Pro Wrestling Ponderings

Hello all!

Unfortunately this week I need to do a shortened edition of I’m With Stupid. There’s a lot of stuff going on outside of the wrestling world and I simply do not have the time to write out a full column of my gripes with dumb booking decisions. Next week, things should be back to normal.

So instead of my usual battery of complaints, I’ll keep this simple with a countdown of the 10 stupidest people of the week.

10: Rhett Titus (ROH) - On last week’s edition of ROH on HDNet, which I did not see until this week, Rhett (along with partner Kenny King) put on one of the worst matches I’ve ever seen in ROH. Hideously ugly stuff, Titus.

9: Chavo Guerrero and Hornswoggle (WWE) - It just wouldn’t be “I’m With Stupid” without these two. The storyline that absolutely refuses to end just keeps on going. The Chavo/’Swoggle feud is basically a lock for my “Stupid Feud of the Year” award come December.

8: Everyone Involved in the First 2/3 of this Week’s ECW (WWE) - Those first tow matches this week actually hurt my brain. Then again, what else should I expect from a broken down Tommy Dreamer, a green Yoshi Tatsu, and the Roundtable?

7: The Divas (WWE) - The entire division gets called out; if I have to see one more “Ask the Divas” segment on Superstars, I’m gonna rip my hair out. And the Diva Bowl…dear God.

6: Traci Brooks and Christy Hemme (TNA) - Not so much stupid on their part, but that Bunnies match from Impact was a chore to watch. I don’t find Traci Brooks all that attractive and I *hate* Christy Hemme, so it was skippable in the first place. Then I remembered that Hemme was a Bunny from WWE, and it took my gripes to a whole new level.

5: WWE (WWE) - For trying to compete with Monday Night Football this week. I mean, the rating DID go up, but it had nowhere to go but up after half the audience turned off Al Sharpton after five minutes.

4: The Genius That Booked Hell in a Cell (WWE) - Forget opening a show with a Hell in a Cell match, which is pretty stupid when you think about it. Why, why, why, why, WHY would anyone put the title on The Undertaker right now? Look, don’t get me wrong, I’ve always been a huge Taker mark, but the man simply cannot put on the kinds of matches that are required of a champion any more. Plus, the World Heavyweight Title is quickly being booked into oblivion with all the title changes…why not just give Punk a few months? We all know the title is going to change hands again in three weeks anyway, so why bother doing it at HIAC?

3: Vince Russo (TNA) - I HATED Impact this week. Why on earth would Russo put on that ladder match (which was admittedly good) for free with no prior mention of it? It’s not like the damn match was built to over the last few weeks or even announced the week prior, so why do it?!?

2: The Genius Behind Bragging Rights (WWE) - The idea of all Raw vs. Smackdown matches with a final main event showdown intrigued me, even though ECW would again be getting the shaft. The actual concept, though, leaves a lot to be desired.

Stupid Person of the Week: Ric Flair (WOOOOOOO!) - Ric, for wasting all of your hard earned money for the last few decades and losing a quite expensive belt, I’ve got no choice but to give you SPOTW. You can pick up your award when you pay me back. By the way, the fact that Highspots expects to get $75,000+ for it in this economy gives them the honorable mention award.

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Something pretty amazing happened this past Saturday. As I looked around my room and perused my DVD collection, I realized that I was basically caught up. Everything up to Double Feature II for Ring of Honor was watched. I had completed CHIKARA and PWG weeks ago. It was at this time that remembered a sale TNA was holding in honor of its’ 7th anniversary. A number of TNA DVDs were put on sale for just seven dollars. PLUS, you could get free shipping if you spent over 40 dollars. Being a DVD whore, I bought six TNA DVDs. I was ready to CROSS THE LINE.

Zack Danielson is one of the fine writers for “Pro Wrestling Ponderings.” He reviews WWE Superstars and TNA Impact. He is a die-hard TNA fan who is one of the people on this little internet that actually enjoys the product. Later on this month, he’ll be heading down to Orlando for the “Victory Road” Pay-Per-View and two of the three Impact tapings to held later in the week.

Having all these TNA DVDs to watch combined with Zack going to TNA live, I’ve decided to CROSS THE LINE in a big way. For the next month, I am going to give TNA one final chance. I am going to watch the television shows, the DVDs I purchased and watch Victory Road. The next three weeks of “Ring Around Wrestling” will detail my efforts to survive a month of TNA. I will also review “Victory Road.” This will all be in preparation for Zack Danielson’s first ever podcast as he will most likely join Kevin Ford and myself.

This is TNA’s chance. I actually gave them an opportunity the night of their very first show on June 19, 2002. This show… what a mess. It was so disorganized. Mike Tenay, Don West, and Ed Ferrara had zero chemistry and were talking all over each other the whole night. The Gauntlet for the Gold was an awfully terrible way to declare a new NWA champion. Not to mention they put the belt on Ken Shamrock (and his ridiculous sideburns). I stuck with them the next week cause there really wasn’t a whole lot else to watch
during the summer.

It was in week 2 that I discovered A.J. Styles. Of course, independent wrestling fans Ring of Honor fans had long ago discovered him, but he wrestled in a match that should have been the basis for everything TNA was built on. It was Psychosis, Jerry Lynn, Low Ki, and Styles had one of the most incredible matches I’d ever seen up to that point. Even now, it’s still quite memorable and one of my favorite matches.

I was in and out of following the product over the next couple years. Having Vince Russo return to an on camera role, having too many title switches, and having Jeff Jarrett as the long term NWA champion, did not exactly hold my interest. Then TNA lost all their television and became the must-see company.

It was in the summer of 2005 when TNA lost their deal with Fox Sports Net. They had long ago given up on weekly Pay-Per-View, but were now were without a television outlet. Jeff Jarrett all of a sudden lost the NWA championship. The X Division was emphasized more than ever as Samoa Joe made his TNA debut. Christopher Daniels was in the midst of his six month title reign. Austin Aries, Sonjay Dutt, Matt Sydal, Roderick Strong, and Alex Shelley also came in to stengthen TNA and the X Division.

From the summer of 2005 until the spring of 2006, TNA put on its’ best shows ever. There were great matches with Styles, Daniels, and Joe in various forms. Perhaps their finest match, maybe the best match in the history of the company, took place at Unbreakable. It was a three way dance and many fans and experts (including Dave Meltzer) have given the match five stars. TNA was so good at this point that a group of friends and I were ordering the shows.

The Vince Russo signed up once again to book, and TNA has been dying a slow painful death. Impact is more of a parody of a wrestling show with a lot of once legendary performers acting more like circus monkeys then real professional wrestlers.

Regardless of the last seven years, this is an opportunity for TNA to wow me, to get me to watch their television program on a weekly basis. One more chance. Don’t screw it up.

Next week, I’ll be providing mini-reviews of at least two of the DVDs and talk briefly about Impact from this week.

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In honor of my birthday, which is Sunday, I figured the only column I could possibly write is a birthday wish list. Since we’re also roughly halfway through the calendar year, I figured this could be my hopes and wishes for the rest of the year and perhaps into 2010. So here are just a few birthday wishes that I don’t need a candle for blowing out.

1. Raw Must Be Better

This is an easy one as the WWE’s flagship is flailing badly. This is the show that Vince McMahon and the writing staff seem to care most about, and it’s been absolutely since the draft back in April. Shuffling around the same main event guys will do nothing. This brand needs an enema with fresh talent and a few turns. I absolutely think Batista turning heel will help a lot, but I also feel like Vickie Guerrero being taken off television once and for all will help. Also, get the goofy skits off my damn television, particularly those involving midgets or a stuttering Goldust.

2. Retirements

This one is mainly related to TNA, but I will say that The Undertaker and Shawn Michaels should be considering it sometime in 2010. I’m so tired of hearing about all these 40 and 50 year olds permeating television. Mick Foley, Jeff Jarrett, Scott Steiner, Sting, Kurt Angle, and especially Kevin Nash need to be shown the door. Team 3-D is not far behind. These guys are all varying degrees of over the hill, but the time has come for this company to move on. This whole being satisfied where they are is a slap to the face of people who don’t like WWE and are looking for an alternative. Naturally, this leads to my next point.

3. Vince Russo Should Equal Fired

WCW lost some 80 million dollars in 2000. Who was in charge for much of the year? Vince Russo. How can a wrestling/sports entertainment company be expected to compete when they continue to employ this B-movie writer wannabe. No offense to Zack, but IMPACT is unwatchable dribble. Even the quality wrestling is overshadowed by some of the worst storylines ever.  I manage to keep up with the company through the Observer and F4W but I can’t imagine even trying to figure something as simple as who runs the company on-camera out. Between founders, owners, and shareholders I just can’t bring myself to care.

TNA has become content with drawing 1.0-1.5 million people and drawing a few thousand buyrates. I say this because they’re putting almost no money into trying to advertise live events, and they’re leaving Orlando for only a handful of Pay-Per-Views in 2009. Their house show attendance is roughly 1,000 and they make some cash on the post-show autograph sessions. No one is expecting them to be beating the WWE, but this company should pretend like running an actual alternative to WWE is something worthwhile.

4. Cure for stupidity for the following people

Larry Sweeney-  This is a tragedy waiting to happen. From getting fired by ROH to trying to start his own company to being thrown under the bus by family and friends. What a waste of talent and I can only hope for the best.

Paul London- Everyone was salivating for his big return to independent wrestling because of how talented he was back in 2002 and 2003. He’s unfortunately angered a lot of promoters off by blowing them off, and he even decided to burn a bridge with PWG by stringing them along before DDT4.

Ken Kennedy- This is a big one since he recently got released. He’s not a very good worker but has a good deal of charisma. If he humbles himself, does the independent scene, and acknowledges some of the stupid things he’s said and done, there’s no reason Mr. Kennedy can’t come back to WWE somewhere down the road.

Ric Flair- I’m basically done with him, but he has no business trying to wrestle for anyone at any time. Stay in WWE. Do corporate speaking. It doesn’t make a difference to me. Just stay far away from the ring.

Cary Silken- ROH sucks. Fix it.

Dixie Carter- TNA sucks. Fix it.

Vince McMahon- Here we’ve got a 63-year-old man acting childish on national television and costing his company millions of dollars simply because of a “feud” with some NBA owner.  Let me be the first to say this. It’s time for Vince to start stepping away from the day-to-day operations of WWE. A publicly traded company that employs so many and produces five hours of television a week cannot afford to be run on the whims of someone so irrational. I know some might think I’m off my rocker to even suggest something like this, but take a look at this year to see just how bad things have gotten in WWE land.

Just one more…

5. No Premature Wrestling Deaths

The biggest fear I have of checking the usual wrestling websites is the fear of finding out another wrestler died. When I can look at someone like John Tolos and say “Thank God he didn’t die young,” that’s very sad. Just about two years ago, we witnessed the Chris Benoit tragedy. This year we’ve already seen Steve Doll and Buddy Rose pass on before their time. If none of the other things on this list can possibly happen but this one could… I’d get the only birthday wish on this list that really matters.

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