the floor. Back in the ring JBL hits a series of elbow drops for a near-fall. The much larger JBL overpowers Michaels for several minutes as the crowd tries to encourage HBK. JBL locks Michaels in a bearhug, but Michaels powers out and hits a swinging neckbreaker. Both men get back to their feet and Michaels gets a few shots in. JBL reverses a whip and sends Michaels flipping into the turnbuckle. He sets Michaels up top and goes for a superplex. Michaels blocks it and sends JBL down to the canvas. He tries the top-rope elbow but JBL moves out of the way. They get back to their feet and JBL hits the Clothesline from Hell for a two-count! JBL hits another one, and shoves Michaels to the floor. Michaels barely makes it back to the ring at the count of nine. JBL hurls Michaels back to the floor, and follows him out. He goes over to Shawn’s wife Rebecca, who slaps him right in the face. That fires her husband up, and they take it back to the ring. It’s Vintage Shawn Michaels all over the place. Michaels hits the Sweet Chin Music to get the pin and earn his independence at 13:19. The finish was fun because the crowd always gets hyped up for Shawn’s comebacks, but most of the match was as dull as most of JBL’s matches are.
Rating: **

MATCH #5: Elimination Chamber Match for the World Heavyweight Championship – John Cena vs. Rey Mysterio vs. Kofi Kingston Edge vs. Chris Jericho vs. Mike Knox vs. Kane

In qualifying matches, Kofi Kingston beat Kane (Raw 1/26); John Cena beat Shawn Michaels (Raw 1/26); Rey Mysterio beat William Regal (Raw 1/26); Chris Jericho beat CM Punk (Raw 1/26); Mike Knox won a battle royal (house show 2/1); and Kane got into the match by convincing his half-brother Undertaker to fight Randy Orton on Raw (Raw 2/2). Cena has been the champion since 11.23.08 and this is his third defense. When Kofi Kingston makes his entrance, former WWE Champion Edge appears and throws Kofi into the stairs and cracks a steel chair across his head! Edge then takes Kofi’s place in the pod! That’s awesome. Mysterio and Jericho will start the match. They trade some holds, and Mysterio gets the first advantage. Mysterio goes for an early 619 but Jericho avoids it. Even so Mysterio stays in control until he tries running into Jericho in the corner but Jericho moves and Mysterio crashes into Kane’s pod! That was cool. Jericho is firmly in control now, back dropping Mysterio onto the steel outside the ring. He tries a catapult, but Mysterio catches onto the wall and climbs up it to deliver an awesome headscissors. Back in the ring Mysterio hits a seated senton for two. Mysterio hits a bulldog, and Kane joins the match. Kane goes after everyone, and even intimidates Edge. He hits Mysterio with a side suplex for two. He then hits a low dropkick (!) for two. He clotheslines Jericho over the ropes to the steel and follows him out. It’s all Kane for several minutes until Jericho catches him with a Code Breaker. Mysterio dumps Jericho out of the ring, and then climbs to the top of a pod to hit Kane with a seated senton to eliminate him at 9:36! Moments later Knox joins the match and goes right after Mysterio. He also goes after Jericho, throwing everybody around. Knox goes for a Shellshock on Mysterio, but Jericho catches him with a Code Breaker to get the elimination at 14:40. Edge is the next one out, and Mysterio doesn’t wait for him to escape the pod! Mysterio is avenging his friend Kofi Kingston. Edge lies in wait and takes advantage when both Jericho and Mysterio are vulnerable. He tries a Spear on Mysterio, who moves, and Jericho tries the Code Breaker but Edge avoids it. Mysterio gets Edge in position for a 619, and Jericho again blocks it with a Spear. They do a Tower of Doom spot and everyone is down. Edge gets control and the Champ Is Here! Cena goes right after Edge, and has plenty for Jericho too. He goes for the Attitude Adjustment on Edge, but Jericho breaks it up with a Code Breaker. That sets Cena up to take the 619 from Mysterio. Edge then pins Cena to eliminate the champ at 22:18. It hasn’t been a good night for the champions. Mysterio fights off both opponents. He hits a 619 on Jericho, but when he goes for a springboard rana Jericho catches him in the Walls of Jericho. Mysterio reverses that to a rollup and Jericho is eliminated at 23:50! Edge sets up for a Spear but Mysterio avoids it and gets a rollup for two! A moonsault gets another two-count. A kick to the face gets yet another near-fall for Mysterio. He tries another moonsault but Edge catches him, and Mysterio reverses again for a DDT for another near-fall. Mysterio goes to the top rope and Edge knocks him down to the steel. Edge tries a powerbomb but Mysterio reverses it to a facebuster! Mysterio executes a reverse 619. Mysterio charges at Edge and gets thrown into the pod! Back in the ring Edge hits a Spear to get the pin at win his eighth World Title at 29:43. Edge losing his title early on but then leaving with the other belt is pretty awesome, and builds intrigue, since both World Titles are in the hands of Smackdown wrestlers now. I thought they’d have trouble living up to the first chamber match, but they did it.
Rating: ****¼

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You might think lists are cliche and boring. I think they’re a way of doing an easy column when it’s the dog days of summer, and I want to not be inside writing this column. Hey, I love my readers and this side, but Chicago doesn’t get a great deal of nice days. I have to take advantage while I can. So alas, I’m providing my list of the top ten wrestlers entertaining me right now.

10. KENTA

If he was wrestling in the states, this individual might be number one. As it is, I’ve only seen a limited amount of matches from him. His match with Davey Richards is the best match ROH has produced this year. His match with Nigel McGuinness was very good given the context, and he was in a tremendous tag team match in NOAH shortly after the death of Misawa. KENTA’s entertainment value is all in his workrate, which makes him unique to this list.

9. The Colony

Even with the sad departure of Worker Ant, this group has been featured in two of the matches I’ve loved most in 2009. Soldier Ant and Fire Ant are the specific portion of the group I’m including on this list, but I can only imagine what Green and Carpenter Ant can add to one of the best babyface groups in CHIKARA and professional wrestling overall. They are one of the top contenders for the Campeonatos de Parejas, and I’ve enjoyed them so darn much since watching CHIKARA. These guys were actually one of the first groups I noticed back at King of Trios 2008. While the idea of a bunch of guys dressing up as ants might be absurd (Okay, it is.), it fits in perfectly with what CHIKARA is all about. No way would The Colony fit in with ROH or most of the other independent companies in the States, but instead of being generic pale white jobbers, the masks and names give them distinct characters.

8. Kenny Omega

His outings in Ring of Honor haven’t exactly been the best, but everything he touches in PWG  turns to gold. And not a golden shower either. His match with El Generico at Express Written was one of the best mid-card matches I’ve seen in quite some time. His duo with Chuck Taylor has been nothing short of brilliance. I think he’s much better off in PWG because wackiness is far more accepted there as opposed to whatever Ring of Honor is trying to be. If nothing else, Omega has found himself in the middle of the title picture and could possibly have a singles match with Austin Aries before the year is done. He’s basically a new face in major independent wrestling, and while his match quality had varied, he’s at least something very different compared to some of the other individuals you’ll see on an average DVD.

7. Bryan Danielson

If I had done this list in 2007 and 2008, I can almost assure you that American Dragon would have been in the top five. While he’s still one of the best wrestlers in the world, you just get the sense that Danielson is taking it easy and moreso having fun. I’m not accusing him of tanking it by any means or not giving people their money’s worth. It’s just this is a guy who’s seemingly done it all in indepdent wrestling. What else could he possibly have to do? The positive for us as fans is he’s still been in quite a few four star tag team matches. The six main event of Night 2 of King of Trios is just one example. His 45 minute draw with Black as his partner against the Wolves is another. His most unique match of the year candidate took place at DDT4 against The Young Bucks. It wasn’t an exchange of finishers but rather one of the all-time greatest beatdowns you’ll ever see. Even though the Bucks won, they most certainly earned it as Danielson and fellow Hybrid Dolphin Roderick Strong destroyed these young Christian boys.

Danielson did the job in that match just as he tapped out in the finals of King of Trios. He also put over Tyler Black in an excellent match that took place on ROH on HDNet. Danielson is still one of the best in the world and has shown himself to be willing to put younger stars over. He is the very definition of a PROFESSIONAL wrestler, and for that reason will always be one of the best wrestlers in the world.

6 F.I.S.T

Of course, the biggest reason these guys are on this list is because of their match against The Colony. But their work at King of Trios is also a huge reason they’re featured here. They are the best heel group in the business today because they don’t act like cool heels. They act like the biggest douches in the world. They bully people around. They scream with fans. Why? Because they don’t like anyone. They’re the guys in high school who would take your lunch money and stuff you in the locker. The best part is they’d do this with a smile in the face.

Akuma is now in one of the more intruging angles of the year as CHIKARA is about to enter a major feud with Dragon Gate. Akuma also had a great little match with Shadow Phoenix. Chuck Taylor was a part of the big mask vs. hair match, but he’s also on this list for his work in PWG. I guess if I were to rank the F.I.S.T guys, Taylor would be at the top since his PWG work is also included. He and Omega have formed what could quite possibly be the most awesome tag team in the history of wrestling, The Men of Low Moral Fiber. Taylor had a fantastic match with El Generico at “The Gentle Art of Making Enemies” in addition to being in two excellent DDT4 tournament matches. I have absolutely loved Taylor in particular, but Akuma and Icarus have also been excellent compliments in CHIKARA.

5. C.M. Punk

The heel turn that began at Extreme Rules only enhances his value to this list. Of course I have an intense bias toward C.M. Punk. It only makes sense that he’s on the list. Thanks to two months of great promos and really riding the fence between heel and face up until Night of Champions led him to this list. This is a guy who’s been a highly consistent performer on Smackdown since the draft. He’s had some awesome television matches with John Morrison while having two consecutive quality matches on Pay-Per-View with Jeff Hardy. Seeing as how he’s on the brand more suited to letting younger guys excel, Punk should continue to have a solid 2009. If only WWE would stop jobbing him out and just him have the world heavyweight championship for an extended period of time.

4. The Young Bucks

Of course the best tag team of 2009 finds their way on this list. Matt and Nick have brightened up more than one company. Their home company is PWG, where they have been the tag team champions since August of 2008. They’ve had a number of four star matches there with the Machine Guns, Hybrid Dolphins, and even The Men of Low Moral Fiber. In Ring of Honor, they’ve actually been shining lights on some bland HDnet television shows despite the fact they’ve wrestled in two squash matches. They also got to wrestle for CHIKARA and wowed the crowd in two different tag team matches. Nick Jackson was also in the best match of the weekend, but you might have forgotten all about him since it was basically the Generico vs. Kota show. Then there’s Dragon Gate USA.

In the most aniticipated show of the calender year, the Bucks scored a major upset over Dragon Gate icon CIMA and his partner, Yokusuka. They then got on the microphone and said they were the tag team of the present… not the future. They certainly are, and they might be the best tag team in professional wrestling very shortly, if they aren’t already.

3. Davey Richards

Richards is part of a tag team as well and has been one half of the ROH tag team title holders back since April. Eddie Edwards isn’t nearly good enough to be on this list, but Richards has been the MVP of 2009. Not only has been in multiple matches of the years, but his heel persona has only enhanced his value to any company he wrestles for. He’s primarily been in Ring of Honor and Pro Wrestling Guerilla having these great matches. What has made Richards so special is his ability to have great one-on-one matches with guys like KENTA and Tyler Black while also having amazing tag team matches with Kevin Steen and El Generico. That series alone has been a shining light in a rather ho-hum year for Ring of Honor. As a side note, Richards has actually been the Full Impact Pro championship belt, but since their DVDs aren’t being released for whatever reason, this really is just a side note.

If Richards continues to improve and develop, there’s no reason he can’t be the Ring of Honor or PWG world champion in 2010. What there can be no doubt about is he’s going to be one of the biggest names in indepedent wrestling going into the next decade.

2. Austin Aries

There is a fine line between number one and two. So fine that either one of the top two could easily be at the top of the list. So I guess the only thing to is explain the difference. I was as cynical as anyone about Aries turning himself heel. I didn’t see any conceivable way for this to possibly work. Little did I know. Aries changed his gear, changed his hair, and sleazed himself up big time. He’s become Joey Ryan except much better. His in ring work has not been as good, but I attribute that to an overall style change within Ring of Honor. Aries has been an individual that’s become one of the best promos in the sport today. In what I consider to be a major historical note, Aries is also the first two time ROH World Heavyweight Champion in the company’s illustrious two year history. His promo after about his grandmother and tooting his own horn was nothing short of brilliant.

I’ve been a huge Austin Aries fan since even before  I started liking ROH. There was just something about this guy that I even enjoyed in TNA. His evolution as a character has been quite awesome, and I’m excited to see how his title reign goes and if he indeed loses to Tyler Black. Also, is Aries the answer to some of ROH’s financial issues?  If not for these questions, I’d have most certainly ranked him number one.

1. Chris Jericho

What made the Rey Mysterio/Chris Jericho just a little bit more special? Yes, all of the matches were very good or match of the year candidates, but what made the feud was the ability of Chris Jericho on the microphone. His promos are clearly on another planet from everyone else’s in the “WWE Universe.” They don’t sound canned. They don’t sound like a guy reciting lines. They sounds like the honest views of a man who feels he’s been wronged by the fans and WWE management. His ability to cut promos must be enhanced with the use of the thesaurus considering some of the words he’s brought out of mothballs. Or he’s been watching some Nick Bockwinkel tapes.

Jericho is the best part of WWE as evidenced by the fact that he’s holding the Unifed Tag Team titles and appearing on both RAW and Smackdown on a regular basis. I wondered aloud why he would even bother coming back to wrestling, but now I wonder why he isn’t a world champion. His comeback has been more than justified, and I firmly believe that for however long he remains in WWE, he’ll be the MVP.

So there’s my list. Agree? Disagree? Why not leave a comment? Or e-mail me at jcusson07@gmail.com. If I get enough e-mails, I’ll consider doing a mailbag.

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-Well, it’s time for another WWE Pay-Per-View. It’s the one night a year when all the championships are on the line. I’m not quite sure why a wrestling company would be proud of the fact that they have EIGHT title belts, but the WWE sure is. This card doesn’t look all that enticing but after Victory Road last week, I can almost guarantee this will be worlds better.

-Live from the same city Dragon Gate USA was taped the night before…

-Your hosts are Scooby-Doo, Fred, Welma, Daphne, Shaggy, and Scrappy

- Unified Tag Team Title Match: Chris Jericho and ???? © vs. Ted Dibiase and Cody Rhodes

Oooo, this isn’t good. This eliminates Dolph since he has to wrestle later on against Rey Rey. Jericho comes out to a rather large pop and it’s teased that he couldn’t find a partner. Oh God. Our first video package of the night as we see Edge’s injury. Do we really need to see that again? Even better is Jericho’s choice for a partner. The Big Show. What a fail to start this show.

- Unified Tag Team Title Match: Chris Jericho and The Big Show © vs. Ted Dibiase and Cody Rhodes

Show has a new singlet. Too bad he likely won’t have a new moveset. Show starts off against Rhodes and that goes as well as you might expect. Egads what a chop. Dibiase comes in and also doesn’t do very well. Jericho is tagged in and we see our first double team move. Crowd is absolutely silent for all of this. This is what happens when you have two heel tag teams starting the show off. Show almost kills Jericho by dropping him on DIbiase. Dibiase and Rhodes finally get the advantage when Dibiase pulls the top rope and Jericho flails over. They work him over a bit, but I think the problem is Legacy has been treated like such geeks that there is no credibility with the audience. Crowd appears to be behind Jericho and Show by default. Rhodes even breaks out a moonsault!!!! Wow, that was mildly interesting. The heat segment lasts seemingly forever although it’s the best Rhodes and Dibiase have looked in months. At least they managed to get some heat on their opponents. That lasts until Show gets tagged in. Spear gets a long two count. Rhodes is tossed but skins the cat. Dibiase dropkick but he suffers a Codebreaker. Show gets the Colossal Clutch for the submission.

-Time/Winner/Rating: 9:33/STILL Unified Tag Team Champions- Chris Jericho and The Big Show/**1/2

This was an alright match. Jericho really made this match as watchable as it was going to be. The pick of Show is a major disappointment. While he may at least wrestle mostly in tag matches, he also has the potential of wrestling on multiple brands. Very scary thought to be certain.

-Josh Mathews is in the back and brings in C.M. Punk. Punk then cuts one of the biggest promos of his entire career as he runs down the fans for their support of Jeff Hardy. He absolutely owned that audience for this segment. The only critique I have is this should have been on Smackdown Friday instead of the Pay-Per-View. Still this was excellent and adds a lot of interest (at least for me) to the world heavyweight championship match.

- ECW Title Match: Tommy Dreamer © vs. Christian

Guess that interview was a little too exciting since it’s back down the ladder we go. Even in Philadelphia, Dreamer can’t get a decent crowd reaction. Also, despite Christian being on the ECW brand, he still gets a pretty big star reaction. Slaps to start followed by a little back and forth. Christian takes over briefly as a smattering of “ECW” chants break out. Christian misses a dive to the outside as Dreamer then cannonballs his opponent. After a two count, Dreamer hits a powerslam. Christian comes back and starts working on the neck. He goes for the KIllswitch. That’s reversed but Christian then applies a sleeper. Dreamer does the old Vader/Cactus Jack spot, but Christian tenaciously locks the sleeper on again. This time both men end up on the outside of the ring. Christian misses an axehandler and is facebustered. Dreamer sets Christian in the tree of woe and gets the dropkick. Reverse DDT and a missile dropkick by Christian. He missed whatever from the top and Dreamer applies a terrible-looking Cloeverleaf. Series of pinning reversals before another dropkick. Both then go for their finishers. Christian gets the Killswitch at least for the 1-2-3.

-Time/Winner/Rating: 9:31/NEW ECW Champion- Christian/**

-Nothing special her, but Dreamer was just an atrocious champion. I’m very glad Christian is the ECW champion. Unfortunately, he’s now got the unenviable task of wrestling Kozlov. If he carries that lump to a good match, he’s the wrestler of the year for 2009.

-Dreamer and Christian share a moment.

-Summerslam commercial as they show all the stars of the company. Interesting to note Jeff Hardy is one of those featured.

-Tool Grisham interviews the Unified Tag Team Champions. This relationship is all about business. Jericho mentions Edge’s name again. That feud will be epic when it happens next year. Jericho needs to keep mentioning Edge’s name and keep the heat alive.

- US Title Six Pack Challenge Match: Kofi Kingston © vs. The Big Show vs. MVP vs. The Miz vs. Carlito vs. Jack Swagger

Lillian Garcia doesn’t royally screw up the rules at least. I also like how Show completely buried all of his opponents and is now not even in the match. Way to completely bury the United States. title. Least the match will be better. I’m not even going to try and describe all the action as all six men are just going at it in the ring. Things do settle down a bit as Primo takes some amount of control. He actually looks quite good until a Gutwrench powerbomb b y Swagger. MVP and Swagger continue their ongoing rivalry with some brawling. Nice dive by Carlito onto MVP. Kofi gets Swagger one-on-one momentarily, but Miz  goes after both men. Four men then do the required suplex/powerbomb spot that comes off as being very contrived. More brawling between the six men. Finally, we get Carlito and Kofi in the ring. Then Primo interjects himself. These three have a hell of a sequence with some nearfalls. Carlito and Primo begin double-teaming, but Swagger clotheslines both men. MVP takes control. Miz stops that in short order. The Colon Brothers work… nope, Carlito turns on his brother. Kofi finally gets Trouble in Paradise for a 1-2-3.

-Time/Winner/Rating: 8:37/STILL United States champion- Kofi Kingston/**3/4

This was an okay match, but I would have preferred to see two of these guys get cut so it could just be four guys instead of six. There was almost too much action to keep track of, but at least the action was good. It’d also be nice to see these six guys get elevated since these six being paired off in television feuds could provide a great deal of freshness to RAW. It’s amazing how sucky RAW has been the last couple months, but the reality is these six guys and Evan Bourne can inject life to this very stale show. Enough Hunter, Orton, Cena, Hornswaggle, and even Santino every single week. More Kofi, Miz, Swagger, and Bourne.

-Josh Mathews interviews Randy Orton. He says stuff. I zone out.

-WWE Women’s Title Match: Michelle McCool © vs. Melina

I thought this show was going to come to a complete halt with this match. I was wrong. Michelle immediately hits a dropkick on Melina while she’s doing her splits thing. Well, that’s a star right there and this is right away better than Jenna and Sharmell. Melina gets a little too fancy with some attempted maneuvers, but both of these girls at least are working hard. Melina misses a move on the second rope and ends up on the floor. McCool takes advantage as Melina gets to do the one thing she excels at. Selling. McCool hooks a half crab. McCool and Melina somehow end up on the security wall. Nasty-looking DDT by McCool. Damn, Melina’s head bounced. Melina comes back with screams and uses her leg strength. This is followed by a dive. Drop toehold on the second rope followed by a two knees by Melina. These two girls are really beating the tar out of each other. McCool gets a belly-to-belly suplex for two. Spear into the corner but Melina heel chops, dives, but McCool reverse into a roll-up for the three.

-Time/Winner/Rating: 6:13/STILL Women’s Champion- Michelle McCool/**3/4

-That rating is not a typo. This was probably one of the most enjoyable women’s matches I’ve ever seen from the WWE. It was physical and these two girls tried to do some different things. It wasn’t exactly pretty all the time, but I’ll give them points for trying. Also, you got the sense that these two girls really hated each other, and there was an heir of intensity that 99% of these women’s matches don’t have. Big surprise here.

- WWE Title Match: Randy Orton © vs. HHH vs. John Cena

An epicly long video package sets this match up. Then we get the longest entrances in the history of match. There’s 15 minutes right there that could have been used to give more time to some of the earlier matches. The other galling part of this match is the build-up actually included mention of this match taking place at Wrestlemania 24. Two years ago is forever in this era of television. Yet here these three are wrestling again. Orton leaves the ring, but the faces go after him. Chase is on inside the ring as well.  Faces work well together early as Orton can’t get any sort of advantage.  Finally, Orton knocks Cena to the outside off the apron onto Triple H. Orton brings Cena into the ring and goes to work. Cena comes back but as he’s about to finish the match, Hunter send Cena out. Orton gains the advantage once again. The heat just immediately dies. I mean absolutely leaves the building. Orton and Triple H have their usual sequence, and you can just tell that people are burned out. Oh lovely.  A chinlock by Orton. That will help the match quality out. The two punch back and forth and Orton hits a scoop slam. As he’s ready to hit the RKO, Hunter send him into the corner before hitting the DDT. Both struggle to get up. Cena climbs to the top rope and legdrops both men… barely.

Cena fires away but falls to a neckbreaker. Back to the outside goes Cena. Triple H tries a pedigree, but he’s also deposited to the outside as well. Cena climbs in and gets kicked in the chest. As Orton is about to DDT both men, he’s sent to the outside. Cena and Hunter glare at each other. They clash like two titans. We even get the whole “yay” “boo” thing. They counter through their usual including their finishers. Hunter takes definitive control with a spinbuster. Pedigree finally gets hit, but Orton pulls Triple H out of the ring. After being sent into the stairs, Orton gets the Smackdown announce table ready for usage. All three end up around the table. Orton is sent flying into the crowd. Cena hooks the STF ON THE TABLE (cause it’s more painful there). Orton punches Cena and throws him back inside.. More punching. RKO attempt is denied as Cena tosses Orton. Both end up at the top, but Hunter runs in. Hunter is sent into the top rope crotching Orton. STF finally locked in by Cena, but Superman powers out. Cena re-applies the hold. Orton misses the punt, but not before giving one of the oddest expressions I’ve ever seen in the history of wrestling. I wish you could all see what he did. Oy vey. It looked like he wanted to rape Cena. Roll-up (way he defeated Orton Monday) only gets two. Orton clotheline and beats up both heroes.

After the most boring beatdown ever, Cena chopblocks the left knee. Triple H also goes to work on the knee. Cena charges at Hunter, but the top rope is pulled down. Triple H applies the SHARPSHOOTER. Oh my God.  It’s fairly awful too. Cena finds his way back into the ring and applies the STF. Orton taps. Instead of ringing the bell, holding the belt up, and creating some drama for RAW, the referee stands there like a jackass. Legacy runs in. Orton hits an RKO  as Cena is about to give Cody an Attitude Adjustment for the three count.

-Time/Winner/Rating: 22:22/STILL WWE Champion- Randy Orton/***

-Nothing terribly wrong with the match but itself as all three guys know how to save a sound match. The ending was a little too cute for my liking since it essentially sets up yet another match between these three men again for Summerslam. I can’t see much more heat being built up between these three since everyone is so tired of these guys wrestling each other in various combinations. I know that I want to see them separated for a long long time and see someone… ANYONE… get elevated.

-Funny backstage skit with Maryse and Miz.  These two are such douches that they need to be put together. Miz calls Maryse a tease and rips on her. Awesome.

- Divas Title Match: Maryse © vs. Mickie James

I had high hopes for this match since Mickie is one of the better female talents in WWE and Maryse is one of the more charismatic Divas in the company. The problem is Maryse cannot wrestle at all. The crowd, which actually showed some enthusiasm in the last match, took this opportunity to cool down big time. Faint “We want puppies” chant. Other than that, no dice. Crowd doesn’t care. I don’t care, Maryse applies a resthold. Still, it’s better than Jenna and Sharmell. This match is getting an awful lot of time. Maryse gets the hairspray, but James counters. Referee takes the can away. Mickie beats on Maryse outside the ring. Back inside and Maryse does more restholds. Oh boy. Mickie is pissed. She stiffs her with a punch and clothesline. Maryse just won’t die. Ugh. FINALLY a leaping DDT gets three.

-Time/Winner/Rating: 8:38/NEW Divas Champion-Mickie James/*

-This match was absolutely abysmal. Maryse is horrible, and she really needs to be used as a manager or a non-wrestler. Even using her in tag team situations is preferable to this. Also, whoever gave this eight minutes was a complete fool. Five of these minutes should have been given to one of the next two matches since it appears they’re once again going to get shorted. You’d think a company that’s been doing three hour Pay-Per-Views for 25 years would have this figured out by now.

-Interview with the Legacy geeks. Apparently, it’s just swell they didn’t win the tag team titles because Orton retained his belt. Dibiase even buries the tag belts in the middle of all of this.

- WWE IC Title Match: Rey Mysterio © vs. Dolph Ziggler

No idea what they went ahead and aired the stupid video package for this match. Jesus. Maria accompanies Dolph. I can’t believe they’re actually going to go with that pairing. Maria is a pretty girl, but does she actually have any discernible talent other than being hot?

Dropkick by Dolph starts things off. He basically uses aggressiveness and some power moves early on. Rey comes back with an f’ed up headscissors before Ziggler reverses things with a powerbomb into the turnbuckle. Headlock by Dolph and this crowd is either burned out or they’re not buying a title switch. My hunch is this is a combination of both. Another headscissors sends Ziggler into the corner. Legdrop and crossbody gets two for Rey Rey. . Powerslam by Dolph gets a two. Attempted suplex gets reversed and Ziggler is sent outside. Rey Rey leaps on him. Dolph kicks Rey in the face but a Tiger Bomb fails. 619 countered and now Rey Rey gets tossed outside the ring. Punches lead into a chinlock. Another powerslam only gets two. Leaping elbow drop also gets two. Really nothing technically wrong with the match, but no one is buying a title switch.  Full nelson. Ziggler tries more power moves but cannot get the three. Even the beginnings of a Mysterio comeback doesn’t get much of a pop. HUGE  dropkick by Ziggler as Mysterio jumps off the top rope. Only a two count again. Ziggler misses a charge, but manages to hit a top rope gutbuster. 619 and splash come out of nowhere and get three

-Time/Winner/Rating: 14:23/STILL IC champion- Rey Mysterio/***

If the crowd gave a lick about this match or there was the sense that the championship could possibly change hands, I would give this ***1/2 without feeling much guilt about it. As it is, it was just a good match and not much more.

- World Title Match: CM Punk © vs. Jeff Hardy

Pretty incredible that these two guys are closing the show. Good for both involved, especially Punk since this is his first main event on a Pay-Per-View. Crowd chants for Hardy pretty emphatically. Punk is just absolutely playing the smarmy heel at this point and doing a lot of trash-talking early on in the match. Good fast-paced start before Punk applies a chinlock. Missed dive by Punk of all people and Hardy capitalizes with a neckbreaker. He goes for the swanton, but Punk rolls outside. Hardy misses a dive of his own. Punk wants the referee to count Hardy out.  Hardy comes in at eight, and Punk works him over some more. Three people in the front row take Jeff Hardy very seriously as they stomp their feet and pound the security wall with a fiery passion. If only the rest of the crowd was this passionate about anything that’s happened tonight. Hardy with a second rope implant DDT and the crowd goes… apathetic. Ugh. I hate Philadelphia. Both guys are on their feet and they exchange rights. Hardy tries the swanton again and Punk knocks him down. Running knee but the bulldog fails. Whisper in the wind only gets two. By the way, the look of feigned shock on Punk’s face when he hit the knee was brilliant. Swanton misses again. Welcome to Chicago leads to a modified dragon sleeper. Hardy gets to the ropes Punk is ready with more kicks and strikes. Hardy gets a Twist of Fate. He takes his shirt off and the swanton fails again. This time, Punk gets the knees up. Punk goes to the top now. Series of reversals leads to a Go 2 Sleep. ONLY TWO. Another try and again only two. Third time once again gets only two.  Punk grabs his title belt and heads to the back. Ross accidentally says the word belt, and Grisham quickly mentions Punk taking his title back. Hardy send Punk back into the ring and finally hits the swanton. 1-2-3. New champion.

-Time/Winner/Rating: 14:58/NEW World Heavyweight Champion- Jeff Hardy/***1/2

I love how they have a brand new heel who they gave a ton of promo time to earlier in the show… and have him job. They had him lose two non-title matches to John Morrison. Now this. What the hell is WWE thinking about? Do they even care about giving their heels heat? I guess not since he got jobbed out here. The match itself was really quite good, but why should I want to see yet another match between these two when it’s obvious to a lot of people Hardy is leaving but Punk has basically been treated like a loser the last month.

Final Thoughts: The crowd hurt this show a lot as many of the matches had zero heat. Nothing was overtly bad except the Divas title match, and even in that case the right woman won. I guess the problem with WWE right now is I have a complete dispassionate response to much of what they do. Instead of letting a young guy team with Jericho, they put the very stale Big Show in the slot. The same three guys were the RAW main event that have been in the main event the last three years.

My thumb is firmly in the middle for Night of Champions. Nothing really spectacular but not anything offensive . Only real pleasant surprise turned out to be the women’s title match. And again, I’m not kidding about that.

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I know what you’re thinking. Jerome bragged and bragged about not spending 40 bucks for this Pay-Per-View. Yet here I am reviewing the show just 24 hours later. I’ll let you use your imaginations on how yours truly is reviewing the show. And to show you what a swell guy I am, you’re even getting STAR RATINGS. With all that in mind…

We begin with one of those overdone overdramatic video packages that still doesn’t make me care about Randy Orton and Triple H in the slightest.

-Live from Philadelphia, California (I’ll explain this as the show goes on.)

-Your hosts are the six dwarves. The seventh got future endeavored before the show.

- ECW Title Scramble Match: Tommy Dreamer © vs. Christian vs. Finlay vs. Jack Swagger vs. Mark Henry

I’d say I’m glad to get the crap out of the way, but I get the sense that this might be at the top of the heap quality wise. I like how they explain the rules but won’t use the word time limit. Swagger and Christian start. Good idea since they’re probably the best workers on the brand right now. These two have their usual match and a SWANK takedown is done by Swagger. “Let’s go Christian” chants as the net entrant comes in. Fit Finlay runs in and he nails Christian . He just goes nuts on Swagger and Christian. I only wish it could be these three for the remainder of the match. Christian comes back but Swagger drags him outside. Swagger gets a three count on a roll-up and is now the “current ECW champion.” Finlay is getting his eye examined as Christian gets The Kill Switch reversed. Crowd is very into this, very good since the ECW guys never get this much heat. Tommy Dreamer now runs in and goes mad as Finlay did moments ago. Man, even Dreamer is getting heat. Something in the air tonight. Something gets really botched with Christian in the tree of woe and Swagger tries to throw Dreamer. Things just stop for a second. The four competitors wonder around the outside before Finlay hits the Celtic Cross for three. Now he is the current champion. No word yet on the “allotted time” at any point. These guys seem to be walking around like lost puppies. Must have run out of stuff to do before Mark Henry walks in. He sucks as a wrestle, but his theme music is awesome. Big suplex spot as we’ve got five minutes left in something WWE won’t call a time limit. Henry hits The World’s Strongest Slam for three. Now they focus on Henry for a tic and send him outside. Swagger is deposited as well. Christian is sent out while Finlay and Dreamer each separately dive onto Swagger. Christian feels left out and dives. Mark Henry also wants to join the party but Swagger chop blocks him, reverse splashes him, and pins him. Christian engages the Kill Switch but Dreamer breaks up the pin. He gets the DDT and three. The crowd DIES. Wow. Dreamer bcame the champion, and this crowd went absolutely apathetic. They’re not even popping for the numerous two counts done in the final minute. Why is Dreamer covering people?

What a poorly booked match. The ending was completely anti-climatic and the wrong guy one. Crowd seemed to want of these other four guys to win but Dreamer slithers away with the belt. Four more weeks of him as champion? No buys.

Time/Winner/STAR RATING: 14:57/Tommy Dreamer (still ECW champion)/*1/2

-Referee takes forever to give Dreamer the belt for whatever reason. This would start the theme of wasting a ton of time.

-We get a GODDAMN TELEVISION COMMERCIAL ON A WWE PAY-PER-VIEW. WHAT?

-Edge complains to Teddy Long about not being on the Pay-Per-View, more specificallywanting the world title match made into a world title three way. Edge says Long will end up like Vickie, without a job. Nice suit on Long.

- IC Title vs. Mask Match: Chris Jericho vs. Rey Mysterio

Swear to God, if this doesn’t get 15 minutes, this show is an automatic thumbs down. No arguments. They show some of the greatness that’s led into this match. No video package for this of course despite the fact that this has been the best angle in WWE during 2009. Jim Ross spouts off some mask history. See, we need Mike Tenay circa 1998 for this match. Charles Robinson is the referee, so this is a WCW reunion. Bell rings and there are some LOUD “Y2J” chants. Really? In California? Someone needs to tell these fans that Jericho is a heel and should be booed. Jericho holds the early advantage before a rana takes him outside. Mysterio attacks but is viciously thrown into the rail. Wow. Continued “Y2J” chants. Jericho takes Rey Rey to school now with a suplex and then a reverse chinlock. Mysterio briefly shows signs of life but a backbreaker snuffs that out. Dropkick to the outside and Jericho just looks at the crowd with the smuggest look ever. Mysterio with a kick and a series of forearms. Jericho with a one-footed dropkick into the chinlock again. Mysterio back kicks and Jericho is sent flying. Big dive onto the outside. Cross body gets two back in the ring. Mysterio springboard moonsaults off two of the ropes. 1-2-NO! Powerslam. 1-2-NOO! Jericho slows the pace down as the Mysterio fans make their presence known. Moonsault by Mysterio gets two. Attempted facebuster turned into the Walls of Jericho. Mysterio… just… gets…to the ropes. 619 misses and Jericho hits a vicious clothesline. Both guys at the top. Hurancanrana turned into a powerbomb from the top. Even with his feet on the ropes, Jericho gets two. Lionsault misses. Hurancanrana is hit this time and gets two. Dropkick to the back . Jericho reverses the 619, but Mysterio reverses the reversal. OH MY GOD! Jericho gets the codebreaker off another reversal. 1-2-NOOOOOOO! Jericho is indignant. Mysterio is rammed into the top turnbuckle. Both guys are at the top again. Doesn’t work out well. Mysterio finally hits the 619 but the West Coast Pop is REVERSED. WALLS OF JERICHO! Series of pinfalls now. Jericho rips Mysterio’s mask, but he’s wearing ANOTHER ONE! 1-2-3!

Jim Ross called this a main event, and I was not inclined to disagree. Regardless of how good or bad this show, you need to see this match. This is the second best match WWE has produced this year. I’m not even gonna nitpick about time or the angle being short-shrifted. This was an awesome match, and nothing could possibly follow it.

Time/Winner/STAR RATING: 15:44/Rey Mysterio (New Intercontinental Champion)/****1/2

-Advertisement for Summerslam… Aren’t they forgetting about a Pay-Per-View or is that one going to be a secret too?

- A look at this past Monday. Amazing how they’ve shown it on ECW, Superstars, and Smackdown yet I still don’t care and have fast-forwarded through it each and every time.

-Jericho now complains to Teddy Long about Mysterio having two masks. Long says in one month, it’ll be five years for him as GM. Suddenly, I get a very sick feeling.

-Dolph Ziggler video package. Wait… he gets one but mask versus title doesn’t? That’s also no buys

- NO DQ Match: Dolph Ziggler vs. The Great Khali

I don’t mind this on free television but paying for this is a whole nother story. All I ask is that they keep it short.

Ziggler bumps like a champ, but Khali’s attempts at selling are comical. Pretty vicious champs too. Ziggler does some leg work and introduces a chair. Uh oh. FAMEASSER! FAMEASSER! Leave the memories alone there Dolph. Billy Gunn reminders are not appreciated, especially considering how much you look like him. Oh God. Kane is back. Ziggler blitzes with a chair. Now Kane takes the chair and beats up Khali. Crowd cheers this even though Kane is clearly a heel and Khali is a face. It’s academic as Ziggler gets a BS victory. Way to push the young talent WWE. Just wait. It gets worse.

While I’m happy Dolph is moving on to something bigger (hopefully) and better, we now get a Khali/Kane feud. It sucked at Wrestlemania 23 and it will likely suck more now.

Time/Winner/STAR RATING: 5:01/Dolph Ziggler/ ½*

-Vince and Teddy talk some more. Vince says Teddy has accomplished nothing and says that numerous other unemployed GMs have done better. Vince says he would shoot himself from boredom if he was in a foxhole with Teddy and mocks his dance. Yeah Vince, go fuck yourself. Teddy must be leaving WWE, and they’re giving him one of their grand send-offs.

-12 Rounds DVD Commercial

-Jerry Lawler and Michael Cole talk while the Carlitos come to ringside. They make a note about them being able to defend against teams from any other brand. Michael Cole also says he can identify with Teddy Long after a question by Lawler. Hilarious.

- Unified Tag Team Title Match: Carlito and Primo Colon © vs. Legacy

Should be noted that Dibiase is wearing different colored tights then Rhodes. Teddy Long appears and adds a new team. Edge comes out, and the first name that pops to my mind… CHRISTIAN. Awwww. It’s Jericho. First time I’ve ever said that. So now we have:

- Unified Tag Team Title Match: Carlito and Primo Colon © vs. Legacy vs. Rated Y2J

The other teams are not happy. Basically, the Legacy/Colons issue is out the window at this point. They do get to start, but Jericho tags in. He doesn’t last long as it’s once again Legacy and Primo. “We want Christian” chants. Who died and made the California fans snarky? Does Matt Winton know this? Clearly this was a last minute decision because most of the spots are being done by the two RAW teams. Strictly back and forth as they’re on the other side of Rated Y2J. Edge finally tags in to a huge babyface pop. He misses a spear and Dibiase tags in. Crowd is asleep except when the main eventers enter. “Edge” chants now with some “Edge and Christian” chants mixed in as well. I just watched the American Wolves against Bryan Danielson and Tyler Black from the Markham show. This isn’t even half as good as that match. Doesn’t help the two best workers in the match have spent the majority of the match on the outside. Carlito picks the pace up when he gets tagged in. Uh oh. Jericho runs in and gets the codebreaker. Carlito punches Edge. As Carlito takes Dibiase out of the corner, Edge tags him Carlito hits the Backcracker. Edge then tags Carlito with a spear. Three count and we have NEW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS!!!!

If these guys don’t wrestle on every brand for the next six months, WWE fails. I don’t even care so much that they essentially buried the RAW duos because I’d rather see Jericho and Edge on RAW, ECW, and Smackdown anyway.

Time/Winner/STAR RATING: 9:39/Edge and Chris Jericho (NEW Unified Tag Team Champions)/**

-Randy Orton doesn’t care about Dibiase and Rhodes not winning the tag belts. Dibiase yells at Randy. It’s far too early for tension between these guys. These Legacy guys are dorks. Build them up. Then have Dibiase go bonkers and become the babyface you think he can be for the company.

- WWE Women’s Title Match: Melina © vs. Michelle McCool

Maryse has a great personality. Beth Phoenix and Mickie James are fine women’s professional wrestlers. Yet McCool and Melina get on the Pay-Per-View. Must be nice banging wrestler in high places. I leave it to the reader to figure out the context of that statement. This might be a Pay-Per-View, but I’m still not doing play-by-play. All that needs to be said is these girls stiffed the bajesus out of each other and there was lots of screaming. I’ll also point out that these girls got to wrestle in complete silence. How is becoming the women’s champion of each brand prestigious? They’re both WWE belts, and it’s case of circumstances allowing someone to be able to hold both belts, not skill. This match is going on forever. At least it’s not as bad as you would think and I feared. McCool wins with the match and the championship with the STYLES CLASH. Hey, when you can’t even execute the damn thing properly, you don’t get to call it the dumbass name WWE gave it.

Time/Winner/STAR RATING: 6:35/Michelle McCool (new women’s champion)/Michelle McCool/*

-Jim Ross says it’s time for the main event. Nice dig at RAW there.

- World Title Match: CM Punk © vs. Jeff Hardy

Punk gets boss, and Hardy gets the cheers. Punk kisses the belt ala Bret Hart. Crowd is chanting Hardy heavily while Punk just smiles smugly. Feeling out process. Thank God Hardy dumped the goofy facepaint. arHard Hardy works a headlock and gets the crowd to chant for him. Punk hooks in his own headlock. Shoulder tackle. Punk sets up for the Go 2 Sleep but is reversed. Hardy tries the Twist of Face but no dice. Punk ends up outside the ring. Hardy dives on Punk and rams him into the rail. He misses whatever, and Punk goes back inside the ring. Punk interferes with the count because he’s such a swell guy… or he wants the ref to count faster. Two count as Punk yells at referee Scott Armstrong. Yeah, I said his name. Wanna fight about it? Punk figure fours the head now, and Punk follows up with a backbreaker. Back to the figure four but Hardy reaches the rope. Punk misses a second rope leg drop and then a Stinger splash. Hardy gets the Whisper in the Wind for two. Clothesline. Another one. Hardy then gets atomic drop. Legdrop followed by a dropkick to the head. Then a front forward suplex. Punk gets out of the way but Hardy hits another clothesline. Dropkick into the corner but this almost turns out badly. Punk stiffs hardy with a kick and knee. Ouch. Bulldog gets another two count. Kicks to the knees but the roaring elbows (MISAWA!)don’t work. Hardy takes his shirt off but misses the Swanton. Punk makes the sign for Go 2 Sleep but Hardy gets an inside cradle for another two. Another stiff kick but another Go 2 Sleep attempt is turned into a Swanton. He connects this time and gets three. GOD- Wait. Punk’s foot was underneath the rope. Armstrong says the match must continue. Hardy is obviously not happy

We re-start. Now it’s on, but Punk gets an elbow to the eye. He sells it very well. And he kicks Armstrong in the back. That was actually a very creative finish. If you paid 40 dollars for the show, I imagine you’re not happy, but this was a great way to further Punk’s heel turn (if that’s where they’re going with this). Punk continues to oversell the eye.

Time/Winner/STAR RATING: 15:04/Jeff Hardy by DQ/***

-Hardy shows poor sportsmanship by attacking Punk after the match. What a jerk. Referees break it up as Punk continues to sell the eye. This is so awesome.

-The Colons complain to Teddy Long about getting hosed. The Colons speak Spanish. Guess we know what’s going to happen tomorrow night. Rated Y2J vs. Colons. Count me in.

- I know I called Tyler Black the Lex Luger of our generation, but Hardy is absolutely challenging him for that title. It’s going to be a race, but one of these two men will receive this honor in the year end awards.

-Randy Orton is… CALLING SCODY RHODES ON HIS CELLPHONE. What a heel.

We’re running woefully short on time, but we get an extended video package showcasing the John Cena/Miz feud. Dumb.

- John Cena vs. The Miz

This feud could have been so great and really elevated Miz to unprecedented levels. I’ve got very little hope that WWE does the right thing here and puts Miz over.

The announcers make it clear Miz isn’t in Cena’s league. Then five minutes later, it’s made clear Miz isn’t in Cena’s league because he’s jobbed out. Even worse, he taps with both hands like a jobber when he’s put into the STF. What is this? Fucking ROH on HDnet? Superstars? Way to bury someone who could have been a star. Fucking awesome WWE. You give Cena a victory against someone he could have had an extended program with because… you’re afraid? WCW did this same bullshit on Pay-Per-View after Pay Per-View, and they’re dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. But I guess seeing another Cena/Big Show match is more important than elevating people.

Time/Winner/STAR RATING: 5:40/John Cena/*

-One more thing. John Morrison should hug Chris Jericho, Edge, and CM Punk because as awkward as his face turn has been, he’s at least being elevated. He’s having very good matches and even got to pin the world champion clean as a whistle. Miz? Just another geek mid-carder.

-Another extended video package despite the fact that there’s about a half hour left for this show. Someone should tell Kevin Dunn people pay to see the matches, not the pretty little video packages that are put together.

-WWE Title Three Stages of Hell Match: Randy Orton © vs. HHH

- (The 1st Fall is a Regular Match, The 2nd Fall is Falls Count Anywhere Match, If Needed, the 3rd Fall is a Stretcher Match.)

That last match completely turned me off to this show. I’d complain about the time again, but I have no interest in watching Triple H and Orton. They actually get to call this a wrestling match. Wonder if Vince is backstage pouting because that evil word has to be used. Orton and Triple H have a rather weak start with some not so intense brawling. Orton starts working the leg. I roll my eyes. B-O-R-I-N-G. Orton works the leg a lot. Triple H gets sent to the outside. He then grabs a chair and nails Orton. Orton wins the first fall at 4:52 by disqualification. Hunter uses the chair to further destroy Orton. Since it’s Falls Count Anywhere, it doesn’t matter. Orton is so beat up that he goes outside. Triple H follows him, hits the pedigree on the outside, and wins the second fall in 1:24. That thump Orton’s head made was just plain nasty. The stretcher is brought out and the line is established. Orton gets up and kicks the stretcher at Hunter’s leg. Back to the leg work now. Lovely. They take their fight into the crowd. Of course the PG rating means no blood and things not getting too intense. Orton gets so frustrated at one point he rips the padding off the rails. He hits Hunter with them, and it makes a far better sound then you’d think. He then rams Triple H into the steel a few times for good measure. Orton continues to dominate the fall. Orton begins moving furniture and send s the steps into the ring. As he’s about to hit Hunter, he feels the wrath of a drop toehold. That was pleasant. Orton gets nailed with the stairs. Now it’s time to go for a ride. Orton prevents the loss barely. Hunter and Orton end up on the stretcher, and they roll. Wow, what an incredibly dangerous maneuver. Orton DDTs Hunter off the stretcher onto the steel ramp. Back body drop sets Triple H up right on the stretcher. He rolls, but Hunter manages to get himself off. Orton readies the RKO but Hunter sends him into the sign. Pedigree but both men are down. As Triple H is finally about to end this feud, Cody Rhodes interferes. Again, Triple H is about to win, but Dibiase makes his triumphant return. Rhodes joins him. Triple H manages to fight all three guys. Cody must be having flashbacks to his father and his ability to fight off the odds. Hunter introduces Mr. Slegdey, but Orton hits a low blow and nails him with a piece of the stage. He finally pulls Hunter over the yellow line at 15:06.

This was barely better then the Wrestlemania main event, but there was a little drama thanks to the interference by the Legacy dorks. Still, I have a hunch these two are getting another match at “Night of Champions.” Hell in a Cell maybe? Anyway you slice it, I’m not looking forward to ever seeing these guys against each other ever again.

Time/Winner/STAR RATING: 21:22/Randy Orton (still WWE champion)/**1/2

After the match, Triple H hits Orton in the back with the sledgehammer because God forbid this feud ever ends, and God forbid Orton gets any heat whatsoever.

Final Thoughts: I have to give this show a thumbs down because there was far too much stupidity for me to justify saying “Spend 40 bucks on this.” I do have high standards for these shows primarily because of the expense. The Cena squash was very anger inducing and soured me on the show a great deal. Orton and Hunter was at least better then Mania but not even as good as the match they had Monday. Guess which one people had to pay for though? There were also a couple matches (Melina/McCool and Ziggler/Khali) that had no business on this show when guys like Edge, John Morrison, the Hart Dynasty, and John Morrison weren’t booked.

However, there was still some goodness to be found amidst the maddening sucktitude. Jericho and Rey had a definite match of the year candidate with all kinds of reverals, nearfalls, and a really good finish that has been built up from past matches. I’m also coming under the assumption that Edge is hurt based on him being used in a tag match and only really doing the spear. Edge and Jericho as a team is very interesting, and they NEED to be used on every brand. They can feud with anyone or team and make them better. Finally, Punk is the most interesting he’s ever been as he leans closer to being a heel. I liked the ending but can see why people would get mad about it.

Hopefully, we can make this a monthly deal where the site can produce a report every month. Until then, we’ll see you for RAW tonight.

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-We should be having a new Smackdown reviewer for next week, so this will likely be my last one. Last week, Jeff Hardy and CM Punk each defeated the men involved in the “Mask vs. Title” Intercontinental championship match. This week, we get a cage match and Punk in a non-title match with John Morrison. Sounds like more goodness. With that being said…

-Taped from just another Chicago suburb

-Your hosts those guys… you know the ones

Vince McMahon opens things up. Well, there goes this show. I’m reviewing the show off Hulu this week, so there might be a little less detail this week. Boy, that evil face of Vince McMahon really is too creepy. He makes fun of Wisconsin. He says the crowd is scared of him. He talks about jobs. Two days from a Pay-Per-View and we get this garbage. I know McMahon would never ever read this article or this review. I know he’s a successful businessman who’s re-made the wrestling business and killed WCW. I also know’s an egomaniac and that his continued presence onscreen only reveals his insecurities. Speaking of revealing insecurities, he then dresses Teddy Long down. And since we can’t call it a “cage match” because it’s too southern wrasslin’ it’s a “Rage in the Cage” match. Great, Teddy Long is on probation You know, fuck Vince and fuck this shit. Moving on…

-R-Truth comes out rapping, but Vince won’t say What’s up. After a commercial, Sheldon Benjamin comes out and speaks. Benjamin says some stuff that confirms that all the writers have to be white. Stuff about education and speaking properly. The delivery wasn’t so bad. What he was saying just continued to drag down this show further.

- R Truth vs. Shelton Benjamin

Since I can’t rewind or fast forward that easily, no times this week. The good news is this match got a fair amount of time and had a chance to develop. The bad news is that it was dreadfully boring because Sheldon Benjamin on offense does not equal success. He wrestles with so little aggressiveness and passion that it’s hard for me not to tune out. The best example was this backbreaker that he executed. He put so little effort into it that it killed the match even further. R-Truth might not be technically sound sometimes, but at least he’s exciting and brings some personality forward. R-Truth wins with what JR called “The Lie Detector.” It’s just his spinkick thing.

Winner: R-Truth

-More Vince. He talks to Rey Rey. Rey Rey speaks Spanish. Teddy Long is next to Vince as Vince points out we only speak English on Smackdown. Racial overtones and now this? What did President Obama do to piss him off now?

- Alicia Fox and Michelle McCool vs. Gail Kim and Melina

Cause this is going to help the show out at this point. Melina and McCool will meet at “The Bash.” I’m sooooooooooo excited for that. Melina gets kicked in the face by McCool, and her post-show plans must now be changed. I love how Gail Kim, chick who can actually wrestle, gets jobbed out. McCool wins with the Fairthbreaker. Gim loses to the bastardized version of the Styles Clash for a third time. I really hate Vince McMahon.

-Two worst words in the English language put together at this point. More Vince. This time he talks with CM Punk. Punk gives this look at the camera as if to say “Look at this goof.” I laughed heartily at this. That redeemed this segment, even when Punk spouted the garbage about being addicted to competition. He says it in such a mocking way that I can’t even be angry anymore.

-Brief discussion of The Great Khali vs. Dolph Ziggler  match that takes place Sunday. Again, thank God I’m not spending forty bucks on that show.

-It’s now time for the first edition of Cryme Time’s Word Up. I guess this is a new weekly segment that’s intended to be funny but isn’t. This was so mind-boggingly awful. They basically rip off Urban Dictionary by defining some word that is something resembling English but really just further bastardizes our language. Jesse interrupts and raps. Great, we have another John Cena rip-off. Where’s Vince to fire all three of these yabos?

- NON-TITLE MATCH: CM Punk © vs. John Morrison

Thank God. Very slow build before the commercial. Always appreciated since that means this is getting 15 minutes. The crowd kinda sat on their hands, but by the end they were going bonkers. Some great maneuvers here as they improved on their series of matches from 2007 ECW.  The ending was also very creative as it ended up being a series of reversals leading into Morrison holding Punk’s  shoulders together for three. Great great match that I almost enjoyed more than Morrison’s with Edge because it leaves the door wide open for these guys to do a match at the following Pay-Per-View. They didn’t even hit any of their big moves, but found a way to have a great wrestling match. Morrison is not all the way there as a babyface, but by continuing to have these kinds of matches, he’s going to be a world champion very soon. The show is saved from an abyss of suck.

Winner: CM Punk

-Punk goes to shake Morrison’s hand… and he plants with a Go 2 Sleep. He then puts his hands to his head as if to wonder what he has just done. This only leaves more doubts about whether he’ll turn or not. Honestly, I don’t think the WWE is quite sure at this point. If Mysterio and Hardy were staying for sure, I think Punk would complete this subtle turn Sunday, but I’m not quite sure at this point. He could still very easily turn, but I’d rather see them wait.

-Josh Mathews interviews Chris Jericho. He asks a dumb question about why Jericho wants to unmask Mysterio. Josh has been paying far too much attention to ECW and not enough Smackdown obviously. One final go home promo that serves its’ purpose as Jericho adds another layer by pointing out how he saved himself and wants to save Mysterio once and for all.

-JR and Tool Grisham talk about “The Bash.” Glad it’s no longer a secret. Here’s the card:

- John Cena vs. The Miz

- NO DQ Match: Dolph Ziggler vs. The Great Khali

- WWE Women’s Title Match: Melina © vs. Michelle McCool
- IC Title vs. Mask Match: Chris Jericho vs. Rey Mysterio
- Unified Tag Team Title Match: Carlito and Primo Colon © vs. Legacy
- ECW Title Scramble Match: Tommy Dreamer © vs. Christian vs. Finlay vs. Jack Swagger vs. Mark Henry
- World Title Match: CM Punk © vs. Jeff Hardy
-WWE Title Three Stages of Hell Match: Randy Orton © vs. HHH
- (The 1st Fall is a Regular Match, The 2nd Fall is Falls Count Anywhere Match, If Needed, the 3rd Fall is a Stretcher Match.)

-The cage comes down, and here we go.

-Vince and Teddy talk to Jeff Hardy.

-Punk looks like a moron in the referee’s shirt with no pants.

- CAGE MATCH: Chris Jericho and Edge vs.  Rey Mysterio and Jeff Hardy

Very odd rules since you could by pinfall, submission, or one person escaping the cage. This was another really good match as the heat segment was on Mysterio. Basic tag team wrestling within the cage as Jericho and Edge work quite well together. Of course, the guest referee becomes involved as Punk gets speared by Edge after Hardy ducks. Punk sells the rib injury for the rest of the match. Hardy hits a Twist of Fate but with Punk behind him isn’t trusting enough to finish the job. Edge hits the spear on Hardy for the three count. Punk was noticeably reluctant to make the count.

Winners: Edge and Chris Jericho

Final Thoughts: Between Sheldon Benjamin’s speech, the way Vince was treating Teddy Long, and Cryme Time, that was an awfully uncomfortable first half. The Vince McMahon stuff was awfully disturbing too. I’m just so tired of his ego infesting every show he’s on. Honestly, he screeches to a halt any show he’s on. I can see the ending a mile away. Teddy keeps trying to impress, but it doesn’t matter. Teddy is going to get fired. He’s going to get humiliated. Vince will entertain himself, play the bully once again and no one else care.

Thankfully the new Smackdown six of Edge, Jericho, Punk, Hardy, Mysterio, and Morrison save the show once again in the second half. I cannot emphasize enough how awesome these six guys have been with their matches. The interviews have a little to be desired in some cases, but the match quality makes up for it. And in some cases, Jericho is so awesome that Mysterio doesn’t need to say a word to get the fans on his side.

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Can you believe it’s June already? The first half of the year has brought a lot of quality moments in professional wrestling… and a whole lot of bad. This week, we’ll take a look at some of the best in a wide variety of categories. So let’s go to it.

Tag Team of the (half) Year- The Young Bucks

I know how well the American Wolves have done in Ring of Honor, but for me the best tag team are The Young Bucks. They’ve held the tag team titles of Pro Wrestling Guerrilla the entire. They made their east coast debut in CHIKARA at King of Trios. Then they were announced for Dragon Gate USA. Ring of Honor didn’t want to be left out of the party so they decided to book Matt and Nick Jackson. They’ve been successful in three of their matches while apparently having a great match with Steenerico in their one loss. The Bucks have had great matches with Davey Richards/Roderick Strong and the Motor City Machine Guns in PWG. Considering where they were less than 18 months ago, the Young Bucks have done a phenomonal job rising in the world of professional wrestling.

Runner-ups: 2- The American Wolves…3- Kevin Steen and El Generico

You might notice there are no WWE tag teams. Sorry, but if WWE can’t be bothered to care, then I don’t care either.

Most Improved Wrestler of the (half) Year: The Young Bucks

Two awards announced and another one for The Young Bucks. Just over a year ago, these two were in opening matches and just another pair of Hardy knock-offs. Now? They’re one of the better tag teams in independent wrestling and Dragon Gate tours have just made them all the better. Matt and Nick Jackson might improve tenfold by next year as well if they begin making more consistent east coast appearances.

Runner-ups: 2- Dolph Ziggler… 3- The Osirian Portal

Comeback of the (half) Year- Rey Mysterio

I made mention of this on the podcast, but Mysterio has been awfully good this year. From the Elimination Chamber to his feud with Chris Jericho, he’s already had an incredible year. Considering how bad his injury situation has been the last few years, it’s incredible to see him come back and have the kind of 2009 he’s having. I fully admit to writing this guy off and saying he should retire. I’m happy to say I was wrong.

Runner-ups: 2- Gabe Sapolsky… 3- Christian

Gabe goes from being fired by ROH to helping run a company that’s got two of the more anticipated shows of the year. He’s also gotten the company a Pay-Per-View deal, a beautifully designed website, and deals with a variety of independent companies now. Christian was in the purgatory of TNA. Now he’s back in WWE.

Non-wrestling Personality of the (half) Year- Jim Ross

Ever since I’ve started watching Smackdown on a regular basis, I’ve found new respect for Jim Ross. He is a Hall-of-Famer already, but he’s done a great job putting over what’s actually the good show in WWE these days. Yes, he’s been moved to color commenator, but he’s had a number of strong performances. Not to mention, he’s found a way to make Todd Grisham a better announcer. Award clinched.

Runner-ups: 2- Matt Stryker… 3- Teddy Long

Company of the (half) Year- CHIKARA

CHIKARA has been phenomenal this year. Revelation X got the company off to a great start with two excellent main events. King of Trios is probably the best weekend of wrestling this year. Their anniversary weekend has kept the company rolling, and I’ll have more on one of the matches in just a little bit. They claim to be the most fan-friendly company in professional wrestling. This claim has been validated in 2009 so far.

Runner-Ups: 2- WWE Smackdown… 3- PWG

Smackdown might have been number if not for the general crappiness of the shows before the draft. Also, there was far too much interaction with RAW as well. PWG has put on four very good shows as well, making this the easiest category to choose the winners.

Wrestler of the (half) Year- Chris Jericho

At the end of 2007, Chris Jericho made a decision to come back to WWE. I looked at him and just asked why he would bother coming back. Up until around the spring of 2008, I kept asking myself this question. Then his feud with Shawn Michaels began, and I finally understood. Ever since the heel turn, Jericho has been the best performer in professional wrestling. Better than Bryan Danielson. Better than Austin Aries. Better than anyone else. If you don’t at least appreciate what this man is doing, you really aren’t a wrestling fan.

The fact that he’s been having an excellent matches is only part of the story. His promos are cold, calculating, and deliberate. He finds new ways to anger the fans through the trusty use of a thesaurus. Jericho is also able to circumvent much of the incompetence in the back and with the writers by helping to book his own angles.

Runner-ups: 2- Austin Aries… 3- Nigel McGuinness

Match of the (half) Year: F.I.S.T (Icarus and Chuck Taylor) vs. The Colony (Soldier Ant and Fire Ant)- Aniversario Yang

I know that these four individuals aren’t the best workers in the world. I understand that there are guys with way more experience, but these four individuals provided one of the most emotionally charged matches I’ve seen in quite some time. The story was so simple. F.I.S.T were the hated heels. The Colony were the plucky underdog babyfaces. To fully appreciate this match, I think you almost need to watch the last year or so of shows since this featured a slow burn and a number of matches.

The heat was turned up in February when F.I.S.T decided that they wanted to be one of the best trios in CHIKARA. In a qualifying match for King of Trios, the dastardly heels attacked the three ants during the entrance. In the end, Chuck Taylor also ended the career of Worker Ant by hitting his finisher, the Awful Waffle, on the floor.

After winning King of Trios, the feud was re-ignited at the April shows to the point where a mask vs. hair match was made to finally settle the score.

If you have not yet gotten a chance to see the match, I could not recommend the DVD more. Anthony Perillo reviewed the show and gave the match ****1/2. It’s hard to disagree, and I would consider giving it the full monty.

This has been the best of 2009. Next week, we’ll look at the worst of 2009. WWE RAW will be mentioned quite a bit.

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Hello everyone. It’s time for another week of Smackdown. Last week’s show was weak sauce, but the main event this week sounds awesome. There have already been two really good television matches with Kofi/MVP from RAW and Christian/Tyson Kidd from ECW. I would highly recommend seeking these out if you have not yet seen them. Even the tag match main event from Superstars was good.  Only wish it could have aired on Smackdown, especially considering there was a pre-match promo by Jericho that could have sold a few buys. Enough babble, on with the show

Last week, Chris Jericho perpetrated a vicious attack on Rey Mysterio and was wearing one of Rey Rey’s own masks. Jeff Hardy lost to both Jericho and Edge in the main event and was assaulted after the match by Edge with a ladder. Also, C.M. Punk finally got some measure of revenge on Umaga.

-Live to tape from anywhere they darn well please…

-Your hosts are Tool Grisham and Good Ole’ J.R.

Open with the announcers talking about the main event of tonight’s show. Edge vs. Mysterio in a champion vs. champion match. Awesome. Punk will wrestle Umaga? OOOOOOOOOOOk. The world heavyweight title is hung, and there are ladders EVERYWHERE. Seriously, Home Depot’s stock went up 20% while this show was going on. Apparently, it’s time for a very special “Ladder” edition of the “The Cutting Edge.”

Edge welcomes Jeff Hardy as a guest… again. Hardy runs under the ladders since he apparently isn’t superstitious. Didn’t we do this on Superstars a few weeks ago? Guess since no one saw it, they feel justified in repeating it. But this is like putting a hat on Malibu Stacy and expecting people to think of it as something new, both the segment and the match. Hardy climbs the ladder like an idiot to have his convo with Edge. He cuts a pretty generic babyface promo, and Edge responds with a solid promo about how dangerous this match is going to be. He illustrates the climbing of the ladder but says he will continue to knock him down. Kinda like Triple H and the glass ceiling. Edge eventually climbs to the top so he can look Hardy in the face. Hardy talks about legendary the match will be and  he’s just not as interesting as Edge. Edge hits Hardy with the belt and Hardy takes a pretty safe fall. Smart move by saving the crazy shit for Sunday. Edge holds up his belt and I guess “The Cutting Edge” is over.

- John Morrison vs. Shelton Benjamin

Perhaps we can end this feud once and for all. The funniest part of this deal has been Morrison winning literally every match between the two of them. Good back-and-forth to start but the Memphis crowd that was so hot for the opening segment doesn’t much seem to be in this match. Benjamin works Morrison’s leg as part of the heat segment. Morrison comes back with an enzuguri and a stiff right hand. He’s even selling the leg injury.  Tries a highspot but this leads into a half-crab by Benjamin. Morrison takes control with a DDT before hitting The Starship Pain for the win. Okay five minute match, but this needed more time to really mean anything. However, this feud should be over now.

Time/Winner: 4:51/John Morrison

Before his match with K-Kwik, Jericho cuts a very similar promo to the one he did on Superstars. Still, it’s a good idea for one more big promo since less people watch the Thursday night show. I do need to point out that a fair amount of people have already seen Rey Rey’s face, but Jericho’s awesomeness makes me forget it for the most part. This angle has been so awesome I can allllmost forgive it. K-Kwik interrupts a Jericho promo. Didn’t care about him in 2000 when he was a tag team partner of Road Dog. Didn’t care about him 2002 as the NWA champion. Don’t care about him as rapper guy in 2009. Jericho’s glare at K-Kwik was just awesome. Asking Jericho “What’s up? was also quite hilarious. Jericho responds in kind and says he wasn’t done talking. Lord knows I’d rather hear him talk then K-Kwik rap.

-  Chris Jericho vs. R-Truth

For the record, K-Kwik was the Ohio Valley Wrestling name for R-Truth. That name is so bad, I just have to use it every time I reference him. Kwik takes the early advantage  with some early offense and a dive to the outside.  He tries another highspot and that doesn’t go too well. Dropkick send Kwik back to the outside. Back inside and Jericho has control of the match and continues to shout “What’s up?” Awesome. Kwik gets a quick roll-up and comes back with clothesline. Nice splits followed by a leg lariat. Jericho snuffs that out but misses a Lionsault. Uh-oh. Kwik almost won another quick roll-up. Back-and-forth lead into a nice Codebreaker where Jericho hit Kwik as Kwik was coming off the second rope. Good little match, and I’d almost like to see them get more time down the road since they seemed to have good chemistry. Then again, Jericho is God.

Time/Winner: 4:00/Jericho

Jericho is walking backwards up the ramp. Uh Chris, yup Rey Rey attacks him.  Things appear to calm down but the Mysterio hits a move off the ramp. Wow, that was cool. Very good segment that built to the No Holds Barred match well.

- CM Punk vs Umaga

Why they’re meeting just two days before the Pay-Per View is anyone’s guess. I just noticed they changed Umaga’s awesome theme song. That makes me sad. Punk uses some strikes and speed to take control of the big man. He hits a crossbody for two. Commercial break… ALREADY??? COME ON! Come back with Punk still in control. Umaga hits a Samoan Spike to the throat as Punk leaps to the outside. Umaga is well in control of the match now. At least Umaga is avoiding the Vulcan Nerve Pinch. He still uses a variety of restholds as the crowd gets into it for Punk. More strikes as Punk tries to come back but a kick to the head ends that. Punk with two feet into the jaw leading to a clothesline. More kicks before Umaga hits a huge move. He drags Punk into the corner and it setting it up for an ass to the face. He misses and Punk hits a knee strike. Umaga no-sells and grabs the strap. Punk takes advantage by hitting the Go 2 Sleep for the win. Good match.

Time/Winner: 8:58 aired/C.M. Punk

No one is happier to see Punk win and have good matches then me, but this means Umaga is taking the match Sunday. Then I assume he’s either going to go into a program with The Undertaker or a world title program.

Ross and Grisham preview the card in the ring again. That was one of the better ideas WWE had, putting the announcers in the ring to talk about the card. It emphasizes their importance and serves the live audience and television audience to see the matches and hear crowd reactions.

 Maria comes out in an… odd referee’s outfit. This can only mean it’s time for a Diva’s match.

- Layla El, Michelle McCool and Alicia Fox vs. Melina, Gail Kim and Eve Torres

I knew Eve and Layla’s feud wasn’t over. Melina and Michelle will be having a championship match at some point while Gail Kim is being punished for having the gall to go to TNA and be successful. Alicia Fox still has big hair. I hate play-by-play normally but especially for these matches. My not caring has a lot to do with it. I also don’t like to write “botched” or “attempted” before move either. The only benefit I see to Maria refereeing is she doesn’t have to wrestle, and she appears to be able to count to three. Not a guarantee with some of these women. I do like Melina’s matrixy move though. Lots of screaming here too. Layla El hits… something and gets a 1-2-3. WHAT? That ending makes the least possible sense. At least have Michelle or Alicia get the win to forward the angle. Stupid stupid stupid.

Time/Winners:  3:30/ Layla El, Michelle McCool and Alicia Fox

- Dolph Ziggler vs. The Great Khali

Khali is already in the ring since we’re a bit short on time. These two have a bit of a rivalry based off the last four weeks of Smackdown. Not worth a Pay-Per-View but perfectly acceptable for television. Be interesting to see if Knox interferes. Anyway, Ziggler is not off to a good start. He bails out after being dominated. JUST RUN AROUND! Fairly simple strategy since Khali is slow… physically. Khali continues to dominate, and this show has grinded to a halt. Ziggler finally gets a dropkick but is quickly thrown off and elbowed in the face. Big boot and his modified chokeslam finisher. Khali wins. What? Did not like the booking of this at all. Ziggler is the one with the potential to be a future WWE superstar. Does anyone think Khali has a chance of being anything other than a comedy mid-carder? I liked this show a whole lot, but the last two segments have been failures. What happend to Knox?

Time/Winner: 2:50/The Great Khali

They show “Hall-of-Famer” Koko B. Ware in the audience, but thankfully Rey Rey’s music hits. As much as I don’t like his music, I’d rather see an actual good wrestler then this alleged “Hall-of-Famer.” Mysterio is even a little cautious coming down the aisle as he acknowledges those in their Mysterio masks. Nice touch.

- Edge vs. Rey Mysterio

I’ve always been disappointed in the matches these two have had with each other. However, both of them have been on a roll lately as far as match quality. Match of course features a COMMERCIAL BREAK. Better early on in this case since we’ve got about 15 minutes left. Oh I’m sorry, we get another COMMERCIAL BREAK later on in the match as well. Ugh. As far as quality goes, I thought this was one of the better matches these two have ever had with one another. A lot of really nice nearfalls early and Mysterio looked the best he’s looked in a long time.  This was very close to Kidd/Christian as far as quality goes and I’d need to see both again before making a full judgment. Edge picks up a clean win after a  spear. Clean win in a match like this is always appreciated. Guess this sets up victories for both babyfaces though. Guess we’ll find out about the contract status of Hardy based on the result Sunday

Time/Winner: 12:26/Edge

Edge tries to attack Rey Rey with the ladder, but Jeff Hardy runs in with a steel chair and hits Edge. He also hits a dive by leaping over the ladder as well to get some measure of revenge. Finally, he holds the world title match.

 Final Thoughts: Minor quibbles with the booking aside, this was another really good show. Some very good wrestling could be found here, even in the first two matches. The main event was not four stars like some have been saying, but it’s great for free television. RAW was a bad show Monday, but the other three WWE shows were really good. If the writers want to focus all the attention on what happens with Monday, I say go right ahead. I’d rather watch the quality wrestling that’s on Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday nights. Big thumbs up for this week.

I’ll be back next week with another Smackdown recap and some thoughts on “Extreme Rules.”

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Yup its me, Zack Danielson again. You see, after having a conversation with Jerome about a week ago, it came to my attention that Pro Wrestling Ponderings didnt have a reporter for WWE Superstars. So I volunteered to recap it until someone new joins PWP and does it. Haven’t seen to many episodes of Superstars, so im really interested to see what show has to offer. So here we go:

- I love the opening video for Superstars.

Match #1. Goldust and Hornswoggle vs. THE Brian Kendrick and Jamie Noble

Why is Hornswoggle wrestling in the ring? At least Jamie Noble is back on WWE TV. Kendrick is still trying to find THE partner and I think these two would be one hell of a team. Kendrick and Goldust start the match, with Dust getting the early offense. He tags in Hornswoggle and Kendrick just shoves him down. Kendrick tags in Noble, but Noble doesnt want to hit Hornswoggle so he tags back Kendrick in. Didnt Noble have a grudge against Hornswoggle about two years ago? Anyways, Hornswoggle eventually tags in Golddust and Golddust gets a lot of offense on Kendrick again. Noble comes in, but Dust sends him to the floor. Hornswoggle does a senton right onto Noble out on the floor, while in the ring Kendrick goes for the Slice Bread on Goldust, but Goldust counters it with a suplex. Dust tags in Hornswoggle, and he hits the Tad Pole Splash onto Kendrick for the 1…2…3. Once again, Brian Kendrick not only doesn’t find THE partner, but he jobs to a midget again.

Winners: Goldust and Hornswoggle (via Pin at 3:38) *

-We get a recap video of the John Cena/Big Show feud. Does anyone seriously care about this feud?

-The ECW Champion Christian is on commentary for our next match.

Match #2. David Hart Smith (with Natalya and Tyson Kidd) vs. Tommy Dreamer

-This will be Tommy Dreamer’s last televised WWE match if he loses in the triple threat match this Sunday at Extreme Rules. Dreamer gets early offense in the match, which included a slap to the face and a nice neckbreaker. Dreamer then clotheslines D.H. outside of the ring and hits him with a diving drop kick. D.H. mouths off to Christian and Tommy hits a flying clothesline off the apron. D.H. eventually gets the upper hand on Dreamer when Dreamer missed an elbow drop. D.H. had control over the match for a few more minutes until Tommy was able to lock in a Texas cloverleaf. Natalya tries to slide a chair into the ring but Christian is there to put a stop to that. That distracts the referee though long enough for Tyson Kidd to slide in and deliver a big boot to Tommy which allows Smith to pick up the pin at 8:45. Fine Match, but Dreamer losing the match was tough since this will probably be his last WWE match on television.

Winner: David Hart Smith (via pin at 8:25 min) **1/4

-We get a preview video of the Jeff Hardy/Edge TLC match for this Sunday’s PPV. Now this was a great video package that actually got me hyped up for their match.

- Chris Jericho comes out and cuts a prematch promo, stating he’s the ultimate superstar in the WWE. He also bragged about beating up Rey Mysterio last week on Smackdown. God,  I love Jericho’s promo work.

Match #3. Chris Jericho and Dolph Ziggler vs. R-Truth and Jeff Hardy.

- I like the team of Ziggler and Jericho much better than the team of Ziggler and Mike Knox. Ziggler and Hardy start off the match with Hardy throwing Ziggler outside and hitting him with a diving drop kick. The heels gets the advantage as soon as Jericho knocked Hardy off the apron. Jericho tags in and suplexes Jeff. Hardy clotheslines and tags in Truth. Truth comes in with a bunch of flips and hits a kick for the two count. Hardy tags back in and hits a whisper in the wind for another two count. Ziggler comes back in and goes for a suplex, but Truth turns it into a cross body for yet another 2 as Jericho breaks up the pin. R-Truth clotheslines Jericho over the top and to the floor, and then hits a tope to take Y2J out of the action. Back inside Hardy hits the twist of fate on Ziggler, and that sets up the swanton bomb for the 1…2….3. Great main event.

Winners: Jeff Hardy and R-Truth (via pin at 11:30 min.) ***

Final Analysis: Great show overall. Started off bad, but at least they managed to end it good. Superstars, just like ECW, is a great one hour show since they dont have to take too much time to build to PPVs and feuds. Its just an one hour show filled with wrestling, which I enjoy very much.  Superstars has more wrestling then Raw these days. I would say Superstars has officially become my 3rd favorite wrestling TV show (Number two is Impact, Number one is Smackdown). I’ll be back next week for another recap of Superstars.

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Until we find a permanent reviewer, I feel an obligation for WWE Smackdown to be recapped on a weekly basis since it’s pretty much the best wrestling show of the week. I wrote about in my “Ring Around Wrestling” column last Thursday, which can be found elsewhere on the site. So until further I’m Jerome Cusson, and this… is… SMACKDOWN.

Last week, Jeff Hardy defeated Edge and got to pick the stipulation of their upcoming match at “Extreme Rules.” They’re going to follow up a Pay-Per-View quality television match with a ladder match. I approve. Also Chris Jericho and Rey Mysterio were booked for a No-Holds-Barred match. Pretty generic but the talent involved should make it a borderline MOTYC. Also, Youmanga SPOKE!!!! And challenged C.M. Punk to a Samoan Strap match. Wonder if it’s the same as the Yappapa strap match Flair and Hogan had back at Uncensored 2000. I sense half the audience just went “Huh?” so I move onto the show.

Rey Mysterio’s theme hits, and noticeably absent is the opening theme. Since it sucks, I approve. The bad part is I still have to Rey Rey’s music… which also sucks. Remember when wrestling shows used to open with wrestling matches. Every single WWE (and TNA program) just has to begin with a 20 minute promo. Tonight will be “Team Ego” (as Jim Ross puts it) of Edge and Jericho against Rey Rey and Jeff Hardy in the main event. This was supposed to be the main event a few weeks ago. Good match to build the Pay-Per-View. You’d think competent people were booking this show or something.

Mysterio talks some Spanish, but then gets to business as he talks about his match with Jericho. This promo is awful and really cookie cutter. Seriously, just let Jericho do all the promo work and let these two wrestle. Putting a microphone in front of Rey Rey has never led to anything good. Thankfully, your hero and mine Chris Jericho (w/suit) interrupts and he coldly calculatingly talks trash about Mysterio. Segment numero uno saved by Jericho. Remind me to send this man a thesaurus for Christmas. Rey Rey talks and says Jericho’s words don’t mean anything. Ha.

Mickey Rourke is in attendance for another WWE show. Oh, maybe he’ll “break his wrist” again. God, what a worker. Jericho goes to the outside and talks to Rourke, calling him worthless. Well, he must have followed Mickey’s boxing career too. Onto some mask talk as we ratchet up the goodness again. Jericho says he’s going to take the mask off and says it will be his downfall. He tries to cheap shot him, but Rey Rey responds but does not get the 619. Minor thumbs up for this because of Jericho’s awesomeness.

- R-Truth and The Great Khali vs. Dolph Ziggler and Mike Knox

I hate play-by-play, so look elsewhere if you want every single move described. A few weeks ago, I could have cared less about any of these four people. Okay, so I still don’t actually care, but at least this match makes sense, and the mid-carders have something to do. Plus, Ziggler COULD be a big star for WWE down the line.   R-Truth and Mike Knox have each defeated each other in singles matches the last two weeks while Ziggler and Khali have been playing cat and mouse games. Khali rapping is quite a site.

Truth and Ziggler thankfully start and have a nice exchange. The cat and mouse games continue with Ziggler avoiding Khali. Knox and Khali are in the same ring, and I wonder why I decided to review this show. This doesn’t last long before R-Truth gets tagged in, and we have our heat segment. R-Truth tags in Khali and we have the big man dream match once again. Khali finally gets his hands on Ziggler for a brief moment and almost kills him with an attempted chokeslam. Ziggler ditches his partner leading to a Khali pinfall victory. Not horrible or anything.

Time/Winner (s): 4:04/Khali and R-Truth

Truth and Khali dance some more.

Goody. Melina is up next.

- Non-Title Match: Alicia Fox w/Michelle McCool vs. Melina ©

This is basically a handicap match with Alicia Fox’s hair the way it is. They show a clip from the awful awful Melina promo from last week. There was a brief moment when Melina seemed to be getting better wrestlingwise. However, ever since coming back from her injury, she’s sucked a big one… in the ring you perverts. This is also building to some women’s title match between Michelle McCool and Melina at some point. Can’t wait to review that either.

Melina uses a nice matrix move early, so we’ve avoided negative stars. Fox takes over after a distraction by McCool. This is at least better then Kelly Kelly and Maryse’s match. Being taped no doubt helps. Melina gets the advantage back but once again loses it to due a distraction by McCool. Melina wins with what Ross calls a “Primal Scream.” Bet Morrison has heard that before. Match was too short to mean anything, but at least it was better than the Divas match on Monday.

Time/Winner (s): 2:32/Melina

McCool hands Melina her championship as Tool Grisham says these two will meet “sometime in the future.” What I took from that was, “The bookers have no idea what they’re doing week-to-week, so it could happen at any time.”

Josh Matthews interviews John Morrison who’s wrestling Umaga tonight. Morrison doesn’t cut a very sterling promo, and I think he comes off way too cocky to be a babyface. Sheldon Banjamin comes in and says they have unfinished business. Morrison rightfully points out he’s beaten Benjamin twice and beaten Haas too. Please let this program end.

Promotion of the Smackdown main event at “Extreme Rules.” We see a video package showcasing Jeff Hardy in various ladder matches. A very well done piece of business that serves to hype the show well. Only thing I wish they had pointed out is that Edge has won more ladder matches then just about anyone in WWE and has just as much experience as Hardy does in this type of match. Then Hardy comes to cut a promo. It’s too bad that Hardy is apparently leaving at the end of the summer because he’s become so much better on the stick and in the ring. Interesting to note that Hardy said the feud will end at the Pay-Per-View. That’s a lie since feuds never end in WWE. Then Hardy leaves. Couldn’t he have just said this in a backstage promo? Umaga comes out while Hardy is leaving. Wonder if they’re teasing a feud between these two. Anyway, this naturally segues into…

- John Morrison vs. Umaga

WWE still has so much work to do with Morrison as a babyface. Why in the hell are they having this match? There are like a billion people on the roster who could take what should be a pretty big beating. And believe me, I realize that Umaga needs this match more by virtue of the fact that he’s got the strap match at “Extreme Rules.” Oh. God. They’re doing the four corners rule. Well, that match is now officially a failure.

Morrison uses his resourcefulness to gain an early advantage and even leaps onto Umaga on the outside. Can’t believe Morrison is taking so much of this match. Just as I type that, Umaga takes over with a big samoan drop. Of course we take a commercial break. Grrrr. I hate that. Come back with Umaga in a resthold so I guess we didn’t miss a whole lot. Huge superkick send Morrison flying to the floor in a cool spot. Replays make it look (and sound) even better. Another huge move, this time a clothesline. Vulcan nerve pinch (Hey, certainly looks like that to me) by Umaga as the crowd… doesn’t do a whole lot. There’s about ten people cheering while everyone else is kinda sitting on their hands. Umaga almost injures Morrison on a botched throw, and he looks gassed. Morrison finally comes back with a DDT and then a nearfall. He uses his speed to try and get the big man down, but Umaga uses a chop to the throat and takes over. Miss in the corner and Morrison comes off the ropes with a kick. Umaga hits Morrison with the strap for a disqualification. So after some ten minutes, we get a crappy ending to end a boring match. I didn’t want Morrison to lose, but Umaga really needed an emphatic victory to build up the drama with he and Mr. Punk.

Time/Winner (s): 11:32 (9:32 shown)/John Morrison

Umaga continues to beat up Morrison with the strap in the corner until Punk uses the briefcase to finally get some measure of revenge against Umaga. Punk even gets to cut a promo, and he gets to show off some of the dickishness that made him awesome in Ring of Honor. One of the better promos he’s had since he came to WWE.

- Shelton Benjamin and Charlie Haas vs. Cryme Time

This actually has a reason for happening as Cryme Time came out during a tag match involving Primo and Carlito against The World’s Greatest Tag Team 24 hours earlier on “Superstars.” We see what happened, and I thought that ruined what was a decent tag team match. For the record, I can’t stand Cryme Time and think they’re highly annoying. Benjamin has had so many stops and starts a single that I’m hoping being reunited with Haas gives both of them something to do.

Pretty basic match that includes yet another freakin’ commercial break. They really need to cut this out. Not only because I try and time these matches, but because it’s hard to go in and out of trying to get into match. The Los Angeles crowd continues to be among the worst I’ve seen for a WWE show in quite some time. Man, I hate the west coast. It was at least nice to see this match get a little bit of time attached to it. I think a better crowd would have helped, but WWE was kicked out of Colorado, so we got stuck with a lame California crowd. Eventually, Benjamin hits his finisher (Pay Dirt) for the victory. Wow, he actually won a match. Can’t say that too often these days.

Time/Winner (s): 9:37 (7:37 shown)/Sheldon Benjamin and Charlie Haas

A recap of the scintillating feud between Eve and Layla. This might be the dumbest feud on Smackdown. After seeing the backstage fight from two weeks ago, I’ll go out on a limb and say it is the worst.

- Eve vs. Layla

I’m not bothering. I could not possible give a rat’s ass about this feud or this match. Three divas matches in one week is about two too many, especially considering five of the six women involved are terrible in the ring. In this situation, I can see why the crowd sat on their hands. Eve wins and one can only hope this feud is over. Sadly, I get the impression it isn’t .

Time/Winner (s): 3:08/ Eve

Up next is the main event. Edge and Jericho have an awkward confrontation. This is immediately better then just about anything on this show. Jericho says Edge should have the match by himself. Cause that’s what WWE needs. Yet another handicap match where the babyfaces have the advantage. Edge also gets time to talk and says the two words to describe Jeff Hardy are “wasted opportunities.” Edge brings up the point about owning the ladder match. THANK YOU. Someone in the WWE is actually thinking and using their brains. Great promo that also speaks the truth. I remember when I used to rag on this guy. Well, he’s probably the best reason to watch Smackdown (other than Jericho).

Jericho’s music plays, and there’s no site of him. Rey Mysterio comes out but is suddenly attacked by a masked man from the crowd. Wait, that’s Jericho attacking. Brilliant piece of business as more quality heat is built for their match. Only question is whether the mask is going to be put on the line at “Extreme Rules” or whether they smartly wait. Jericho tries to pull the mask off and Hardy finally makes the save.

- Rey Mysterio and Jeff Hardy vs. Edge and Chris Jericho

Sadly, this remains a handicap match, but at least the heels have the advantage this time. This is a step up for the WWE universe. It’s pretty run-of-the mill with Hardy getting some early spots beating up the heels before the numbers game becomes too much. Hardy comes back and heel miscommunication almost gets him the win. Jericho and Edge’s attempt at a double team fails and Hardy gets a Whisper in the Wind. Spear by Edge gets a three count for the heels. Grisham calling the heels “The Egomaniacs” was also

Time/Winner (s): 7:15/Edge and Chris Jericho

Edge brings out a ladder and nails Hardy with an awfully stiff shot. Then he sandwiches Hardy in the ladder and stands over him. I’d like to know where Jericho went. He just literally disappeared. End of show.

Final Thoughts: Los Angeles was the site for one of the worst weeks of television WWE has put on in quite some time. Chris Jericho and Edge did some decent promos and the beating of Rey Rey did a fine job of building to the Pay-Per-View, but there were no real quality wrestling matches. Also, a dead crowd did this show no favors since a dead crowd kills even the best of matches. Bad show this week, but I’ll just write it off as a bad week and get excited for the go home Smackdown next Friday.

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