Questions and Answers

I'm the kind of person who has always had questions. I once asked my sixth grade teacher if I was constipated, having no idea what constipated meant. No joke. That was almost as good as when I raised my hand and with a straight-face asked my fifth grade teacher during sex ed if you could make yourself ejaculate. Neither public [read more...]

Mid-Summer Classic

It is SO played out to post individual picks for the All-Star teams but I am going to anyways because it will help me get the ball rolling with this blog and honestly my picks are probably more interesting to read than anyone else's you may have come across. We'll start with the inferior, boring Junior Circuit which deserves far less [read more...]

Steroids Harmful? Not to ESPN

The problem with being the sun is that it's awful hard to look in the mirror. Bad for the eyes. And as the center of the sporting solar system, ESPN is unequivocally, and deservedly, the central light that illuminates the stories that shape what we see in the way of sports. And yet while they are sports' greatest ambassadors, they are [read more...]

Hart Surgery: Sports Haiku

Jason Giambi Might be shipped to the minors? Boo-hoo-hoo - roider. World Cup of Baseball Mmmm, I am salivating. It's about freakin' time! Steroids and Congress There's nothing more important? Osama's juicing? Jenny from the block Is really only that way, Inside her movies. Yankees are crappy. Sorry, I like that in print. They kinda suck though. Steve Nash, MVP. Deservedly over Shaq. The Diesel's got Wade. Speaking of Dwyane Wade, He's quicker than Giambi's Post-hearings weight loss Early returns in. New [read more...]

Two Versions of History

If only the curious have something to find, then what do we make of baseball? The more curious the sport became about a search for greater relevance and a way back into the hearts and wallets of its patrons, the less of its soul it found. In fact, it lost some of it. And as baseball became curious to find a [read more...]

The Incentives of America’s Cheatin’ Pastime

Nobody will ever go on record calling Jose Canseco brilliant. After a look at his first novel, it's conceivable that Canseco thinks a thesaurus is some kind of dinosaur. But stupidity and resourcefulness are mutually exclusive. And Canseco didn't make millions for his brains. He is merely, despite his Cuban descent, pure American - at least economically. Which is why baseball [read more...]

Manhood It Is Not For Yanks’ Giambi

Good news, men. The price of manhood is falling. Last week, it was Jason Giambi admitting to the press that he could not in fact, tell a lie. Ah, manhood. Admitting ones mistakes. To a grand jury. Under oath. Facing federal prosecution for perjury. Yes, here is the personification of man. Your exhales are feminine, Marlboro man. Go get a pedicure, [read more...]

Hart Surgery: Insomnia

For those that didn't see it when it first ran on HBO, the mini-series Band of Brothers is about the finest piece of filmmaking these eyes have ever seen. It is an eye-opening and incredibly realistic (I imagine) account of what it was like training for and participating in WWII, and every time I see it I appreciate my grandparents' generation more and more. Why [read more...]

BALCO/Steroids: Too Complex, Too Late

The biggest story in sports remains the BALCO/steroids issues, and this week, what many of us felt was inevitable, came to light: BALCO reportedly supplied Barry Bonds, Jason Giambi, Gary Sheffield, Marvin Benard, now of the White Sox, Kansas City catcher Benito Santiago, former Oakland infielder Randy Velarde and Oakland Raiders linebacker Bill Romanowski with steroids and human growth hormones.When [read more...]

‘Roid Rages Through Every Facet

This is no victimless crime. Sports pundits everywhere have been weighing in on the juice issue this week. With evidence now overwhelmingly in place, the steroid issue will take the stage until somebody takes the fall. The overlooked problem is, people have been taking the fall for years. Who? The ones who didn't cheat. Barry Bonds, clearly at the epicenter of the juice-quake, [read more...]

Steroid Use Revealed

In the wake of new, credible evidence of steroid use by baseball stars Gary Sheffield, Barry Bonds and Jason Giambi, fresh allegations regarding the use of performance-enhancing drugs have arisen regarding another figure in the public eye - Bullwinkle T. Moose. Moose, a mainstay in Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, spent his college days on the playing fields of Frostbite Falls University, [read more...]

The Beginning Of An Answer

The Associated Press is reporting that the federal government is preparing indictments against a nutritional supplements lab and its founder, as well as the personal trainer of baseball star Barry Bonds, as part of a long standing Grand Jury investigation. The Grand Jury has spent several months probing the Bay Area Laboratory Co-Operative (BALCO) and its founder, Victor Conte, along with [read more...]

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