Pro Wrestling Ponderings

Hello all, and welcome to CHIKARMY Insider, in the Conservatory, with the Lead Pipe. Yeah, that’s how we do. We do lead pipe. As you may or may not have noticed, this week’s Insider is two days late. Now, I really wish that I had some sort of grand explanation for it: my wife died, a plane hit my favorite restaurant, there was a good football game on, etc. The truth is much simpler, and pretty embarrassing: I forgot to post it. I wrote it up and…forgot a very important step! Yep, it was my lunch hour earlier today and I wanted to see what others had written. Well, much to my surprise…my article wasn’t there. Nicely done, me. Had to wait ‘til now to post. Sorry fans…er, fan. To make up for this, next’s week article WILL be on time and WILL feature an all-new Horrible Gimmick~! Rejoice! This week’s episode features a DVD review of “The Bobliographon”, more poorly-conceived threats from UltraMantis Black, and info on the October shows, including a look at the final four teams in this year’s Cibernetico, with one HUGE surprise team that…You. Won’t. See. Coming. Look at me! I’m the ending to a bad horror trailer!

Chikara DVD Review:

The Bobliographon

The Bobliographon might as well have been called “Night of the Grudges”, as there were four matches that had heated back-stories with issues that needed settling. Some of the conflicts were ended…others continued to burn. Incoherence looked to end their feud with The Roughnecks, Vin Gerard continued his feud with Glacier, and The Future is Now looked to tear The Osirian Portal apart. The main event saw the biggest feud in Chikara explode into all-out war as The Colony, looking to avenge their fallen brother Worker Ant, teamed with Mike Quackenbush and Jigsaw to face Buck Hawke and the men who ended their brother’s career: F.I.S.T.

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1. Claudio Castagnoli vs. Shadow Phoenix - ***1/2

Really good contest between these two, which is NOT a surprise if you’ve ever seen a match pitting Claudio against any small, athletic, flying wrestler. This match was much crisper than Shadow’s bout the night before against Gran Akuma. Finish was good, but I was shocked that it only took a Bicycle Kick to cut Shadow Phoenix down. It made Claudio look beastly, which was the point I guess.

PROMO - The Super Smash Brothers

These guys always slay me when they get time to talk. This was the first time I took notice of how thick Dos’ French-Canadian accent is. It was startling.

PROMO - 2.0

See Above. Well, not the French-Canadian thing. That’s exclusive to Mr. Dos.

2. Elimination Match - Cheech & Cloudy vs. 2.0 vs. The UnStable vs. The SSB - ***1/4

Good match. I really wasn’t into a lot of the stuff at the beginning, but after the 2.0 elimination, things picked up nicely. There was an absolutely huge moment that occurs after the second elimination and would foreshadow events to come in Chikara. But the really meat here was the exchanges between the Smash Brothers and Cheech & Cloudy. They had a terrific match last year at Aniversarioct, and they picked up right where they left off here.

PROMO - The Order of the Neo-Solar Temple

I don’t even remember this promo to be honest, so it couldn’t have been that important. I remember UltraMantis said something about wielding the “ultimate power”, which would be big later on in the show and in Chikara as well.

3. Create-A-Wrestler vs. UltraMantis Black w/ Crossbones - *3/4

Well, you knew the quality couldn’t stay that high forever. This served no real purpose other than driving the point home that CAW sucks without a fan-made gimmick…which we already knew. Pay attention to the commentary though, as some previously unknown info sees the light of day.

4. Grudge Match #1 - Incoherence vs. The Roughnecks - ***3/4

This is the night’s first grudge match, and it was awesome. Some of the cheap double team moves from the Roughnecks had me in stitches. At one point, Brodie sat on the top turnbuckle and lifted Frightmare in the air by his head. Kingston then started peppering his midsection with fists and elbows. Highlight of the match was seeing a Go 2 Sleep Hollow on Kingston, followed by Shadows Over Heck by Delirious and the Kneecolepsy by Frightmare. It’s a shame these guys didn’t get more time as a trio; after the match, UltraMantis kidnapped Delirious using what appeared to be the Eye of Tyr.

PROMO - Claudio Castagnoli

Claudio has always seemed a little clunky on promos, which is understandable given his grasp of English is not always an easy one. The heat he brought, however, was great, and I truly felt like Claudio had been disrespected.

ANNOUNCEMENT - A New Partnership Forms!

When this company was first announced, I said on a few forums that all they needed to be successful was some involvement from other indies, mainly Chikara. I feel brilliant.

5. Shark Girl vs. Sara Del Rey - **

I really enjoyed this despite the length. I’m a dirty mark for Daffney and Del Rey, so the three person shark bite spot had me giggling, as did the chant afterwards.

6. Grudge Match #2 - The Osirian Portal vs. The Future is Now - ***

The story of the match involved the strife within the Osirian Portal, as Escorpion had lost several contests and appeared to lack focus in some of his matches. While the wrestling was good, I felt that the story itself was forced. They really must have put this together at the last minute; at least that’s what it felt like. Still, it got the point across, albeit somewhat disappointingly, and the action was crisp.

PROMO - Vin Gerard

If you’ve seen one Vin promo, you’ve seen them all. I much prefer him with his UnStable brethren where those guys can really shine in their smug insecurity. But this was solo Vin, so it was just OK.

7. Grudge Match #3 - Vin Gerard vs. Glacier - **

I’ll admit I actually really enjoyed the early stuff. The old-school chicken heel stuff was layered on thick, and had they exploded in the end, I would have lauded this match. Instead, they kept it slow and boring almost constantly. It became tedious to the point of near fury, and not in a good way. Not in a way that made me appreciate Vin Gerard’s heel work. After the match, I decided to do something more interesting…so I watched bark fall off a tree. Weeeee.

8. Grudge Match #4 - Fire & Soldier Ant and QuackenSaw vs. Buck Hawke & F.I.S.T. - ***3/4

Great way to end the show. It’s just good business for your MOTN to be in main event. Shocking, right? Everybody did great, and the heat was awesome. It set the stage for the feud-ending match between F.I.S.T. and the Colony, but also added to a growing QuackenSaw vs. F.I.S.T. rivalry, which would be big in the coming months. My only complaint would be that there was too much Buck Hawke. He’s fun…in small doses. Great match though.

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Two of the best young wrestlers Chikara has to offer will be clashing in Easton, Pennsylvania on October 17^th. Frightmare, after emerging victorious over Brandon Jonathan Michael Taylor Thomas in a rematch from the Young Lions Cup Tournament, has earned a title shot again Player Dos for his Young Lions Trophy. Both guys can be considered risk takers, so it could be either guy walking away as champion. Dos has the experience and the size advantage, but Frightmare’s ferociousness may not have a rival in Chikara.

An intriguing match-up in Easton will pit two teams with internal issues against one another. Green Ant called out the mysterious Carpenter Ant on his perceived lack of motivation, while Crossbones, after losing in the main event of Never Kneel at the Altar of Conformity, was nearly kicked out of the Order before UltraMantis allowed him to stay. Now Crossbones will be looking for revenge and gain favor with his friend by taking down the two youngest members of The Colony. The key to the match appears to be whichever team can get along will win…but there are no guarantees that either team can keep their grumbling in check.

Dasher Hatfield had some trouble getting a hold of the Super Smash Brothers, so he decided to find a new partner in his quest for three points. Well, Sugar Dunkerton answered the call. Unfortunately, they have to go up against some Badd dudes in Philly. The Badd Boyz, after beating the Colony to get their first point, could be looking at a possible three-point match-up here if they get past Helios and Dorado the night before. With that extra incentive, it’ll be tough to get past Chad and Brad; but if anyone can do it, it’s Dash & Dunk. Team Sports. BASEketball. The Old-Schools. Cloak and Dagger. Dash of Sugar. The Hardy Boyz. Team Discovery Channel. Just pick a name already…

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After being left out of this year’s Cibernetico, both The Osirian Portal and the Roughnecks probably feel a little bitter. I mean, let’s face it; they know that neither of their respective teams is winning a popularity contest anytime soon due to their bad guy shenanigans. But it’s still gotta sting when you’re pass over for an outsider team. It’s like their being one spot left on a dodge ball team and, instead of choosing you, the captain chooses someone from another school. It’s exactly like that. But with wrestling. The two teams will look to take frustrations out on each other. Or maybe they’ll hug it out. Probably not though.

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New Chikara DVD Releases:

Man Makes Plans, And God Laughs

Springfield, MA ~ 09/12/2009

1. Brendan Michael Thomas vs. Frightmare

2. The Badd Boyz vs. Fire & Green Ant

3. Grizzly Redwood vs. Steve “The Turtle” Weiner

4. Colin Delaney vs. Dasher Hatfield

5. The Super Smash Brothers vs. UltraMantis Black & Delirious

6. SeaDonsters No More: Tim Donst vs. Hydra

7. Vin Gerard, STIGMA & ???? vs. Mike Quackenbush, Lince Dorado & Equinox

8. Ophidian Returns: The Osirian Portal vs. Icarus & Chuck Taylor

9. For The First Time: Hallowicked vs. Claudio Castagnoli

Hiding In Plain Sight

Nashua, NH ~ 09/13/2009

1. Icarus & Chuck Taylor vs. Incoherence

2. Ariel vs. Sara Del Ray

3. Champions Of Charity Award Presentation

4. Eddie Kingston & Grizzly Redwood vs. UltraMantis Black & Delirious

5. Dragon’s Farewell: Mike Quackenbush & Jigsaw vs. Claudio Castagnoli & Bryan Danielson

6. The UnStable & 2.0 vs. Dasher Hatfield, Equinox, Lince Dorado, Carpenter Ant, & Green Ant

7. Young Lion’s Cup: Player Uno vs. Player Dos

8. Campeonatos de Parejas: The Osirian Portal vs. Fire & Soldier Ant

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Welcome to CHIKARMY Insider vs Belfort, brought to you by Tequila Cazadores. Tequila Cazadores: our tequila is made out of the tears of children whose fathers died in drunk driving accidents. Feel like having some now, right? DO YOU!? STRAIGHT EDGE. Ha! Just kidding. I heart tequila. Man, it must take a lot of energy to be CM Punk on a daily basis. I’d need more prescription drugs than Rite Aid carries to function. This week, you get a DVD review of “Behind the 8-Ball”, followed by an all-new episode of Top of the Heap starring Joseph Bologna and Matt LeBlanc. Then, UltraMantis Black decides it’s a good idea to provoke a mystical order of ninjas. I’m sure that will pay off. Then, it’s on to Classic Chikara. I got that part covered. Remember to drink your Tequila Cazadores before each meal in order to achieve maximum numbness throughout the day. Science!

Chikara DVD Review:

Behind the 8 Ball

The first post-King of Trios show, Behind the 8 Ball, was significant for several reasons. F.I.S.T., the 2009 King of Trios, continued their feud with The Colony, who lost both entry into King of Trios and their brother Worker Ant to the nefarious group. For the first time since “The Artistic Pursuit of Being Yourself” on September 20^th of the previous year, former friends and tag partners Jimmy “Equinox” Olsen and Colin Delaney went one on one. Finally, in the main event, Mike Quackenbush & Jigsaw got their first shot at the Campeonatos de Parejas against the Osirian Portal.

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GREATNESS - The DVD Menu

This is just awesome. It’s one of those unannounced, unexpected things that Chikara is known for. I could recommend this DVD for the Menu video alone. Poor Crossbones…

1. Entrance Theme Medley - *****

This is my favorite of all Louden’s songs. He worked really hard to get over every single portion of the song. The stuff about F.I.S.T. was inspired. Again, here’s more awesome non-wrestling stuff that Chikara gets right.

PROMO - Jagged and Shane Matthews

I like Jagged a little more than Shane on the shtick, but both guys are very good when given time to talk. Of course, even when they’re not given time…they’ll just take it.

2. 2.0 vs. Incoherence - **3/4

This was solid action from both teams, especially Hallowicked. He hit a great Yakuza kick to the side of Shane’s face while Matthews was holding a Boston Crab on Frightmare. Speaking of which, is there any move more over in 2.0 than Shane’s Crab hold? The fans always pop big for it. Nice ending, too, setting up the next night’s encounter.

PROMO - Nevaeh

Ugh. Could this have been any less purposeful? No? Thanks a lot Nevaeh.

3. Nevaeh vs. Shark Girl - *

Can we get Daffney to wrestle as Daffney or are her chest cannons too PG-13 for Chikara? Either way, this was a waste of time. Sorry girls.

4. Escorpion Egipcio vs. Helios - ***

Wow, I was pleasantly surprised by this. I have absolutely nothing but bad things to say about Escorpion usually, but Helios is great and they actually had a nice match together. Helios has the best 630 Splash in the business in my opinion. Sorry Jackie Boy.

5. Uno, Hydra, Gerard & Hawke vs. Dos, Lee, Donst & STIGMA - ***1/4

I don’t know what to make of this match. All sorts of craziness happened in it, and some of it was really good. The STIGMA/Gerard stuff was funny, Hawke versus Donst was great, and Uno versus Dos should have given us an indication of what was to come later in the year. But there also seemed to be a lot of confusion as well. Still, lots of shenanigans here, so I dug it.

6. Shadow Phoenix vs. Gran Akuma - ***1/4

It was a little sloppy at times, but both guys really went at each other and I liked it a ton. Akuma can be very hit-and-miss with me, but he was on point here. His Spider Suplex into a Moonsault is quickly becoming one of my favorite spots in wrestling because he hits his moonsault right on target every time. Shadow Phoenix, while a little predictable, looked strong. Good match.

PROMO - Chuck Taylor and Icarus

I couldn’t kayfabe hate anyone more than I kayfabe hate Icarus. Good promo by both guys.

7. Grudge Match - F.I.S.T. (Icarus/Taylor) vs. The Colony - ***1/2

Man did they bring the hate. Some of Fire Ant’s kicks to Taylor looked absolutely devastating. I loved the finish, too. The Cross Crab is going to be on a Cattle Mutilation level of overness if they stick to pushing it this way. This was all a lead-in for the next phase of the feud, but it was still awesome by itself.

POSTMATCH - Chikarason Lays Down the Law

This was a very effective segment, and the crowd really loved it. The whole feud’s been very good throughout.

PROMO - Colin Delaney

A solid promo, but that’s not Colin’s forte. He’s a good talker, but in a group and/or in the ring.

8. Young Lions Cup – Equinox vs. Colin Delaney - ***1/4

The stuff where Delaney was getting in his former partner’s head at the beginning was done very well, but I didn’t feel like they did a ton during the match to pay it off. If anything, it seemed to backfire on Delaney…which kinda makes sense, but not in a way that makes Colin a credible challenger. Still, these guys have fantastic chemistry. I didn’t like the finish, though. Again, are we supposed to by this guy as the Young Lions Cup champion when he goes down to one punch? This match really just pantsed Colin, but they both worked well together and I enjoyed it.

9. Campeonatos de Parejas – The Osirian Portal vs. Mike Quackenbush & Jigsaw - ****

Man this was fun. Quack has come up with some of the best spots ever. Case in point: Amasis does the Hammer Dance on the apron with Mike on the outside. Quackenbush responds with, “STOP! Hammertime!” and trips him up, sending him crashing to the floor. He also hit the nastiest palm strike I’ve ever seen on “The Phunky Faraoh”. The communication between Jig and Quack also added a lot of credibility to supposed “spontaneous” tag maneuvers. I wish more teams would do that. Quack and Jigsaw weren’t alone in their; The Portal held their own very well. They are both so young, yet they already work heel better than most guys on the indy scene…and they’re only going to get better. I don’t like Amasis kicking out of the QD4, but Quacks always devalues his moves in putting over his students, so I guess it’s fine. Great stuff overall from all four guys, and must-see in my opinion.

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In my interview with him, Grizzly Redwood stated that he didn’t care who he and his partner faced for the Campeonatos because “no matter who is in front of us, Brodie will run em’ over and I’ll chop em’ to bits.” Well, the Roughnecks have to be in top form when they face the brand-spanking new champs, Fire Ant and Soldier Ant, in the main event of the October 17^th show. But don’t take my word for it; the ‘Necks have already put out some comments regarding their championship match here. Easton is in for a war!

Gran Akuma versus Jigsaw. These two gentlemen have a long and storied history with one another. Both graduated as students of the second class from the Chikara Wrestle Factory. They took very different paths; Jigsaw would go on to regularly team with Rorschach for a number of years while Akuma started as a lone wolf before defeating Mitch Ryder and joining Icarus in creating F.I.S.T. Their paths would cross in a major way during 2006, as Jigsaw and his partner Shane Storm feuded with Icarus and Akuma, resulting in Icarus losing his hair and Akuma losing his trademark mask. This year saw their rivalry grow again, as Akuma turned on Jigsaw and his trainer Mike Quackenbush, siding with YAMATO at DGUSA’s debut show. Akuma holds several victories over Jigsaw this year by way of his devastating new finisher, The Rubix Cube. They have battled again and again, but this is their first singles competition against one another in Chikara, and you better believe they’re going to bring the hate.

This year’s theme for Cibernetico is “partner versus partner”, hence the super cool avatar above. I mean, who doesn’t love Cable and Deadpool?! No participants announced so far. Sad face.

Eddie Kingston, probably still pissed off after losing to Claudio by count-out and The Order of the Neo Solar Temple due to his partners pinfall, will take it out on someone named Ryuichi Kawakami. He is apparently a BJW rookie, trained be Stretch Armstr…I mean Daisuke Sekimoto. I know nothing about him, other than he will be very sore on Monday after facing “The King of Diamonds”. Here’s a video highlighting Mr. Kawakami. Heh heh…he’s beating up 2.0…that’s always funny.

So this is what Daizee Haze and Sara Del Rey’s blog posts (HERE and HERE, respectively) lead to? THIS!? I was hoping they’d team up, try to get three points, and challenge for the Colony’s title belts. Well, they are instead tagging against one another. The Haze’s partner is Atsuko Emoto, who you can get a feel for in this video. As for Sara’s partner, El Malcriada…she faced and lost to Allison Danger at King of Trios 2007 in her only Chikara appearance. That’s all I got. Here’s a video of her facing someone named Baby A. Here’s a video of Haze vs Del Rey. Here’s a video of a monkey riding a dog at a rodeo. MWA-HA-HA! CHIKARA!

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This week’s CHIKARticle starts off with a DVD Review of King of Trios: Night 1, follows it up with some Young Lions Cup VII updates, and finishes with a great written piece by Mike Quackenbush in response to a crazy person’s wild, uninformed assertions about Chikara. Make sure you’re sitting down for this one folks. It’s just more comfortable to read that way.

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Chikara DVD Review:

King of Trios: Night 1

Chikara’s annual one-fall, three-man tag team tournament, a three day wrestling summit called the King of Trios, is arguably the company’s biggest event of the year. The 2009 King of Trios featured the Chikara debuts of several top independent wrestlers such as “American Dragon” Bryan Danielson, Austin Aries, and “The Golden Star” Kota Ibushi as well as one the strongest and most competitive fields in the tournament’s history. Here were the teams:

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PROMO - Team Epic War

This was pretty good, especially the Austin Aries stuff, who seemed to be playing the opposite of his ROH character. He was smiling and giving thumbs up, saying he was here for the fans. I think he’s lost his mind.

1. Team EPIC WAR vs The F1RST Family - ***

This was a solid opener with nice action throughout. Playing up Aries’ “Indian Heritage” was pretty damn funny. Good stuff, but predictable. I love the Cruz and Corbin’s finisher, I really do.

2. The Osirian Portal vs Team PWG - ***1/2

A bit disappointing, but I had very high expectations. I’m sure down the line that at least five of these guys will be major players on the indy scene or beyond, so it’s kind of special to see the young guys before they get big. Generico and the Young Bucks were great and Amasis and Ophidian were good. I was not impressed with Egipcio at all, and his botches and general stumbling really brought the match down.

PROMO - The Roughnecks

This was very good, with Eddie Kingston running down his less than orthodox trio. Brodie Lee still scares the crap out of me.

3. The Roughnecks vs Team Uppercut - ***1/4

This was too long with WAY too much stalling. No one really seemed to be interested in actually wrestling. A really fantastic finish saved this from becoming a disaster. This will not be the last time I type this: Dave Taylor should be a regular. He was having the time of his life and should be at every show. I’m sure he has a home promotion in England, but LFC needs to find a way to get this guy on more shows. For the children.

PROMO - Da Soul Touchaz

It’s always a good time when the Touchaz are on a Chikara show. Their energy is palpable and you can’t help but smile at the antics of C.Red and company.

4. Da Soul Touchaz vs Team CZW - ***3/4

Very good match with a ton of hilarious stuff, including Beef Wellington rapping, Pinkie and his ass, and an epic dance-off to Sir Mix-A-Lot’s “Jump On It!” I had low expectations for this, so to say I was very surprised by how great it was would be an understatement.

5. F.I.S.T. vs The Death Match Kings - ***3/4

Shockingly, this was my favorite match of Night 1. Necro straight-up murdered every member of F.I.S.T. and had the most memorable moment of night one: a seated punch for kick brawl with Gran Akuma. Guess who won. Seriously, Akuma has got to be insane for trying to go face-to-face against the Butcher. Everyone played their roles well and if it was up Brain Damage, there’d be a rematch under Death Match rules. Here’s hoping.

6. Team DDT vs The Future is Now - **3/4

Bleh. This was very disjointed and sloppy. Nakazawa’s slip n’ slide double stomp senton was awesome, but nothing else really stood out for me. The finish could have been a sight to behold, but the guy with the ring bell screwed it up, so it failed, as did everything else in this match. Crowd hated it, too.

7. Incoherence vs The Masters of a Thousand Holds - ***3/4

Good stuff from both sides. I was as impressed with Frightmare as I was unimpressed with Escorpion. He looked so natural in there with Quack and Skayde. Some sloppiness brings it down, and the finish was out of nowhere. Delirious had some great lines when getting tied up by Saint, including “My nerves!” and “I hate this!” He tagged out, telling Hallowicked, “Watch him! He’s got tricks!” Hilarious. This should have been the Main.

PROMO - The Cold Front

Al Snow did a great job explaining why Iceberg was a no show: “He’s a slow moving block of ice.” Simple enough I guess, and it explained why this match was on last; they were waiting on his replacement…

8. The UnStable vs The Cold Front - **1/4

The segment to find a new partner was classic Chikara: a random hat drawing. Avatar? Al says no. Leif Cassidy? Al will kill Leonard. AMAZING RED? Not here. D’LO BROWN!?!? Not here…or is he!? YES! D’lo is in the house! Great segment…brutally awful match. No flow, reason, or purpose. This was the worst match of the show, and is only memorable for Snow telling Delaney, “Don’t worry, we all got fired, too.” and D’lo getting pinned. Ugh.

OVERALL - 7 / 10

This was a bit of a letdown, but a very fun show despite my high expectations. For some reason, the bad really ate away at the good. Moments like seeing Johnny Saint wiggle and Dave Taylor giggle were trumped by some epic crap from Lince Dorado and D’lo Brown. It’s a good show, no doubt, but only as a set-up for the rest of the tournament, which does improve on this for sure. Kudos to Gran Akuma for taking one of the nastiest pure beatings I’ve seen in a wrestling ring and Claudio Castagnoli for pulling off a great feat of stamina and strength to save an otherwise boring match. You can get this DVD at Smart Mark Video along with Nights 2 and 3, as well as past King of Trios DVDs.

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There have been several updates in the Young Lions Cup VII line-up in recent days, and I will go over them now. There will be a test afterward, with the winner receiving the gift of a go-get’em attitude. I’m not really using mine.

Added to Young Lions Cup VII – Night 1:

Well thanks a lot Chikarason. I had both Frightmare and Brendan Michael Thomas (wasn’t he on Home Improvement?) going to the Elimination match, and unless I find a loophole in the rules within the next week, I’ll look like a fool in my first column. A fool! Well, I’ll cut my losses and say that I think BMT’s advancing. I’m a really big fan of Frightmare and I think he has a helluva future on the indy circuit. He looked like a natural in his lucha exchanges with “The Masters of 1001 Holds” on Night 1 of King of Trios 2009. But he’s got a while before he’ll be advancing in anything, anywhere. I hear some good things about Thomas and I enjoy The Lion King so a winner is he.

Now here’s a lion that I won’t be rooting for. I’m a Grizzly Redwood mark anyway, and it doesn’t help Leonino’s case that he has a rep for being his own biggest fan. Not to say the guy doesn’t have talent…but I’ve never seen him wrestle, so he may be talentless. Whichever way you spin it—disliking ‘Nino or envying Redwood’s ferocious man-beard— I see GR chopping this cocky California cat down to a neat pile of whiskers and broken dreams. OK, seriously though, I don’t know Leo personally, so I’m talking out of my ass here. This is just an angle I’m setting up for a future massive feud. Gotta plant the seeds now.

Anyone holding out hope of a Miracle Ultraviolence Connection reunion may want to avert their eyes. Well, if you’re reading this, I guess it’s too late. That’s my bad. It all explodes on Night 1 as “The New Wave” Cheech Hernandez takes on “The Plow King” Brodie Lee, in a battle for honor, justice, and perhaps the last Corona. These guys used to be as tight as can be, but with Brodie and his partner Grizzly Redwood costing Cheech and his partner Cloudy a shot at the Campeonatos de Parejas, the battle, at least for Cheech, will be about revenge. For the 6’5” Brodie…it’s just another face to erase.

Added to Young Lions Cup VII – Night 2:

Things I’ve learned about Trik Davis upon googling his name: he’s a frequent travel buddy of Tyler Black and Danny Daniels, a former IWA Mid-South World Heavyweight champion, he’s been Arik Cannon’s roommate, and he sells awesome “Trickelodeon” gear using the old Nickelodeon logo. He also had this to say in a 2008 interview about his opponent and long-time friend, Shane Hollister: [He] is easily one of the top up and comers in all of the Midwest. With his quick feet and lightning-fast right hands, he can go strike for strike with pretty much anyone.” OK, so they seem to know each other pretty well, as evidenced by this picture as well. If I could change my pick, I would probably do so and choose Davis to advance. But I only backtrack when forced, and since I chose Hollister initially, I will maintain my choice and simply find a way to sabotage Trik somehow.

Yellow Dog is a gimmick that may or may not be lifted from the late, great frenzied high flyer, Brian Pillman. I expect a good showing from him against either Bret “Restle” Race, or if turns out to be a ruse and Crabtree gets replaced, against Amasis, Buck Hawke, or Ophidian returning from injury. I do not expect to see Dog’s valet appear at this event. Her name is Classie Lassie and she is quite the hot little number, but unfortunately about as family friendly as a crocodile. You know, a crocodile that you fantasize about while you’re bored at work. So unless they find a tasteful Muumuu in time for the event, this will be a solo affair for the Yellow One, and most probably a loss.

Added to Young Lions Cup VII – Night 3:

So obviously Mike Quackenbush and Jorge “Skayde” Rivera know each other pretty damn well. They have that whole Rivera taught Quack, teacher-student thing going on. Such a cliché. While their opponents remain a mystery, there’s no question that, barring a major surprise, these two will be the favorite going in due to their experience not only in the ring, but with each other as well. I’ll take a swing and say that either the Fabulous Two will be here in some from or The Osirian Portal will return in non-title action. Still, I can’t see either team besting “Lightning Skayde”. They don’t call themselves that, but I think it sounds awesome, so if I ever meet the two, I’ll just keep shouting it until it sticks.

Added to the previously announced team of Ultramantis Black and Delirious is two thirds of F.I.S.T., Gran Akuma and Icarus. This is a dangerous game F.I.S.T. is playing, as they already have two points and run the risk of losing them all in this match, which is much more unpredictable than your standard tag match. Still, Akuma and Icarus are one of the longest tagging teams in Chikara, so if anyone can weasel out a win here, it’s these two.

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Random News. Random News! EXCITED UTTERANCE!

- There’s something fishy going on within The Colony. Green Ant recently called out fellow anthill rookie and insect guy, Carpenter Ant. This is the second time someone has called out Carpenter Ant with Icarus making a few accusations of his own. While Chikarason shot down the claims of Icarus, it still seems like more is brewing with The Colony than just two rookies in-fighting.

- New merchandise is in and out now at the Chikara Store. Well, some stuff is going to come out soon, but there still sitting there, tantalizing us with their awesomeness. It’s kind of cruel. They’ve got the 2009 Chikara Yearbook available as well as new shirts for Cheech and Cloudy, the Super Smash Brothers and the entire 2009 roster. They’ve also got new replica masks in of Hydra’s smiling green facegear and Hallowicked’s new orange mask. They are both incredibly awesome and graciously request your money.

- Chikara recently announced their upcoming schedule. They will return to Massachusetts on September 12^th with Man Makes Plans, God Laughs. The following night will see Chikara’s debut in New Hampshire for some reason, with Hiding in Plain Sight. Their next double shot in October will be held in Pennsylvaina, as An Optimistic View of a Pessimistic World will take place on the 17^th in Easton and Three-Fisted Tales will be the next day in Philadelphia.

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I’ll end this week’s article with a response Mike Quackenbush posted after seeing comments made from a wrestling legend Les Thatcher. I mean “legend” in the WWE sense. He’s just old. So Thatcher was asked about Chikara and responded with ignorance, malice, and the verbal equivalent of a snot rocket ringing a spittoon. Mike Quackenbush explains as only he can. Seriously, read the whole damn thing. It’s absolutely inspired.

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